The Liebster Award

Wow! I've been nominated for an award! Trés Cool. I've been nominated to the Liebster Award. by ♫Musique♫ from ♫Musique's Poetry♫ Blog. I feel honored. well, I suppose I have to nominate some blogs here. Umm, we're not allowed to tag back or duplicate nominations, eh? A few bloggers I follow have already been nominated already such as Wonder Man from Maybe It's Just Me and Roger from DQN In Northern Virginia. Hmph. Well I nominate them again! Pbbt!! LOL

Additionally, I'd like to nominate Pharaoh from Note2Self, Victor from Victor E. Hodge, D from D-Place, Hector from Not Shady, Just Fierce, Corey from I'll Keep You Posted, Desperate Artist from Masculine Curves, and  Mardi from Me, Myself and I: The Naked Black Guy Blog.

  

How to nominate someone is below.

• Each person must post 11 things about themselves
• Answer the questions that the nominator set for you plus create 11 questions for your nominees
• Choose 11 people with less than 200 followers and link them in your post
• Go to their page and tell them
• No tag backs

Here are my answers to ♫Musique♫'s questions below:

1. Currently, to survive the economic crisis that has befallen my life. LOL. No seriously, eventually I would like to open my own restaurant.
2. I was/am divorced, but currently in a rather unusual dating situation. 
3. Hell No! God made me a man for a reason.
4. Spiritual, leaning towards the Big Triumvirate Faiths (Judeo-Christian-Islam). Was raised in a Baptist-Catholic household, but divorced myself from the label "Christian" a few years ago because most of them are NOT Christ-like. Not being judgmental, but I don't think Christ would be happy with how some of His "children" represent His Holy name.
5. Either catch up with the recordings on my DVR or listening to music while reading.
6. Boxers.
7. My relationship with my folks is actually pretty decent.
8. Two sisters, one older, one younger. One older half-brother, deceased.
9. Philadelphia.
10. Three of my grandparents are from the United States, one is from Cuba.
11. Catching up with my peeps on Facebook, email, tweaking my tumblr blog, and paying bills online.

My Questions to you:

1. What's your favorite color?
2. What would be your last supper meal if you knew were going to die and had time to plan?
3. What was the last good book you read?
4. Do you believe we are "alone" in the Universe?
5. Do you believe there is hope for Bipartisanship in Washington??? LOL
6. What was your favorite treat as a child?
7. Oatmeal, grits, cream o' wheat, or none of the above?
8. Supposedly we all have one. Have you ever met your twin?
9. Where was your last travel destination?
10. Are you afraid of the dark, heights, or to fly?
11. What was the last dream you can recall, about?

The Pen Is Mighty Indeed.

A good friend pointed out to me the other day I still had comment moderation on the Axe. "Really?" I mean it's one of those things I just do automatically, approve most comments. My main reason for putting it on was to block all the Spam and the negative remarks I was getting from a few folk over a former piece of Scripture I had as the header....Whew. That's a story and ordeal I much rather forget. Suffice to say, I'm taking comments off. I'm made a personal commitment for the month of May to do at least one post everyday, some I'll want feedback. Don't wanna deter good people from leaving a remark or two because I'm too lazy do my own editing.

As LBB put it, "One of the main reasons I text my comments directly to you is cause of the Comment Approval. Why? Because it tends to turn me off...seems like censorship." Far be it from me to be afarid of a l'il criticism, constructive or otherwise, so from here on no mo' comment moderation.

Fuck It! I'm Old, Dammit.

Sometimes folk will make you laugh at yourself, at your own inadequacies. True, true, true. In a positive way, of course.

OK, I'm not giving the full insight on this one, but it was made clear to me something, or somethings, I say are Wrong, wrong, wrong, and more muthafuckin' wrong.

Oopsies! Guess I faux pas'd. Break out the fags (think British here) and burn a bitch at the stake why dontcha? Vernacular and lexicon. Taste and taboo. Chile, please....

Now where was I?

Will say this much...honestly, I know I'm old and what I say sometimes might not jive with with what's contemporary or "in," but I'm a lil bit this and that, and to be sure, I really do (somewhere inside) love my big square self. Old is simply a state of mind. I'm not "old" as the expiration date on the milk container in my fridge. Up, my fat fucking ass need a "ed-ja-muh-cation" fore I attempt to run with the big dawgs.

Running? Or is it runnin'? Huh, what? I'm 39 years old! Do I really have time to doubt? Aw hell no...A little this, a little that, remember? Thus is so, so be it. Don't feel too about it none, neither. Oh and maybe it really is time to move back to the big city so the children can reeducate a bitch, no? Hmph. Too much white boy, not enough Negro, and way too bankrupt on homo fabulous, eh? REEALLY? {Ian chuckles.}

Oooh, you make me laugh with your words. Chuckle, cause it's true, and Ian can accept truth, don't have to love it, but definitely accept it. Sike! Now lemme take you off pause and release the lesson for today....

So Overwhelmed!

Not to mimic my No. 2 "husband" Larry Fitzgerald's teammates,(remember Dorian Gregory replaced him as head husband?) but honey....I could fall down and cry jus' like these bruhs!

Lawdhavmercy! I'm so behind on my blog posts!!! Chil'ren, Ian' tis overwhelmed this morning. I'm so behind with posts!!! I'm working on three or four the Axe, four for MALE, and several for ChocolateSalsa.

In recent weeks, my good brothers have generously kept up their part and been praising my blogging efforts. Gee, can I have my Sally Field moment now??? Been Splashed by Greg, Tagged by Viktor, and Licked by Gayte-Keeper. Factor in I haven't tweeted in a few days, plus I have return emails, Facebook activity, I'm on a full time schedule. How is it for someone on disability, not working, I've more work doing the recreational Internet thang, then when I was gainfully employed?!?! I love it! How is that? LOL.

So be patient my brothers, I'm gonna get around to everything by the end of the weekend.
-Ian

Shh, but thanks Taylor & Darius...

Note: copycat post from Chocolate and Salsa. Pardon the lack of originality. So the blog isn't ending, but I am taking a break for a few days. I'm just tired...and overwhelmed!

Now, I'm gonna break the rules here, but Taylor's blog, SGL Cafe, is one of my favorite blogs! EVAH. Oh, I have tons of favorites really, and I try not to go on and on on some less I hurt somebody's feelins by not mentioning them...but Taylor just wrote something really awesome comment. Believe me, I was touched.

Anyhoo, I haven't been postin much on any of the three blogs. I'm going through my changes...again. Ain't I moody sum'bitch? LOL. Whenever I get my boxers outta snit, I'll be back. For now, here's a shout out to Taylor. Got these from his Flickr page awhile ago...when you get the chance, meander over to SGL Cafe.

While I'm at it too, lemme give a proper thanks to Darius T for make me feel included! Your comment this morning was also appreciated! You know I love your blogs too, so, not playin' too much favoritism. Check out both of Darius T's blogs here and here! Bring some munchies, cause his Everyday Cookin spot is definitely gonna make you huuuuuuuungry! For food that is, get your mind out the gutter! LOL.

For now, here's splendid photos from Taylor that caught my eye....

All photography courtesy of and copyrighted by Taylor Siluwé.

Point Of Reference

Robert's Rules are now in motion. This is a cross blog (both Axe and Salsa) comment...

A blog reader was kind enough to leave constructive criticism on one of my posts on Daniel Sunjata today. While I thank and appreciate the anonymous commenter for their words, I also would be remiss if I didn't defend my post or its purpose.

Said commenter requested I do research before posting and hinted my blogging style maybe lazy and tawdry. At first I was offended, but then I thought about it. That was the intent of my Daniel ramblings anyway. My grandfather passed away, I didn't feel like indulging in the pain I was feeling, so I posted something silly as feel good distraction. So if my blog came off cheap, tawdry, lazy, ignorant, (insert adjective of your choice), I do apologize.

When I do my posts, I naturally assume everyone recognizes the celebs I throw up on these two blogs. My fault. What's the old saying about assuming? So in future I will try to list off that person's acting credits, in case someone doesn't know who I'm talking about. Although, I might add, when I read blogs and there's somebody listed I don't know, I GOOGLE them.

Now I'm not trying to call anyone out or set it up so nobody will leave a comment again. Nope. I love the comments; even the not so nice ones. But I felt I wanted to clarify myself on why I didn't go through and tick off Daniel's resume. Again, if I wanna know work an artist has done, I will IMDB them.

Thoughts & More MP...

Why I'm up, I'll never know. A few thoughts are floating through the grey matter. I think best in the wee hours of the morning or late at night. Now when I go back to bed in a few minutes, then get up at 7 AM, I'll be all groggy again.

N-t-way, I was wondering about the blog and if it has been a worthwhile process. Do you enjoy coming here? Can you relate to my posts? Or are they juvenile trash? My readership is not that high, I know. I'm well aware my writing is on par with a third grader, but I write from the heart. Yeah, maybe bloggin' just isn't my forte. So what am I doing wrong folks? Is my shit just boring?

Despite the number of posts I've done recently, my heart hasn't been in this lately. I've toyed with quitting. For those who are loyal readers and leave comments, I'm grateful. At least 4-5 folks out there are reading. I suppose folks just love the visual attachment that goes with the posts, huh? Like the guy to the left? LOL. But do you think I should hang up my hat? The two year anniversary for the Axe is on Tuesday. If I can make it until tomorrow, I'll be satisfied with this stretch of my journey....

On other matters, I must say becoming thoroughly intrigued by Marcus Patrick. Found another video, courtesy of YouTube, showing the good Mr. Patrick shakin' his "thang." Hmph. Might need to retract previous criticisms I put out there last week...

Who Am I?

I received an interesting email from a follower of the Axe who commented on some the men I've expressed attraction towards. Said emailer also questioned my racial pride, to an extent, remarking how some days I seem more "white" and on others I seem more "black."

"Exactly who are you and who do you want to be?" was their question. I don't think it was meant to be arrogant or aggressive, just questioning, since along with the questions came ample praise for opening myself up as I do on the blog.

Well, I respect the person's questions, and I like questions, so don't hesitate to ask if you need clarification on things. This is why I blog, to share, connect, and relate. Already several of you have praised on my courage to open my soul. As I've mentioned a few posts ago, this is a process I'll share with you together.

The answer is simple, I just wanna be me and I am who I.

Now, for the record, I consider myself "Black." Always have, always will. My skin complexion is usually honey brown to copper colored (Red, baby!), although now summer's here, my skin has darkened. I would be remiss if I didn't clarify my racial heritage. I am not biracial. Nope. Can't claim that in the least. What I do claim, and if you read the header above, is to be multiracial, which is the truth.

"...ramblings from a sometimes gay, sometimes bisexual, rarely straight, multiracial, multi-ethnic, black man discovering what it means to live..."

Yeah? An what exactly does that mean, Ian? As I said, I am not biracial. Bi- anything indicates "two" halves. If one of my parents was Black and the other White, then, yes, I indeed would be biracial. Said situation is not the case for me. In plain and simply terms, genetically speaking, I'm a mutt.

What do you do when two biracial people have children? What do you call those children? Hmm? They aren't biracial anymore, especially if those biracial backgrounds stem from different races. Therefore, you have multiracial. Add to the confusion most Americans have differentiating race from ethnicity, you have multi-ethnic. That's me. Both of my parents are ("were" since my father is deceased) bi-racial. Technically, my father was a 1/3 of this- and a 1/3 that, but you get my point.

I have Irish, Native American, Cuban, and African American ancestry. To call me "biracial" is incorrect! So, when I'm being cheeky, yes I will use multiracial, but as I said, I'm proud of Black lineage, so I identify as African-American. This in no way disrespects the other ethnicities in my family, perhaps elevates one over the others, but C'est la vie. Anyone who is in my situation and identifies with being "Black" understands. E.J. daughter is in a similar "ethnic soup" situation as I. She perhaps understands.

As to my penchant for lighter complexion men, I don't deny I have my fair share of brothers I like who are light-skinned (Dan O'Brien, Jason Taylor, Jason Kidd, yadda yadda, yadda). In turn, though, I love my darker-skinned brothers just the same (Djimon Hounsou, Taye Diggs, Omar Epps, etc, etc,etc). I feel I talk about everybody equally on the blog. Haven't I?

What I hadn't realized, until someone very close to me pointed it out, are how many men I find attractive are from mixed racial/ethnic backgrounds. Interesting. So what does that say about me?

Hmph. I wonder? I suppose it just means I'm queer who likes a wide variety of men. Black people, whether "pure-blood" (Black folks are mixed with somethin' given American history. So what is pure Black anyway?!?! Nuff said ) or mixed, come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and hues. I love men. Period. So get over it! Ain't no discrimination going-on on my part. That might be your hang up, but it isn't mine!

I am who I am. I love all you brothers from High yella to red-boned to midnight dark. Now I just need to find the right one beside me as my life-partner, and er'rything will be fine. Ha ha!

Pride & Brotherhood

As gay men, sometimes we're our own worst enemies. It takes a strong man to be homosexual and live his life proudly. I'm slowly headed in this direction.

Our lives are not easy, but can be lived and celebrated; respecting our spirit within. I'd like to think, God blessed us rather than cursed us. You might this strange given I often express my inability to reconcile faith and sexuality, but we are so much more than what we do in the bedroom. I do believe this.

No matter what the straight world's feelings concerning what gays do together in private, we have to give ourselves credit where credit is due. Our ability to praise, hope, embrace, and support can be exhilarating. Oh yes, we all know plenty negative bitchy gays out there. Some poor piss jaded individuals, but I'd like to think they're the exception to the rule than the norm.

Negative individuals can be found in every social group.

Perhaps I'm idealist? I admit it. I'm sentimental. Extremely so. With that said, since June is Pride month, I celebrate and praise our brotherhood. To my fellow gay bloggers out there on the WWW, I thank you. Your blogs not only share, but inspire and edify my soul.

Through the blogsphere, a process to unite is on the move. Blogs that make you rejoice, ponder, cry, cuss, laugh, and celebrate. It's all laid out before us to let's know the cause is just.

My personal walk has been a struggle some days, but in your giving, bloggers, I've learned I'm not alone. Each of you are priceless and helped me to see things from another perspective. All of you have to realize you're touching folks in ways you may ne'er know or recognize...

The abundance of kind words and support recently, in regards to painful events in my past, have been nothing but reassuring and empathetic. I'm touched. My spirit has been lifted. A kind word definitely goes a long way. Again, I give a heartfelt thank you. When I started blogging, I wasn't sure where this venture would lead. From this experience, though, I'm finding myself in the community and in a bond I never expected.

What does Gay Pride month mean to you?

On some occasions, to me, it's been just another ordinary month. Self-depreciation and negativity wouldn't allow the veil to be lifted. This year, not to be too corny, I celebrate myself. Celebrate whole heartily. I Rejoice! Not only in my sexuality, but my culture, heritage, spirit, and, on a larger scale, my humanity.

The stirrings of worthiness have begun. Celebrate indeed. We are a community, a fellowship, even if we don't always agree with one another.

As we all know, gay men can use our power and influence for good or evil. Today, I see only the good. We are truly blessed to know each other, if only through the Internet, to reflect upon ours words, our joys, our actions, our accomplishments, our laughs, and even our sorrow and tears. Wow! Moving isn't? Is this too sentimental? I think not.

Each us has a story to tell, and until recently, I always thought mine was insignificant. By embracing my past, not running from it, my spirit yields to a greater purpose. As Corey so eloquently stated "Isn't growth wonderful?"

True. All too true...
-DT

I Gotcha Your Back!

Got an email from a reader questioning why there's been lack of men posts lately. Where are all the missing men?!?! Hmph. Missing? I didn't know anybody was missing.

No, seriously. There's gonna be changes to how I conduct myself on this blog. I dunno, I want the blog to seem more "mature." I am almost 40. Really, dontcha think I need stop actin' a fool? LOL.

I'd like to concentrate more on issues going on within. Last week's "Coming Out" post got me thinking. I've been in avoidance mode much of this year. I'm embarrassed at my immaturity and silliness. The Axe is going to transform to reflect my inner spirit. Time to raise the bar a little.

I'm not happy with the person I've become. Time to work through issues. If therapy has taught me anything, confronting our fears head on diminishes their power over us. By sharing with y'all, I hope to expose my irrational weakness, thereby, gaining strength and power over them. I need to reconcile my past before I can progress merrily with my future. Weilding The Axe is gonna to be my vehicle to get me there.

Huh? Yeah, uh-huh. Sure. Whatevah Ian. What about the hot men photographs? Mmm 'K?

Fret not! I'm not turning into some curmudgeon. Yes, I'll still have social commentary and observations on celebrities, television, books, music, movies, and what not. That's not gonna change. Hey, "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." Eye candy will also continue be exhibited, it just won't be the primary focus. Pictures added to posts are meant to emphasize mood and thought. If you, the reader, however, happen to have a beatification experience from the photographs, more power to you!

If you're looking for full frontal nudity though, that ain't gonna occur much. For searchers for the beauty of nekkid men, I suggest checking out Chocolate & Salsa. There's photographs aplenty, mostly nudes, of gorgeous men of color.

Lastly, please keep reading the Axe. Share your thoughts and leave comments. As we go on this venture together, I'd like to hear back from you. It's not a prerequisite to comment, but feedback, both positive and negative, help me to further clarify. You know, like am I deluding myself? Plus, comments let's me know people are reading.

As always, I appreciate your time.
-DT

He's Hot! Isn't He Hot? No? Who's Hot Then?

I don't care. I think he's hot!

I found this brother's photos whilst surfin' the web last night. Umm. There are no other words, but he hot! He IS hot. Now I won't say where I found him at, just delight in his handsomeness with me.

Not much is going on today, it's been a lazy day. I made reservations to take out my mum for Mother's Day. It should be interesting because my house is an undeclared disaster area and I really have no motivation to clean it. Usually, I try to keep it tidy, but with my mood swing drama last and earlier this week, I just didn't feel like it. Surely, my mother will chastise me for my house being in utter disarray. I've been watchin' television non-stop. Actually, that's not completely true. I've also been catching up on my reading.

Sure, I'll get the motivation to straighten up tomorrow. Tonight though, I'm headed down to see my ex-in-laws since they're in town. They've always treated me well despite the busted up marriage thang. I'm hoping I can convince them to put Ugly Betty on. Their conservative selves love to watch the Republican Propaganda.... I mean Fox News Channel. I'm sure I can sneak upstairs to one of the bedrooms and view my show if needed. It's rude, but I can get away with it! LOL. Besides they SHOULD be watching CNN instead of Fox News. If no other reason than to see my newsmen T.J. Holmes and Anderson Cooper.

J'adore T.J. and Anderson!

Speaking of "Andy," I found myself completely enthralled with him on Tuesday night watching the Indiana Primary results. I don't know what it is about Anderson, but he has a magnetism I've been attracted to since he was host on ABC's The Mole. My only complaint is Anderson won't come "Out," dammit! It's well known he's gay. My friend even spotted him at well known gay club and took a picture of Anderson with his cellphone camera. I've seen the picture. T'would appear to be Ms. Vanderbilt's son.

Let me stop here. Andy is doing what's best for himself. Still, Anderson Cooper is someone I can wax poetic about all day long. He's on my top five list of all time hot men. I won't mention who the others are, but you can figure out who my top 20 list is if you've read the blog long enough. (I will say that unlike Anderson, Wentworth Miller is not in the top 5 or top 10, but he is on the top 20 list.)

I have unusual, varying tastes when it comes to men. It also depends on the ethnic persuasion of the guy too. I think you've gotten the type I go for in Men Of Color. If not search through the labels, you'll figure it out. I generally go for all types, thick, skinny, defined...I love Afrocentric hairstyles on my men, but bald is sexy too! There's something about a bald man of African Ancestry that exudes masculine heat. Masculinity is so sexy, is it not?

With white men? Mm, I don't know if I have a particular type per se. Despite popular opinion amongst my friends, I'd take a well seasoned man any day over a pretty boy. I like guys who are average, with a tat or two, and definitely good hair. Facial hair is a definite plus. Your pretty boys shun facial hair. They're afraid of it like the plague, LOL. Damn them! Goatees, chops, beards, 'staches,... nothing twists my key more. All, except, handlebar mustaches. Sorry. I draw the line there. Can't be having Dog The Bounty Hunter fantasies now! Yuck! Of course Anderson has no facial hair, but his premature gray hair? Sssssssssssizlin!

Depending on who's reading the blog, I often get feedback for not having enough men of color and having too many white men. Then, I got an interesting email about some of the Black men posted because they weren't black enough.

Huh? I never seemed to notice it before until said reader pointed it out, but if you search through the blog, many of my hot list are Interracial men...Derek Jeter, Will Demps, Wentworth Miller, Vin Diesel, Daniel Sunjata, Jason Kidd, Jason Taylor, Lenny Kravitz, James Blake, on and on...so maybe the brother was correct about me?

Oh really? Is that such a problem? A Man is a man. To quote myself, like I posted recently on another blog, "If he hot, he hot, don't matter what color he is!" I get a little paranoid occasionally for posting my vision of beauty though. I'm waiting for the day the S-Word (sellout) is dropped, then I think I might hafta kick some ass or two (Gee, I've 'ttude today)!

For me, given my own mixed ethnic background, I guess it doesn't phase me in the least. I like bruthas across the whole color spectrum. What is sexy to me, may not be sexy to you. So be it. If you don't like the guys I post, then just read my words. But don't be unkind. We all have our attractive meter. Remember the Almond Joy commercial? Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't? Well, sometimes I'm drawn to a light-skinned man, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes a dark-skinned man, sometimes not!


I don't wanna dive into the Color Line issue within the African American community, only that I wish it would go away. Division within is far more damaging than from without. And those of you who are persons of color reading the blog, tell me if I'm right or wrong. I just know what I know from my own experiences and feedback I've gotten for guys. Perhaps, I'm just blowing this out of proportion.

Aw shit! I think I started something here. K. I'll wrap it all up by posting one more picture then. Enjoy the loveliness that is Derek Jeter, shirtless, at the beach. Uh-huh. I'm counting down the days till my Yankees game in NYC this summer. Three things I wanna accomplish, eating at Sylvia's, shopping, and getting Jeter's autograph.

And, yes, I do have a trip scheduled for Boston this summer too, for those of you keeping score. I'm a BoSox fan, but catch me in some situations and you might see an N&Y on my head. D'oh!

...I await the scathing daggers thrown at me from either fan base now, LOL. Hey, sue me! I'm from PA after all, born, bred, and raised a Phillies fan (even though they piss me off FREQUENTLY!)

Bye for Now.
-DT

Through Different Eyes

Visual is everything, especially in the gay/SGL community, huh? Oh boy, here I go...

Throwing caution to the wind this evening, I decided to reveal myself to a friend who's been reading and keeping up with the Axe for some time now. Mind you, I'm not stressing out about it, but I'm curious about what this person thinks. I've never claimed to be anything more than who I am and who you read about in this blog. Curiosity, however, compels me to wonder what he thought. Hmm? Probably because residual insecurities from childhood are troubling me.

Didja ever wonder how someone else viewed you? What's it like through their eyes? Questions like this cross my mind everyday when I correspond with folks from the 'Net. That's one thing I don't like about the Internet, the lack of face to face contact right away. Online, you can be anybody. I'm very WYSIWYG. The person who you read about and the things I mention are real. I've never claimed to be anything more.

It surprised me a few months ago reading a review of Weilding the Axe and the reviewer lead people to believe I was the drop dead gorgeous stud {who used to be} on the Header. Aw, hell no. I ain't him! While I'm not fug-mo', I don't come close to being supa dupa phine like that. Nope. Not today, not tomorrow, and next week is still questionable, LOL! I know some you will be disappointed, but get over it. We all can't be hunks. I'm in no way ashamed of how I look, but I do get miffed when people contact me, having built this delusional fantasy, that I'm some Mulatto stud who'll whisk off and be their date for the night. I'm just ordinary me. That's all.

Please be assured, none of this is directed to my friend I talked with tonight. He'll be reading this tomorrow, so let me make this clear. He doesn't care what I look like, just wanted a visual of who he was communicating with, because we've become fast friends over the last several months.

However, something in the conversation "clicked" requiring me to address this personal issue. No. This post is for people who've contacted me with negative bullshit remarks; people who've done tireless searches online, painstakingly finding my pictures associated through other websites, and cried foul because I wasn't what they imagined. OK, how fuckin' immature are you?!?!

First off, I never told you to build a fantasy image, did I? Second, stop being so God-damned shallow. Not every man in this world is gonna be cover model perfect, like Vibe, Jet, Ebony, GQ, Details, Flava Men, ESPN Magazine, whatever. For you "thug-chasers," keep on lookin! While I can pull off an attitude, I do come off probably more "whitebred" (which is not to be confused with white actin' or wanna-be white). Third, drop the stereotypes anyway! All men of color are not cut from the same frickin' cloth! Fourth and finally, don't y'all Adonis Perfect snobs have a local gay bar in your neighborhood? Go there if perfection is what yous seek!

Besides, I don't blog to hook up. I blog to share my personal experiences, as a healing process for the hurt and pain I've had in negative periods in my life. I post funny shit and sexy photos of men too. If I make a friend or two along the way or can inspire someone to rise about their own strife, well all the merrier. But I never ever indicated I was mega-hunk. Have I?

As mentioned, I'm not ashamed of my appearance. My reasons for not showing my face are simple: A) This blog gets personal and is embarrassing occasionally. B) My job is sorta middle profile and I don't need my employer all up in my grill about my business. C) I have relatives I've chosen not to out myself to yet. Their disapproval of me broadcasting familial or personal facts about myself would go beyond annoying. I keep things semi-anonymous to protect their privacy as well.

For me? I don't care. I'm not trying to hide in the closet necessarily. I'm perhaps the most open person you'd ever run into. Ask and I'll answer is my motto. You might get more than you bargain for, however. LOL.

I've never had any problem meeting guys or getting sex. So I know I am worth all that AND MORE. So if I don't fit your ideal man of color prerequisite, it's probably best if you step anyway. Quit reading the blog here and now. I don't suffer ignorance long. I maybe common, but I am a beautiful multi-ethnic, multiracial black man!

There you have it...

So. Now that my little rant is done. I will confess this much, I wonder what my friend thought? I'll dub him "Nightcrawler" to respect his privacy. He knows who he is. (Ask me later, Nightcrawler, and I'll explain your moniker to ya) I imagine Nightcrawler was a little surprised by my image. He loved my smile and my goatee. Alright, so now I'm threadbare in his presence. Ah, the vulnerability...I'm loving this! I usually like to be in control in these type of situations, when introducing myself, but it's good to let someone wrest control away every now and again.

Right?

Gay Demon

I might end up scaring half my readership away with this next statement, but the man on the bike ain't me!

I like to get an idea of who's reading the blog and where you're all coming from. Tonight someone arrived from Gay Demon, so I decided to check it on. I was always aware of the Gay Demon site, but never really investigated the place. I took a moment to read the editor's review of my blog.
Wow, I'm touched. I laughed though. My dear fellow got the impression my biker fellow and I are one in the same. We share the same complexion, copper, but no, uh-uh, he ain't me.

Now don't be afraid though. I'm not some garden troll, as hard as I am on myself, I've gotten many compliments. We all have self-image issues and I'm no different. This statement is for anyone shallow out there having fantasies about the 'tomahawk and stop reading based on my personal appearance. Go ahead, have your fantasies. Just know you're thinking about that model above and not I!

I might post my picture on the blog, someday. Or for the adventurous, you can attempt to find my My Space profile. Good Luck though. I have it under a different email address and a different user handle. I'll give you a clue if you really want to know. Every now and again, I do drop my real name on here. I am not sure you'll find it, but do you care that much anyway? LOL.

I'm "Darktomahawk" mostly on the places I go on the 'Net though, just not on My Space. The Axe is very candid about events in my life. I talk openly about people and myself. To respect their privacy, mine too, I've made this semi-anonymous. Assume that I'm suing nicknames for people when I refer to them. Sometimes I don't. Only my real-time friends and maybe fellow bloggers or e-mailers I've corresponded with know who's who.

But thanks to whoever reviewed me over at Gay Demon! I owe you. Maybe I'll fork over some nudie pictures I've taken of guys I slept (you'll won't get me doing that!). Some of them do look like Biker dude above, and better. Sizzlin'.

G'night folks.

Wielding The Axe

Thanks to everyone who has sent me email praising and complimenting the blog. I really work hard to make this interesting, so you're kind words, suggestions, and critiques are all welcome. I will respond to all your emails, just give me time. I know I hate when I take the time to email someone and then they don't email you back. You're always left with the feelin' you said or wrote something wrong, so rest assured, I will answer you back! Just give a me a little time.

Also if you have a blog, send me the link. I'll definitely put your link up. I'm getting comments from many men saying they're thankful for all the Black male photography. My stuff is all recycled, I'll admit that, but the pictures often reinforce the message to my written words. For quality photos, check out REAL artists like Aaron's MasculineCurves or Malik Williams website (I lost the link, but Google him and you'll find him easy enough). These guys showcase the best in Men of Color photography, in my humble opinion.

I'm freezing my ass off tonight and cold down to my bones. Temperatures quickly changed from last week when we were in the high 60s and close to the 70 degree mark. Got spoiled that fast! I can't think straight to post anything of substance, not even a handsome picture or two, cause it's so chilly! Yet, Winter remains one of my favorite seasons.

I forgot about my dinner date with Leoben but caught a little of American Idol because Hester and E.J. called and begged me to catch "Eyeliner Boy." Ugh! I hate the early Idol episodes because it's too painful to watch! I experience sympathy embarrassment for the people. And what the f8ck was up with the guy at the end?!?! Was Paula drunk, high, or both?!?! She did crack me up with her little dance. Paula is so stupid it isn't funny!I hope someone will put the clip on YouTube or DailyMotion. If they do, its going on the Axe for sure!

Oh bother! When I said stupid about Paula just now, I meant "stooopid," an expression commonly used in the Black community meaning you're silly or when one cuts up, not stupid meaning you're dumb. The explanation goes out to my European friends reading the Axe.

While on the subject of explanations, a couple folks have asked what's the meaning of "Weilding the Axe" and if the guy on the bike is me. Lemme answer the latter question first. If I was the guy on the bike, there's no way I'd be bloggin' as much as I have been, LOL. Naw, he's not me, but serves as my inspiration. I probably have the same complexion or skin as he does though. Maybe a shade or two more red, than him, with regards to skin complexion.

As far as the title goes, to wield means to handle, to control, to exert one's authority by means of influence, or to have something at one's command or influence. A-x-e is another way to spelling ax, which is an instrument or tool most commonly associated with cutting wood. Another definition for "axe" is to abruptly remove, separate, or sever. An "axe" may also describe a guitar, saxophone, or motorcycle.

I've always had a mild fascination with motorcycles, but I don't own one. (A-HA! thus explains the man on the motorcycle! The picture is a representation of my life.) Moreover, to master a motorcycle takes practice. To axe the negative influences over one's life, to wrest control from the authority without, and regain influence over the self within, is indeed Wielding the Axe. Comprendre vous? Versteht? ¿Entiende? Get It?!?! My warped mind works oddly. It makes prefect sense to me.

"But you spelled wield "w-e-i-l-d," which is wrong."

Well let me just say my spelling can be atrocious at times! I named the blog before I noticed the misspelling. My blog should be called "W-i-e-l-ding The Axe." The proper way to spell "Wield" is "w-i-e-l-d," yes, I know. I forgot the old English grammar rule "i" before "e" except after "c." Once I saw the mistake, I just left it. Chalk it up to one of those little quirky things about me I figure most people who know me are used to and would just accept. Besides, most Americans, I'm learning, are HORRIBLE spellers. I know I am, LOL. Praise the Bright Lady for spell checker software!

Well Received...."You Like Me!"

Wow! Now I know how Sally Field felt back in the day! I'm surprised to the number of hits my blog is getting in the short time it was made "more public." It still isn't stupendously high, but it's being viewed. I'm getting good, positive feedback, and not just from folks in the States, I've gotten several comment from folks abroad.

Thanks everyone who took the time to correspond and give me a shout out on your own blogs.

If you have a blog, and would like me to link back to you, lemme know. I'll place a link on here too. I surfed around the weekend and discover links to the Axe on four separate blogs. I posted a link for 'em here, so check 'em out.

Photogreg: you said you added me to your blogroll, but I couldn't find your's. Help! Send me a link!

I hope everyone is enjoying what they're reading or at least enjoying the pics, yeah I know some folks come to check out the man-candy. I admit there is a blog or two I do that with, but I as long as people are friendly and like my stuff, keep on with the feedback! Thanks all....

DT

Leoban's Feedback

I started typing this last night, but I decided to call it an evening early.

I'm changing the date to reflect the post for Friday. I want to blog each day, but so far '08 has gotten off to a sluggish start. I'll explain later.

I've kinda been in avoidance mood because some of my emotional issues are running rampant. I don't want the first few posts for the New Year to be whiny and bitchy. Naw, I'm puttin' on the good foot!

Leoben sent an email on Thursday about the Axe. As you know, he is one of the few exceptions to my semi-anonymous rule, I use his real name. OK, I caught shit from him concerning some recent posts (HA!) and he saw fit to let me know the real deal. He's not mad, just thinks its funny, like I'm misleading people we're in a relationship. I don't recall ever writing that on the blog, do you? Here's what my "big brother" and not my boyfriend (satisfied Leeb?!?!?) had to say...

"....your blog is as creative and phenomenal as ever my friend. Stop worrying so much what others think and do your thing. You're too damn paranoid, shit! People are reading {your blog} because they relate; can connect with what you're saying. Nobody gives a shit about your bad grammar or occasional left out word! But a good spell check program wouldn't hurt either! Don't you know how to proofread bitch?!?

Please stop telling your blog friends, readers, whatever you call 'em, I stayed at your house the other night! You'll have them thinking we're boyfriends. I still have some taste left! See what I get for trying help out a scoundrel like you? Damn! Knowing you though, you'll go back and complain on the blog.

Where's my Mary J CD by the way? Do you have it or did {Napoleon} swipe her like he does all your CDs? Call me asshole!
- L."

And I did exactly what he said I was gonna do, blog about it!.

Like me, Leoban is single, but with good reason. He's a single parent raising a teenage son. His son keeps him busy and Leebs feels a relationship would complicate his life. I commend him for putting his child first, but his son is a high schooler, almost a grown man himself. I'm sure he could handle his father dating.

I never asked if Leoban is out to his son, I just assumed he is. Leoban is one for giving self-esteem pep-talks, kick in the ass & get yo' act together speeches, so would think that he is openly gay with his son. I've never known Leoban to be ashamed of anything, so it would surprise me if he is still in the closet with his son!

Leoban, Napoleon, and I all bicker like kids when we get together but there's an underlying tight bond between us. We get snippy, but its only because we care, so his email, I know, comes from a place of love, not malice. I appreciate his love and kind words of praise about the Axe. I do get self-conscious about my efforts. Still, I've made the decision to broaden readership and am going to place the link on a blog finder like PLU Blogs or Best Male Blogs. I'm pretty nervous about what feedback I might get once a larger audience discovers me though.

And yes I borrowed his MJB CD because mine is mysteriously absent from my CD rack. Unlike some of my friends, who'll remain nameless and blameless until proven otherwise, I do return items I borrow!

I love you too Leoban, you fuck up! LOL.