Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Done? Or Potty Break???


So this is it? Huh. For some reason I thought there would be bells and whistle stops, mass applause, outcry, and what not. Instead of a fervor, it's just a quiet Tuesday wee hour morning. Chilly. Humming of the computer. No unusual fanfare. Sigh. Way to go Ian, boy-o!

One of my favorite movies of all times is Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure. Cheesy 80s flix, but ever so poignant in it's zany message. Have fun and be excellent to one another. If wishes were horse, eh? Much like Keanu Reeves acting talent, my mindset has not much changed either since the 80s. LOL. Oh, I'm not dissin' Keanu. I love him, it's just the apex of his career, I'm still hearing "duuuuude." Dangerous Liaisons. Duuude. Speed. Duuude. The Matrix. Duuude. Constantine. Duuude. The Lake House. Duuuuuuuuude! Sorry bruh, but I'm not buying it.

But all silliness aside, recent events have caused me to ponder, reflect, and give pause to life. Where am I headed? Where is I, where is I at? Dunno. Nothing makes much sense anymore. Well, it does really, but the pieces of me are a strange fit, even to the person who has lived this journey. I'm not sure what I expected to do while I was here, not sure what purpose I had, but maybe I did something right and worthwhile. I hope so.

A week from yesterday, I turn 39. Not a big deal for me. Thirty-nine is that quiet stop before 40. Just another turn of the page, flip of the calender. Not planning much fanfare to mark the occasion. Spending a quiet evening at home. This weekend E.J. is taking me out to dinner. On the actual day, I'll pause and thank God I live another year, then go about the normal routine of physical therapy and the daily grind. Whatever God gives me, I'll be pleased with. Even though 39 is no milestone birthday, it's a new chapter for moi.

So is this the end of my blogging experience? Um, probably not. I got the other two blogs, MALE and Chocolate Salsa, going strong (rest assured I'm having fun there) but for now I'm taking a break from the Axe. My hands are heavy from carrying that blade. There's nothing much I wanna say about myself right now anyway. The words and thoughts are there, but I can't seem to get the spirit right, the tone the way I need...

Who knows? Maybe this is another one of my mini-midlife crises? I could be back tomorrow for all I know. But for me, the greatest measure of oneself is how you're weighed through the eyes of others. Perhaps immature thinking, but I believe if we serve the common good, and people come away with positive thought about us, then we did something right. I'm sooooo not feeling that about myself today, yesterday, or honestly, for most of 2009. Time to envelope myself with positiveness and create change. The Axe isn't about change. It's just about yesterdays and trying to make peace with the past. As the title says, here I reconcile past so that I might comprehend future. Hm.

So. Ummm...

I hate goodbyes. They suck. I hate change, but change is necessary for growth. So there are a million mindless words I could post. So MUCH to say. Not sure if this is or isn't the end... Let's just call it a break. While I'm gone though, carry these wonderful words from the Bill And Ted's, "Be excellent to another." Can't think of a better ending.

As a dear friend would always end his letters..."All my burning words,"
-Ian

4 comments:

Darius T. Williams said...

Really? Wow - well, Happy Future Birthday!

Um...are you coming to the blogger family reunion? e-mail me - darius@everydaycookin.com

taylorSiluwé ..... said...

I say potty break. We all need one every so often. Actually, 39 is the perfect, quiet, introspective year to take a mental pee.

Enjoy it bruh, we'll be here when you get back.

JNez said...

i've just gotten here and you're ending the blog already??? guess i'll have to get caught up in the archives, which i'll surely do. have a feeling we have a lot in common.

Enjoy your birthday this weekend! You class of 1988 folk are getting old lol! ha!
(meanwhile, class of 1990 is only 2 years behind you. but you were so mean to us when we were sophomores & you were seniors it serves you right lol)

ToddyEnglish said...

Ugh, you're not doing this blog anymore?!
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
This one is one of my favorites. Okay, just like...uhm...y'know take a sabbatical and when you turn 40 come back with guns blazin, feel me?

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