It's Snowing outside after it had rained all day. The temperature dropped earlier in the evening and it's chilly outside. I'm freezing my ass off tonight!
My libido is in overdrive tonight. On a cold night all I want to do is snuggle up with a warm body and keep warm. Well, maybe do a few other things too....Seeing how I don't have a man or woman in my life right now, I'm gonna post some beautiful men and women to night to remind how much I'm missing.
Believe it or not, I'm not lonely at all. My friends have been there for me this week. Christmas Day was beautiful. I shared in the joy of the season. Sure, Santa coulda brought a man to place under my tree, but what he did give me was genuine compassion, care, and love from God-given friends.
As promised, Leoben, Leonard-Benjamin (that's where his name derives. Leoban is named after his grandfathers), came over the other night to nurse me while I was sick. He spent the night and, yeah, he even cuddled me. I'll give him the medal of honor award of the year for that. I'm not the easiest person to lay in bed with because I thrash around in my sleep. But Leeb was a trooper, stuck out the whole night, and left shortly before I had to leave for work. I was blessed. I am still blessed.
Still, even though there's no attraction to Leoban at all, it was comforting having a warm body next to me. I was missing it the last few nights. Maybe 2008 will be the year someone dark and lovely pops into my life to stay? Let's hope so. Despite the fiasco with Myjah and my recent slip up booty call with Napoleon, I haven't given up hope. More than anything I'm quitting being Napoleon's bitch in 2008. Miss T keeps praising me for setting good boundaries with him lately, but I didn't confess to her we had a rendezvous this month.
I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about the encounter. Angry with myself, yes. Napoleon is still chasing after the hope he'll get back together with Linus. Some people never know when to let go. I don't wanna to be that way with Naps, holding out the hope he'll wake up and realize he and I need to be in a relationship. Oh Ian, do wake up my boy!
So my hope, fervent prayer, is someone is in the waiting for me in the days to come. I deserve a decent life partner. I deserve to stop eating shit sandwiches and allow myself to have a decent full course meal! Life will be so much better when I pull myself out of the miserable relationship drama that has come before. More than anything, I need to remind myself infatuation is not love. Lust is not love. I keep thinking of the Bible passage on love.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7