Wednesday, February 28, 2007

What A Way To End Black History Month

I caught this news release on the web. What do you think about it? I will post my feeling tomorrow...for now check this out see what you think.
NYC Urges People Not to Use N-Word
By SARA KUGLER, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - New York declared the n-word off limits to all races Wednesday in a purely symbolic resolution prompted by the increasingly casual use of the slur in hip-hop music, comedy and street slang.

"People are using it out of context," said Leroy Comrie, a black city councilman who sponsored the unanimously passed measure. "People are also denigrating themselves by using the word, and disrespecting their history."

New York's resolution is not binding and merely calls on residents to stop using the slur. Leaders of the nation's largest city also hope to set an example.

Other municipalities have already passed similar measures in a debate that rose to a fever pitch late last year after "Seinfeld" actor Michael Richards spewed the word repeatedly at a comedy club in Los Angeles.

At New York's City Hall, supporters cheered passage of the resolution, with many of them wearing pins featuring a single white "N" with a slash through it.

Hip-hop pioneer Kurtis Blow Walker said when the resolution was proposed that blacks need to stop using the word so "we can elevate our minds to a better future."

Others argue that use of the word by blacks is empowering, that reclaiming a slur and giving it a new meaning takes away its punch. Oscar-winner Jamie Foxx, for example, said he would not stop using the word, and did not see anything inappropriate about blacks using it within their own circles.

But in the uproar over Richards' outburst, black leaders including the Rev. Jesse Jackson and California Rep. Maxine Waters said it is impossible to paper over the epithet's origins and ugly history of humiliating blacks. They challenged the public and the entertainment industry to stop using the epithet.

"I forgive those young people who do not know their history, and I blame myself and my generation for not preparing you," Councilman Albert Vann said. "But today we are going to know our history. We are not going to refer to ourselves by anything negative, the way the slave master referred to black people, using the n-word."

New York's action resonated far beyond the city.

In Miramar, Fla., 27-year-old Alexa Cabrera said she hopes the resolution will at least cause people to stop and think about their use of the word.

"It's a derogatory term no matter who uses it. Like if the KKK uses it, it's wrong, but if 50 Cent uses it, it's OK? I don't understand that," said Cabrera, who is black.

Dallas bank manager Ed Romero, who described himself as black and Hispanic, said he would like to see the spirit of the New York resolution spread until the word's use is stamped out.

"It's degrading and disrespectful, and I'd like to see it eliminated completely," Romero said.

A group of black teenagers having lunch in a Dallas mall disagreed, saying the resolution won't affect their use of the word.

"We grew up saying it and it's what I say all the time," said 17-year-old Tiara Smith. "It's not going to stop anybody from saying it."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Lone Homosexual

Sigh. Once upon time I was surrounded by my brothers in arms at my job. Gay men are drawn to human services like moths to a flame.

Now I stand alone and it seems to be a bit empty. I often wonder is it easier to be the lone representative or is it better standing in the midst of a chorus of queers? Since I started at my job there have been at least seven gay guys working there. Three out, three in the closet, and at least one in deep deep denial. Currently, as far as I know, I am the only gay man presently working at my job. There are two fellows who are pinging at my gaydar, but nothing to confirm or deny my query.

More on this as the situation warrants.

"What's your Major, dude?"

So over the weekend I had made the drive up to State College to take a friend back to school. By now I've gotten used to the drive to Penn State. There are some parts of the drive that are very relaxing, albeit, not at two o'clock in the morning. Because we were due to have a snow and ice storm, my friends decided they wanted to leave early in the Sunday wee hours so we could avoid the Wintery mix. Storms are always worse in Happy Valley than in my area.

I felt awake enough although I had little to no sleep on Saturday. Earlier I had been out looking at apartments with a friend, so my afternoon was pretty cramped. As usual I didn't rest even with high possibility I'd be driving over night. Not a problem, when needed, I can kick start my second wind and tap into my reserve energy. I could handle driving two hours to State College.

Once we got to my buddy's dorm, my friends went upstairs to unload the bounty while I grabbed a smoke by the car. While waiting, out comes some student from the dorm dressed in hockey gear and with a towel wrapped around his waist. He was obviously drunk and had been for some time. He started a conversation with me, which I thought was odd, but flattering. It's been over a decade plus since I've been a undergrad student or could pass for one. Perhaps it was my ensemble I had on, my do-rag scarf covering my braids and my snazzy leather coat, and my trendy jeans. In any case he must of thought I was because he kept asking me if I had fun tonight. Not one to disappoint his drunken mistaken assumption, I played along and just stated I had had too much funny.

"Dude, you can never have too much fun," he responded. We chatted for a few moments until a car pulled up. I then understood why he was dressed in his hockey garb. The three of them were on the hockey team and were about to leave for some tournament so they could qualify for "nationals" (at least that's what I thought I heard them say).

Mr. Hockey's friend laughed at his intoxication and were bantering about when the next thing I witness was Mr. Hockey with his track pants at his ankles standing in the alley way in his boxer shorts. College kids. His buddies were roaring with laughter as I stood by the fortunate member to participate in this stupid college-boy-antic show. His friends took several picture with their camera phones and called several people up, poking fun at Mr. Hockey's intoxicated state. After a while they decided they needed to get going and urged Mr. Hockey to get in the car (I assume they needed to get to the team bus). The kid insisted he wanted to walk. The guys tried to coax before giving up.

As my Penn-Stater friends starts to walk along with the car, he dragged one of the large recycle containers with him. He got about two feet before the container spilled over, making a thunderous noise, and flaying bottles and cans everywhere. At this point, my drunken friend yells "I didn't mean it!" several times, hops in his friends' car, and they all speed off, leaving me in the alley feeling a bit perplexed, but definitely amused.

Ah, Penn State! You are truly teaching our leaders of tomorrow....LOL

It's all trick

Under Construction

Under construction.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Artistic Nudes

Asian Delight

A friend of mine who reads this blog asked me to post some samples of Asian men I find attractive. This post is dedicated to WonkaWonkaMan.

I love Gaydar!

So I'm shopping at Wal-Mart with my sistah-girl friend and her 4 year-old daughter tonight. There is another impending winter storm to hit our area sometime tomorrow into Monday and I needed to get some supplies to be ready. While browsing through the aisles I saw a young man, perhaps in his early to mid twenties talking to some coworkers. I looked over at him and he looked over at me. As our eyes locked on to each other for a few moments, a small smile spread across his face as a glimmer of recognition came we share the bonds gay of brotherhood. He was a cute little white boy too. I nodded and kept on shopping, satisfied that my gaydar is working to normal capacity. Thank you Gaydar, LOL.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Another Day To Work

It's Friday and I just want this work week to be over! One more day till the weekend. As much as I love the weekends though, I detest it at the same time. The weekend is only forty-eight hours long after all. That means in 3690 minutes I will be up, out of my comfortable bed again getting ready to do the same daily drudgery I do. Grrr. Not to be a grouch, but I wish I could work for a living because I wanted to, not because I have to.

Never fear, though. I will make the most out the next 390 minutes until I can worry about how I will spend those 3690! LOL.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Amazing...Homoerotic Cops!

I have the fortunate pleasure to live next door to my municipality police department. It gives a sense security and also, from time to time, a source of amusement. Last night was definitely one moment to chalk off as amusing.

My deck faces the back entrance and parking lot to the township police department. I was standing on my deck smoking a cigarette when two cops, who must have been coming off duty, came bursting out with the usual raunchy exchange. It's not uncommon to hear the shouting all kind of explicative and vulgarity. Cops are human too and I never have held them in any higher standard or esteem than necessary. Anyway, their usual banter doesn't come close to anything remotely homoerotic until I head this exchange...

"You got ass don't you?!?"
"Yeah and you got a great big ghetto ass!"
"Bet you'd like a piece of this ghetto ass too, huh?"

Now maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion, but this didn't seem like a typical fraternal ribbing or moment of jocularity. It was real. The two were loud, but it seemed quite serious. I was grateful to be standing in the shadows witnessing this interaction. It was strange. I'm sure they both have wives or girlfriends at home, but nevertheless, it was one of those quirky moments that tends to stick in your crawl.

Queer behavior among straight me fascinates me. I don't know why. It should irritate the hell out of me like people who get sun tans during the summer, but are racist as the day is long against people of color. No, I guess what ponders me is what goes through their minds when they behave in such manner? And, is it really just stupid frat antics going on or is there a deeper seeded desire for real same gender attraction? I remember all the course on Human Sexuality from college and all the studies preformed by Kinsey and Masters & Johnson. Sexuality is supposed to be a c continuum where no one person is exclusively heterosexual or homosexual. I, myself don't necessarily identify with being "gay," "queer," "Same Gender Loving," or even bisexual, I'm just me. I personally hate labels. Yet if most people ask me, I will say, depending on the individual that "I'm gay." or "I'm bisexual."

However, "straight" men, can't come to terms with the possibility that their homo-play has anything to do with attraction. From the guys I've known, it's always been a sore subject, an affront to their pride and a dent in their masculine armor. Being queer to the "straight" guys I've know has always been something as less than feminine, an abomination that dares not rear its ugly head.

Tonight's observation only leaves me wanting. I don't have a uniform fetish, but I do have some curiosity on hyper-masculinity. It's moronic. Those very same men would take every opportunity to kick my ass, than fuck my ass. Still I wonder beneath all the layers of man-pride, how many of them would dare taste from the forbidden fruit?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Fear Against Becoming Human

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear - From Frank Herbert's Dune Book Series

Tonight I gave myself a rare treat by getting a long overdue full body massage. Whoa! Let me tell you that I must be doing major damage to my body. I'm coming home feeling like I've been through a war zone. My massage was given by Ed, someone I met recently at a local flea market. He's a professional masseur and had been providing demonstration massages at the flea market for a low price. I sat down in his chair and got a five minute massage for about three dollars. At the end of the massage I thought he did an excellent job, so I scheduled an hour long session for tonight.

Going to my appointment tonight though, I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd developed some trepidation about going as a million doubts eased across my mind. I was definitely anxious and wanted to back out. Would Ed try to still my money? Would I encounter foul play? As I drove Uptown to an old house off of Front Street that had been converted into office spaces for businesses. I learned the other two offices in this building we lawyer-occupied facilities and my fears quickly eased. If the law offices were in the building, I could always yell out for help! Needless fears, all of them.

I was a few minutes early, Ed was still setting up and asked me to wait a moment.When he was ready for me, I entered a nice comfortable space filled with scented candles and soothing bird songs. There was even a small fountain in the corner. The table was set up in the middle of the room. As he excused himself so I could disrobe, I felt relaxed enough to enjoy the session. What I didn't anticipate was the excruciating pain I was going to go through.

Ed preformed a deep tissue massage and I admit I'm a bit tense and out of shape, but I soon learned just how out of shape. As he laid into me, I felt the ache of strained and unused muscles tear away! UGH! ARRR! Oooo! I was embarrassed. I screamed once or twice, but eventually was able to allow my muscles to loosen. He even worked on my feet, which I'm surprised I allowed him because my feet are a no-no zone. I absolutely hate anyone touching or getting near my feet. This created a huge problem for me a while back because I had an ex-boyfriend who had a serious foot fetish. He loved being stimulated by feet and would love caressing mine, doing things I would never tell anyone. Ick! Needless to say, I was glad when we broke up!

By sessions end I felt refreshed and semi-human. Time seemed to fly by as my hour felt like two minutes. I scheduled another appointment for next week knowing I need to get into better shape. I'm hoping this will be the impetus to get me motivated. Ed recommended stretching techniques and suggested I join a gym (something also long overdue) to help with my problems. "OK," I thought. "I can do this." What's a little bit of pain compared to the lasting results of a healthy body? Stay tuned for more...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Well thought out.

As I sit here wondering what to blog about, nothing significant springs to mind. My mind is filled with useless meandering thoughts and observances. There are no particular topics that warrant posting. I could reflect on my observation of off duty cops using vulgarity and shouting obscenities at one another, participating in hyper-masculine frivolity, or, I could comment on a recent discussion about uncircumcised penises. Further still I could express my desire to participate in the Lenten denial of frequenting fast food restaurants or reminisce on my recent visit to a friend who is currently incarcerated who is struggling to put his life back together. None of these topics seem appealing to blog. Each has a certain relevance to my life, but I want to rise above and contemplate on something creative and thought provoking.

I suppose each of these potential blog topics would give a clearer insight to the person I am, yet none seem to give that desired self-expression or notoriety I want this blog to be. I don't want to only focus upon my photographic fantasy or the male body or pedestrian topics no one really cares about. Tonight I'm leaving behind the urge to post foolish pictures found on the Internet and rise above my base instincts. My mind is too clouded, I suppose, from the hours of sleep deprivation from this past three day holiday weekend...yeah I'll stick to that story. G'night folks. Better blogging tomorrow and maybe even a sexy stud or two!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Hunk du Jour

Naveen Andrews! This man is sex on a plate for me lately. Barbara Hershey is one lucky woman! Damn, he fine!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Finis, but the journey is far from over....

So there you have it; just enough to whet your whistle.

Since coming out, with help with a therapist and a strong network of friends, gay and straight, I've overcome many insecurities. I'm a work in progress. learn more about that as this blog continues. For now enjoy the montage of pictures on this Sexy Black Man Sunday...

Act III...the man inside, the man outside.

Even More.

People who know me rather well are aware I've spent a significant part of my gay life lusting after Latino/Hispanic and Caucasian (White) men. What most people don't know, but to me seems fairly obvious to me, is this expression comes/came from a deep sense of self loathing and denial of my own nature. This doesn't mean I wasn't, nor
today, am not proud to be an African American man. Rather, it expresses from my own life experiences struggling to accept myself as a whole person, conquering shame and doubt. To rise above the sense of feeling like a second- or third-class citizen.

I have issues not only about my own body, but magnanimous issues with the negativity poured upon being a Black male in this country. I often felt in my life if I acted a certain way or engaged in non-stereotypical Black male activities, people would accept me more. My inadequacy stems from a childhood filled with negative experiences in relating to my seemingly ambivalent father and Black men who viewed me as defunct and useless person simply because I was a heavyset child, not overly into sports and other preconceived notions of what a young Black boy should be. This impressed upon me that it was wrong to love myself and my culture.

Part deux, what this guy likes...

My second batch.

My tastes oscillate from sometimes grungy, hyper-masculine men to wispy thin guys. A common theme though would be I love huskier men with facial hair and tattoos, albeit, refined men with controlled facial hair. Goatees and mustaches are good, not so much full beards. The body is beautiful on a man. Being gay/bisexual and being attracted to men is not just about his penis. Overall, it's his eyes, his toes, his calves, his hands, feet, stomach, arms....

To be a even more candid, I chose to start with African American (Black) men first as a measure of self-affirmation as well. The guys I've chosen are different, yet a theme can be derived too. What I find sexually attractive on a Black man is a strong masculine type; I tend not to like thinnish guys, but rather men with well-defined musculature. The guy carries an air of confidence about him, like no matter what is going on around him, he knows he will conquer his environment, yet be sensitive to the things he's passionate about. He is at ease with himself and comfortable within his soul. His look conveys this to me.

A certain amount of body hair doesn't either! Most Black men have very little body hair, but I do prefer him to have where nature intended it to be. I'm not into the shaved look. There's something to be said about having good "man-scaping," but a bald nether region is just plain child-like and unappealing. My personal opinion. Even still, if the man has everything else going on with the rest of his body, I can deal with the trimmed hedges, LOL.

Don't stand too close to these naked men. Finally! The Full Monty at Last!

OK, I've officially made this blog no longer work-safe. When I first conceptualized this blog, I didn't intend for it to be a pornographic blog. I wanted to be a creation of tasteful innermost expression. I knew I wanted to post pictures, like ones I've seen in other blogs, but didn't want to display graphic sexual content. Still, there is something to be said about the nude male figure. I will not display images that contain graphic sexual acts of any kind. I'm almost hesitant to display an erect penis, but a picture of an erection, if done appropriately , can be an artistic display more than eroticism.

I've chosen some images that, for whatever reason, I find aesthetically pleasing. I started with African-American full frontal nudity simply because it's what is most familiar. My tastes in men vary. I don't have hang ups over the size of the man's genitals, nor, what society deems sexually attractive. I love male bodies from all over the racial background. Black, White, Latino, Asian, mixed race...whatever, the male form is a thing of beauty in all shapes, sizes and color.

More Fine Brothas

Continuing on the Sexy Sunday Theme...


While this blog is not really intended to show adult content, I can't guarantee that an occasional image of male nudity won't appear. Be advised that this blog is intended to be read by people with an open mind. I don't claim any rights to the images nor do I have any knowledge of the sexuality of persons featured (unless they are openly gay...duh). Enjoy yourself and take a small step in my every day life and pondering... Feel free to email any comments or opinions.

President Barack Obama!