Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Door Has Always Been...Well, Open.

I suppose I shouldn't let National Coming Out Day go by with out addressing a lil something on the topic. Really, for yours truly, I don't suppose there has been any special day I officially came out, I just have been.

Coming into acceptance has been the most interesting journey. I have my good days; I have my bad. I guess everything got especially interesting after I got divorced and declared myself free from the monotony of the life I had been living. My ex-wife knew. I was doing the bi thang at the time, but I guess for me, it was inevitable I would end up where I am now.

My divorce was almost ten years ago now. Since then, well life has been interesting. It has been easy because oft I feel like the proverbial fish out of water, but I also realize I make my own life so complicated. Huh. Silly middle-aged man that I am. LOL. But I'm glad for what has come and experiences. The heartache, the joy, and friends made... yes. I will say it is worth it.

I think if memory does serve me right, the first time I acknowledged my sexuality to someone was in seventh grade to this geeky little white dude. To say it was a mistake would be wrong, it just put me on a path that looking back, I find amusing. A few years went by before opened myself up again and started telling friends in college. I've always been a lil "off," so I would expect most folk figured out the real deal. Mind you, I was sexually abused, so life was filled with complexities and stupid delusions. I realize too I had some resources at my disposal I chose not to use that COULD have made life so much simpler, but because I was too ignorant, too caught up with what someone would think, I never utilized the gifts in front of me to their full potential.

Twenty years later, I do give blessing and praises to friends, family, and "family" that were so patience with this crazy man until I got my act together. My ex-wife is my best friend and is my strongest ally. To say that I wouldn't have made it this far without her is a huge understatement. So something productive did come out our marriage...I'm still on the road to discovery. I often chide myself that I make a horrible gay man, but at least I'm trying to live my truth. It's definitely better than living a lie. Amen.

In Love & Hope,

1 comment:

Roger Poladopoulos said...

I'd completely forgotten about this date! Thanks for reminding me! Thank you for candidly sharing some of your coming out experiences. It's true, it is an ongoing process that lasts all out lives. Peace!


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