So, Anwar...

So I forget, is Anwar Robinson gay or not? You remember Anwar Robinson dontcha? You know, Anwar from Season Four of American Idol? Well I haven't.

Always thought Anwar was a handsome guy, probably due to the hair. I remember there was the brouhaha over a profile he had on Black Planet or some other social connection website. I really don't care if he's gay or not. When it's his time to deal with himself, he will. Not beforehand.

Anwar done a few things to crave his niche, done Rent, appeared in the stage version of E. Lynn Harris' Invisible Life, played Jesus in Godspell, and worked with Maurice Jamal in the follow up to Ski Trip. Not bad. Some might say great!

Happy Big 3-0 Anwar, Hope your day is a fab-u-lous one fer sure.

To Watch Or Not Watch

American Idol debuts its newest season tonight and I here wondering "How invested do you wanna be this season boyo?"

Slowly, but surely, I've disengaged myself from watching mindless television. TV corrupts. I'm not condemning. Make no mistake, my arse damn sure will be parked in front of the television each and every Friday starting January 16th to catch the final 10 episodes of Battlestar Galactica.

But mostly my television habits have been reduced to Cartoon Network, Comcast On-Demand, CNN, HGTV, and the occasional sitcom on ABC or CBS. I've checked out of programs like Top Chef and other reality TV, some months ago. With Idol, I really abhor the first few episodes anyway. The people who are there just to make a mockery of themselves and can't sing a lick...It's so embarrassing. Yours truly suffers from 'Sympathy Embarrassment' for the "embarrassed-challenged."

Honestly, I cannot sit through two hours watching deluded individuals crooning off-key whilst Simon and company sit petrified by the sheer audacity and balls these folks have. Nope. I can't do it. Don't wanna. Instead, tonight, I'm gonna curl up with a good book Mykel suggested, under my cozy electric blanket, sipping homemade chamomile tea, cats at my feet, and broaden my intelligence through the reality of reading....

"Yes, I'm Gay"

Was there ever any doubt? No big news here.

Now before folks get on the Clay Aiken bashing bandwagon, let me throw my two cents in. Clay Thank God, literally, you came to accept yourself as who you are.

As we all know, the road to self-acceptance for folks who sleep with the same gender usually ain't easy. Society, family, friends, hell, even the gay community makes it difficult. Remember the backlash N'stink boy band member Lance Bass was welcomed to when he came out?

Queer folks will bitch at you for being in the closet, then denigrate and hate when you finally do kick open the door, wondering why it took so long. Where's the happy medium? Is there any wonder why people stay in denial?

Whatever Clay's impetus to come clean, I only hope he can find peace and happiness. I'm not a fan, but now is the time to embrace his decision, welcome him into the fold, and show love. No chastising. No criticism. No dirty words. No negativity. Period. Now is the time for unity, support, and encouragement.

So from me to you, Clay...Welcome.

June 30th!

Birthday wishes go out to my favorite female American Idol contestant, Fantasia, and Summer Olympian, Michael Phelps, (shut up Hester!) 23 and 22 (respectively) years young today!

The Idol Cook

Last night you could have blown me over with a feather! WOW! David Cook won. I felt sure Archuleta was gonna sweep the finals. Oh well. I only watched bits and pieces. I loved Syesha and Donna Summer singing together. George Michael looks like he's been to too many Botox appointments and sounded horrible (supposedly, he has a cold. Mmm hmm).

So that's that for the season. Until next January, no more Idol. Thank God! LOL

Idol With Dancin' & Baseball

Been quite a few sports tidbits going on lately, huh?

I meant to comment about Mike Piazza's retirement from baseball yesterday. I'm happy for him. After 16 seasons, he deserves a much needed rest. Catching is probably one of the most strenuous positions to play in baseball. I'm surprised Mike made it to play until age 39. Mike Lieberthal, who retired earlier this year, is three years younger and has been pretty banged up during his baseball tenure.

Speaking of Lieby, he's due to retire, as a Phillie, sometime in June. I have to catch up with my friends back home and see if I can go to the game and see the ceremony. I'm glad Lieby has the opportunity to retire as a Phillie. A the time of his trade, Mike Lieberthal had been the longest, continuous tenured player in all the Philadelphia professional sports teams.

No matter what you may have thought of his playing, you'd have to admit, Lieby was cherished member of the Phillies Organization. I doubt they'll retire his number, 24, but there's always that chance. I can't imagine some special honor not being bestowed upon Mike.

A few years back several of my friends and I were there to see Doug Glanville retire. Who? Yeah, Doug Glanville. He wasn't a big name player, a rather mediocre player, but his heart was in the game. Dougie was and is a decent fellow and had attended Penn. Dude was really a genius! So I'm sure he's not hurtin' for money since retiring from the game.

And yes, I met him once, twice, or thrice. LOL.

It's sad seeing all these guys retire, they're all within my age group. I've been feeling old enough already, but time waits for no man, and thus we must go onwards.

In other sporting news, I was reading on Yahoo Sports Jason Taylor is probably not returning to the Dolphins next season. Hm. I wonder if he'd considered coming to Pittsburgh? Doubt it. With his recent stint on Dancin' With The Stars, I think Jason is Hollywood bound, his turf playing days appear to be over. I caught a few minutes of DWTS on Monday. Jason looked a little cumbersome and awkward, but still was a treat on the eyes. I'm not surprised Kristi Yamaguchi won. If she danced like she did Monday all season, she deserved it. Wow!

Finally, the first part of the American Idol season finale aired yesternight, and as expected, was over-hyped. When asked who I thought would win, I said "David." Ha-ha, but which one? I'd prefer David Cook. I'd see him in concert.

Based upon the audience's reaction, judges' comments, and performance, probably David Archuleta. I know this pisses Queen Hester off to the Nth degree, but I don't think David Cook had his complete game on last night. It's a shame because both Davids are talented and deserve the title as America's next Idol. However, like the Highlander, "there can be only one."

Let's remember too, the winner of Idol, is not necessarily the one who has the best career afterwards. Jennifer Hudson, Fantasia, and Chris Daughtry are all proof of that. Both Cook and Archuleta will go on to bigger and greater musical aspirations.

Hester claims she'd never see David Archuleta in concert, neither would I. However, the shows demographic audience is a group that would. It's their say so on who ultimately gets the coveted title, not us in the 30 and over bracket.

Let's face facts Hester, we're not young 'uns anymore. Thank God!

Top 3 American Idol Contestants

So, we're down to the final three?

Odds are really against Syesha, but anything, as you know can happen on American Idol. They might vote out David Archuleta so Syesha can loose next week to David Cook. Or David Cook may go. Thus leaving Syesha and David to duke it in the finals. There are a number of possible permutations . This week is definitely going to be a nail-biter.

All I can say, though, is I'm glad Jason Castro is gone!!! That boy was seriously starting to work on my last nerve. People were angry Simon was tough last week judging Jason's performances. I agreed with Mr. Cowell. When you're in the Top 4, you'd better have you're game on if you really want to win. Jason didn't have the vocal competitiveness the other three had. (That's Jason to the right without his 'locks.)

***Note: I had problems this afternoon with my computer and IP provider this afternoon and couldn't post to Blogger. Substantially, Idol has aired and gone. I thought it SUCKED! I hated the song choices. Not sure who will go. The only one I can kinda be confident about is David Cook. Archuleta was bad. Syesha wasn't bad, but her song choices weren't strong. The Archuleta fan base might overpower her tomorrow night. We'll see.

Syesha Sings On.

A'ight! My girl! I'm glad my prediction was off and while I'm happy Syesha survives another week to perform, I'm severely disappointed she ended up in the bottom two. Why is Jason still safe?!? Why? His frickin' groupies!!!

Consensus from everyone I talked to in the last 24 hours agreed Jason was the worst performer last evening on Idol. Instead, his groupies prevailed, low and behold, Jason sits in the finally four contestants.

Now that I mention it, I've noticed there are more hits to the post I did about Jason these days. Do people really like Jason that much? Sorry, but at this stage of Idol, he's sounding more like last season's contestant Sanjaya. Step it up boy! If you wanna be America's Idol, prove it. If not step aside.

Poor Brooke. It took a while, but she eventually grew on me. She seemed too happy and it came off as disingenuous, but as the season prevailed, and I watched her, I realized she has a goodness that a jaded person like me sometimes takes for granted. Watching her final performance song was difficult. She shooed away David Cook, broke down in the beginning and middle of her song, and then ran to the back of the stage afterwards, only to be comforted by Ryan Seacrest. (I have no love for Mr. Seacrest. He's a Putz!)

Brooke deserved to stay at least another week. Her vocal rang is far stronger than Jason's. Sorry to point this out, but he's just a piece of eye-candy the young girl (and gay bois) are hot for, keeping him around. While she wasn't going to be the American Idol, Brooke definitely needed to go further than Jason "my songs are all the same crappy crooning"Castro. If he doesn't go next week, I might have to stop watching for the remainder of the season.

Syesha! I love ya! I'm glad you'll be around for one more week. She's definitely going to have some musical career, perhaps, on Broadway like everyone keeps mentioning. Being in the final four, she has made her impact and should be very proud of herself. The last three weeks are going to be nail biting, though, especially if Syesha continues into the final three.

Everyone assumes one of the two Davids will win. Remember about the word "assume" though. You never know; Syesha might just surprise us all! Girl could have a killa performance and knock the D's out of competition. Idol is good for throwing curve balls. Previous seasons have shown you never know who's gonna be safe. Look at Michael Johns, Melinda Doolittle, Chris Daughtry, or Jennifer Hudson. The one expected to win doesn't always even make it to the finals. Who would've predicted last year's final two would be Jordin Sparks or Blake? Or take it back further, Taylor Hicks and Katherine McPhee, with Hicks becoming American Idol????

Just because speculation points towards Cook and Archuleta, don't mean shit! Syesha still has a chance. Her only biggest competitor next week is Jason Castro. If she can beat him, Syesha might move mountains yet. Go on Sy! Show 'em what you're made of!

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it!"
-Darktomahawk

Idol's Final Five Soon To Be Final Four....

A quick post before American Idol comes on. Who do you think is going home tonight? I'm not a big Neil Diamond fan; his songs are tough to sing. I respected him more last night though because he had many nice things to say about Syesha Mercado.

Brooke White and Jason Castro were the worst by far. Jason was just pitiful. His singing sounds the same each week, lacking that "mmph." However, my prediction is that Syesha will be voted off tonight because the other two have large fan support. I will cry tears of joy if my girl makes it through tonight.

Of course, if I'm correct, it'll be spit and damnation for the next few days. I'm still recovering from the Michael Johns ouster! Then again, they might pull another fast one sending one of the two David's home. I think there'd be rioting in the streets if that happens, yet as I'm learning, you never know with that show. Simon ended last night saying Syesha would be in trouble this week and with the large fan base for Mr. Castro, she just might be.

Keep your fingers cross for her!

Napoleonic Reflection

Something is in the air I can't quite put my finger on. There's trepidation and uneasiness in my spirit this evening. Why? The last few days, barring the Pennsylvania Primary results, have been wonderful. I got to spend time with family and friends. The weather has been beautiful. I feel physically better than I had. Plenty task that were left unresolved are finally getting completed. So what is the problem, huh?

Perhaps my spirit is restless and unsettled due to my television viewing habits Wednesday and today? Yes, last night I watched the Phillies lose to the Brewers; a game the Phillies had been winning until late in 7th inning. Carly, unjustifiably, was booted from American Idol (Brooke who screwed up massively and Jason who was just plain horrible, remained!) The season finale to Torchwood, left me feeling incomplete and disturbed. And Ugly Betty? The ensuing fiasco over Betty's birthday and the developing love tension between her and Gio left me more disquieted.

OK... Ugly Betty did have a few highlights! Seeing Marc rummage through Daniel's (actor Eric Mabius) underwear drawer, pulling out a pair of sheer black briefs, was priceless. Also, Gabrielle Union as Wilhelmina Slater's (Vanessa Williams) even more evil sister Rene, is superior! The tension between those two is delicious to a fault. Loved it. Love it!

After Betty, I wouldn't allow myself to get sucked into Grey's Anatomy, so I finished reading "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" by C.S. Lewis instead. Completing that installment of the Chronicles of Narnia did nothing to improve the situation. In summation, the evening was kinda "blah"...

Perhaps the catalyst started this afternoon as Hester and I engaged in a heavy conversation about the Status Quo of life, dating, and marriage/partnerships. Since breaking things off with Napoleon, my love life has been nonexistent. I'm not complaining. Things have been more relaxed and life has been magnanimous since he's gone. But our conversation regarding what one should or should not put up with in a relationship left me slightly deflated. How much does one endure for love? At almost 40, my firm belief is never to put up with anyone's shit. If you can't even devote some of your time to me, then you'll get none of mine. I'm tired of suffering through foolishness.

Hester and I have been through misadventures in love and relationships of semi-epic proportions in our past! I'd like to think she has moved on to bigger and better things, being married and all, but me? I've been there, done the marriage thing, and the shit didn't work out. To the next level, my misadventures in boyfriends, have also been less than spectacular situations. Eek! Been down some paths that if only I could hit rewind, hell even delete, I wouldn't make the same mistake twice!

The virtues, or lack thereof, of marriage are beyond my comprehension. The majority of my friends are either divorced, divorcing, or in loveless marriages. The majority of my friends in relationships, both gay and straight, are miserable, or dealing with endless drama and selfishness on the part of their partners. I reclaimed my independence earlier this year. Learned the tiniest bit selfishness, every now and again, isn't so bad.

Most of my friends are givers and will give of themselves until there's nothing left. Many of my friends have partners who are more than willing to absorb, suck up, and drain everything, leaving their partner/spouse/mate bereft and devoid of hope. Is this what it means to be in a relationship? And what about sex?!?!

There's nothing wrong with a healthy sexual encounter with your partner. Sex is an integral part of a relationship. But what happens when there's too little, none at all, or too much even? I love a good shag, love it! But let's be for real. I'm not at an age where I can go nonstop 24/7 anymore. There's nothing wrong with my stamina, but fucking can get old after all. There has to be some emotional connection. In my friends, and not too long ago with myself, there's a great disparity when it comes to sex. Either the relationship is based all on sex or there's just that Platonic status quo. The "roommate" mate/spouse syndrome. Again. Been there, done that, sold the rights, was a best seller, moved on.....

What I've learned since exiting my teens and 20s, is getting drunk, high, and having meaningless sex at the drop of a hat, does not make a well-rounded individual. At least not for me. I need someone with a moral center; someone I can connect with on a emotional and spiritual level, yet still have earth moving sex! Hester and I compared our war stories. She totally supported my decision in leaving Naps. Lady Miss T, the same. Reflection reminds me of my own failed nuptials, solidifies the whole "single" status lately. They both know me, perhaps better than I know myself. Each knows my heart well, knows the sentimental creature inside who needs balance.

Mind you, I'm not content with being alone, but for now, perhaps it's a good thing. I'm rediscovering myself, getting to be friends with myself, and learning to love myself even more. Self-respect has always been difficult for me. I've allowed many a partner, men and women, dominance and control in my relationships. Not because I'm a doormat, but because I'm giving caring, and compassionate. I tend to care for others greater than I do myself. I've often neglected my own needs over someone else.

Case in point, Napoleon.

In those quiet still moments, his presence lingers. My home echoed from the residual of our doomed friendship, doomed one-sided love story. Naps left clothes, toiletries, sheets, books, CDs, you name it, here. He never asked for it back. I didn't want to deal with it any longer and unceremoniously threw it in the garbage without second thought today! Normally I wouldn't do such a thing, but since he had stolen large amounts of cash and never returned borrowed items, including a $300 pair of dress shoes, I felt justified. It put a finality to it all. There's nothing left of him here.

I don't miss him, but do miss companionship. A dysfunctional relationship is still a relationship. Yeah, loneliness is a bitch and a half. Shit! It's a bitch and a GOOGLE. But you know? I'd rather deal with my own emotional discord than a selfish partner's.

Don't mistake this post as being maudlin. It's not. It's an observation and me working through things because of the current romantic void. I'm not in denial or being needy. Wholeheartedly, my decision to stop my dysfunctional connection with Naps has been the best life affirming decision made to date. Removing that evil from my life has increased my self-worth, -esteem, and integrity ten fold. I did a courageous thing. I invested in myself. Kicking deadbeat boy to the curb, strengthened me.

Despite adversities, I bless each passage with the men and women I've dated. Why? Because without those experiences, I wouldn't have grown. I learned from each endeavor. What are my limitations, what will I accept, what will I tolerate... through those failed commitments, I learned patience, tolerance, the value of truth, honesty, compassion, and trust. I know what the real McCoy is worth. The day I meet "the one," who ever that'll be, I'll appreciate the genuine article so much more with my current self improving process.

If you're fortunate enough to have a partner in your life, take a moment, and give them something special today. It doesn't have to be anything major, just a small gesture demonstrating your love for them. Something as simple as a smile, a neck rub, or telling them they're beautiful. It's the little kindnesses which make all the difference. Being a sentimental person, I remember all the stupid inane things my partners did to cheer and move me when I was down. Believe me a small bit of affection, appropriately given, is so meaningful and goes a long way.

In the end, your blessing will bring a million fold in reward.

Sorry. I didn't mean to get all mushy or sappy. The flux of emotions has got me under a spell. I'm missing something. Again, I'm not complaining. I believe God has a great blessing in store for me, I just need wait on Him.

-Darktomahawk

So Much Like Carrie B.

Sorry for being Missing in Action from the Axe these last few days. Life has actually been busy. I've been doing major spring cleaning around my home. Yesterday, unfortunately, more embarrassingly, I had a Carrie Bradshaw moment.

OK, so this is rather embarrassing and traumatizing my ego, but I can justify why its happened. Going through my bedroom closet, hoping to cram more clothes, shoes, luggage, bedsheets, etc in there, I hit the treasure trove of shoes upon shoes and more shoe. My bedroom closet spans the width of the one wall and is deep The damn thing is so huge, I often forget what all is stored in there. Pulling out shoes, desperately attempting to reorganize, I was faced with one fact. I have too many frikkin' shoes. I'm guy dammit. Yes, gay same gender lovin' one, but nevertheless, a guy! We're not supposed to have 80 billion pairs of shoes!!!! Talk about having a Carrie Bradshaw moment!

You remember the episode! Where Carrie's apt goes co-opt and she has no money to buy into it and realizes she has spent most of her money on shoes, particularly her Manolo Blahniks? Sheesh! I was Carrie last night! The horror!!!


How many shoes do you think a man should have? Throw out the straight or gay factor. How many? Five, maybe? Oh Helllll Naw! I have 42, count 'em 42 damn pairs of shoes. There are five pairs of dress shoes, seven sneakers/track shoes, four pairs of boots, a menagerie of scandals, flip flops, and other casual wear shoes.

So where did all this come from? Well, over the years I've just accumulated more and more stuff. Like other members of my family, there are issues with hording things for a rainy day. Horde my ass! Let's not sugar coat dis here shit! Admit it bruh, you got a problem!

"Hello, my name is Ian and I'm a Pack Rat."

"Hi Ian. Welcome!" responds the group.

Seriously, don't think I've reach the point I need an intervention, however, I do have a difficult time throwing shit away. "Oh I might wear this again." S'yeah right! I'm good with getting rid of other material items, but clothes and shoes are my weakness. I suppose I'm not helping improve negative gay stereotypes, huh? Believe me, I'm embarrassed, but not so much to see the humor in the situation. I'm usually not about Bling or other gaudy things, I try to keep things simplistic, but sometimes I fail. I have one silver ring I wear on my thumb, a hemp necklace I bought in the DR (Dominican Republic), a coconut shell bracelet purchased in San Juan, PR, and a set of silver earrings for my ears. Pride myself on my appearance and tryin' to look my best, but jeez, a guy can only wear one pair of shoes at a time...

Sooooooo, I've committed myself to disposing at least 10 pairs, and even that is going to be tough, but as Shirley Caesar sang, "I Can Make It!". Wish me luck this weekend! The shoes, boxes and all, are gettin' outta this house! Pronto. So don't have Sarah Jessica call me for advice, please!

In other ventures, we won't even DISCUSS American Idol last night. That show is so rigged. Michael Johns voted off, mah ass! That's just bull! Carly should've walked, but I said I wasn't gonna talk about it, right? Pftt! Cheap shit show! Grrrr.

Stay tuned. I'll make up for my absence in bloggin' this week with some intellectual posts and maybe some eye candy or two or four or more! Heh, heh. Have a good day folks!

"That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!"
DT

Separated At Birth?

Jason Castro and Jar Jar Binks, originally uploaded by SuburbanCowboy.

Jason Castro and Jar Jar Binks!

OK, I'll probably get a little flack from folks on this one. I just thought this was humorous. Jason seems like a nice young man. I didn't comment on American Idol because I missed some of the performances, including Jason's.


At this point there are only four contestants who really bug me, Romiele, Brook, Kristy Lee, & Carly. Doing a little forecasting, I think final four might get down to Michael Johns, David Cook, David Archuleta, and maybe Syesha.

I wonder who'll be voted off tonight? I hate to speculate, but the person I want to go won't because of song choice, so at this time, I'm (unfortunately) predicting Chikezie will be voted off. My bottom three prediction are Chikizie, Carly, and Romiele.

Stay tuned tonight for the results! Eek!

We Now Resume Our Regular Programming

So I haven't been blogging much lately. I feel bad about it, almost like its an obligation to the regular readers. Of course I realize there are plenty who come to the Axe to window shop for eye candy, which is fine. I haven't post many thoughts or eye candy in a while. Hell, I haven't even kept up with my usual blog reads or my email. I've just been blah lately...snap out of it already!

Despite not blogging, there's been much on my mind since I got out of the hospital. I've been home now for a week, catching up with reality. I did read one or two emails, one from a reader wanted to know what was wrong with me, if I had HIV or something. While I'm not offended by their concern, why is it if I'm sick, the automatic assumption is I'm HIV positive? I thought we got past that? This isn't 1988. It's 2008! Still, given how I've been sick for a long time, I suppose I can understand why someone would jump to the conclusion.

To answer the question to said reader, No, I do not have HIV, AIDS, or cancer, for that matter. While I am usually free and open about my life, I am reserved about talking about certain topics, especially my health matters. I have an illness that is not a sexually transmitted disease, but is fairly common, and on certain days, makes me less than whole.

Whenever I get sick with other illnesses (as I did in January and February with the flu and my upper respiratory infection) they exacerbate the problem to the point I can get seriously ill, and if not careful, terminal. Make no mistake, when I was admitted to the hospital recently (on my birthday, no less, dammit) I was very lucky. The admitting doctors said if I had waited any longer, I could have died.

But never fear, I'm here, better, heavily medicated, and resting comfortably. I do need to thank my extended family, my circle of friends, who were there for me when I needed them. There are way to many to list off, but they know who they are.

Now.... Where do I go from here? Well, since I have the next three months to convalesce, I suppose I could throw my opinion in on the Democratic Presidential Nomination battle between Barack and Hillary. It looks like I might actually vote in a PA Primary for the first time! Don't get me wrong, I vote, just usually not in the Primaries because by the time they get to Pennsylvania, decisions have been made. Not so this year. Looks like the Keystone State is gonna be crucial to either camp's possible delegate count.

You know who I support, but to be honest, I'm really tired of Obama and Clinton squabbling. Unite and defeat McCain! Does our country need another four to eight years of the Republican overlords? Why won't any politician admit the country is in a Recession? What about the drain on resources from the War? Rising gas prices? Unemployment? The mortgage crunch? Health care?

Oh lord! I really need to get off this subject....where are the sexy men at?!?! While I was in the hospital, to keep my brain from congealing into ooze from the daytime talk shows and soaps, I watched CNN (never Fox News though) and was inundated with all things Political. I'm tired of it all as I said. So, I'll try not to discuss it in the blog too terribly much.

Anyone watching this season's American Idol? I like Idol's approach this year, but I'm not fond of many of the contestants. Of course, I'm throwing my support behind the little bundle of cuteness, David Archuletta. Unlike Sanjaya, David doesn't come across as gay (not that there's anything wrong with being gay, Sanjaya just needs to be honest with himself) and actually has talent.

I'm not sure about the Idol contestants. The guys seem better than the women this season. Only a few contestants sit well with me however. My least favorites are Kristy Lee Cook (Legs), Amanda Overmyer (Skunkhead) and Romiele Malubay (Miss Will-You-Be-My-BFF?).
I also noticed there were plenty gay contestants in the top 24, but now they're weeding us all out. And what the Hell?!?! Did AI fall in love with the name David this year or what? LOL.

I won't discuss stripper boy, David Hernandez, only mention American Idol handled the situation the only way they could without addressing it directly. I've long believed Idol manipulates voting results to how they want.

While Mr. Hernandez wasn't the worst last week (certainly Kristy Lee was with her country rendition of Eight Days A Week), Idol never said one word about David's stripping past in a gay establishment or about his implied sexuality. Some cried foul. Remember former contestant Frenchie? Remember Corey Clarke? Minority contestants, who for some reason or another, had a speckled past and were booted. Yet, American Idol didn't dismiss a Caucasian looking contestant. Hmmmm...

Playing Devil's Advocate, Hernandez is a Spanish name, however, so technically, he could possibly be considered a minority. Not in my book, but others, may says yes. In my estimation though, American Idol knew they had to do something about David Hernandez. Because his of stripping past, the powers-that-be needed to address the issue, or the issue would've taken a life of its own and overshadowed the show. So, I'm sure they rigged the results.

On a different note... someone asked me yesterday if I "like" (translation: was attracted to) AI contestant Jason Castro. I almost choked on my soda! First of all, that boy is young enough to be my son. Second, I really don't like dreadlocks on white men (again, technically, Jason is of South American decent, therefore could be considered a minority). Third, I need a man (or woman, at this point I'll take what God sends me) and not a "child." Been there, done that with Napoleon, sold the rights, it was a bestselling novel! No. The older I get, you seriously need to be born in the same decade as I was before I consider "whatevah" with you.

The licentious skank in me though, does want you to know I noticed how tight Jason's jeans were last night. It didn't turn me on, but I noticed.

And saving the not so best for last, Napoleon....

Our "friendship" is done once and for all. I've stuck to my grounds and I'm glad. I need not say too much more but one factor that played an crucial part in my decision is he stole $65 from me, then lied about it. I'd bet the farm he did. But there were other concerns and reasons why I cut him loose. Despite being sick, I did break down and sleep with him back in February. I was lonely and a little desperate. Worse still, is we didn't use a condom. Argh. I know, I know, I know... let's not lecture me on stupidity. I know better. I got lectured by all of my friends. I got tested several times since and I get an AIDS test every few months regularly (not that much action is hittin' my doorstep, but that shit incubates, and comes home to roost whenever it's ready). AIDS is on the rise in the African American community and I was stupid. I used to teach people on AIDS awareness. I know better!!!

Hester and Lady Miss T understand though. They saw the charm and magnetism first hand Napoleon has. He can be downright irresistible. Of course Prince's song Irresistible Bitch comes to mind. Still, Naps is by far, the most selfish person to ever walk the face of Mother Earth. He's beyond fucked up for a myriad of reasons I won't get into. He wears you down, uses, and throws you away. I had to reach inside and pull out my self-esteem. I had to ask God to forgive and try to move on. I hold no malice towards him, I just have to let him go. What's the old saying? If you love someone, set them free.

Let's not delude things, what I felt wasn't real love, but it felt like it at times.

So do you feel sufficiently caught up? I hope so. I might just do a few picture posts for a while until I can get back into the groove. As always, live life to the fullest, and stick by the blog. Thanks for reading.

DT.

Cold Night & A Warm Book

Just getting in from watching American Idol with friends, I feel more at ease and comfortable with the show tonight. It wasn't as torturous as the previous week's episode. As always, some performances were good, some were freak shows, and others were downright embarrassing. Surprisingly, there were only two I had to leave the room due to sympathy embarrassment pangs.

I'm calling it an early evening tonight. Work was exhausting and I'm feeling sluggish. Rest assured three big, well thought, personal posts coming. Typing them out is what's delaying logging them. Usually, when I have something of substance to blog, I'll write it out by hand then transfer it onto the Axe.

Concentration is difficult; my thoughts repeatedly harbor on the words bed and sleep. The spirit (to blog) is willing, but the flesh is weak (and worn out). Gotta listen what's flowing through the veins and rest up. It's early, perhaps I'll take a short nap, wake up refreshed, then blog later. Uh-huh, riiiiiight!

This will be the scenario. More than likely I'll peruse a few pages from The Horse and His Boy, book three in the Chronicles of Narnia series. I'm reading light-hearted, but my next venture is go through and reread all the E. Lynn Harris novels, finish up the anthologies of Langston Hughes I was reading, then tear into the Eric Jerome Dickey books I haven't read. The last EJD book I read was Genevieve. Not his best work, but not the worse by far. My favorite Dickey novel was Milk In My Coffee. Perhaps I'll add that to the list of rereads along with Darieck Scott's Traitor To The Race, Wally Lamb's I Know This Much Is True, and Alice Walker's The Color Purple, all favorites I can read over and over again.

As an avid reader, I try reading a good book as often as I can, occasionally two or three books concurrently. My tastes are moderate, nothing too serious. I've attempted to read classical literary pieces, like War and Peace, only to stop and start and stop. After six times, I've given up. I've never finished. Perhaps I'm not learned enough, but Tolstoy seems way above me (and boring as a scoreless baseball game in the 15th inning)!

So it's off the computer, into the shower, on with my favorite comfy sweatpants & t-shirt, under the covers with the electric blanket on, and novel in hand. I'll probably fall asleep with the light on, becoming a ritual of late, and a expensive habit. My electric bill! Merde!

G'night folks! Pleasant dreams....

Prelude to future Blogging: "I definitely should reread Traitor To The Race by Darieck Scott."

Wielding The Axe

Thanks to everyone who has sent me email praising and complimenting the blog. I really work hard to make this interesting, so you're kind words, suggestions, and critiques are all welcome. I will respond to all your emails, just give me time. I know I hate when I take the time to email someone and then they don't email you back. You're always left with the feelin' you said or wrote something wrong, so rest assured, I will answer you back! Just give a me a little time.

Also if you have a blog, send me the link. I'll definitely put your link up. I'm getting comments from many men saying they're thankful for all the Black male photography. My stuff is all recycled, I'll admit that, but the pictures often reinforce the message to my written words. For quality photos, check out REAL artists like Aaron's MasculineCurves or Malik Williams website (I lost the link, but Google him and you'll find him easy enough). These guys showcase the best in Men of Color photography, in my humble opinion.

I'm freezing my ass off tonight and cold down to my bones. Temperatures quickly changed from last week when we were in the high 60s and close to the 70 degree mark. Got spoiled that fast! I can't think straight to post anything of substance, not even a handsome picture or two, cause it's so chilly! Yet, Winter remains one of my favorite seasons.

I forgot about my dinner date with Leoben but caught a little of American Idol because Hester and E.J. called and begged me to catch "Eyeliner Boy." Ugh! I hate the early Idol episodes because it's too painful to watch! I experience sympathy embarrassment for the people. And what the f8ck was up with the guy at the end?!?! Was Paula drunk, high, or both?!?! She did crack me up with her little dance. Paula is so stupid it isn't funny!I hope someone will put the clip on YouTube or DailyMotion. If they do, its going on the Axe for sure!

Oh bother! When I said stupid about Paula just now, I meant "stooopid," an expression commonly used in the Black community meaning you're silly or when one cuts up, not stupid meaning you're dumb. The explanation goes out to my European friends reading the Axe.

While on the subject of explanations, a couple folks have asked what's the meaning of "Weilding the Axe" and if the guy on the bike is me. Lemme answer the latter question first. If I was the guy on the bike, there's no way I'd be bloggin' as much as I have been, LOL. Naw, he's not me, but serves as my inspiration. I probably have the same complexion or skin as he does though. Maybe a shade or two more red, than him, with regards to skin complexion.

As far as the title goes, to wield means to handle, to control, to exert one's authority by means of influence, or to have something at one's command or influence. A-x-e is another way to spelling ax, which is an instrument or tool most commonly associated with cutting wood. Another definition for "axe" is to abruptly remove, separate, or sever. An "axe" may also describe a guitar, saxophone, or motorcycle.

I've always had a mild fascination with motorcycles, but I don't own one. (A-HA! thus explains the man on the motorcycle! The picture is a representation of my life.) Moreover, to master a motorcycle takes practice. To axe the negative influences over one's life, to wrest control from the authority without, and regain influence over the self within, is indeed Wielding the Axe. Comprendre vous? Versteht? ¿Entiende? Get It?!?! My warped mind works oddly. It makes prefect sense to me.

"But you spelled wield "w-e-i-l-d," which is wrong."

Well let me just say my spelling can be atrocious at times! I named the blog before I noticed the misspelling. My blog should be called "W-i-e-l-ding The Axe." The proper way to spell "Wield" is "w-i-e-l-d," yes, I know. I forgot the old English grammar rule "i" before "e" except after "c." Once I saw the mistake, I just left it. Chalk it up to one of those little quirky things about me I figure most people who know me are used to and would just accept. Besides, most Americans, I'm learning, are HORRIBLE spellers. I know I am, LOL. Praise the Bright Lady for spell checker software!

Reality TV Review: Idol & Top Chef

Its been a while since we've heard anything new about American Idol. I must admit I dropped the ball last season as far as posting regularly. Blogging takes a lot of time and sometimes other activities take precedence over blogging.


I never gave my final opinion on last season. Disappointing seems to be insufficient to describe the previous season.

While I was glad things got down to Melinda, Blake and Jordin, the true winner was voted off (Melinda). Despite what anyone says, the show is ultimately about marketability; Jordin winning was a no-brainer. While Melinda could sing her ass off, I don't think she would have reached the potential audience Jordin will.



With Blake in mind, this picture surfaced from somewhere on the 'Net. It was on one of the gay sites I read and shows his apparent bulge (it obviously is something in his pocket and not his package). I never found Blake to be remotely cute or handsome. To be honest, Blake irritated the fuck out of me, but because he had "white boy appeal," people were drawn to him.

Ultimately, I lost further respect for Blake after his implied negativity about Sanjaya. Yes, I know I was on the Sanjaya bashing bandwagon for a long time, but I softened towards the kid in the end. The jury is still out about Sanjaya's singing talent, but he seems genuinely, pleasant, and likable. Like the rest of the LGBT community, I'll be happy when he comes to term with his sexuality, but that debate is for another blog post, LOL.



Blake, I suspect, may have his own gay tendencies, as indicated by this picture I also found, with him and Chris Richardson. They seem all too cozy. He has denied the gay rumors. I really don't care what he does with his penis, really, I just found the picture amusing. I refuse to be someone constantly accusing this-person or that-person being gay. A person's actions will eventually reveal the truth in all matters. As I mentioned to my friend Hester recently, there are some stereotypes, unfortunately, that are true despite our opinions. I believe in gaydar, which has basis in stereotypical behavior, but also on gut-instinct.

As I said, I really don't care who Blake shags with, it's his business, right?

Speaking of Jordin, where's her album or single release???? It's been months since the season finale and I've not heard anything from her. Of course I live in "Hooterville, B.F.E," so local stations probably won't play her music. They're playing the hell outta Elliot Yamin and Daughtry though, but no ethnic Idol contestants (Jordin is multiracial).

Fantasia and Ruben get regular airplay on the R&B, hits and oldies station, 1400 The Touch, but it's an AM station. Very few white people I know listen (as opposed to the two other stations owned by Cumulus Media, Hot 92 and WNNK, Wink-104, which play enough "Caucasian" flavor to satisfy). I should, however, correct myself because Wink-104 does play Kimberly Locke, so maybe Jordin will(?) get some airtime.

Coming down to last season's final two contestants, I was never a Blake fan, so I was ecstatic Jordin won. Blake's "beat-box" style was annoying and wasn't interesting. Creative interpretation, yes. Singing and showing sign of true talent, no. Beat-boxing wasn't all that 20 years ago and still isn't today. Some friends thought Blake was the end-all-be-all and were disappointed he lost. Ugh! Jordin, of the two, was the better SINGER! Wake up to reality people! Overall, last season of American Idol was mediocre, at best.

Given past seasons and those who were popular favorites, I wonder what Corey Clark and Mandisa are up to? Corey had been in trouble with the law a number of times. I thought he had promise and he's a handsome fella. I won't bring up the Paula Abdul debacle. I won't. Let's leave it alone, LOL.

I guess any possibility of a career in the industry has been ruined for Corey. Too bad for him. I say that with sincerity, and no sarcasm. Everyone deserves to go for their dreams.

Mandisa, on the other hand, still has a loyal following, although somewhat diminished after her views on homosexuality came to light. I pity Mandisa. The gay community loved her. She would've gone far. I read many nasty comments about her and, unlike her, I can be fair. Sure, I disagree with her viewpoint, but that's the value and beauty of being American, we're all entitled to our own opinions. I'm sure she'll have a blessed career in the gospel music industry. I even read an update story on The Advocate website she has relaxed on some of her opinions. While she still thinks being gay is a sin, she said she wouldn't discriminate. She 's making minute progress. Change takes time and often with the wisdom of God. God's people (in some cases, "so-called people") will wake up someday.

I look forward to Idol's next season, which'll be here sooner than we know. I hate admitting I've become an Idol junkie, but I have. Each season is incredibly predictable, but it still hasn't become mundane like every other reality show like Survivor or The Bachelor. And unlike shows like Project Runaway or Top Chef, persons of color, aka BLACK PEOPLE, have actually won the contest.

When Tre on this season of Top Chef was voted out, told to "pack his knives and go,"on Top Chef, I thought, "Damn another kick in the groin for the Black Community." Black folks don't get a fair shake on reality shows. The ratio is often 1:13 or 2:29 or 2:800, some bullshit like that. It's the one thing about reality television that is real.

Even still, I love Top Chef. It follows my own passion for cooking. I'd never be a contestant because I cook home-style food and not some of the boojee (bushee) recipes. True, I've accused of being "bourgeois," I admit sometimes I can be arrogant, but I know who I am and where I came from.

With that said, Top Chef has had three seasons, and with one hand, I can count the number of African American contestants, five (correct me if I'm wrong somebody): Brian and Lisa from Season One, Cliff (an wonderful and handsome guy) and Mia (my spiritual sistah) from Season Two, and Tre from current Season Three.

This is disappointing. Why can't we represent more? Each season has what, 16 contestants, and the producers could only find five willing African American participants???? Yes, there have been other minority groups including Asians and Latinos, but I'm sure you're saying the same thing with regard to your representation reflected too. To get over the inequalities in our country, should we try to show some balance?

Oh, I wanna mention Cliff MUST have lost his mind when he thought his black ass wasn't gonna get kicked off for attempting to hurt that white boy Marcel!

C'mon, Cliff! Remember the rule, never let' em see you sweat and never get caught fuckin' up. He was remorseful, but I was irritated long after his dismissal. Cliff, I believe, would have won the top chef title.

I was glad Ilan beat prissy ass Marcel. No, I won't comment about Marcel's hair nor sexual orientation. What I will say is rewatch the episode Cliff attempted to shave Marcel's head. The next morning Marcel gets up, walks to the door in just his boxer shorts, and slams it shut, pissed off at the events the night before. Look carefully. There is definite peeking going on in his shorts. I think this is the episode. I remember watching a few times because I was in disbelief, not so much that I find him attractive, which I don't, but that the censors didn't catch the apparent penis slighting.

I mean no disrespect to my Latin and Asian brethren. Some of my favorites from last season were Carlos (he is handsome. If he didn't have a partner already, I'd seriously look him up. All his food looked pleasant), Josie, and Elia. Regarding my Asian favorites, I can't say I'm not in love with Hung from this season, but Lee Anne rocked the house from season one!

Enough of the complaining. Top Chef is one of the better programs on air right now. The Food Network, with the exception to Paula Dean and the Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten, have hit the bottom of the barrel with programming and is rather blase. I'm so over Emeril.

Top Chef has radiant host Padma Lakshmi (I'd be 100% heterosexual being straight just to meet her!). At least they don't limit on sexuality perespective, unlike the racial minority imbalance, Top Chef has a constant flow of gay/lesbian contestants, often more than one or two. Season two had at least three out contestants and probably at least two more closeted (speculating though). I was upset to hear Josie Smith Malave had been a hate crime victim while leaving a lesbian night club. I looooved Josie and Carlos (also gay). Josie has moxie! I wish her a speedy recovery through her healing process and hope she continues to be a trailblazer.

This season's current gay fave, Dale, has made it to the final four. I'm rooting for him or for Casey to win the title. Brian rates on my nerves and reminds me too much of another Bryan I know. No offense, just a bad name association. Hung, I can't put my finger on what bothers me about him, I just haven't gravitated towards him. It's not because he's Asian or some times a little snotty (In my opinion). Dale is the biggest bitch on the show and is the type I avoid when I go out, but there's something really endearing about Dale, plus the mohawk is tres chic, LOL.

The finale is in just a week or so. I'm pins and needles because I don't want Dale or Dale to hear Padma's kind, impassioned, but "get the fuck out of here" words. I'm still reeling from Sarah and CJ's dismissal.

So there's my take on my reality television favorites. Go Dale! Go Casey. May the best non traditional heterosexual white male candidate win (I guess this includes Hung too, so Go Hung!).