Thunderstorms of Life

All this week I've been thinking about what I wanted to post for my final post for the blog...this ain't it..but life has just been kicking my ass again. Not in that I'm down and out way, but definitely in the Universe really trying to get my attention way. Seems like every choice or decision I make lately or within in 2011 has come into question. I'm not sure wassup, but I'm at the point I'm feeling annoyed. Annoyed because its a path I have to walk alone. I've attempted to reach to friends and family, but when I sit back think, there's not a damn thing they really can do.

So... we'll see.

Trials & Triviality

The last few weeks have been hectic as I've been knee deep in with work challenges with my jobs and trying keep just a lil ahead of the game. A challenge, but I'm managing.

There hasn't been to write about and my voice for blogging seems to get smaller by the day. I don't seem gather my thoughts right anymore. I'm not keeping up with issues to put my $.25 worth in, and dare I dicuss one more rebuke from family, friend, or foe? LOL. Ah. I think it's time give up the ghost...

It was a good run. Least I think it was, but nothing lasts forever.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Quickie Update

I'm sorry for the silence in recent day, but work has been a bitch lately. By the time I get home, I'm ready to fall out. No time to write when you're asleep, right? Anyway, I hope to text a post from work this afternoon if I have the time...

Doctor Who Mid-Season Finale

No spoilers, but yes I've already seen it. I know the answers. I liked it, didn't love it, but most definitely enjoyed it. And if you deconstruct the episode, this season makes sense. That's all I'm saying for now....

A Follow Up

Because life happens at a moment's notice, I had planned a further explanation to my post this morning, however...

Tomorrow, Ian will break his silence on a few things and share the insanity. Coming clean, coming clean, coming clean. It's not easy admitting your fears, but silence only begats shame and I am so OVER it.

More to come.

No More Axe To Grind?

There comes a time for endings and also for new beginnings, time where letting go of the old, and embracing the new adventures leads to bigger and better things. I'm at that threshold now. The next few days should be very interesting...

The Soul In My Purse

With permission from Jamal, here's a video he's released on his latest project "The Soul In My Purse." Please watch it. Brother Story is looking for a l'il help with financing the project, so I've included the link for those interested in donating. Hurry though! The site is only accepting contributions until June 24th!

Transitions...

At the end of the day, I'm quite thankful for the blessings I have and the folks who have surrounded me with warmth, love, and friendship. It's been a helluva a day, but I'm happy I made it to the other side.

Rise N Shine

Damn, a Monday Morning never looked this good, LOL.

His Junk Wasn't Enuff For Her

It's funny sometimes how people react to situations. A friend of mine was relaying the other day she had met a guy at the gym, they went out for a few drinks, had a few good laughs, all in all a nice evening. No sex. Just an old fashion date. After the date, the called her, wished her good night, and that was that.

The next morning my friend says she awoke with a text from the dude with a picture of his penis. She was furious! "Oh my God! I can't believe he had the audacity to text me his penis! What kind of woman does he think I am?!?!" The end result is never talked to the guy again.

Now I don't think it was wrong that my friend stop talking to dude, but I found it a bit humorous too. I mean, we are in the 21st century and that seems to be the norm with sexting and sending snapshots of body parts. I admit I've done it once or twice myself, not on the regular, but hey it happens... I was curious if my friend's reaction is because she's from another culture (she's originally from old world Europe) or if she just has more sensibility than most folk? I mean look at all these celebs getting into mess and embarrassing sitches with pix of their junk being released on the Internet. It's something to ponder....

As for the piece? Yes she showed it to me. It's not the pix above, but it was s0-s0, nothing to write home about, but I wouldn't have complained. LOL.

Words

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run

his fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the the knowledge

you'll never walk alone . . .

People, even more than things, have

to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed

and redeemed, redeemed and redeemed . . ."

I saw this in an email and am sharing. Nice words.

Yes! I'm Wearing Area 51

On my last trip to Angel City, as it always seems, I also managed to be in Vegas. On the way back from our sojourn, Mom and Pops Royal called Pharaoh and requested a favor requiring us to make a stop in Baker, California.

Ah, Baker. Now what words come to mind besides small? Um...Tourist Trap. Desolate? Um, God-forsaken maybe??? The scariest part of the drive from LA to Vegas is that stretch of nothingness in the dessert. No lights. Just Road. And perhaps the aliens being held at Area 51 (rumored to be in the vicinity).

So back while Pharaoh is his handling business, I had a chance to peruse one of the gift shoppe and spotted a T-shirt advertising that Area 51 is the Secret Suburb Of Las Vegas. It's for the Vacation you'll never forget (scratch that) REMEMBER! Chuckling, I picked one up for myself, checked out, and we were back on the road to LA. Now fast forward when I hit home a few days later. Stupid Ian realizes he purchased a size too small. Grrr. Oh well.

Happily, I'm glad to report I slipped on that T-shirt this week and the bad boy was loooooose. To quote Shangela, "Halleloo!" I must be doing something right with this weight loss thang. I still have a long way to go, but I'll take a victory where I can.

...And Your Dirty Draws!

Hmm. So I wonder. Is this a question for Self?

OK, here's the deal. A few days ago I was textin' with a friend trying to crack his brain for ideas on blog posts. Writer's blog had set in and I wanted to do something humorous, refreshing, and interesting. The Axe, in Ian's humble opinion gets a bit dry most of time.

So my dear and cherished friend suggests I write about how much I miss him. Really???? (Catch-phrase of incredulity he ALWAYS seems to over emphasize...God Help me I'm doing it now!) Uh-huh. I text back him "Why?" His response?

"Because you love me and my dirty draws!"

Lord Jesus above! OK, let's examine this. Until I met my friend and his crew, I honestly never heard this expression. Never. Think about to long and it just seems bizarre. Oh understand the meaning behind it, but really?!?!

Maybe it's just me, but I just a tad put off by the expression. Even though it's become a part of my everyday lexicon in dealing with my l'il brother, yuck! Hahaha. Personally, I think this just reinforces my bruh's underwear fetish, but that's a whole 'nutha blog post entirely.... LOL. Of course I would never throw stones. I live in that same glass house.

Moral of the story? Yeah, my friend has been one of the best. Just the laundry detergent handy please cause I don't love you THAT much, dammit!

-Respectfully,
Big Little Bro

Spilled Milked, Cracked Eggs

I ponder...

Life seems to be doling out some interesting, yet poignant, lessons these last few days. I'm not sure what some of the meanings are, but I know in my spirit none of these events going on are meant to bring me down, only raise me up to my higher self.

Last week I had to deal with a sudden illness of a family member that threw me for an unexpected loop. Don't wanna go into too many details, but it made me aware of how fragile and precious life is... that in any given moment, someone can be taken from you without warning. Scary.

I've also been dealing with some other losses that I'm diligently putting my best smile on my face; staying resoundingly positive. Yet inside, the evil monster wants to act a fool. Certainly not cute. I don't let the undignified me out too often. He's much more difficult to handle than my everyday happy-go-lucky self. Mmm. Naw. I'm just gonna keep a low profile until the tide pulls away and I can be the Ian folks need me to be. Isn't that what I always do? LOL.

So I'm wondering now what are my next steps in life. I've been examining what I've done so far, looking analytically at the mistakes made, and attempting to not make the same ones twice (thrice or so-forth). At least I finally learned life is not the end destination, but the journey in-between, so I feel good about some of the lessons. My inner child though wants to embrace and hold on to the positive and eschew all things negative, keeping safe from harm. Adult me realizes you have to take the bad with all its negative and nastiness, shape it in an example of growth, and move on. Yeah, so I keep trying to tell myself.

There are times when my insecurities take over and I forget my own strength. Or I allow someone else to dictate who I should be. At 41 this is more than cumbersome, it's quite juvenile and tiiiiiired. I'm waiting for the days when things flow easily like the wind and change is just as commonplace as the sun rising and setting...

Rise To The Brand New Day

Many thanks to the original photographer. I love this picture!

Mother to Son

Mother to Son by Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair

Are You Sirius?!?!?!

Hmm. My Satellite radio service has left me feeling a bit perturbed, dammit. Why the Hell do they censor songs? I was listenin' the other day and all the songs edited all the "foul language" out. Really?!??!

This is PAY radio! Why is it the news talk stations on Sirius can say fuck, shit, bitch, ass, etc, etc, etc... but my favorite hip hop song comes on and sounds like grade school nursery rhyme?

Now that's some bullshizzz.

Cinco de Mayo

Have a good day!

Self Censorship

Going through the the archives of the Axe, over the months there've been a few posts I removed, put in draft mode, because they were in my opinion too revealing. I suppose I'm having some second thoughts about deleting these thoughts? I mean they are significant in my development, but I've never been one for embarrassment.

Republishing these will put them back in Blog feed circulation. I'd much rather they stay buried, not live up to humiliation and the possible negative feedback. Then again... Sometimes a man has to stand up his fears in order to achieve his truest desires.

So what do I do?

Once In A Lifetime...

Treasure the real moments in life, draw close the people you hold dear. Forget those who would mean you harm. Dance once inna while and always keep your head up. Do u, be u....Tough times don't last for long, but always seem to.

"This too shall pass... "