Friday, March 12, 2010

The Analysis Junction

This morning I'm waking up with heavy thought and the day might prove to have some challenges. Oh boy. I'm fighting this shit, but I did go to bed with issues on my mind so I can't say this is totally unexpected. Doesn't help that it's supposed to rain most of the day. Oh, and you do realize Daylight Savings Time is this weekend? We push the clocks ahead. Frak! Hate DST in the Spring.

Coming together, I'm analyzing all the mistakes I've made recently and how I mishandled situations. There's nothing I can do about them now, the past is the past, but how they'll impact my future is what concerns me. Today will be one of those quiet introspective days I suppose. To be honest I'm feeling a tad humiliated and ashamed. Stupid really, but angry at the same time. I'm glad I have the weekend off to decompress. Plan on doing some early spring cleaning and gutting my house of shit I don't need.

So what does the future hold? Coming back from the West Coast gave me a few answers about myself I wasn't expecting. Go read in between the lines on Pharaoh's post on his blog. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park for the boys. I never said I was an easy-going person. Far from it. As confusing and fucked as my blog is, so too am I. Indecisive, lax, crazy, dramatic, and all those other unflattering adjectives are who I am. Hm. Don't think my dear friend was anticipating the reality of it all. Poor man. LOL.

For me to have gotten on an airplane, travel across country by myself, and met a complete stranger took courage I didn't think I had. So I commend myself. No matter how good, or bad the trip turned out to be, that in and of itself what the greatest accomplishment. I'm not going to speak negative on the trip because it wasn't that bad. Was it perfect? No. Put four guys in close proximity for several days your bound to get on each other's nerves. Plus, for as much as Pharaoh blogs about everything in his life and world, as much as he and I have talked on the phone, I never realized how private and territorial he is. That's not a slam. Just a statement of fact. Me? I am what you read here. A loose connection of this and that.... a bundle of unresolved issues. Take it or leave it. I make no apologies. At least not for now. LOL.

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