All Good Things...

I've been delaying this post for some time but I think we all knew it was coming. I've decided to stop writing Weilding the Axe. I'm tired of blogging, well at least in this format. I still have my Tumblr blog which has been a complete joy. There is no criticism or snotty folks about to chastise shit they don't understand, well informed about, and even know me enough to make a valid judgment....but I digress.

Onward and upward. Focus forward, never retrograde baby boy. My reasons for ending the blog is my heart hasn't been in it for some months. I didn't think anything I posted was relevant to the current needs of the community/society; I was just too focused on myself. Yes, I used this blog as an outlet to work through shizz to relax, relate, release. Some days I got positive support. Other days I'd get the slappy London affair just brandy about in my face about how much of an asshole I was or exactly how whiny or self-pontificating I could be. Well, shit. LOL. Don't we all take to a soap box er'ry now and then to focus on our beliefs? Our agendas. Let the naysayers say nay, but I would not change a thing I did in the past seven years.

This overall experience has been fun and educational. Now, I promised not to make this a long tearful goodbye. Really, I won't. The people who I value know I value them and thank on the regular. I've met and broken bread with more than a few of you through this blog. Traveled to places I didn't think I'd ever go on my own. Tested the limits of fear, conquered shame, and made some wonderful friends. I will thank personally my brothers-in-arms Pharaoh, Wonder Man (now tha fantabbbbbbbbbbulous Viktahhhhhh Kerney!), Amanofcolours, Mardi Reid, (or whatever his current moniker du jour be), Corey @ I'll Keep You Posted, and Roger Poladopoulos. There are others I probably should give shout outs to, but way too many to list in a brief post.
Della Reese

There are a few post that are on automatic that I'll leave scheduled through the remainder of the year. If I get sick of this space, I might just delete them and put 'em out of their misery. LOl.

So in the end, I thank all the folks I've met...the good, the bad, and truly outrageous (truly, truly!) Y'all made it real while we walked together and my words cannot do justice in this moment. I'll leave knowing I've become a better thanks to this blog. I did me, and stayed me while I wrote the blogs... Never was a fake ass bitch one solitary moment! I leave the same advice in return, "DO YOU, BE YOU." Never settle to anyone else's standard. Word.

Au revoir et bonne chance mes amis
-Ian

All In Due Course of Time...

For my beautiful friend, inside and out, who's going thru it right now.

Life is never easy, especially when feel all you best allies and resources are often working against you. I hold on to the old adage that "nothing worth having ever comes easy." Or another, "tough times don't last long, they just seem to."

 Watch, wait, be patient, trust, and always have faith in yourself, no matter the circumstance, no matter the naysayer. Be steadfast my young friend.

In an LAX State o' Mind

This picture reminds me of flying out of LAX. I don't know why. Maybe because most departing flights leave over the Pacific and circle back around. Hm. Me thinks I'm just a tad homesick for LA, but are no plans to be out on the Coast in the immediate future. Pity, most of my cool peeps live in Southern California.

It's funny. I really hate flying, but I don't mind the five hour flight to Los Angeles. Actually, I'm good until about halfway through, then I just wanna get off and stretch my legs. I always have a nice fuzzy feeling arriving at LAX. I know one of friends will be waiting at the terminal and adventures and good times are minutes away....

Never say never though. Despite having a booked summer schedule already and little or no vacay time to use, I might manage to eek out a small 4-day weekend  trip to La-la-land in June. Hey, the skies the limit.

Happy Anniversary

Weilding the Axe turns six years old today! Happy Blog Anniversary. To be honest, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to mark the milestone. Ian just didn't have the passion this year. I took a long hiatus during the summer and before that posts were rather sparse. Yet! I'm still here. I plugged through and persevered.

My original intent was for this space to be an outlet for the side I don't often show. A place to let my guard down and just chill. Over the years I learned it's the wisest course of action to be totally transparent. Yes, I've had my naysayers, but I didn't start this endeavor to placate everyone else. I've had fun, made some friends along the way, and plain & simple, enjoyed the journey!

 So what does the Blogging  future hold for yours truly? Good question. time is a big factor. When I don't post for long periods, mainly I'm busy. I hope to rectify that in 2013 and as long as I have a few people willing to share in my adventures, share a comment or two, I'll be happy. I'm glad for the few people that do leave comments and give encouragement.

Since I began, more than a few blogs/bloggers that have fallen by the wayside. Good blogs. Still I have a few of my core group I kept in touch with hanging in there with me. I may not always leave a comment, but trust, I still read. LOL. I read more than I publish on my own joint. Again, something to remedy next year.

So for my bros in blogging who've become more like family, Viktor, Pharoah, Corey, Roger, Mardi, Della, and several others, thanks for the support and the brotherly love. For those who've I've fallen out of favor with, I wish you only peace, no malice nor resentment. Life is too damn short to carry grudges. Move on from it. I have.

I've forgiven and charged ahead with LIFE. As a friend often repeats to, the mantra I constantly tell myself when I'm frustrated,  "forgiveness is not about the forgiven. Its truly about the forgiver. By forgiving you let go of the weight holding you back, moving forward. Resentment is like peeing on yourself. It serves no purpose. Only makes you look messy!"

No truer words have been spoken. LOL.

Thanks for walking with me on the journey so far! Now let's see what's around the bend....

-Ian

He's in the Details....And Facebook!

A friend of mine claims that "Facebook is the Devil." I often tease and disagree with him, but last night I came into situation that gave me pause to reconsider....

Now I won't say exactly what happened, but it was a sitch said friend's his boyfriend pointed out to me. It kinda left me scratching my temple doing a double take...One of those moments where you really understand your true place in the Universe, when she comes on by, knocks on the door, and says "Hello." Ouch! It wasn't a cute moment. I truly realized how sometimes social networking can be cruel and isolating at times.

I must confess, however, before the Universe's social slam I was beginning to tire Facebook. The damn thing become MySpace. When I joined, I only accept friend requests from people I knew, and so I thought, what most people did. Now, like MySpace, Facebook is becoming the competition of how many friends one can accumulate. Oh look I have 8 billion friends to your 300. Uh huh. I'm really considering deleting the damn thing.

So what's stopping me? Hm. Well, I suppose the thought of not being in the mix of things, being in the know. With some of my friends the only way I do keep in contact is with their post on Facebook since they never take the time pick up the phone to call or email. Of course, going back to the friend that initiated this post, he would say the phone works both ways. And he would be correct in that assertion. But everyone wants to feel important and often enough I feel like I'm the one always making the effort to stay in touch. If you miss me enough, you can contact me! Your fingers ain't broke! I can call three, four, five times....LOL. Yeah I know. Issues and drama. Social networking is not all that it's cracked up to be.

I think I'm starting not to like the information-technology age. Phooey!

Heavy Is The Head...

That Wears The Crown.

Hmph. One ain't never told a lie with that expression!

This morning and day appears to be promising. I have a busy agenda at work today, one of which is hiring two new employees to help with astronomical building work load. I already had my interviews with the candidates and have to present my facts to my supervisor this afternoon, then let personnel know. I'm responsible for this decision. Baby, I'm sweatin' bullets over it too!

It hasn't been an easy choice. Each of the candidates interviewed well, but I can only choose two. Hardest still, one interviewee is a FRIEND. I can't play favorites. I really have to separate friendship from professionalism, but dude does have a big chance of grabbing the prize. I just have to let the overall facts convince me if he's best suited for the position. Let things speak for themselves.

Lord. This is my first real test as a supervisor. What if I choose unwisely? And in this economy, good jobs are hard to come by. This is someone's life at stake, possibly! Help me Lord! LOL

Ultimately, I'm grateful for this experience. It's not an obstacle I can't overcome. Usually I'm a good judge of character. As I'm getting ready this morning, I think I already know who I'm selecting, so I'm not gonna invest anymore worry than I have to.

Wish me luck!

In Hope & Faith,
-Ian

Those Moments That Make U Smile

Every now and again, someone in my life will do something that catches me completely off-guard and just makes me smile. Makes you feel appreciated and loved. Such a thing happened today with a close associate, who shall remain anonymous, and I have to break out just wonderful, sincere, smile. I am blessed. Thank you...

In Love & Hope,
-Ian

G'Morning

I might not be gettin' the g'mornin' kiss, but by golly! I'm gettin' pancakes at Sunday Brunch with some my crew today, dammit! Hahaha. Can't wait. Been a minute since I've seen a few of my friends and I've missed their company. Additionally, last night I was playin' Stupid Cupid, trynna convince a cohort to take his boo-boo out for brunch today since they're reaching a milestone in their relationship. He laughed, but confessed he's broke as a joke...

Hm. Have some pancakes boys, then mate like rabbits!!! I'm dedicating this comic to them this morning. Bon Champs Mes Amis!

In Love & Faith,
-Ian

God is always on time

God is always on time.

Sometimes I get myself in a funk or caught up in self-imposed challenges that I forget He's always there. I woke up kinda funky yesterday, not quite feelin' it, when I received a text from a friend that essential said to stop what I was doing, lift of my hands, and give praise and thanks to God.

I expressed to my friend that text was just right on time. From that moment it took me out of myself and reminded me to be thankful for things I have. I can't focus on the things I don't have. The best feeling in the world is when I'm connected to my real spirit!

Oh so good!

West Coast Perspective

Tomorrow will mark a week that I've been home from my trip to the West Coast. After taking some time to digest what happened, I'm ready to write up my review.

So much occurred, some good, some not-so good, but all a learning experience. I've decided to divide the post into several parts and write up an analysis of what I gained. Below are the main topics I wish to highlight:

• Fly The Friendly Skies!
• Friendship & Brotherhood
• Fathers & Sons
• The Cards Speak
• You're Opinion Of Me Is Not My Business
• Going & Coming Home

Knowing it takes me forever to get to point, I figured it'll be easier slicing up my thoughts into multiple posts. Overall, the trip was a success and I came home with a new attitude...

In Joy and Hope,
-Ian

Be Grateful For Something...

Greetings and Bienvenue! It's Hump day. This week has been amazingly busy at work and the heat has been more than uncomfortable, but I'm still making it. Life has been a bit quirky, but this morning I recounted my blessings and gave thanks where I could. I today I'll try not to let those nasty parts (anger, jealousy, envy, and fear) keep me from doing what needs to be done.

I keep reminding myself I only have two more weeks until vacation. Plus babes, I recently got a promotion at work, so I shouldn't complain. Especially when there are so many yet unemployed in this economy.

Mmm. Vacation. Well, sorta. It'll be a working vacation for the most part. Spending the majority of it at a conference for my part-time job with the financial firm. Again, I'm diving out of my element to better myself. There are days I ask myself What the hell did I get myself into!?!?! Me? I'm usually broke as a joke and I'm trying to teach someone about finances? Oh that's rich indeed! But then I realize most of us have to start from somewhere and event though I live pay check to pay check some months, I'm keeping myself on good ground.

I'm looking forward to time off. I'm staying absolutely focused on my goals. I feel good, encouraged, and well dammit... happy life is finally fallin' into the groove. I have to laugh at what's coming up. I never know what to expect when I head out West, but overall I think spending a few days at the beach will be just what the doctor ordered. Plus I'm hoping to catch up with friends I hadn't seen in a while...always good for fun or at least a lil brotherhood drama. Ha!

So my inspiration for today is to continue to believe in myself, even though there are moments I don't think I'll make it through.

"Oh yes you CAN!"
-Late

The Soul In My Purse

With permission from Jamal, here's a video he's released on his latest project "The Soul In My Purse." Please watch it. Brother Story is looking for a l'il help with financing the project, so I've included the link for those interested in donating. Hurry though! The site is only accepting contributions until June 24th!

His Junk Wasn't Enuff For Her

It's funny sometimes how people react to situations. A friend of mine was relaying the other day she had met a guy at the gym, they went out for a few drinks, had a few good laughs, all in all a nice evening. No sex. Just an old fashion date. After the date, the called her, wished her good night, and that was that.

The next morning my friend says she awoke with a text from the dude with a picture of his penis. She was furious! "Oh my God! I can't believe he had the audacity to text me his penis! What kind of woman does he think I am?!?!" The end result is never talked to the guy again.

Now I don't think it was wrong that my friend stop talking to dude, but I found it a bit humorous too. I mean, we are in the 21st century and that seems to be the norm with sexting and sending snapshots of body parts. I admit I've done it once or twice myself, not on the regular, but hey it happens... I was curious if my friend's reaction is because she's from another culture (she's originally from old world Europe) or if she just has more sensibility than most folk? I mean look at all these celebs getting into mess and embarrassing sitches with pix of their junk being released on the Internet. It's something to ponder....

As for the piece? Yes she showed it to me. It's not the pix above, but it was s0-s0, nothing to write home about, but I wouldn't have complained. LOL.

...And Your Dirty Draws!

Hmm. So I wonder. Is this a question for Self?

OK, here's the deal. A few days ago I was textin' with a friend trying to crack his brain for ideas on blog posts. Writer's blog had set in and I wanted to do something humorous, refreshing, and interesting. The Axe, in Ian's humble opinion gets a bit dry most of time.

So my dear and cherished friend suggests I write about how much I miss him. Really???? (Catch-phrase of incredulity he ALWAYS seems to over emphasize...God Help me I'm doing it now!) Uh-huh. I text back him "Why?" His response?

"Because you love me and my dirty draws!"

Lord Jesus above! OK, let's examine this. Until I met my friend and his crew, I honestly never heard this expression. Never. Think about to long and it just seems bizarre. Oh understand the meaning behind it, but really?!?!

Maybe it's just me, but I just a tad put off by the expression. Even though it's become a part of my everyday lexicon in dealing with my l'il brother, yuck! Hahaha. Personally, I think this just reinforces my bruh's underwear fetish, but that's a whole 'nutha blog post entirely.... LOL. Of course I would never throw stones. I live in that same glass house.

Moral of the story? Yeah, my friend has been one of the best. Just the laundry detergent handy please cause I don't love you THAT much, dammit!

-Respectfully,
Big Little Bro

Spilled Milked, Cracked Eggs

I ponder...

Life seems to be doling out some interesting, yet poignant, lessons these last few days. I'm not sure what some of the meanings are, but I know in my spirit none of these events going on are meant to bring me down, only raise me up to my higher self.

Last week I had to deal with a sudden illness of a family member that threw me for an unexpected loop. Don't wanna go into too many details, but it made me aware of how fragile and precious life is... that in any given moment, someone can be taken from you without warning. Scary.

I've also been dealing with some other losses that I'm diligently putting my best smile on my face; staying resoundingly positive. Yet inside, the evil monster wants to act a fool. Certainly not cute. I don't let the undignified me out too often. He's much more difficult to handle than my everyday happy-go-lucky self. Mmm. Naw. I'm just gonna keep a low profile until the tide pulls away and I can be the Ian folks need me to be. Isn't that what I always do? LOL.

So I'm wondering now what are my next steps in life. I've been examining what I've done so far, looking analytically at the mistakes made, and attempting to not make the same ones twice (thrice or so-forth). At least I finally learned life is not the end destination, but the journey in-between, so I feel good about some of the lessons. My inner child though wants to embrace and hold on to the positive and eschew all things negative, keeping safe from harm. Adult me realizes you have to take the bad with all its negative and nastiness, shape it in an example of growth, and move on. Yeah, so I keep trying to tell myself.

There are times when my insecurities take over and I forget my own strength. Or I allow someone else to dictate who I should be. At 41 this is more than cumbersome, it's quite juvenile and tiiiiiired. I'm waiting for the days when things flow easily like the wind and change is just as commonplace as the sun rising and setting...

The Boondocks - Let it Burn

There's a back story behind this, but what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, LOL. I heard the real deal on the radio driving home today. Had to pull the car over cuz I was laughing so bad...

"CAR!"

Aftershocks

Yesterday was a real shitty day. Period. I don't want to rehash the details but it was a day just to try my patience and push me to my limits. This morning I've woken up with a knot in my stomach and a heavy, heavy heart. I need to deal with the residual but am not sure how to proceed without making the situation further complication. It's one of those deals where I need to best leave well enough alone, but know who I am, I can't or won't.

I'm going to sleep on things, write it out, then ceremonially burn it so I release it to the Universe to deal with. One thing is for sure, I learned a valuable lesson from one situation. Sometime when someone hurts you, hurts you bad enough, you just need to live with that pain awhile. I had a terrible argument with a friend that I'm mulling over yet this morning. Supposedly we kissed and made up, but my friend really said something hurtful and deep to central issues, I wanna pop them in the mouth for it! Of course, I can't say I'm entirely blameless because I might have antagonized the sitch to a degree. My intent was to make my friend laugh and instead they got frustrated and upset. Words were exchanged. Apologies exchanged. But the jabs and undercurrent still existed. Hm.

The sad thing about it is if I approach or say anything to my friend, it will change the nature of our friendship, which might not be a bad thing. At the same token, I enjoy the status quo. I need to think on this a little more before I proceed. The biggest question is this, God, when and why did I become so damn dramatic? LOL.

I'll deal with this.

Morning Praise

OK, so I'm up and sober now. Decided not to delete my previous posts written while I was drunk. LOL. It's hilarious. You get to see my multifaceted, charming, personality, for sure. Hahaha!

So anyway, it's all good this morning. I'm getting ready to go to church and watching Kyle Washington from BET's College Hill on Ustream. Got laundry in the wash cause I am not dressin up today.

It's hot and yes I am putting on shorts (tasteful ones) and wearing them to service. Breaks my usual church etiquette, but I just wanna be comfortable. And to be sure, God don't care what you wearing to church, only that your butt is a pew, praising His name.

'Tween Me and Thee...

"May the LORD watch between you and me, when we're absent, one from another...Amen."

I'm not sure why that old Sunday School prayer is floating through the gray matter this evening, but it's nagging at me somethin' fierce.

When the physical is not in-line with the spiritual, then the mind grows nothing good. Sheer pessimism. Lord knows I embrace what is needed to be learned from. There's a reason for this season. Learn the truth from the hidden message, then move on. Don't linger in the Valley, but use what is learned as a tool to get to the next peak.

The good news is I'm returning home at week's end. According to Peaks and Valleys, I need to live in that truth a moment. Not allow negative situations waiting for at home pull me off my peak. The bills are a reality, but the fact that I'll be home, reunited with my cats, friends, and loved ones, is something to hold dear. I'm on an adventure. Ain't got time living in limbo with life.

There is concern however. Troubling is the lingering "something" I have with Arturo. I wouldn't call us boyfriends, more like friends with occasional benefits. I care about him, as I mentioned in a few posts back, but differences in our ages, "out" levels, maturity... yadda yadda yadda...needs to be addressed when I get home. Plus how much longer am I gonna be living in that area? Pretty much resolved with myself I wanna move within the next year or so....

Friday Night

Getting ready for my shindig for my buddy...Wish me luck! Hopefully all goes well and that I'll have a better evening than my day was. An what a challenging and frustrating day it was. Murphy's Law was in full effect. I'll blog all about it later tonight. Promise bros, no cigarettes (PA has anti-smoking law now in restaurants) and no alcohol.

I'm off. Catch yous on the flip!
-Ian