Monday, July 20, 2009
I have written this post several times and am giving up trying to make sense of what's in my head. Just gonna type and post it without proofreading it, going with the gut reaction here.
Now as my kitty cat is asleep at my feet, I think wonderfully idyllic it must be to live the life of a cat. No worries. the only thing that concerns you is being fed and occasionally petted by your owner. You get to sleep all day, stay up all night, never worry about getting fat or trying to impress anyone save yourself. The life of a cat indeed. We humans, on the other hand, have so many worries and issues, it's ridiculous. Oh the life of a cat.
Today was an exercise in frustration and futility. It's the anniversary of my break up with Napoleon, which up until this past weekend, I thought I was handling things well. Somehow, Saturday night managed tap me on the shoulder with loneliness and I found myself in the car and driving to his house. No, I didn't go in, but for one sec, the stalker came out. Funny. I was the one who broke up with his trifflin' ass, so why am I still thinking about him? I mean honestly, I'm the verge of something positive and good. Been hollaring at a decent fellow for a few weeks now and thing might go in some direction leading to something wonderful...maybe. So why am I thinking about the fool who took advantage of me and broke my heart in the process?
I've often written I make a bad homo, which is true. I do. I don't have that inner bitch that so many gay men have that shields them from the emotional discord I oft find myself. I won't lie and say I'm not envious who got that lesson that made them into men. I'm not talking mean-spiritedness, surely there are plenty bitchy queens out there, but the ones who have a certain devil-may-care attitude when life shits in their corn flakes. The attitude, "Well OK, next! I ain't got time to worry about that foolishness."
Perhaps I made too many costly errors in my youth? But I'm a firm believer its never too late to rectify misdeeds and get on the good foot. Maybe I'm naive. I dunno, but I got a schooling coming my way soon. Plan to immerse myself in uncomfortable situations to toughen my pansy punk ass up a bit. Yeah its that bad. But this doesn't come from a place of feeling sorry for myself, but complete honesty. Ian feels left behind and its time he caught up with the rest of the 'mos out there. Watch out. I'm headed your way REAL SOON....
While this blog is not really intended to show adult content, I can't guarantee that an occasional image of male nudity won't appear. Be advised that this blog is intended to be read by people with an open mind. I don't claim any rights to the images nor do I have any knowledge of the sexuality of persons featured (unless they are openly gay...duh). Enjoy yourself and take a small step in my every day life and pondering... Feel free to email any comments or opinions.