Monday, February 8, 2010

Do I Dream Of Normalcy?


So in an effort to free myself from my usual restrains, I'm stepping outside my level of comfort with my trip to LA. Making plans with Prince Pharaoh and Tazzy, going to clubs and hanging out in all the social spots where the beautiful people gon' be. Hm. OK. Am I ready for this?

Now I express my trepidation to this because I'm going with the stereotype that the West Coast is filled with shallow folks who are gonna turn up their noses, giggle, and guffaw at a large brutha like yours truly steppin up in the place. Again, hm. So do I let fear and the possible fear of response from others stop me from having fun? Oh hell no! But I'd be lying if I wouldn't admit to feeling self-conscious to some degree. My confidence isn't the greatest, but I'm gonna buck up, put my best imitation of masculine suave on (as much as yours truly can muster) and do the damn thing. Life is too short, and hey, I wanted to do something different for my fortieth birthday right?

Yeah, it ain't easing being a misshapen tool in the box of perfection, but I need to remind myself of this one thing, we all have our faults. Perhaps I might carry mine around my middle, but there are others who carry theirs between their ears. So what's the deal if I get some stares or some snickers or two. Am I every gonna see any of these people again? Doubt it. And if I come back with memories that bring a smile to my face, then normal or not, then my dreams can come true...

7 comments:

Cocoa Rican said...

It really isn't easy, but get out there and enjoy life because Learning to accept you among those you perceive as PHINE will make you 'that guy' others envy fir their confidence.

ToddyEnglish said...

We all have our insecurities. But to be perfect is to be in human. Just for the time being I think you should just have fun with your friends and not give a damn...=0)
Cheers!

D-Place said...

I don't know if you got here already or not. But trust me what you see on TV is not reality. Not all the boys in LA are perfection. Even some of the ones that look like it on the outside leave much to be desired on the inside..mentally and physically. If you do some in town I hope I get to meet you. Tell Pharaoh to make it happen.

Ian (Darktomahawk) said...

Hey D-Place, Pharaoh just told me you and he are in the same book club! If you wanna hang with us while I'm out there, I think Tazzy and Pharaoh are plotting something for my birthday...

I'm really hoping Marcus Patrick is in town and be shaking his ass wherever he does his thang, if so, color me there!

1 who has been changed said...

God tells us He knew us before He formed our bodies in the womb, although sadly many are killed while still in the womb. God grants us each a free will to live and make choices and with those choices comes accountability. God does love us and His son Jesus died for our sins. If we deny our sin we can not receive the forgiveness that God wants to give us along with eternal life. God wants to change us from the inside out. The choice to accept or deny the forgiveness of God through turning from our sin and accepting Jesus Christ as Lord is up to us. God will not force Himself on anyone but the Bible warns there is judgment to come for unforgiven sin. Consider your decision well because if you chose wrong remember eternity is forever. May you be granted wisdom and light to make the right choice.

sunshine said...

Hi there Ian. :)

I was just out "blog hopping", hitting "Next Blog, Next Blog" and happened upon yours. I'm so glad that I did.

I've read a few of your posts and I must say, you are an amazing writer! I just love how you express yourself.

I just turned 40 myself late last year and have also decided to get healthier. I've gained 25 pounds in the last couple of years and I feel like crap. (mine is in my middle AND my head) :P

Anyhow, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your blog and let you know that I think you are right. I hope that you had your fun and were not self conscious. Life is too short my friend. :)

All the best, take care.

((Hugs))
Laura

Ian (Darktomahawk) said...

1 who has been changed...

Thank you for your comments, but please go through my entire blog and read it before you make a summary judgment about where I am with my life without knowing my struggles or what I have done to come to a point of acceptance. If you would, perhaps you would understand I have a spiritual relationship with the Creator you've missed. Each person has there own personal walk with the Creator and because my journey is not yours, please do not assume that I do not know truth or have made poor choices. Again, read the whole blog, even the uncomfortable bits. You see what may be uncomfortable for you to read, I'VE LIVED. And as one who HAS BEEN CHANGED, I know your life was less than perfect prior to your redeeming. Not being harsh, just stating the facts.

Disclaimer

While this blog is not really intended to show adult content, I can't guarantee that an occasional image of male nudity won't appear. Be advised that this blog is intended to be read by people with an open mind. I don't claim any rights to the images nor do I have any knowledge of the sexuality of persons featured (unless they are openly gay...duh). Enjoy yourself and take a small step in my every day life and pondering... Feel free to email any comments or opinions.

President Barack Obama!