Ordinary Blog Post

I had wanted to do a large post for Monday but I couldn't find all the pictures on my hard drive I wanted to use, so tonight's blog is going to be light. To be honest, I'm too exhausted to post anything noteworthy and substantial. My mind feels like mush. The Holiday weekend went too quickly and four days off now seems like one.

It's a dreary evening. It rained all day and tonight is one of those evenings you just want to crawl under the covers with someone warm. No such luck for me. I have my cats, but nobody else to snuggle with. Oh well. No worries.

Just Because

I normally don't like guys wearin' briefs, but I'll make an exception in his case. Yeah the photos are gettin' a little too man heavy. Lemme see what I can do about that.

Razor and Torches

So I had every intention of coming home last night and blogging about my evening, but no, yesterday had to be the culmination of every television program I watch or needed to be watched. Sheesh. OK, so instead of blogging, or going to bed, I ended up watching TV until the wee hours. It was a little after 4 AM before I crawled between the sheets. Surprisingly, I'm wide awake this morning....

For all the fans of the 2000s inspired version of Battlestar Galactica, all I have to say is Oh! My! God! Did you watch Battlestar Galatica Razor last night?!?! I had been hemming and hawing about watching a flashback episode. I wasn't really interested in the Pegasus crew's view of the attack on the 12 colonies and chalked it up to being just a bunch of rehashed clips with a cheesy plot to tide viewers over until January. Fortunately, I was mistaken. Oh, and did I mention the 70s original "toaster" model Cylons return in this episode? Woo-Hoo!

Razor kicked ass! Major ass! Admiral Helena Cain was such a bad ass bitch and Razor widens the view on why she took certain actions after the destruction of the Colonies. Forgotten was the scene where her first officer questions her orders and she offs him in the head! Even though you knew it was coming from how they told it episodes prior, I still found myself saying "Dayyuuum Bitch!"

"All is fair in love and war," which Helena proves fairly quickly.

It was bothering me who portrayed Admiral Cain. I Googled and discovered she's the actress who portrayed Ensign Ro, the Enterprise's Bajoran Bridge Officer from Star Trek: The Next Generation, Michelle Forbes. OK, excellent usage between my favorite sci-fi genres! I must not have paid attention with Cain's first story arc. Once I relaxed, put my faith in Ms. Forbes superior acting talent, I sat back and enjoyed Cain. Oh and she's Family!!! I loved it! Admiral Cain was a Lesbian! The writers don't just suggest her relationship with Gina (Tricia Helfer's number Six Cylon character), they hit you over the head with it intimate touching and kissing. Until now the new series hadn't addressed homosexuality, although its implied Lieutenant Gaeta (Alessandro Juliani's character) may be gay.

"This has all happened before and it will happen again....and again, and again, and again, and again, and again..."

Razor's biggest disappointment was not even in the show, but during a commercial sneak peak. New episodes of Battlestar Galactica won't be returning until March. March?!?! I've been waiting a whole frackin' year for BSG's return. It was supposed to be airing new episodes this January. March? March?? Maaaaaaaaarch!??? ¡Ah Dios Mio! Frackin' writers strike!!!! LOL.

Overall, as indicated by many blogs, Razor definitely wasn't for the uninitiated, anyone who hasn't been watching the series. I loved it. I loved it oh-so-much more than Torchwood's latest episode.

Despite the heavy homosexual soldier love angst, I really wasn't too impressed with Torchwood this week.

Torchwood seems to run hot and cold with me. Some weeks the episodes are edge of your seat and then other weeks are why-did-I-waste-the-last hour-on-this-shit episodes. Last night was an "iffy" episode. While I admit the man on man kiss between Captain Jack and the real Captain Jack was heartfelt and moving, the overall story worked my nerves. Just when I thought I knew and understood Jack (John Barrowman) you discover he's not really Captain Harkness at all!

Also not withstanding was Owen's actions. I won't get started. Owen regularly works my nerves, but last night Ianto did for the first time. Ianto? Yes, Ianto. I digress. I'll have to re-watch the episode. Maybe I'm being a little too harsh. Perhaps because the American censors are editing content for commercials' sake, we're not getting the full presentation. Queen Hester and I have sworn to get the DVDs when they're released to catch all the important scenes we've missed.

Next week is the season finale. I'm hoping it will keep my interest a while longer in Torchwood. Well at least I found out Gareth David-Lloyd (Ianto) in real life is dating a black woman. In fact, its the actress from the "Cyberwoman" episode. He scores mega points in my book! Now if we could only get him to switch teams...

Forget the Cream, Just Give It To Me Black!

More himbos. Sorry. Actually, I'm not. I guess I'm in a randy mood this morning.

Hm, indeed. I never
understood why some people are not attracted to black men, like we're dirty or something. With a wide variety, including my small sampling, there's enough to savor and enjoy!

I'm going through my changes yet again. It has much to do with my night on Thanksgiving Eve and a little to do with Thanksgiving Day. The holiday weekend has kinda sucked. Perhaps I should blog what I'm going through emotionally.

My diaspora issues are flaring out of control again too, in par to my on-going status with Napoleon. Sigh... If I had time, I'd blog about it now, but there's much to do today. Too much cleaning to finish.

Hopefully, I'll have sometime later tonight. I'm gong over to Queen Hester's and spending time with her family plus JB is coming up, so the evening should be nice. Just relaxing. I like it. No time to over focus on myself and my loneliness.

Black In Your Friday

Just some stunning samples of Black Men who turn my key. A little play on the day.

Enjoy your shopping and here's hoping for a Black Christmas after all, or least some in your stocking, drawers... ahem ...whereevah!

Happy Holiday Season Y'all.

Giving Thanks

Despite my better judgment, I spent Thanksgiving Eve out at the bars last night with Queen Hester and Napoleon. I won't rehash the activities, let's just put it that it was an interesting evening. Definitely'll save that experience for another post.

I'm tired today, but am looking forward to stuffing my face later....

Today's post will be simple. I give thanks for God first and foremost. I give thanks for God in all His benevolence that keeps me out of harms way, despite my tirades and tantrums, and knows me better than I know myself. I give thanks to my family, friends, loved ones, even my not so loved ones, for being there in the good, the bad, and the difficult times. I give thanks to being free. I give thanks for another day of life, no matter how challenging, I at least woke up this morning. I give thanks to renewed hope.

I give thanks to all the crazy queer bitches, who drive me insane when I go to bars! I give thanks to all the sexy men and women who visually stimulate my senses!I give thanks for the give of sight. Oh I give thanks for so many men! My ebony fine brothers. My vanilla soul brothers. My suave and savvy Latino brothers....mm, mm, mmmmmm good, brothers all.

Thanks to men who put just a little more pep in my step... Apolo Anton Ohno, Amare Stoudemire, Reggie Bush, Wentworth Miller, James Blake, Amir Khan, Michael Pittman, Brian J. White, Randy Wolf, Jason Varitek, LJ Smith, James Thrash, Derek Jeter, Darryl Stephens, Eric Balfour, David Bromstad, Naveen Andrews, Shemar Moore, Keith Hamilton Cobb, Boris Kodjoe, Chris Daughtry, Mario Lopez, Micheal Phelps, Lenny Kravitz, Vin Diesel, Will Demps, Seneca Wallace, David Boreanaz, Cuba Gooding Jr, Matthew St. Patrick, Micheal Ealy, Taye Diggs, Daniel Sunjata...oh the list could go on and on.

I give so much more thanks for the beautiful sistahs. The perfect and imperfect divas. The strong women in my life who carried me when I could not walk. The bold and powerful courageous women, white, black, Latina, Asian, Indian, European, Multi-ethnic, women who knew where to direct this pour soul caught in the crossfire between heterosexuality, homosexuality, masculinity, and femininity. The guiding hands of the old, the young, the adopted sisters, mothers, and grandmothers. I love you all!

I give thanks to my cats, my companions through the lonely tough days when I feel utterly alone, they are there to keep joy and perspective in my heart. I give thanks for being an American, though home is imperfect, often corrupted, unjust, unequal, and misguided, that I am free to state these things and not threatened by my mere existence as minority on the varying levels and stratospheres. I give thanks that my belly will be full, not once, not twice, not even thrice times today, but that food is always accessible. I give thanks though my health may be declining, my body aging, my vision a little less stronger, I am still able to go able daily life without much struggle.

Lastly, I give thanks to you, whoever you maybe, who reads this drivel and keep coming back to hear about my less than ideal life. I hope your day is filled with the joy of the season!

Touches From Within

My posts may become a little "lite" for a while, not that I want to deprive anyone who actually takes time to read my blog, but I'm going through my little changes again, and I don't want to get too emotional and reveal the darker, passionate side of my personality, for fear of appearing overly sensitive. Sigh, yes its over a man...just keep reading.

No, please see beyond the pretty pictures, just understand my words tonight. I find that my heart is walking familiar paths and going back to all too recurring habits. The love that dare not speaks it's name is shameful for me. I am shamed, embarrassed by what doors never seem to stay closed, wishing upon too many unrealistic fantasies, tasting way too many forbidden fruits.

Pisser! Foul besotted man-child! Arrogant shit! I'm mostly annoyed at myself. When I review where I've been with love and romance over the last 20 years, perhaps 25, I'm disgusted, disgruntled, and dissatisfied. Three-D's. Annoying most of all is I allow people to figure out the core complex nature of my simple life and am aggravated when they gain power over me. Yes, I know, I gave them the power. Yet when I try to regain control, seize that which belongs to me, I am vexed by my own mechanizations.

Conversations that are really disguised as arguments, insults, words intended for someone else, apply best to my own situations. Have I learned nothing at all? Why is hurt and pain a cozy companion?

Over and over and over, I repeat the same stupid mistakes, investing in pointless and meaningless actions, resulting in the same results. Isn't that the definition of insanity, repeating the same actions over and over and expecting different results?


Hmmm. It takes courage to be a man some days. It takes great feats of strength to be a homosexual man everyday. But what does it all mean?

Tonight I was compared to Loretta Devine's character in Waiting To Exhale. It wasn't meant to be a compliment. Never man enough or perhaps good enough, the veiled insult was thrown out at me, questioning my manhood, pride, and ethnicity. I'm not thuggish, too white acting, eh? So does this mean I have cash in all my bonus points for being me? Rip up my minority status card? Skip out on life because I don't meet someone's ideal of who I should be? It makes me angry, but moreover, it makes me sad because I've spent my entire life trying to prove something to others, to meet their approval, and no matter how hard I try, no matter how much effort is given, I'm still found wanting.

I take credit that I'm not some deluded half-baked, half-breed, queer living the illusion I'm not being judged by the color of my skin or for the people who park their shoes under my bed at night. I'm not forgetting no matter who diluted my ethnicity, how far advanced we've become as a society, I will always be viewed as a nigger or a faggot by hateful people. So if I sound like some "ol' fat ghetto bitch", or some "wanna-be white boy," forgive the fuck out of me for not living up to your standards!

I'm sorry I can't be more homogenized into your scheme of things. Really. Forgive me if age has grounded me into a disposition where I'm more pessimistic than optimistic. Excuse the shit out of me when I hear you say how wonderful your life is compared than mine, that I chuckle, and mutter to myself 'your life is a waste, just one train wreck after another.' Oh don't I sound like a bitch now???

I may be many things: fat, ugly, dumb, white acting, delusional, naive, immature, crazy, emotional, neurotic, and insecure, but at least I'm grounded enough to know reality and truth.

What are the things in your life that really matter? Hm? Tell me oh spoiled, pompous, better than the rest us, brat-man! What do you really know what it means to be alive and living in the real world???? Drinking, fucking, and smokin' illegal substances ain't it, buddy boy! Obsessing over your appearance isn't gonna help when you've (if you do) reached my age and beyond. Grow da fuck up, asshole! Someone's gonna look at you with pity in their eyes someday too. Youth is fleeting. Recognize it now.

I accept the negative things about myself, despite not liking them, I don't need constant validation repeatedly from others to justify my self-worth (OK, sometimes I do, but I can live without the rubber-stamp if I don't get it ALL the time)! I don't need expensive baubles and fancy gas guzzling cars to prove I'm a success.

I may not have all that I want, but I have all that I need. I have people who delight, love, and care about my well-being. I created a family who cares, and despite your interference, I plow on daily, knowing I will rise above adversity. I may die penniless, unattractive, alone, and unsatisfied emotionally, but I know in my journey, I had moments of peace, hope, and truth. Genuine realness. Passion so deep, you'd never understand its complexity. I had solid and concrete, trustworthy friendships.

I never had the love of a lifetime, perhaps never will, and certainly not from your funky overrated ass, but I know the snakes in my Eden. Do you know yours???? And still, in a dysfunctional moment of weakness, I will whisper, ever so softly, I do today, and always will, love you! Damn you, you arrogant bastard! Yes, I love you!

Fucked up, ain't I?

Not Gonna Be The Same

Three are some changes, that even though you know they're coming and you have advance notice, you still can't help feeling devastated when the moment finally arrives. Today I realized something in my life is about to change in a major way, something I'm not prepared for. I had foreknowledge this day was coming, but it was relegated to the back of my mind. Like a train, it hit me full on, full impact this evening. Things are not gonna be the same from here on out. Oh it'll be OK in the long run, but for now I might be posting a little less than I had been. I'm not sure how I feel tonight.

Fortunately I'm going out to dinner with friends and will have that distraction for an hour, two, or three. I can come home then, watch Avatar: The Last Airbender, then go to bed and sleep. Alas, my life is taking shape and I have more answers in one moment in time, then I've had in weeks. When some doors close, they just don't close, they slam shut, hard, never to be opened again. Have I reached such an impasse?

Simply Just Here

I wanted to post to the blog since I hadn't for a few days. Really haven't been into blogging lately, not that I don't want to, but there are some inter personal issues going on at the moment. Life is changing yet again. Just when I thought I was used to where I was, it's time to make yet another transition. Today proved in many aspects how I have to go it alone, journeying to the next destination on sheer determination, by myself. Family will let you down. Friends will fail you. Life will kick you in the crotch when you least expect it. Ouch.

No, this post isn't an aggressive one, but cryptically reflective, I suppose. I'm tired in body and mind. Really, really tired. I'm not ready for the Holidays. Not ready for next year. Not ready for the next upheaval and disappointment headed my way again. I wish life were like a DVD, hitting rewind and starting over whenever possible. There isn't much I'd keep. I'd jettison most of what I have and start anew. Hmmm. Wonder where life has taken me that I got misdirected? Too many detours at DuPont Circle, perhaps? There's more than one thing going down at Häagen-Daaz. Yeah, that long ago. Were you walking to Kramer's back then too?

Life on the rewind. How many times did it take an ego trip? Was it high school days on hot summer nights, drinking 40s of Old E with Skeet, Wells, Devan, J-man, and JJJ? Or rather the desperate drive from 202 to the Schuylkill at three in morning college summer nights? Passing a joint in the back seat hopin' the moment would never end? Watchin' Devan attempt to act straight in front of this guy he was so desperately in love with. Yeah I knew about Spense, Devan! Captain Camelot. You'd wrestle his ass down to the ground so quick, I watched many a day at practice. Too bad I didn't last long on the team. Ah, Devan. 20 years later, you still don't know. JJJ does, but you don't. What's it gonna take my brother??????

Moreover, when did I make the left turn, when I was supposed to turn right? Query? Were you there at Tyson's Corner? Did I meet you there at Russell's joint in McLean? You guys were there that weekend at my Pops', right? JJJ, Devan, J-man, and of course, Captain Camelot himself, Spense. We hung with my junior high buddy Mike M, talkin' shit. Remember? You do! Issy (pronounced Eye-see) had that shit fit when you spilled beer on that $3000 Oriental carpet, 'member!?! Ol' Isaac's gone now. Ten years passed.

C'mon now, think!. Where did me and Devan go? Was it on Massachusetts Ave? Dangerous things there. Ideals. Homes. Embarrassing situations. Embassy Row. Politicians. Strange old queers. Oh, dear! Now I find myself rummaging through the streets of Georgetown, wondering how in the Hell I ended up here, with you guys, instead of home safe. Yeah, I got off the Metro stop on Wisconsin. I was supposed to be going to see J-man. Gonna go swimming at Wilson High. Cute guys at that pool. Michael always admonished me for going there. Yeah, but Mike is dead now too. I miss him. I don't know if I miss you. D'ya think?

Remember cruising the streets, looking for home, wonder where exactly I'd put my keys? Um, I'm think I left 'em in the trunk. Really? Sure did. I wonder if that guy really realized how much I hated him. How much he annoyed me to no avail? As the contempt I hold for you for abandoning me to his arms and dispassion, I loathed him. He wasn't that bright, just a painful bore. Yeah, un-huh. I'm talking about you Joystick, Jerkoff!!! After, I watched you "phuck" over JJJ, you latched on to me. Sadly, I allowed it. Just because you shagged my best friend, then me, doesn't make you a superstar, only a royal pain. Take heed, Oh Camelot, your rampaging will end. You bastard! I'll see you in Hell before I'll call you again.

No, I'm not angry. Really, I'm not. I just miss JJJ and Devan. I'll see you soon guys. And remember J, if you'e going to F'risco, don't forget the flowers for your hair.

A Quest For Balance

Imagine if we were all at peace with ourselves, what fascinating feats could we accomplish? Imagine if every person was judged by the content of his/her character rather than by their race, ethnic origin, gender, physical appearance, sexual orientation. What would our world be like?

What restrictions have bound, and need be lifted from humankind to allow us to rise above and truly reach the stars? Is such a thing possible?

Are we capable of becoming more than we are today? Or have we reach the pinnacle of accomplishment and success? Perhaps, as some believe, humans are forever trapped in the vicious conflict between good and evil? Darkness and light. Can there only be goodness and wholeness? Purity without blemish? Can light truly exist without the dark???

Darkness is always possible and exists without light, yes. However, light always seems to cause shadows, some seductive, hidden place that is never as brilliant or clear as the highlighted spots.

In my sojourn I've discovered the Universe is balance and abhors imbalance. Sure in our limited perspective the world and Universe surround appears imperfect, unjust, leaning one way or the other,, but if we could see the whole of creation, as God sees, see how nature's impact and destruction always plants the seeds for growth and rebirth, then maybe our conclusions would be altered. What's the old saying, "Hope springs eternal?"

The dark clouds will always have a silver lining. As light cannot exist without dark, so too, the darkness is dependent upon light. Without light, we nothing of the concept of dark. It is incomplete, unbalanced. It's an oddity, but notice how odd things seem to be perfect and conceptually creates balance.

Observe: an odd number gives balance where there are two sides of equality with a remainder, the fulcrum, to level the two sides, acting as the eternal mediator. Yes? Having read the Da Vinci Code, the parts on reoccurring numbers and sequences in nature gave me some enlightenment. Perhaps the other parts of the novel were fictional works, those are matters of faith and devotion.

Faith is believing in the unseen and each person's faith is different. It's all up to interpretation. Faith is also about balance in some sense. To some, faith will bring about absolute balance and justice, the vanquish of darkness from light.

In the end, does one live without the other? Can we coexist with out darker nature and still be completely human. To err is human, to forgive is Divine. Does the Divine understand the balance where we cannot? I believe He does (in my belief, God is a He).

Again, the Universe understands its own nature. It knows darkness exists. It created the Light. Walk with my thoughts a moment longer. Ponder this discourse.

A Meme By Any Other Name

Thanks to Aaron over at MasculineCurves for this Meme! Check out his blog: www.masculinecurves.typepad.com

1. Does someone love you? It depends on the context. I have friends and family that love me, yes. Romantic-wise? Actually, yes, there is a suitor or two, I'm just not interested in them.

2. Do you know anyone named Dave? Yeah, I know a few Daves and most them are a little creepy or strange, LOL.

3. Ever kiss someone with a name starting with a J? I had to think about this a moment. Yeah, I have a loooooooooooong time ago. It was rather platonic though.

4. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? The older I get, the more I take on my father's mannerisms and sound like him. I'm not entirely sure if that's positive or negative. It's one of those "to be determined" situations.

5. What color are the walls in your parents bedroom? I have no clue. I rarely go home anymore so I couldn't tell you. My parents are a little boring though, so probably white, I'm guessing.

6. Do you think hair extensions look skanky? No. Whatever you need to boost your self-esteem, to make yourself feel better, well s'OK by me. Quite a few people I know have 'em, women and men!

7. Are you named after a grandparent? Yes and no. All the first born sons on my father's side of the family have a name starting with the same letter, but the same middle name, passing back from father to son to grandson. For example Isaiah Andrew (Pop-pop), Issac Andrew (Pop), Ian Andrew (me)...you get the picture. It goes back at least five generations, probably ending with me since I have no children.

8. Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail? I would pass like a muthafucka! LOL. Is that good or bad????

9. Are you taller than 5'6"? Yes'm. I'm 5'9".

10. Do you know anyone in jail/prison? At least three people (for various reasons and misdemeanors).

11. Ever see a dead body? Yes and I see dead people too.

12. Do you like the color green? It's my favorite color!

13. What is your best friend's dad's name? Earl, Peter, Tom, and Kenneth (I have four bestest friends evah! Theirs dad's names are in no particular order).

14. How old are you? 37.

15. Who was the last person to send you a text message?Tamodi.

16. Ever drive into the hood to buy drugs? Hell no! Well not for myself, anyway. I took someone there unknowingly and had a conniption when I found out later.

17. Last restaurant you went to? Shab Pita Stroller, a Middle Eastern food joint.

18. What was the weather like today? It's a crisp November day. A little chilly, but bright and sunny.

19. Last voice mail you received? From Lady Miss T making sure I give her woof-hound attention.

20. What did you do yesterday? Worked, drove in the wet and damp to pet-sit, watched Avatar: The Last Airbender, then went to bed. Oh how boring for a Friday night!!!

21. What's the first thing you'd do with five million dollars? Quit my job, go out to dinner, then hire a decent accountant in that order! I'd actually help many people I know who're struggling, but I'd take care of home first.

22. What nationalities are you? People assume African American people are just black and are oblivious to our heritage. No so! In my family gene pool there's Native American on both maternal and paternal sides, Irish on my mother's side, and Cuban/Hispanic on my father's side. The rest is tempered with glorious roots from Mother Africa. From there I couldn't tell you, although my friend Zende from Ghana says I look Nigerian. I think Zende's crazy!

23. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? I went to bed right after Avatar, which was 9 o'clock EST and got up today around 8:30. So I guess close to 12 hours.

24. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? None that I can think of. I've been itching to go see the play Wicked or Take Me Out, which is coming to my area this spring. I haven't been to a concert in years....

25. Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you? Professor Franklin, a guy I have yet to hook up with (and he would move Heaven and Earth to get in my pants). Seems weird somebody out there wants me that badly, but sorry Frankie, I'm not interested. At least not interested in him sexually, only as friends.

26. Were you ever on your school's track team? No. The only two sports I participated in were soccer and wrestling (rasslin'), both which, were restricted to freshman year of high school.

27. What jewelry are you wearing? My thumb ring, a hemp necklace with a silver cross, and a beaded hemp necklace with ivory carved native figures a friend made for me.

28. If all your friends were going on a road trip, would you? Absolutely.

29. How much money do you have? For a change, I actually have cash in my pocket, about $14 plus a hand full of change I grabbed for the vending machine at work yesterday.

30. Do you swear at your parents? My family is multiethnic, but we ain't WHITE!Shiiiit! my black ass would be "knocked in da middle uh next ye'r" if I EVER swore at my parents!!!! Too many of my white friends swear at their parents. i swear in front of mine though.

31. Is your phone right beside you? Reachable, in my pants pocket.

32. Have you cried today? Yes, but only because the wind was whipping me in the face while I was standing outside smoking.

33. Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? Again, depends. Romantically or platonic-wise? However, I think I'd say yes in either scenario.

34. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? No, usually I just kick them off with the other foot.

35. What is the color of your bed sheets? I have my dark green flannel sheets on for the winter months since the weather has gotten chilly.

36. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes, most recently, sneaking out of Napoleon's house at 3 in the morning after I had supposedly left hours ago.

37. Are you photogenic? Eek! No, I don't think so.

38. What's your sign? Pisces.

39. Where do you spend most of your money? Borders Bookstore.

40. What was the last thing you did? Feed the dog and cats.

41. Do you have a tattoo? Uh pain, people, hell no!!!

42. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? There's a Saturday morning?!?! I still watch cartoons though.

43. Is there a secret you've never told any of your friends? Yes. Some things are written in this blog, but believe me I have plenty more well-kept secrets. Nothing bad, just embarrassing stuff that'll eventually work its way out in the open. Like the answer to question three.

44. Have you ever told someone you loved them, and didn't mean it? No. Love is too serious an emotion to play with. When I say it, I mean it. I don't casually throw out those words.

45. Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle? Probably, with great difficulty.

46. What are you doing in 2008? More than likely the same things I did in 2007.

47. What is your ringtone? Depends on who's calling me. I have several ringtones.

48. What were you doing at 2 a.m. last night? Sleeping.

49. Are your parents married, divorced, or separated? My mother remarried 25 years ago and my father, who passed away 10 years ago, had been in a long term committed relationship.

50. What are you doing tonight? Probably blogging or on the Internet.

51. What are you doing tomorrow? Relaxing, going home after pet-sitting all weekend long.

52. Who did you last message on MySpace? I can't even begin to tell you. I haven't been on my My Space page in a few weeks.

53. What's your opinion about sex without emotional commitment? Personally, the older I get, the more important it is to have an emotional connection with the person I'm sleeping with. I did the hormonal thing in my 20s. Sex without emotional commitment seems stale and tepid now. I'm not knocking it for those who do it, we all need a good shag every now and again, but I want romance, connection, and love with my good-lovin'.

54. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call, but never do? Not really because there are times when I'm really hoping they don't call. I do it occasionally myself. No disrespect to anyone, but sometimes you just want to be left alone, especially after a long day at work. But keep calling. If I don't wanna talk, I'll let it go to voice mail.

55. What did you dress up as for your first Halloween? Halloween was never big in my family and I only remember a few times I dressed up. The first vivid memory is dressing up as a clown in first or second grade.

56. Favorite Disney movie? That's a tough one. I can narrow it down to my top three: Aladdin, Hercules, and Home On The Range.

57. What is the wallpaper on your cellphone? T-Mobile's default option.

MIA

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. The past few weeks were hectic for me. I came downwith the stomach flu and also went back to work. The transition from having three months off lounging around and convalescing to working again has been rough. I'm still not 100% and am getting further follow up care.

I will try to be more consistent with my posts, although, sadly, not much is going on in my pathetic life. Sigh...I live in Dullsville, population, me....

Oh No, See, It's On Now Bitches!

What Breed Of Liberal Am I?

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Reality-Based Intellectualist, also known as the liberal elite. You are a proud member of what’s known as the reality-based community, where science, reason, and non-Jesus-based thought reign supreme.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Who's Gone Wild?

Just about every blog I read has gone post gaga over former Guys Gone Wild participant and FDNY firefighter Michael Biserta. You can't escape it. Each blog has some snippet on his new calender..blah blah blah. Oh I'm tired of it already!

Nothing against Biserta's schmacking schmekel! I won't deny anyone the right to earn revenue or to pose nude or do tawdry things with their bodies if that's their desire, but move on. Yes I'm giving in to the pander by posting on it too, but in a different way. I've seen the video in question. Yes, Mr. Biserta has a rather large, (extra large) penis, but c'mon. Is that all he is really worth? Does he not have a mind behind the dick? Does he not have a social conscious? He's not going to be young forever.

My thoughts on the whole Guys Gone Wild phenomenon is its just a passing phase; extremely overrated. A spinoff of the Girls Gone Wild videos, the exhibitionist videos outlived the hype years ago. There's nothing remotely erotic or enticing about them, unless you you like ogling straight men naked. Most gay guys I know laugh at the suggestion of seeing the videos.

"Please, I'm not hard up," my friend Leoban responded when asked if he viewed any of the GGW series.

"Bitch, they'd be asking me to do that shit if they knew what was good." was Napoleon's answer. "Men come to my door beggin' for a taste. I'm not wastin' time on moronic shit like dat."

"OK, Naps, I got that, but have you ever watched the tapes? We all know how you love your gay porn!" further querying.

"And when was the last time you got laid, bitch? Are you trying to tell me something????" He replied sarcastically.

Asshole! But no, he's never seen and is quite emphatic he never would need to watch GGW. Napoleon and Leoban are just a small sample. If I did a survey, I'm sure more fags (I say that lovingly) would concur with their opinion.

OK, I'll admit it, I've seen them, but I downloaded them free off the 'Net. I'd have to turn in my card carrying homo status if I actually paid to watch such drivel! Guys Gone Wild gets boring and repetitive quickly. Some dumb, drunk, white boys (there are few to no men of color participant) gets drunk, bares his ass or flashes his dick. Yadda, yadda, yadda. It gets old. It isn't sexy, just sophomoric. The small consensus would be GGW is just played out for out gay men.

Perhaps the whole spiel is meant to cater to younger closeted gay men who borrow them from their college aged sisters. Do women even watch the Guys Gone Wild videos???

Probably college women looking for a good laugh. I can't think of anyone older who has seen the GGW videos, male or female versions.

Actually, I do know of one guy who has seen Girls Gone Wild, a coworker of mine. But he's the exception because he's a late 40-something, near 50, creepy, perverted guy who's hot for girls like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. OK!?!? There ya go. My point has been served. LOL.

Regarding the Girls' counterparts, well, I'm glad they made the videos only because Guys need to be viewed, abused, and treated like meat too. Women have been the victims of misogyny for too long. What's the opposite of misogyny? I dunno, but straight men deserve their chance to be bimbos, "himbos," too.

So shake yo' thang Mike Biserta. Flash it good! Just be sure in the end though, it's worth all the hype, and you actually know how to use that penis God blessed you with, properly. A dick is a terrible thing to waste.