Thursday, September 13, 2007

All Too Replaceable

I dug this up because I finally dismissed some trash from life that has long since needed to be thrown the f*ck away. A person can only be neglected and given so many empty promises before they get tired. As I've learned all too well in my adult life, nothing, no one, is EVER irreplaceable. To borrow my favorite quotes of all times, from Mommie Dearest, "Don't F*CK with me fellas!"

I'm not your shit rag for you to wipe y' ass when its convenient for you! I'm a person with feeling and a human heart. Sure, I'm be a little over sensitive at times, but I'm deserving of honesty, truth, and loyalty at all times. As my cousin Roberta would say "F*ck the dumb shit!"

Life will go on and so will I. Right now I'm angry as hell, but the feelings will oscillate in the coming days. I've learned every circumstance in life ironically can be paralleled with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief from her book On Death & Dying: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

My feelings, however, have played out of order. I was in denial for a looooooooong time, been through depression & bargaining, currently am in anger mode, and hopefully, on the highway to acceptance! Acceptance isn't on the horizon yet. I don't think forgiveness will ever be available for his betrayal (the stupid ass mofo is on my shit list). My memory is GOOD and it IS LONG. On average I try to practice patience and forgiveness, but not in this situation. I hate being used and am embarrassed. To forgive is a Divine trait. To err is certainly human..oh how I intend to ERR, bitch!

For now, I'm reveling in may ire. I draw strength from my anger and my anger heals my broke soul quickly. I might be in the anger phase for a while though, especially if "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, II" (there are three in my life at the moment) attempts to contact me. I'm done playing games bastard! Go f*ck off in a corner somewhere and just leave me the Hell alone! I'm counting on my resiliency and my sistah-girls. sister-queens, (perhaps a brutha queens or two, LOL) and my male buddies to help me not regress back into my old patterns, forgive Arschloch (PA Dutch for "asshole"), and go back the path I've walked far TOO long.

Oooh. I guess this wasn't a very nice blog post, was it?

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President Barack Obama!