WCP: Flying The Friendly Skies

Part One to The West Perspective Series:

Papa Red Bear’s gotta laugh at himself with this one! Sure do. LOL. Up until recently a few years ago, yours truly hadn’t foot on an airplane prior to 9/11/11. I never enjoyed flying and avoided it at all cost. Call me crazy, but I think it’s a control thang. Between getting caught up in the aerodynamics of what’s really holding that vessel aloft, incessant ear popping, uncomfortable seats, and obnoxious flight attendants, it was just too much.

Pilots are another entity all together. Please, let that person not be drunk, too tired, or just plain in a pissy mood, so s/he gets me safely to my destination. I rest my faith in your (hopefully!) capable hands. Combine all these factors and you have a passenger that sits quietly in his seat before and during flight. I only get up when time to disembark. Yeah, I know, “¡Vaya con Dios!” Still…

Anyhoo, since my first sojourn a few years ago, I’ve become a pro at traveling now. I have my crazy rituals, but I get by. Would you believe each flight I do my best to spot the Air Marshall? There’s comfort. Once I think I’ve ascertained the official, I ease back in my seat and enjoy the ride.

I’ll be the first person to admit I perpetually run on CP time. Again, laughing at myself, when I fly I tend to step out this tardiness and be as prompt as possible. Rest is almost out of the question. This last trip I was up until three hours before I had to get up to get ready to go to the airport. I don’t know anyone who’s fond of security at airports, but I want the experience over ASAP. When they first started doing the full body screening at my local airport, I said screw it. If I can go faster to the get to my boarding gate, y’all can have as much free peeps as needed. Just get me to the gate on time!

The last few times I flew to Cali, like Ms. Badu, I’ve chosen a window. Seeing the plane take off, watching the clouds around actually brings out the lil kid in me and I’ve learned to relax much more. Take off still grips by the short hair, by it's all good. That sudden lift off the ground makes me giddy and still nervous, but I’m cool with it now. I'm learning to live with the exhilaration or it all.

By far, United Airlines is my favorite carrier. I’ve gotten a tad spoiled because I think I addicted to Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue while hearing the in the event of emergency instructions. However this last time I flew Continental which was a better experience! The seats were wider. I had more leg room. And I’ll be damned, I event enjoy the in-flight movie (they showed the Lincoln Lawyer starring Matthew McConaughey. Not bad).

I have to admit each time I fly into Los Angeles, I get a bit mystified. Seeing the sprawling expanse is still strange. I mean, yeah, we got big cities on the East Coast, but generally everything just looks like an urban jungle to me. La La Land seems surreal. Again, the impressionable child in me, still gets awestruck.

My boy Jay was waiting for me when I got to LAX this trip. After getting my eat-on, my only agenda was to get to the beach, which we did. We ended up in Redondo Beach and Manhattan Beach. Cool, though I still hadn't been to Long Beach and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I got there eventually, just not the day I landed.

After that we caught up with brother-in-blogging, Wonder Man, and hung out a bit. Some how every time I meet up with Wonder Man I always ended up on Rodeo Drive! LOL. Maybe it's that Louis Vuitton influence that he's a compelling spell over me. But Rodeo was a trip 'n a half. I longer feel like a tourist when I can laugh at other folks posin' and primpin' in front of the high-end shops.

Later, we left that scene to party at a BBQ at another friend’s house. That was some interesting shizz there and is worthy of it's own post.

Definitely a great start to a wonderful vacay….

In Joy and Hope,
-Ian

His Junk Wasn't Enuff For Her

It's funny sometimes how people react to situations. A friend of mine was relaying the other day she had met a guy at the gym, they went out for a few drinks, had a few good laughs, all in all a nice evening. No sex. Just an old fashion date. After the date, the called her, wished her good night, and that was that.

The next morning my friend says she awoke with a text from the dude with a picture of his penis. She was furious! "Oh my God! I can't believe he had the audacity to text me his penis! What kind of woman does he think I am?!?!" The end result is never talked to the guy again.

Now I don't think it was wrong that my friend stop talking to dude, but I found it a bit humorous too. I mean, we are in the 21st century and that seems to be the norm with sexting and sending snapshots of body parts. I admit I've done it once or twice myself, not on the regular, but hey it happens... I was curious if my friend's reaction is because she's from another culture (she's originally from old world Europe) or if she just has more sensibility than most folk? I mean look at all these celebs getting into mess and embarrassing sitches with pix of their junk being released on the Internet. It's something to ponder....

As for the piece? Yes she showed it to me. It's not the pix above, but it was s0-s0, nothing to write home about, but I wouldn't have complained. LOL.

Blurt It Out

You cannot hide your true emotions now, even if you try. It's like they are posted on your forehead and everyone can see exactly how you are feeling. But still, your sudden emotional outburst may surprise others. You feel it coming and know that it will encourage someone else to express his or her feelings, too....

Sometimes though, you just got to say what the fuck, and jus' do it!

For a friend who spoke up when they needed to the most.

About Me

Saw this on D-Place's blog and am hitting him back with my responses. What about you, my fellow bloggers? I won't tag anybody yet, but I'm curious....Corey, Viktor, Toddy, Jimmy, Kishna, Ray-Ray, Aaron, the rest y'all... What's your answers?

Birthday: 3-2
Birthplace: Pennsylvania
Current Location: At home on the deck
Eye Color: light brown
Hair Color: black with a little grey
Height: 5'10"
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: Multiracial African-American
The Shoes You Wore Today: shoes?
Your Weakness: Gooey chocolate brownies
Your Fears: Flying, heights, the darkness
Your Perfect Pizza: Supreme meat and veggies baby!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Lose those extra pounds I been putting off.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "LOL." and "I know, right?"
Thoughts First Waking Up: Prais e God, I made it through the night
Your Best Physical Feature: I have sexy legs. I really do. Probably the only thing I think I have sexy on my body, LOL.
Your Bedtime: Somewhere between 10:30 and 1:30, depending on if I had a nap or not.
Your Most Missed Memory: Some good times in college. Care free naivety of youth.
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Pepsi.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King, but prefer Wendy's
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Swear: Bitches, I make some sailors and marines blush when I'm pissed off!
Do you Sing: All the time.
Do you Shower Daily: Yes, especially now that summer is here. You can't be funky in Summer!
Have you Been in Love: Yes
Do you want to go to College: Finished
Do you want to get Married: I'm divorced. If I meet the right person, there's always the possibility.
Do you believe in yourself: Not always.
Do you get Motion Sickness: No.
Do you think you are Attractive: No, I don't. I don't think I'm fugly or a troll or anything, but there is nothing special to my appearance, hence the reason why I am single....LOL. See I can laugh about it.
Are you a Health Freak: No. I eat healthy, but maintaining a vigilant exercise routine is a bitch.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes
Do you play an Instrument: No
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes
In the past month have you Smoked: Yes. Oops, I didn't tell ya I started back up. My bad.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Yes, prescription.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes. Read earlier posts from this week.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yes Beverly Center
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yes...I could live on the stuff.
In the past month have you been on Stage: No
In the past month have you been Dumped: No, but I ended a "something," which I think I might need to reevaluate doing! LOL.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Eek, nooooo!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been called a Tease: No.
Ever been Beaten up: No.
Ever Shoplifted: Yes, a long, long, looooooooooooong time ago, in a place far away...
How do you want to Die: Preferably not alone and hopefully painlessly.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Happy.
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy
Number of Drugs I have taken: All prescription meds, about five.
Number of CDs I own: Somewhere in the neighborhood of a 1,000 or so. Maybe more
Number of Piercings: Two.
Number of Tattoos: None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: You do want this blog post to end right? Too many to list.

In a Boy/Girl…
Favorite Eye Color: Green
Short or Long Hair: Doesn't matter
Height, Tall or Short? Doesn't matter
Physique you like -Muscular, Athletic, Slender, a Few Extra Pounds, Large, Obese: If I'm attracted to him and he to me, it really doesn't matter.

Hairy or smooth? Smooth

Now what about you?

MD Says....

There are some mysteries in life that stay mysteries, and then there are others, that if you take the time, you'll learn as much as you need to know. Hmph. Now if I can only find out more, I'm one step ahead of the game...

A Confession

OK, I'll jus' go on and admit it, right here, right now. For all my posture and pandering, all of my criticisms, I secretly have the hots for Marcus Patrick. Yeah, I realized only just this morning.

Oh come on Ian. Not another one of your hormonal posts over some celebrity you'll never have a chance in HELL meeting?!?!?!

Cut a brother some slack now men. You never know. Maybe I bump into MP in a club, he'll see the error of his ways in doing all that nasty rump shakin' in public (it's only nasty cause he's not doing it for me in private, LOL) and settle his ass down. Thanks to Darian's post yesterday, I'm soooo reminded how beautiful this guy is. And truth be told, since I'm into confessions today, Marcus is not only my MySpace buddy, but on Facebook, and Twitter as well. How pathetic is that? LOL.

Don't ask me why I waffle on Brother Osbourne (Patrick's real surname) so much. Hmph. Call it jealousy as a recent commenter did, I suppose. Maybe I'm jus' a big ole prude when it comes down to it. I mean every time you turn around, Marcus is brick, waving his thang in somebody's face. (Oh Lawd, jus' lemme touch it one time. One time Lawd!!!) In truth, Marcus is a handsome guy. Very handsome indeed. Personally, I'd like to think he's more than his dick, but it's such a wonderful phallus indeed, isn't it?!?!

Darian used "sexually ambiguous" to describe Marcus. So what (no "s") that mean? Is that a kinder way of saying "gay-for-pay?" Or perhaps, the new respect afforded to bisexual men? After reviewing, yet again for the millionth time, the B. Scott video with Brother Osbourne and his obvious erection, I'll dare go out on the limb and say he's gotta be bisexual, dontcha think? Now the true question is...Is Marcus a top, bottom, or versatile?!?!

Ian's Inquiry: In the end, does it really matter whether our heroes and role models are gay/bisexual or "gay-for-pay?"

Quiz

Thanks to Cocoa Rican for the link for this quiz!

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well. At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn. Your Fixation: Envy Your Primary Fear: To have no identity Your Primary Desire: To find yourself Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

What Number Are You?

Who Am I?

I received an interesting email from a follower of the Axe who commented on some the men I've expressed attraction towards. Said emailer also questioned my racial pride, to an extent, remarking how some days I seem more "white" and on others I seem more "black."

"Exactly who are you and who do you want to be?" was their question. I don't think it was meant to be arrogant or aggressive, just questioning, since along with the questions came ample praise for opening myself up as I do on the blog.

Well, I respect the person's questions, and I like questions, so don't hesitate to ask if you need clarification on things. This is why I blog, to share, connect, and relate. Already several of you have praised on my courage to open my soul. As I've mentioned a few posts ago, this is a process I'll share with you together.

The answer is simple, I just wanna be me and I am who I.

Now, for the record, I consider myself "Black." Always have, always will. My skin complexion is usually honey brown to copper colored (Red, baby!), although now summer's here, my skin has darkened. I would be remiss if I didn't clarify my racial heritage. I am not biracial. Nope. Can't claim that in the least. What I do claim, and if you read the header above, is to be multiracial, which is the truth.

"...ramblings from a sometimes gay, sometimes bisexual, rarely straight, multiracial, multi-ethnic, black man discovering what it means to live..."

Yeah? An what exactly does that mean, Ian? As I said, I am not biracial. Bi- anything indicates "two" halves. If one of my parents was Black and the other White, then, yes, I indeed would be biracial. Said situation is not the case for me. In plain and simply terms, genetically speaking, I'm a mutt.

What do you do when two biracial people have children? What do you call those children? Hmm? They aren't biracial anymore, especially if those biracial backgrounds stem from different races. Therefore, you have multiracial. Add to the confusion most Americans have differentiating race from ethnicity, you have multi-ethnic. That's me. Both of my parents are ("were" since my father is deceased) bi-racial. Technically, my father was a 1/3 of this- and a 1/3 that, but you get my point.

I have Irish, Native American, Cuban, and African American ancestry. To call me "biracial" is incorrect! So, when I'm being cheeky, yes I will use multiracial, but as I said, I'm proud of Black lineage, so I identify as African-American. This in no way disrespects the other ethnicities in my family, perhaps elevates one over the others, but C'est la vie. Anyone who is in my situation and identifies with being "Black" understands. E.J. daughter is in a similar "ethnic soup" situation as I. She perhaps understands.

As to my penchant for lighter complexion men, I don't deny I have my fair share of brothers I like who are light-skinned (Dan O'Brien, Jason Taylor, Jason Kidd, yadda yadda, yadda). In turn, though, I love my darker-skinned brothers just the same (Djimon Hounsou, Taye Diggs, Omar Epps, etc, etc,etc). I feel I talk about everybody equally on the blog. Haven't I?

What I hadn't realized, until someone very close to me pointed it out, are how many men I find attractive are from mixed racial/ethnic backgrounds. Interesting. So what does that say about me?

Hmph. I wonder? I suppose it just means I'm queer who likes a wide variety of men. Black people, whether "pure-blood" (Black folks are mixed with somethin' given American history. So what is pure Black anyway?!?! Nuff said ) or mixed, come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and hues. I love men. Period. So get over it! Ain't no discrimination going-on on my part. That might be your hang up, but it isn't mine!

I am who I am. I love all you brothers from High yella to red-boned to midnight dark. Now I just need to find the right one beside me as my life-partner, and er'rything will be fine. Ha ha!

No Publishers Clearinghouse Check Here

My e-mail box is overflowing and I can't get to respond to everybody all at once. So if you've been in contact within the last week, and you've not heard back, this is why. I'm not ignoring you.

Unfortunately, I get subscription feeds from other blogs, newletters from my Yahoo! & Google groups, email forwards from friends, family updates from my mum, junk mail from from clothing and merchant retailers...I can't keep up! My mail box requires emptying every to every other day. I haven't checked my mail since Friday morning! The task is tedious, but I'm getting there. I should have it finished by tonight. Once done, I can answer back. Don't you just love modern technology? Yes, I've become a slave to my email!

I seriously need to set up the spam filter or reroute mail to other mailboxes.

I Gotcha Your Back!

Got an email from a reader questioning why there's been lack of men posts lately. Where are all the missing men?!?! Hmph. Missing? I didn't know anybody was missing.

No, seriously. There's gonna be changes to how I conduct myself on this blog. I dunno, I want the blog to seem more "mature." I am almost 40. Really, dontcha think I need stop actin' a fool? LOL.

I'd like to concentrate more on issues going on within. Last week's "Coming Out" post got me thinking. I've been in avoidance mode much of this year. I'm embarrassed at my immaturity and silliness. The Axe is going to transform to reflect my inner spirit. Time to raise the bar a little.

I'm not happy with the person I've become. Time to work through issues. If therapy has taught me anything, confronting our fears head on diminishes their power over us. By sharing with y'all, I hope to expose my irrational weakness, thereby, gaining strength and power over them. I need to reconcile my past before I can progress merrily with my future. Weilding The Axe is gonna to be my vehicle to get me there.

Huh? Yeah, uh-huh. Sure. Whatevah Ian. What about the hot men photographs? Mmm 'K?

Fret not! I'm not turning into some curmudgeon. Yes, I'll still have social commentary and observations on celebrities, television, books, music, movies, and what not. That's not gonna change. Hey, "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." Eye candy will also continue be exhibited, it just won't be the primary focus. Pictures added to posts are meant to emphasize mood and thought. If you, the reader, however, happen to have a beatification experience from the photographs, more power to you!

If you're looking for full frontal nudity though, that ain't gonna occur much. For searchers for the beauty of nekkid men, I suggest checking out Chocolate & Salsa. There's photographs aplenty, mostly nudes, of gorgeous men of color.

Lastly, please keep reading the Axe. Share your thoughts and leave comments. As we go on this venture together, I'd like to hear back from you. It's not a prerequisite to comment, but feedback, both positive and negative, help me to further clarify. You know, like am I deluding myself? Plus, comments let's me know people are reading.

As always, I appreciate your time.
-DT

Sleepy? Yup!

I'm surprised I'm awake this early this morning, so this is going to be a quick post before I head back to bed. Had an interesting day yesterday and I'm exhausted. Was gone for 16 hours, but the time was well spent since I attended a wedding for a good friend and his partner. I'll give details later.

Life is good, but as I begin this new path, the post employment one, I'm concerned about more than a few issues. And as always, I have the Devil whisperin' bullshit in my ear tryin' to lead me astray. Go 'way Devil! Really don't have time for doubt, insecurity, or inadequacy. I gotta job that needs to be done with myself, and I intend to do it!

Peeked at both Darian's site and Whozhe's site this morning. The posts there made me feel a little inspired and better about myself. I'll blog about my shit later (more of the same old same old). For now, I'm gonna try catchin' a coupla more Zzzz. Or if I can't sleep, watch the College Hill: Atlanta season finale on Comcast On Demand since I missed it Tuesday.

Arturo

The flirtatiousness continues!

This morning I had to go to Giant for cat food and other miscellaneous goods. I stopped in the dairy case to pick up Yoplait yogurt (the breakfast of champions dammit!) which was on sale 2/$1.00. Of course er'rybody picked over all the ones I wanted and left the nasty as shit flavas like passion fruit, strawberry & banana, kiwi, kumquat...Ewww!

I was a little more than frustrated. With no thought, I cursed out loud in Spanish. (I curse in Spanish and French all the time. Remind me to tell you about the time Racer X and I were in Montreal and I said some very naughty swears in front two French speaking Nuns...D'oh!)

Just as I was gonna storm out the aisle in a huff, there he was! Arturo! An amazing Latino demigod with beautiful hazel eyes. I dunno why I hadn't noticed him previously. I guess cause I was on a mission. When I shop I'm there to get it done; tend to be obvious to my surroundings. I hate grocery shopping with a passion! I wanna get in and out ASAP!

The only reason I noticed Arturo now, was we crashed into each other as I swung around to leave. Did he materialize outta thin air? I seriously hadn't seen Arturo in the vicinity. In my haste, I turned so fast I literally bumped into this sexy man. Full impact. HARD! Unfortunately too, our collision almost had him singing soprano. My hand with the cane banged into his nether regions. This was no light brush against his crotch either. Luckily, he had thick denim work pants on and wearing steel plated boxer, cause he never complained. But he had to feel that force!

Embarrassed doesn't begin to explain my feeling. I glanced at his name tag, manged to eek out an apology, and started to leave. Not prepared to meet up with anyone sexy, I'd left the house looking as low rent as possible. Dressed in a heavy fleece pullover and grungy, baggy cropped sweatpant shorts, I looked like shit! Here I was staring into the most beautiful hazel eyes evah! OH and his face! I hate sounding like a hormonal adolescent, but I envisioned perfection this morning....

Arturo shook off my apology, then asked me in Spanish if I needed anything in particular. He musta assumed I was Latino (it does happen every now and then) when he heard me cuss. My first thought to his question? "Uh ...you," but I had the wherewithal to legitimately answer him. I understood his Spanish, could've answered him back, but I was distracted as hell by his God-like appearance. I answered back in English.

"Yogurt. On sale. None here I want." I stammered. Bruh was hot enough to melt butter just by looking at it. Coherent sentences were NOT an option at that point! He smiled, nodded, and headed to the back of the dairy case. Arturo had pulled out a case of the flavors I wanted. He then politely asked if there was anything else I wanted.

My first thought again? "Uh ...you,!" I thanked him in Spanish, then got the Hell outta there! I was so embarrassed and humiliated, more than I've been in a loooooong time. The positive highlight? I happened to look over my shoulder as I was leaving and Arturo was staring me down. Even waved goodbye. It was charming, even suggestive. Not like, oh you asshole, but like if only this were the right time and place. If I wasn't such a clumsy lummox, I would've gone back, been a bit more friendly, and gotten his number, but shame and my appearance won out. Shit like this never happens to me, so that's why I'm blogging about it!

Another plus side? I shop at this Giant FREQUENTLY, at least 2-3 times a week. Guess I'll remember to dress to impress next time. Uh-huh.

Mother, I'm A Homo-Flirt!

OK. So R. Kelly wrote the song "I'm A Flirt" him and women, but I personally like to think the song is my mantra when I'm dining out and a hot guy comes my way!

Whenever I'm out at a restaurant or any other place where someone has to wait upon my ass, shower me with oodles of kindness and affection. I absorb it. I love it!

Yesterday, Mother's Day, my family took dear ole mum out to dinner, like thousands of other Americans. Even though we had reservations, we had to wait because the restaurant was so full. Mind you, my family is not a patient group. The complaining was outrageous! Once we were seated though, things got better. Just. Then our waiter came over and made the whole experience worth the waiting, bitching, griping, and complaining. Our waiter, Gabe!

OMG! No description I could give would give this hot Latino Papi justice! He had just about all those stunning qualities I like in a man. Nice smile, gentle masculine voice, beautiful eyes, decent Afrocentric-Latinesque hairstyle, neatly groomed facial (both mustache &goatee), and an ass you could bounce a roll of quarters on. DAAAAYUM! He was too phiiine!

I had difficulty restraining myself the whole even. Each time he came to my side of the table, I was an adolescent all over again, goofy, awkward, and all googly eyed. If my family didn't pick up on the homo-vibe then, they never will. He was kind and nice. My friends know I thoroughly enjoy decent service when I dine out. (Perhaps I get off on the whole subservience thing? But, hey! Wait on me properly, I tip very handsomely!)

At the end of the meal, I was sad to go. Since I'm still not out to the family, I dare not ask for any personal information. At least I was able to capture a photo of him on my cellphone. Unfortunately, my dad's in the picture too, or else I'd post the picture here.

I can't say I was too subtle during dinner. It might initiate future conversations. Perhaps. I seriously don't feel like opening the conversation. I know. It's bull and cowardice, but you don't know my family. Once the conversation occurs, I need to be steadfast and able to deal with the backlash. Shit will come down the Pike. Right now, I'm relying on my family heavily because I can't entirely support myself being on disability. My friends are all in financial woes too, so asking them for help only can go so far.

Don't worry. The topic will be broached soon enough. After dinner, everyone came back to my house and we had dessert and coffee. I purposely did not put away any questionable materials like my copies of the Advocate or Clik Magazine. Nor did I hide my books by E. Lynn, Rodney, Jerome, Bob Smith, David Sedaris, Thomas Michael Ford, or any other gay authors. They only needed to go upstairs in the bedroom, what would've raised an eyebrow, with my (tasteful) nude male art on the walls.

Ah, someday. I did have one moment of remorse and guilt though when the after dinner topics started on children. My ex-wife and I never had children and at this point, I think that opportunity has knocked on someone else's door. There's still a chance I s'pose. I'm only 38. Course all my friends with kids say I'm crazy. Hester and Raymundo (the Husband formerly known as Bruce) say there's no way they could start having kids now. E.J., Leoben, Tamodi, and Brother Soul-man all concur.

So what's a middle-aged same gender lovin' homo to do? Aw, let's not let this deflate the wind from my sails. I can honestly report Gabe was kind enough to give the impression he was flirting right back. I don't want to be delusional though. Since I didn't have any of my queer posse or Girl Fridays with me, I can't be 100% positive. If he was flirting back, good. The notion definitely picks up my self esteem, which has been in the toilet for some time now.

Only one thing to do, then. Schedule a dinner date with the fags and the hags, and head on back to the Trattoria....

Perfection: God Did Create Adam Afterall

Every now and again, there'll be a photograph or two of a man that completely takes my breath away. Literally. I was stumbling around the 'Net this weekend and came across this bruh. OMG! I think if he was gay and interested, my life would be complete. I would give up the Internet forevah, LOL. Yeah I'm being silly. But seriously this man has to be the pure embodiment of perfection. His skin complexion, his abs, his Adonis belt (better known as that "V-thang") his sumptuous lips, his nose, his belly button...uhn! Make a brutha holla!!!

Sorry. It's rare for me to express my hormonal urges publicly like that on the blog. Excuse me. Ahem....Where was I?

Maybe you'll agree with me. Maybe you won't. I really don't care! He's perfect and somewhere, out there, I know this guy is makin' somebody very happy...male or female. Lucky bitches!!!!

DT

So Much Like Carrie B.

Sorry for being Missing in Action from the Axe these last few days. Life has actually been busy. I've been doing major spring cleaning around my home. Yesterday, unfortunately, more embarrassingly, I had a Carrie Bradshaw moment.

OK, so this is rather embarrassing and traumatizing my ego, but I can justify why its happened. Going through my bedroom closet, hoping to cram more clothes, shoes, luggage, bedsheets, etc in there, I hit the treasure trove of shoes upon shoes and more shoe. My bedroom closet spans the width of the one wall and is deep The damn thing is so huge, I often forget what all is stored in there. Pulling out shoes, desperately attempting to reorganize, I was faced with one fact. I have too many frikkin' shoes. I'm guy dammit. Yes, gay same gender lovin' one, but nevertheless, a guy! We're not supposed to have 80 billion pairs of shoes!!!! Talk about having a Carrie Bradshaw moment!

You remember the episode! Where Carrie's apt goes co-opt and she has no money to buy into it and realizes she has spent most of her money on shoes, particularly her Manolo Blahniks? Sheesh! I was Carrie last night! The horror!!!


How many shoes do you think a man should have? Throw out the straight or gay factor. How many? Five, maybe? Oh Helllll Naw! I have 42, count 'em 42 damn pairs of shoes. There are five pairs of dress shoes, seven sneakers/track shoes, four pairs of boots, a menagerie of scandals, flip flops, and other casual wear shoes.

So where did all this come from? Well, over the years I've just accumulated more and more stuff. Like other members of my family, there are issues with hording things for a rainy day. Horde my ass! Let's not sugar coat dis here shit! Admit it bruh, you got a problem!

"Hello, my name is Ian and I'm a Pack Rat."

"Hi Ian. Welcome!" responds the group.

Seriously, don't think I've reach the point I need an intervention, however, I do have a difficult time throwing shit away. "Oh I might wear this again." S'yeah right! I'm good with getting rid of other material items, but clothes and shoes are my weakness. I suppose I'm not helping improve negative gay stereotypes, huh? Believe me, I'm embarrassed, but not so much to see the humor in the situation. I'm usually not about Bling or other gaudy things, I try to keep things simplistic, but sometimes I fail. I have one silver ring I wear on my thumb, a hemp necklace I bought in the DR (Dominican Republic), a coconut shell bracelet purchased in San Juan, PR, and a set of silver earrings for my ears. Pride myself on my appearance and tryin' to look my best, but jeez, a guy can only wear one pair of shoes at a time...

Sooooooo, I've committed myself to disposing at least 10 pairs, and even that is going to be tough, but as Shirley Caesar sang, "I Can Make It!". Wish me luck this weekend! The shoes, boxes and all, are gettin' outta this house! Pronto. So don't have Sarah Jessica call me for advice, please!

In other ventures, we won't even DISCUSS American Idol last night. That show is so rigged. Michael Johns voted off, mah ass! That's just bull! Carly should've walked, but I said I wasn't gonna talk about it, right? Pftt! Cheap shit show! Grrrr.

Stay tuned. I'll make up for my absence in bloggin' this week with some intellectual posts and maybe some eye candy or two or four or more! Heh, heh. Have a good day folks!

"That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!"
DT

Both Sides Now

Both Sides Now
by Joni Mitchell

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

My neighbors must know I'm in a mood tonight because I turned on the music. Y'know what music I'm talking about, the music you play when you're depressed as hell, sad, mad, and just need to work shit out. Now my musical taste vary and this song by Joni Mitchell happens to be one of my favorite songs.

Don't worry black people, I also broke out Patti, Jill Scott, Anita Baker, Jennifer Holiday, et al the other divas too. You should have heard me screaming "Help Me Make It Through The Night" by Gladys Knight...I was in a foul place earlier this evening. Of course then I broke out the Gospel...Kirk Franklin, Shirley Caesar, The Winans, etc etc, then I snapped out of it.

Since Spring is here, I'm cooped up in the house with a bad case of cabin fever and boredom. I'm missing He Who Must Not Be Named something fierce, but I refuse to backpedal, and am sticking to my ground. Loneliness can be a bitch. With my healing, I'm not supposed to be out much, besides who wants to chat up a guy gimping around in crutches? Crutches ain't sexy unless you're a football player, LOL! Naw, I guess I'm just feeling down on myself because I've been doing a lot of contemplation about my future. I feel the crunch coming on and not having someone around to share my latter days.

My past relationships have been "experiences." Some have been downright scandalous disasters! Yet, I bless them all, even the ones that ended badly. However, my life path doesn't seem headed to any one direction at this moment. I'm pondering where are my next steps, who will hold my hand, how do I overcome fear, doubt and shame. How will life respond to me if I have to stand alone? No one wants to be alone. Even psychopaths direct their behavior to draw attention to themselves. Humans are social creatures.

Mostly troubling me is I've been wondering how I'm ever going to manage summon the courage to inform my family about my sexuality (there's a blog post coming, that Greg and I have been discussing. When I do blog it, I would like a lot of feedback. I find it interesting and wonder how commonplace the situation is... Save that for future topics. Soon!). I'm usually not one to cower or be fearful with regard to my family, but my family is extremely religious, and since I have difficulty reconciling my faith and my sexuality, I can't imagine what that will be like for them. I don't want to find myself ostracized.

There are some days when it seems a necessary step to my further growth. On other occasions, I have the "Devil may care" attitude and refuse to let it trouble me. In truth, I know in my heart its a discussion coming within the next year, especially if I settle down with a guy. I'm not playing "oh that's my roommate" games at age 40! Please, as if that evah fools anyone either!

Moreover with my morose thinking today, I just feel the residual of missed opportunity. Going home last weekend, seeing friends I went to high school with, some who are now grandparents...life happened so fast. I still feel 18! Why has 20 years passed me by? What do I have to show for my life? What challenges have I really conquered? I know, I know, I know. Everyone goes through this. I only hope and pray this is not beginning to cycle into my next mid life crisis (Eek! I can honestly admit I'm at mid-life now! FUUUUUUUCK! LOL!)

Moving on, moving on, moving on...

Tomorrow I would like to dedicate an important post for a new found friend from My Space, author Rodney Lofton. I've been in communication with him, and he really is a decent fellow (and handsome as hell too)! He's published his life journey, to date, last year in the book "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty." I'd work on the post tonight, but being in the wrong frame of mind, tired, and self-absorbed, I should rest. Sleeping rejuvenates my spirit (more than my mood music). Sleeping and food!

Oy! Such a "fagaleh" you are Ian! See, I'm coming round slowly...

Good Friday

So it's almost Easter, huh? I really do hate when Easter is in March. My whole schedule gets thrown off. It doesn't feel like spring either, with the wind and the hawk blowin' outside, even if it is sunny outside.

Wow. Is it really Good Friday? I was pondering posting something significant for the Christian holiday weekend, but to be hones,t I feel a tad bit dirty and sinful lately, too self-absorbed, so it didn't seem appropriate. Hmph! So what to post?

I've been catching up with my e-mails finally, but still haven't managed to get to my blog reading. Most of my favorites are listed in the blogroll to the right. I wonder what's up with Aaron and Greg? Heinz keeps me well informed and a couple of the other guys checked in on me, but I never realized how attached I am to this damn computer. I think its time to buy a laptop, heh heh! I enjoy reading my fellow bloggers' thoughts and I really am out of the loop. Yeah, I do think its about time I purchase a laptop...

Ah, such selfish indulgences, huh? God forbid I leave cyberspace more than a few days. How ever did I manage in the 80s and 90s without the WWW? LOL. Silly me.

I find there is nothing really pertinent to blog about. Sorry this is a boring post, but I wanted to write something since I might not get the chance again until Monday. I'm headed back home to visit the family for the weekend and won't be back until Monday afternoon. Don't worry, I'm not driving. My mom or sister is coming to fetch yours truly. No driving for three months (that's torture in itself. I don't like not having my independence)!

The night is still young yet. I might throw some man candy on to satisfy the visually hungry.

I hope you all are well.
DT

WTF?!?! (4)

OK, Why is the most popular racist in America (next to Mel Gibson and Michael Richards) married to a black woman!?!?! Or should the question be, why is this black woman married to a bigot???

Back before Rocker made his controversial statements about NYC and N'Yorkers, or least, before anyone was publicly aware he was a whack-job, Rocker seemed like a good pitcher and kinda cute. He coulda been a star, but then all hell broke loose with his comments on gays, Blacks, Hispanics, New York Subway riders, and whatnot.

It's bad when even the Atlanta Braves have to cut you for racial remarks!

I caught his picture from The One Drop Forum. Included is the link to read the back story: John Rocker and Alicia Marie. If you search hard enough, you can find the link to John's webpage.

I'm not including the link because I do not support Rocker's viewpoints or attitudes. I browsed his webpage and what I found was chilling. Then again, Rocker is Georgia born, bred, and raised. His racial epitaphs shouldn't surprise anyone knowing that.

Is it any wonder Rocker is a racist?!?! And shame on that fake-titted sow for marrying him!

WTF?!?!

OK, this is just weird. Why is F-list celebrity, Vanilla Ice, standing with 2 naked men? Don't remember this from The Surreal Life he participated in a few years back. WTF!?!?!?!?

Exposed By The Light: Penises

Over the years I've done much surfing across the World Wide Web. IF you look hard enough, you'll be rewarded for your search and find just about anything to satisfy your curiosity. Gay men, perhaps, have profited more from the Internet because it opened doors often close in normal time. My "research" has brought connections to people all cross the US and around the globe. While I tend to be focused on blogs and comics, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit to viewing my fair share of nudity, be it art or pornography. The web is full of licentious material to "satiate" more than enough erotic longings and hunger.

Men with less than perfect bodies live on the Internet. It's almost as if the the 'Net has become a sanctuary for the bastion of everyday Joe's willing to show off their wares. Exhibitionism can be cute. It can be vulgar. It can be mundane. Yet, it brings to the table the truth not everyone is built like Adonis. Not everyone is packing "heat" below the waistline. Not everyone feels beautiful. What can cause this all to be reinforced is viewing pictures of people you know in the "real world," who for whatever the reason, you know absolutely you never were meant to see naked. Yes, I've caught quite a few male friends and acquaintances, and an enemy or two, wearing nothing but the skin on their bodies, on full frontal display on the Internet. Amusing doesn't seem to explain my feelings. Sometimes, disturbing might fit, but at least always, entertaining.



A number of years ago I discovered an old acquaintance from college who posted nude pictures of himself on a popular gay dating website. I wasn't surprised, but intrigued because his body wasn't quite up to anticipation. He wasn't ugly, just not the buff body I supposed he had. His body seemed almost awkward and misshapen. No, I don't mean his "personal attributes below," but his legs seemed gangly and his chest almost concave and hair spread in odd places. Yet, looking that way, he had the bollocks (balls), to pose naked before the camera, and post for the world to find. I would commend him for his courage if we were still in communication with one another.


Male nudity sometimes is still secretive. Many gay men and straight women have haggard and bemoaned over the issue of the size of a man's genitalia, which many women I know say doesn't matter, but that would not be entirely correct. From what I've gleaned from my female friends, a man does require a minimum length and girth to his package. I suspect women really are disappointed dealing with "pencil dicks" or short and stubby penises. I'm reminded of a song from the 80s, "Short Dick Man" By 20 Stories. The lyrics seem to indicate women do care about the package. Gay men, unfortunately, even I can't defend here. Gay men are just so obsessed with size!


Don't want no short dick man

Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man

Don't want,Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want no short dick man

What in the world is that thing?
Do you need some tweezers to put that thing away

That has got to be the smallest dick
I've ever seen in my whole life
I have ever seen in my whole life

Get the fuck outta here
Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man

Isn't that cute an extra belly button
You need to put your pants back on honey

Don't want no short dick man
Don't want no short dick man

Pobre, pobrecito
Que diablo eso

Pobre, pobreci, pobre procito

Que, que, que, que, que diablo eso




Any guy who says they've never worried about being inadequate at some point in their lives is a liar. As men, we need to feel virile. As men, we need to feel like we are the best. At least some where in our youth, perhaps even into our adulthood, men worry "am I enough?" Men of both sexual proclivities worry about it. Partially, men are responsible for our own demons we struggle with with anatomical differences. Our language is littered with references to one's masculinity or worth through his cock size or "manhood."


"Yeah he's got balls and a dick for days!"

"Oh his cock is sooooo small."

"I had to let him go. Boyfriend only had a 2 inch dick...micro penis!"

"If it ain't hittin' the flo, he gotta hit the do'!" (thanks E. Lynn for that one.)



On and on. I know the negativity. Unfortunately I've spoken negatively about my brothers in my day. It can be a challenges to have positive self image when your brothers judge you by what nature gave you.

Mind you, I won't go into details about my own anatomical parts. Accept they're there, they function, and are doing just fine. LOL. I have too many folks who read this blog who probably would be red faced as the day is long if I went into personal details. Don't worry, if you need to know, come to the source. You might be surprised. This post is in no reflection of any insecurities I personally have, just an observation I've been thinking about lately.



As far as my own person tastes? As a bisexual/gay man, I enjoy men and love their bodies. I'm not a "size queen" at all. I've never been disappointed by any of the men I've slept with. I've even been surprised once or twice. My opinion is as long as it functions and isn't too big, I'm OK. I'm no Carrie Bradshaw. I don't want a Mister Big. Give me Mister Average, hahaha.

I don't quite understand the drive over being bedded by a man with a large penis. They tend to hurt. Really, really hurt. I've heard both gay men and straight women countless of times mention this. Large ones tend to cause trepidation on my part. Sure they look good, but my God, Some penises I've seen both personally and on the 'Net defy explanation. Then again, to be cliche, "it's not the length of the tool, but the knowledge of it's use."

Overall though, most guys, at least the ones I've been with, are average. Hey I've no complaints! As long as the guys penis fits well with the rest of his body, no problems, no worries. I can't say I've ever been with a man who was too small, but yes I have seen men with "micro penises."

I wonder how these men handle their self-worth? Does it trouble them? Given our societal obsession with penis size, one probably would assume they might have problems with esteem. I must admit I knew someone with an incredibly small penis, I wouldn't call it micro, but I was visibly shocked. I had to regroup. The man in question however, had Mental Health/Mental Retardation disabilities, so I would assume it didn't overall matter to him. This, again, is an assumption.


Ultimately, I want to tell my brothers to stop worrying. Once you find the person who truly loves you, it won't matter. Sure if you're bedding every man and woman out there on the scene, sure you're bound to find someone who'll be disappointed in what ya have. Penises are a wonderful thing and serve their purpose. We, as men,just need to relax, use the larger head on our shoulders and think. Debunk the myths that all Asian men are small, all African American men are huge, all Latino men are large and uncut....all this, all that...whatevah! ALL is almost NEVER a statement of fact. The stereotype to find fault with the most is that size equals power.

Do all men think with their penises? Yes, at times we do. It's just biological. Not all the time, more times, we can think with our hearts and our minds. Men need to forget about the crap about our junk, and just be decent fellows. Anybody who finds fault with your anatomy isn't worth your time anyway...