Friday, January 23, 2009

Always On Time


I don't believe in coincidence. Never have, never will. Firmly, I believe all things happen with purpose and reason, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

So keeping that in mind, the was a reason why I kept getting this email over and over and over from my Yahoo Groups. I'd seen this piece a year or so back. At the time, I took the message, the blessing, and filed it away in memory. Now this week, it came back. Why?

See, quiet as it's kept, I don't put every little thing going on in my life on this blog. Tempted as I might want, I reserve a small amount of dignity so I'm not coming across a whiny immature insecure neurotic. While some may say I have a right to be, given my PTSD and depressive episodes, I do recognize my emotive nature can be overbearing. I view my state of being as a weakness.

To the point, things have been going down for months that I've been trying to handle through faith, but mostly on my own or at the assistance from select friends. Most days, I suffer in silence. There's no need to explain what's been going through, just I've been in turmoil.

As a grown man, I'm trying to reconcile many a childhood problem. Problems that have oft consumed my adult life.

"So why not simply let go Ian?" It's isn't that I can't let go, rather so much self-image is entangled in pain, abusive at the hands of others, and my own, that the anchor is firmly entrenched, making it impossible to shore up and sail onwards, even with the best efforts. There are days when I curl into the fetal position and just need comfort.

So this afternoon the email show up yet again in my in-box. Going back to my initial statement on coincidence, I knew there was a reason. Finally, I observed "There's a reason why this keeps coming back. I need to view this again." So I clicked the link and read the message. Tears flowed out of me, untapped anguished boiled to the surface, both current and past hurt, and raw feelings I'd tucked away were released. Washed away. I finished feeling comforted, touched that the Divine is with me, seeing my struggling spirit within, and is ready to hold me.

My dear friend,I don't know what you're going through, don't know the hardships you may be experiencing, but I know by the Spirit, there's Someone who is willing to embrace and love us unconditionally. No matter what you might think or feel about yourself at the core, no matter what society or our own brethren have told us, don't believe the lies. Believe in Hope, Grace, and Serenity. Will watching this take the pain away forever? NO, but the reassurance is planted we can call upon the Creator and that He will always be here. Time to reinforce with the positive. God is always right on time!

Just sharing my blessing with you because someone might be in my same position; suffering alone and holding on to the negative. My hope is if you're in need, you'll receive a blessing. Here's the link: The Interview With God.
-Ian

4 comments:

Corey said...

Corey SMILES for Ian!

Darius T. Williams said...

Wow - nah - no coincidence here.

ToddyEnglish said...

Aw

::Hugs!::

I too do not believe in coincidences either. What is meant to be will always be. That message was meant for you in that time, in that place, and in that space...

The universe is amazing that way. One moment it can wound you so profoundly...Yet, it is always waiting in the wings to be a healing force.

That is why I love life so much. You hang in there luv.
And if you ever need more people to talk to just hit cha boi up with an e-mail or sumpin!

Cheers!

Cocoa Rican said...

It's odd...we don't think we have an impact sometimes...don't even think people notice us...or maybe they do, but we're just not that interesting to have them pay attention...who knows...what I'm getting at is this...there was something about your blog that drew me early on. You do make an impact...you are noticed....I am reading. We're separated by so many miles, so many realities, so many difficulties and yet, we're all connected. Your battles, triumphs and life lessons are being taken-in by many more than you know...your being genuine makes us smile with our hearts.

Much love pa. ;)

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