Friday, June 20, 2008

Who Am I?

I received an interesting email from a follower of the Axe who commented on some the men I've expressed attraction towards. Said emailer also questioned my racial pride, to an extent, remarking how some days I seem more "white" and on others I seem more "black."

"Exactly who are you and who do you want to be?" was their question. I don't think it was meant to be arrogant or aggressive, just questioning, since along with the questions came ample praise for opening myself up as I do on the blog.

Well, I respect the person's questions, and I like questions, so don't hesitate to ask if you need clarification on things. This is why I blog, to share, connect, and relate. Already several of you have praised on my courage to open my soul. As I've mentioned a few posts ago, this is a process I'll share with you together.

The answer is simple, I just wanna be me and I am who I.

Now, for the record, I consider myself "Black." Always have, always will. My skin complexion is usually honey brown to copper colored (Red, baby!), although now summer's here, my skin has darkened. I would be remiss if I didn't clarify my racial heritage. I am not biracial. Nope. Can't claim that in the least. What I do claim, and if you read the header above, is to be multiracial, which is the truth.

"...ramblings from a sometimes gay, sometimes bisexual, rarely straight, multiracial, multi-ethnic, black man discovering what it means to live..."

Yeah? An what exactly does that mean, Ian? As I said, I am not biracial. Bi- anything indicates "two" halves. If one of my parents was Black and the other White, then, yes, I indeed would be biracial. Said situation is not the case for me. In plain and simply terms, genetically speaking, I'm a mutt.

What do you do when two biracial people have children? What do you call those children? Hmm? They aren't biracial anymore, especially if those biracial backgrounds stem from different races. Therefore, you have multiracial. Add to the confusion most Americans have differentiating race from ethnicity, you have multi-ethnic. That's me. Both of my parents are ("were" since my father is deceased) bi-racial. Technically, my father was a 1/3 of this- and a 1/3 that, but you get my point.

I have Irish, Native American, Cuban, and African American ancestry. To call me "biracial" is incorrect! So, when I'm being cheeky, yes I will use multiracial, but as I said, I'm proud of Black lineage, so I identify as African-American. This in no way disrespects the other ethnicities in my family, perhaps elevates one over the others, but C'est la vie. Anyone who is in my situation and identifies with being "Black" understands. E.J. daughter is in a similar "ethnic soup" situation as I. She perhaps understands.

As to my penchant for lighter complexion men, I don't deny I have my fair share of brothers I like who are light-skinned (Dan O'Brien, Jason Taylor, Jason Kidd, yadda yadda, yadda). In turn, though, I love my darker-skinned brothers just the same (Djimon Hounsou, Taye Diggs, Omar Epps, etc, etc,etc). I feel I talk about everybody equally on the blog. Haven't I?

What I hadn't realized, until someone very close to me pointed it out, are how many men I find attractive are from mixed racial/ethnic backgrounds. Interesting. So what does that say about me?

Hmph. I wonder? I suppose it just means I'm queer who likes a wide variety of men. Black people, whether "pure-blood" (Black folks are mixed with somethin' given American history. So what is pure Black anyway?!?! Nuff said ) or mixed, come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and hues. I love men. Period. So get over it! Ain't no discrimination going-on on my part. That might be your hang up, but it isn't mine!

I am who I am. I love all you brothers from High yella to red-boned to midnight dark. Now I just need to find the right one beside me as my life-partner, and er'rything will be fine. Ha ha!


Anonymous said...

I am a lighter-skinned biracial woman who finds in my friendships with other women I have, as an adult, often gravitated to other lighter-skinned women--whether they identify as black or biracial or whatever. I know for me I was looking for role models. How was it these women who look something like me have navigated the landmines of race.

ToddyEnglish said...

Excellent post. I really appreciate your candor and wit!
Myself, I am lighter complexioned (more of a coppertone color...Thanks impart to my Ebony hued father and fair as the moon mother); however, I've never favored one hue over another. I'm like you in that regard...ALL black is beautiful to me!

Anonymous said...

i completely understand wat ur goin through. i am bisexual myself and i definately dont feel as if i am greedy or a freelover. shid i jus like men and some sexi ass women. my attraction for women right now is not how it used to be. i feel myself steering away from that for a while.
real bi,gay,lesbian friends


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