Friday, April 11, 2008

So Much Like Carrie B.

Sorry for being Missing in Action from the Axe these last few days. Life has actually been busy. I've been doing major spring cleaning around my home. Yesterday, unfortunately, more embarrassingly, I had a Carrie Bradshaw moment.

OK, so this is rather embarrassing and traumatizing my ego, but I can justify why its happened. Going through my bedroom closet, hoping to cram more clothes, shoes, luggage, bedsheets, etc in there, I hit the treasure trove of shoes upon shoes and more shoe. My bedroom closet spans the width of the one wall and is deep The damn thing is so huge, I often forget what all is stored in there. Pulling out shoes, desperately attempting to reorganize, I was faced with one fact. I have too many frikkin' shoes. I'm guy dammit. Yes, gay same gender lovin' one, but nevertheless, a guy! We're not supposed to have 80 billion pairs of shoes!!!! Talk about having a Carrie Bradshaw moment!

You remember the episode! Where Carrie's apt goes co-opt and she has no money to buy into it and realizes she has spent most of her money on shoes, particularly her Manolo Blahniks? Sheesh! I was Carrie last night! The horror!!!

How many shoes do you think a man should have? Throw out the straight or gay factor. How many? Five, maybe? Oh Helllll Naw! I have 42, count 'em 42 damn pairs of shoes. There are five pairs of dress shoes, seven sneakers/track shoes, four pairs of boots, a menagerie of scandals, flip flops, and other casual wear shoes.

So where did all this come from? Well, over the years I've just accumulated more and more stuff. Like other members of my family, there are issues with hording things for a rainy day. Horde my ass! Let's not sugar coat dis here shit! Admit it bruh, you got a problem!

"Hello, my name is Ian and I'm a Pack Rat."

"Hi Ian. Welcome!" responds the group.

Seriously, don't think I've reach the point I need an intervention, however, I do have a difficult time throwing shit away. "Oh I might wear this again." S'yeah right! I'm good with getting rid of other material items, but clothes and shoes are my weakness. I suppose I'm not helping improve negative gay stereotypes, huh? Believe me, I'm embarrassed, but not so much to see the humor in the situation. I'm usually not about Bling or other gaudy things, I try to keep things simplistic, but sometimes I fail. I have one silver ring I wear on my thumb, a hemp necklace I bought in the DR (Dominican Republic), a coconut shell bracelet purchased in San Juan, PR, and a set of silver earrings for my ears. Pride myself on my appearance and tryin' to look my best, but jeez, a guy can only wear one pair of shoes at a time...

Sooooooo, I've committed myself to disposing at least 10 pairs, and even that is going to be tough, but as Shirley Caesar sang, "I Can Make It!". Wish me luck this weekend! The shoes, boxes and all, are gettin' outta this house! Pronto. So don't have Sarah Jessica call me for advice, please!

In other ventures, we won't even DISCUSS American Idol last night. That show is so rigged. Michael Johns voted off, mah ass! That's just bull! Carly should've walked, but I said I wasn't gonna talk about it, right? Pftt! Cheap shit show! Grrrr.

Stay tuned. I'll make up for my absence in bloggin' this week with some intellectual posts and maybe some eye candy or two or four or more! Heh, heh. Have a good day folks!

"That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!"

1 comment:

Queen Hester said...

You can never say to me "I have nothing to wear", again!!!!!




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