Being with my folks turned out to be more than I bargained for. I've been reduced to being a child again and I'm not sure how to handle the scrutiny.... Can't smoke, can't get and do the things I want. Can't eat, and you know, I'm a big boy, so don't be withholding my effing food!!!! LOL.
While its all very frustrating, good things have come about. I'm getting more in touch with myself being confronted by unresolved childhood drama. Would I rather things be more copacetic and peaceful? Of course, stupid question Ian. But change equals growth, and I've been stuck in my rut for far too long now. I need to walk. Done crawling.
The aggravation grew and mounted all weekend, the pot came to a boiling point last night and there was a slight blow out. I respectfully, maintained my calm, but I almost blurted out what needed to be said. Tension mounting, who know what will transpire within the next 24-hours? Your boy can't live in fear, which is a direct point made in the book Peaks and Valleys. Plus, last night I had the opportunity to speak with one of the new co-bloggers for MALE, Mychaeltodd Robinson, and he gave me a little pride in myself, a little more courage, a lil dignity where there was none. That and I've taken away a great deal from reading Peaks and Valleys. Time to put into practice what I've learned.
Hmph...we'll see how this all plays out. I'll probably will be doing plenty writing today, so check back periodically if you're interested in this saga.
Ian's Query: Could you go home and live with your parents again as an adult?
6 comments:
I know I couldn't do it...my family wouldn't even know the first thing about how to take care of me now...
no way. my mom & i don't get along too well anymore. when i visited for a weekend last christmas with my children, she balked at even giving me the password to her wireless network. i love my mom but she's very territorial. the older i've gotten, the less tolerance i have for it. i don't visit much anymore...
If things go south here in NYC with my job and/or my apartment - I'll be moving in with my Mom & Stepdad in Camp Hill. Let's hope it doesn't come to that!
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Dude, We need you there in the Big Apple to keep us informed all those wonderful Latino men-folk in them 5 boroughs, LOL.
Well, I've actually had to do it.
A few years ago, when I was 21, I left home to live on campus. I stayed there for a year and a half...Then I lived in my own apartment for another year.
Then my mother got really sick. So, I did move back. Fortunately, I did because I got laid off from a job (and had to take my old job back that didn't pay shit).
It is VERY hard going back because you've adjusted to being on your own and having your own rules and regulations. So to play by someone else's is difficult.
I don't like people, including my own mother, thinking they can run me...lol.
Now my mom is tons better and I'm graduating college this year. So you know I'm Audi 2010 yo!
Oooo, you couldn't pay me to move back home under any circumstance. Though I try to acknowledge and remember that my mother and step-father took care of us as children, emotionally that care was absent because of their marital problems. They ultimately kicked me and my brother out and I have never let go of that intense resentment. I remember saying to my mother some years later, not without some smugness, that I was glad to see they still had problems even after my brother and I left home. That proved to me that we were not the source of their problems, but they themselves were.
I have not been home in over 20 years. There is just too much bad history that I am unwilling to part with at this point. But perhaps one day the poison will leak out of my heart and I will be able to return home.
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