Sunday, February 18, 2007
Act III...the man inside, the man outside.
People who know me rather well are aware I've spent a significant part of my gay life lusting after Latino/Hispanic and Caucasian (White) men. What most people don't know, but to me seems fairly obvious to me, is this expression comes/came from a deep sense of self loathing and denial of my own nature. This doesn't mean I wasn't, nor
today, am not proud to be an African American man. Rather, it expresses from my own life experiences struggling to accept myself as a whole person, conquering shame and doubt. To rise above the sense of feeling like a second- or third-class citizen.
I have issues not only about my own body, but magnanimous issues with the negativity poured upon being a Black male in this country. I often felt in my life if I acted a certain way or engaged in non-stereotypical Black male activities, people would accept me more. My inadequacy stems from a childhood filled with negative experiences in relating to my seemingly ambivalent father and Black men who viewed me as defunct and useless person simply because I was a heavyset child, not overly into sports and other preconceived notions of what a young Black boy should be. This impressed upon me that it was wrong to love myself and my culture.
While this blog is not really intended to show adult content, I can't guarantee that an occasional image of male nudity won't appear. Be advised that this blog is intended to be read by people with an open mind. I don't claim any rights to the images nor do I have any knowledge of the sexuality of persons featured (unless they are openly gay...duh). Enjoy yourself and take a small step in my every day life and pondering... Feel free to email any comments or opinions.