The Liebster Award

Wow! I've been nominated for an award! Trés Cool. I've been nominated to the Liebster Award. by ♫Musique♫ from ♫Musique's Poetry♫ Blog. I feel honored. well, I suppose I have to nominate some blogs here. Umm, we're not allowed to tag back or duplicate nominations, eh? A few bloggers I follow have already been nominated already such as Wonder Man from Maybe It's Just Me and Roger from DQN In Northern Virginia. Hmph. Well I nominate them again! Pbbt!! LOL

Additionally, I'd like to nominate Pharaoh from Note2Self, Victor from Victor E. Hodge, D from D-Place, Hector from Not Shady, Just Fierce, Corey from I'll Keep You Posted, Desperate Artist from Masculine Curves, and  Mardi from Me, Myself and I: The Naked Black Guy Blog.

  

How to nominate someone is below.

• Each person must post 11 things about themselves
• Answer the questions that the nominator set for you plus create 11 questions for your nominees
• Choose 11 people with less than 200 followers and link them in your post
• Go to their page and tell them
• No tag backs

Here are my answers to ♫Musique♫'s questions below:

1. Currently, to survive the economic crisis that has befallen my life. LOL. No seriously, eventually I would like to open my own restaurant.
2. I was/am divorced, but currently in a rather unusual dating situation. 
3. Hell No! God made me a man for a reason.
4. Spiritual, leaning towards the Big Triumvirate Faiths (Judeo-Christian-Islam). Was raised in a Baptist-Catholic household, but divorced myself from the label "Christian" a few years ago because most of them are NOT Christ-like. Not being judgmental, but I don't think Christ would be happy with how some of His "children" represent His Holy name.
5. Either catch up with the recordings on my DVR or listening to music while reading.
6. Boxers.
7. My relationship with my folks is actually pretty decent.
8. Two sisters, one older, one younger. One older half-brother, deceased.
9. Philadelphia.
10. Three of my grandparents are from the United States, one is from Cuba.
11. Catching up with my peeps on Facebook, email, tweaking my tumblr blog, and paying bills online.

My Questions to you:

1. What's your favorite color?
2. What would be your last supper meal if you knew were going to die and had time to plan?
3. What was the last good book you read?
4. Do you believe we are "alone" in the Universe?
5. Do you believe there is hope for Bipartisanship in Washington??? LOL
6. What was your favorite treat as a child?
7. Oatmeal, grits, cream o' wheat, or none of the above?
8. Supposedly we all have one. Have you ever met your twin?
9. Where was your last travel destination?
10. Are you afraid of the dark, heights, or to fly?
11. What was the last dream you can recall, about?

Happy Anniversary

Weilding the Axe turns six years old today! Happy Blog Anniversary. To be honest, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to mark the milestone. Ian just didn't have the passion this year. I took a long hiatus during the summer and before that posts were rather sparse. Yet! I'm still here. I plugged through and persevered.

My original intent was for this space to be an outlet for the side I don't often show. A place to let my guard down and just chill. Over the years I learned it's the wisest course of action to be totally transparent. Yes, I've had my naysayers, but I didn't start this endeavor to placate everyone else. I've had fun, made some friends along the way, and plain & simple, enjoyed the journey!

 So what does the Blogging  future hold for yours truly? Good question. time is a big factor. When I don't post for long periods, mainly I'm busy. I hope to rectify that in 2013 and as long as I have a few people willing to share in my adventures, share a comment or two, I'll be happy. I'm glad for the few people that do leave comments and give encouragement.

Since I began, more than a few blogs/bloggers that have fallen by the wayside. Good blogs. Still I have a few of my core group I kept in touch with hanging in there with me. I may not always leave a comment, but trust, I still read. LOL. I read more than I publish on my own joint. Again, something to remedy next year.

So for my bros in blogging who've become more like family, Viktor, Pharoah, Corey, Roger, Mardi, Della, and several others, thanks for the support and the brotherly love. For those who've I've fallen out of favor with, I wish you only peace, no malice nor resentment. Life is too damn short to carry grudges. Move on from it. I have.

I've forgiven and charged ahead with LIFE. As a friend often repeats to, the mantra I constantly tell myself when I'm frustrated,  "forgiveness is not about the forgiven. Its truly about the forgiver. By forgiving you let go of the weight holding you back, moving forward. Resentment is like peeing on yourself. It serves no purpose. Only makes you look messy!"

No truer words have been spoken. LOL.

Thanks for walking with me on the journey so far! Now let's see what's around the bend....

-Ian

The Mirror

I was surfing through blogs not long ago when a came across this post from Mike In Bama's sit about folks and their relationship with mirrors. I was like, "cool." because I hate mirrors. ALWAYS have. I'm reposting Mike's original blog and the link below. I take no credit for his work...



I have a mirror phobia... I don't look in the mirror very often.

If you're under 45 years old, take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Not because we want you to think about your life and where it's going or anything. Just because we want you to squeeze in some good mirror sessions while you still enjoy them. According to a new survey out of England, age 45 is the turning point when people stop wanting to look at themselves in the mirror. The survey found that's when people look in the mirror and can't avoid thinking about how they've aged.

In the survey, 51% of people 18 to 24 say they look in the mirror at least 10 times a day.

From ages 25 to 34, that drops to 44% of people.

From ages 35 to 44, that drops to 33% of people.

And after age 45, only 9.4% of people look in the mirror that often. More than a quarter of people over 45 take it even further and say they try to never look in the mirror.

The survey also found that women are almost three times more likely to be concerned with aging than men. 32% of young women surveyed said they're dreading getting older versus 12% of young men.

My Favorite Black Gay Boy Fantasies

One of my favorite cartoonists has to be Victor Hodge who draws the strip Black Gay Boy Fantasy. It's compelling. It's real. It's life. You can find the link to his strip through his main blog here.

Post Jack: Mom Spanked the Gay Out of Me! (longer version)

First, I have to thank Raw Leather Daddy Blog for this! I hate post jacking, but this was the most hysterical thing I've ever laid eyes on to not post here. I was feeling crappy all day yesterday and each time I thought about this vignette, an instantaneous smile broke.

If you're wondering, supposedly this isn't real, but a parody of a Christian parenting show? Don't know where from, but the woman deserves an Emmy for staying in character!

Do U Tumble?

Lord help me! Last night, after a conversation with Pharaoh, I was had some extra time before bed. Didn't feel like reading, watching TV, or going to sleep early, so I decided to surf over to the Tumblr spots. Um, why didn't anybody warn me everybody and their mama got a Tumblr blog these days?!?! Hahaha.

I discovered bloggers David Dust, Mechadude, and a few others with spots. Mmmmm.

Yours truly is half way tempted to jump ship and start a project over there. LOL, but I can't keep up with Blogspot and Tumblr is so 21st century for a 2oth century dude like me. I'm just an ole head and to be honest I don't know home much longer I'll keep blogging here. So no, for now I'll pass. For now I'll keep appreciating all that over stimulation being provided by everyone else!

Blurt It Out

You cannot hide your true emotions now, even if you try. It's like they are posted on your forehead and everyone can see exactly how you are feeling. But still, your sudden emotional outburst may surprise others. You feel it coming and know that it will encourage someone else to express his or her feelings, too....

Sometimes though, you just got to say what the fuck, and jus' do it!

For a friend who spoke up when they needed to the most.

Morning Praise

OK, so I'm up and sober now. Decided not to delete my previous posts written while I was drunk. LOL. It's hilarious. You get to see my multifaceted, charming, personality, for sure. Hahaha!

So anyway, it's all good this morning. I'm getting ready to go to church and watching Kyle Washington from BET's College Hill on Ustream. Got laundry in the wash cause I am not dressin up today.

It's hot and yes I am putting on shorts (tasteful ones) and wearing them to service. Breaks my usual church etiquette, but I just wanna be comfortable. And to be sure, God don't care what you wearing to church, only that your butt is a pew, praising His name.

Day II Wit' Kyle

Lord, lord, lord! What am I doing to myself today? I'm on a emotional high today am three cents short of loopy. I was up late last night watching Kyle's U Stream and laughing at his antics. Yeah, I'm probably too old to be on watchin' these 20-somethings at night, but its classic fun right up my alley. I didn't watch College Hill this season, so I had no preconceived notions about Kyle Washington. I think brutha is just a regular guy, out to make it in this crazy ass world like er'rybody else. Don't hate on him.

And what is up with people on U Stream taking their clothes off?!?! Kyle almost had a few straight fellas drop their drawers until someone ratted out that there were gay men in the chat. I'm no snitch. I just sit there and watch, and where Kyle tell us to go, I go...

"A yo! Follow me. Follow me! Make me a celebrity!" If you watched last night you know I'm not talkin' about Kyle neither! It was just mad crazy. I got better once Kyle calmed down over his old-head stalker. That period was dry. Seems though the real fun starts after 3:00 AM. But you gotta be able to hang in there. It will be an all night affair. Don't worry, Kyle takes plenty "commercial" breaks.

If you have nothing to do during the wee hours, especially if you came home, alone and drunk, hop on to Kyle's U Stream Show. It'll make your day...

Hot Summer Night

I watched Kyle again tonight, but he got boring when he had his old stalker and I couldn't hang.

But it's hot as fuck and I'm typing this shit it the dark. Just finished reading a post on Pi's blog that made me even more horny than I was earlier...fighting down them urges earlier, but it hot and sticky. I won't get into my lengthy chat with another Blogger, cause yall would either start being embarrassed or knocking at my door! Huh! And my brothers in bloggers, Pharaoh and Thaddeus Works ain't did nothing but stoke the flames with their blog posts.

I am NOT commenting on either post. Nope. Keeping my innocent image intact. But Lawdhavmercy, but does the expression, "Turn a nigga out" mean anything to you? Yeah it's one of them nights fo sho..

Second Time Around.

Showing some more LA love....Once again gents, here's Ray's second spotlight.

Haven't heard from Brother Avito in a few days, suppose he's off doing something creative or something, but I had these leftover photos I had uploaded for his spotlight I did over on Chocolate & Salsa I didn't wanna waste, so I'm giving Ray-Ray another shout out.

Yo! Avito! When you get the chance, drop a brother some words let somebody know what's up. And did your Dodgers give my Phils a spanking last week! Hmph. Even without Manny, y'all whupped some azz. S'a'ight though, I was cheering on Wolfie the day he pitched against Moyer, glad he got the "W".

To catch more of Ray and his creativeness, be sure to drop his blog Ennui.

So Overwhelmed!

Not to mimic my No. 2 "husband" Larry Fitzgerald's teammates,(remember Dorian Gregory replaced him as head husband?) but honey....I could fall down and cry jus' like these bruhs!

Lawdhavmercy! I'm so behind on my blog posts!!! Chil'ren, Ian' tis overwhelmed this morning. I'm so behind with posts!!! I'm working on three or four the Axe, four for MALE, and several for ChocolateSalsa.

In recent weeks, my good brothers have generously kept up their part and been praising my blogging efforts. Gee, can I have my Sally Field moment now??? Been Splashed by Greg, Tagged by Viktor, and Licked by Gayte-Keeper. Factor in I haven't tweeted in a few days, plus I have return emails, Facebook activity, I'm on a full time schedule. How is it for someone on disability, not working, I've more work doing the recreational Internet thang, then when I was gainfully employed?!?! I love it! How is that? LOL.

So be patient my brothers, I'm gonna get around to everything by the end of the weekend.
-Ian

Honest, Honest Honesty!

I've been tagged by Wonder Man to give y'all some honest stuff about me. So here we go.

1. I still sleep with a "security" pillow I've had since I was 2years old. The casing has been through some changes, but the main stuffing inside is from 1972. And I take the damn thing with me everywhere, even when I go overseas!!!

2. I have a phobia about getting my hair cut! Until last 2 weeks ago, I had not cut my hair since 1998, with the exception to rid myself of split ends, I didn't cut it. I don't know why I have this, I just do. I'm terrified to cut my hair and get the shakes over it. In conjunction, through my lack of haircuts, I've developed a hair fetish. I love Men Of Color with Afrocentric hairstyles (braids, dreads, cornrows, plaits, etc.).

3. Before I quit smoking, I has a nasty habit of chewing gum and smoking cigarettes at the same time.

4. I sew the fly of my boxer shorts closed so my "junk" doesn't fall out. I've done this since freshman year of high school, when I exposed myself to friends in gym class. Thank goodness they were all guys. And no! None of were, you know...an item. LOL.

5. Coffee is my weakness. I can brew a pot, drink it, and still fall asleep. I can get enough of the stuff. Typically I enjoy flavored varieties, but as long as it has cream and equal, we're cool.

6. Like Wonder Man, I love comic books, especially the X-Men. But my first foray into the world of comics wasn't Marvel or DC, but Archie, Casper, Hot Stuff, and Richie Rich, Thankfully I gave away all that evidence years ago. I still occasionally read a few when my inner child needs attention.

7. Despite being the consummate class clown, always a "cut-up," I have a deep seeded fear of strangers, especially unknown heterosexual men. Probably goes back to my sexual abuse issues, but generally compensate by doing oddball antics to get folks to laugh instead of abuse me. Social situations can be tedious until I'm really relaxed, usually with some alcohol in my hand. I tend to shy away unless I'm comfortable. Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not necessarily the life of the party. Oops, me thinks I confessed too much. Time to do something silly....LOL.

8. I put hot sauce on almost any and everything: grits, eggs, popcorn, cole slaw, fruit, you name it. If it's meant to be savory, then I break out the Texas Pete or Cayenne Pepper!

9. I abhor text messaging, even though I'm addicted to tweeting and Twitter.

10. I cry each and every time when I watch The Color Purple, Steel Magnolias, and Star Wars III: The Revenge of The Sith. It's true!

I'll probably think of 1,001 things I coulda said, but for now that's me. So peeps, what about you? I'd love to hear all your top ten thingies, but for now I'm gonna tag my brothers. Wonder Man you tagged me first, so I'm skipping you this go round. But beware bro, you just might get "splashed" in the near future! LOL. But you guys below:

My blogging brother, you've just been "tagged" by Darktomahawk!

DJ from Derrick's Window.

Toddy English from To My Friends With Love, Toddy English.

Corey from Corey@ I'll Keep You Posted.

David Dust from DAVID DUST

DJ from Derrick's Window

Gayte-Keeper from thegayte-keeper

Ray Avito from ENNUI

Aaron Douglas from MasculineCurves

Achilles from Achilles Heal

Thomas from Homo on the Loose

Jimmy from Black Visual Artist

Cocoa Rican from Not Shady, Just Fierce...

John Pierre from The Spirit Catches You

J Clarence from Paper Clips N' Potato Chips

Kevin from The Black Man Next Door

Curio from N2itall

Greg from Point & Shoot

Why I Love AD's Photography

Such a simple image, conveys such masculinity, such umph.... Aaron is going places I tell you!

Hold On To Your Trunks!!!

Cause there's gonna be a whole lotta splashin' going on tomorrow!
I don't have time to do it tonight.

A Lil Comment In-Between

I'm working on the second and final installment to my "Tidbits" posts. They should be up on the blog tomorrow late afternoon or so. But I just got off Facebook (I'm so addicted because I'm catching up wit' er'rybody I lost contact with in the last 20 years. Facebook rawks!!!) and an not quite ready to go back to bed, so I checked my e-mail.

Now I'm a lil bit frustrated and perplexed. Here's why. About a week ago I wrote a well thought out email to a brother blogger, no names please, asking him if he owuldn't mind joining the collective effort to my other blog MALE. I respect this brother for his work is TALENTED. He writes from the hand of God and I am too jealous of his gift. Not really, just in admiration is all.

N-t-way, I said in said letter I would understand if he declined or felt our cause was not inline with his purpose. Cool. No problem. I've had several guys I've asked turn me down. I'm cool wid'it. At least they all had the courtesy to respectfully decline. This brother? Not a word!

We are a bit confused cause I know he's post once, twice, thrice, and more to his blog since I wrote him. I thought maybe he'd take the time to just say no or sumthin, sumthin...but I got bupkis! And people wonder why I have inferiority complexes?????

Brother X, you know who you are. If you read this, can you just take a moment to email me to let me know the deal? My feelinz ain't hurt, but yeah, Ian want's to know why I ain't had a holla back. I know my writing is not as superb, but dang bro! Ian thought you'd at least praise a brother for trying to reach new heights, LOL. Just kidding.

Ah, life. Ain't it grand as roses at the city dump?!?!

New Male

In every man's life, he comes to a crossroad where its imperative to decide where he's going with his journey. What do you really want to do with your time here? For me, I'm finding my wings in blogging. I'm not the greatest writer, but I've got a story to impart. Time to focus on what the Creator has relayed to me. Time, in this man's quest, to grow up.

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways..."

Thus, a new blog, simply called Male, began. Male will approach issues from a more mature angle than I've done with either the Axe or Chocolate Salsa. Here, I can continue to expound on self-interests and silliness. Likely, on Chocolate Salsa, I can continue to showcase my wonderful masculine images of men of color.

Male takes on 39-year-old (We're down to 3 weeks folks!) Ian. Not in a curmudgeonly expression, but with redeeming value and wisdom on social awareness issues on what it means, in my point of view, to be a man. Corey gave me the greatest motivation speech earlier today...

"...{move} into a more inspirational zone with social commentary because it's where we ARE right now. WE as a people. WE as a country. WE as LBGT folk of color. It's WHERE we are. Something WONDERFUL has crept through all the crap and a lot of us are grabbing at all the positivity we can. DO IT as only YOU can DO IT!"

True that. And so I shall. I'm also looking for a few co-authors, folks willing to contribute er'ry now and again, without detracting from your own projects. How I'm conceptualizing this blog is along the lines part GBM website, part Gayte-Keeper's blog, part sexiness like Aaron's Masculine Curves, part social commentary like Darian's blog, and occasional sports, politics, and entertainment, like Rod's Rod 2.0. Just to name a few...It's gonna be a whole lotta something.

Ian's Point: This "something" is the universal testimony that binds us all together. Aspects of male life, regardless of creed, language, color, race, faith, or sexuality, we all know and experience as it affects all us brethren. If you got the "equipment," at some point, some words on Male will pose significance for you...

Check out the introduction post here.
-Ian

Christmas Eve Message...

Just a quick post because I have so much to do this afternoon it ain't funny. For somebody who said he wasn't doing much this Holiday, I'm pretty busy. And no, it's not over commercialized. I have my therapy appointment, which will take up two hours, I have to run to the grocery store to get a few items for dinner tonight and tomorrow, haveta run to Target (Tarjay) for a last minute gift for my nephew, and I'm going to church...

Whew! I'm frazzled by it all. Might not seem like much, but when you're running on one cylinder, in my case with a bum leg, it's tedious. But to God be the Glory!

So by now, if you haven't figured it out, I'm in love with Christmas. I'm a Christmas junkie. Not in the way you might think though. Christmas brings out the wonderful inner child in me, the wonderful innocence that we as adults often forget. I'm caught up with my spirit this year. I'm Blessed. This Christmas has been more joyous and fruitful for me than any other. I'm not exchanging many gifts, can't afford it, but I'm giving what I can...kind words, deeds, thoughts, sentiments, and prayer. I'm giving the prayer to God to handle the things people need help with. Praying that things will be alright for people...that people can reconnect with their spirit, know the joy of our Lord, and be happy.

There's so many things I wanna say, but not enough cohesion to make it sensible. I guess what I'm tryin' to say is I want yall to be Blessed this Christmas. Be happy. Be with the ones you love and care about. Give Him thanks you've seen another Christmas. Celebrate the birth, and know the true meaning to the Holiday. I know I've cried, moaned, and groaned about so much this year, but infinitely, Grace has been upon me. He has been with me every step of the way, and that my friends, is my best, truest Christmas present I'll receive this year.

My gift to you is to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to step into my world, leave a comment when the spirit moved, and extending brotherhood. See, each of you has a special gift you share with others, yourselves. Whether you blog, do physical therapy, cook, feed the homeless, work at a doctor's office...you are meant to be what that as a blessing upon someone else. You edify spirit. And I thank you for it. I thank each of the guys on my blog roll and new friends I've made through writing the Axe. I thank my friends in real-time who read the blog. I'm just so thankful, my heart is full. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Showing blogger love, thanks for Aaron for allowing me to repost one his photos on the Axe for this post.

Additionally, I'm thankful, in no particular order, for these blogs, ones that really helped with my journey. My ramblings and diatribe may not be on par with your blogs, but your words have served me with great purpose. You've given me laughs, motivation, shared some eye candy or two, provoked thought...touched my spirit and soul. Thanks to each of you. Keep on doing your thing in 2009!!!

http://illkeepyouposted.typepad.com/ill_keep_you_posted/
MasculineCurves
Welcome To: Life Experiences 301
thegayte-keeper
The Spirit Catches You
SGL Universe
To My Friends, With love...Sincerely, Toddy English
Point & Shoot
Not Shady, Just Fierce...
Living Out Loud with Darian
Gay Nudist In DC
Living In The Shadow Of My Life
Wandering-Caravan
What's it all about? ALFII
Rod 2.0:Beta
JasmyneCannick.com
Black Visual Artist
Purveyor of All Things Appropriately Inappropriate
Getting Myself Together
Troy Notoroious
Truthfullyspeaking
jonathan perry justbthat.com
The Daily Voice
Coffee Will Make You Black
Brothas N Da Spirit
Hester's Revenge
Season 2008
D-Place
Blackjacking
Clay Cane
LOST IN THE WOODS
Black.
Bone2Bone
Black Male Admirer
DAVID DUST
EBONY AFFAIR
HOODSWORLD
Mechadude2001
MostProper
n2itAll
NUBIAN BROTHAZ
PHAT BROTHAS
SirYellowBone
Epiphany Noir

Merry Christmas from your boy Ian, Darktomahawk, here at Weilding the Axe and Chocolate & Salsa Blogs.

No One Need Be Alone

Loneliness has been a guest at my table some time now; that damn guest who won't leave long after the party's over. I'm not talking about loneliness from the lack of a mate, a partner, or spouse. I'm talking about the isolation one feels from one's peers, contemporaries, family...society as a whole. The kind of loneliness, even when in a room filled with people, drinking, laughing, making merriment, you see only solace.

On a daily basis, I surround myself with many people, many distractions, my blogs included, to combat the pressure. There've been nights, when I rest my head on the pillow to sleep, the insufferable feeling consumes me. That's just my spirit out of alignment. This loneliness isn't coming from a source of sadness, but the inability to connect with my spirit properly. I've always felt no one understood me adequately; not even those closest to me. Not family, not friends, not associates...nobody. It's an on-going struggle.

But stop! Low and behold, I'll come across someone, some thing, written in this great Blogging community, and it'll remind me how I'm never really alone. See, God is always with me, whether I dwell on Him or not. He puts things before me to keep my energies high. He gives me connections, through blog social networking, to prove to me my walk, my journey, is not a solitary on. There are those, who've felt similar tribulations, can understand, relate, empathize, to my experiences. This sojourn has made many opportunities to affiliate with kind, compassionate folks along the way.

I love how we can share our thoughts. And while I try not to single out so-and-so or brother-you-hoo, if Toddy, Darius, Corey, Aaron, Greg, John, Darian, Cocoa, or any of the numerous guy's whose blogs I read, say something moving to my spirit, yes, I'll call you out in a good way. Sharing. That's purpose behind blogging, right?

A few moments ago, I left a comment on a fellow blogger (I won't say who out of respect) post relating how much inspiration I took away from his words. Said blogger felt his blog pails in comparison to other's works. Brother, I understand that. I've often been hard on myself because my readership is not high as so-and-so's blog, or I can't articulate myself as well as blogger blah-blah-blah.

But you know what? None of that matter. As long as one person is reading your blog, coming back, they're gaining something from the words you bang out on the keyboard. This whole blogging experience has been an adventure, an exciting ride, and I don't need to regret or feel bad about who I am, or for that matter who I am not.

Thanks to Feedjit, I can see where people are coming from other links. I'll see someone, who's never contacted me, has me listed in their blog roll, and then the warmth spreads, like I must be saying something right. Something I shared, whether in jest, rant, rage, or joy, so impressed someone, they felt it was worthy to share my blog with others on the 'Net. For that, I am truly grateful, appreciative, and humbled.

Our Blogging family is exactly that, family. We share our opinions, our triumphs, or setbacks, our passions... Each word written, whether grammatically incorrect, slang-sassy, or PhD level articulate, gives somebody strength, courage, hope to persevere. Don't dwell on what you're not, just be. Be what God wanted your blog to be. He'll supply all the missing parts in due time. Unto everything, there is a season. The spirit of the times, a Zeitgeist.

Words meant not only for myself, but to my fellow blogger, and my friend, mentioned above. To all of us, really, who've doubted whether this blog thing was really worth it. Believe me my brothers, my sisters, it is...

No one need be alone...
-Ian

It's A Big World Out There, Baby Boy!

Things have been uphill lately. Haven't had much post-worthy words. Sure, there's been plenty on my mind, but it's all dark stuff. I'm trying to keep optimistic in the brunt of the storm, but dammit, things are rrrrrough. One bad thing after 'nother keeps occurring. The only thing to do is to fortify with faith and keep trusting in God.

Man there've been days lately. Some had me in tears, near my breaking point, but I'ma still here! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tired though. Tired of healing. Tired of being broke. Tired of my current living circumstances. I was telling Corey how I often feel the blog goes negative, like I'm perpetually whining. Thanks to him, Corey quickly shut that noise down. Essentially, he told me to post whatevah I feel. Corey reassured me The Axe has balance, that it's not always about me, not always about doom and gloom, not so self-absorbed. Hm. Really? Only through the eyes of others, I s'ppose.

For me though, I've been delighting myself with other blogs. Toddy's post on the Holidays that resonnated with me. (Hey Toddy I tried to leave a comment, but my 18th Century style computer wasn't having none of it!). And Darius T's words... It's funny how you'll be thinking of something, then you surf some one's blog and they'll have posted your exact thoughts! Just goes to show great minds do think alike.

Darius wrote a commentary on folks who leave comments and send personal emails responding to your words. Got me questioning how we all interact with one another. Now in his situation, Darius probably has somebody hot for his bod, least that's my take. But what's the true motive really? Was it flirtation? Was it communal friendship? Is there anything to be suspicious about? Dunno.

I'll admit, I'm the King of Naivety, so I'm never sure if someone I conversate (that's for you Darius, HA!) with has ulterior motives. Some folks are shady, but most people come across being genuine. "Irregardless" (again, for you Darius!), my correspondence has been quite pleasant, if not informative. See, I live here in Nowhere-ville. Don't travel as much as I'd like and have few chances of getting out anytime soon. Keeping in contact with others, keeps my world that much larger.

This convalescing time has got me down and out, broke, and despondent. Grass usually doesn't grow under my feet. If I got three quarters, you better believe two of 'em are going in my gas tank to get outta Dodge! Before I got sick, it wasn't uncommon to road trip it to see my friends in Virginia, or head up to Toronto to see Rex, or head to Atlantic City for the weekend. Now? The Internet is my only resource to see how the other half is livin' baby boy. Sucks!

What I wouldn't give to be in Atlanta, visiting the Underground, or stopping at the King Memorial, or hell, eating a Varsity hot dog! Yeah, I miss my beloved Richmond. Williamsburg. Lightfoot. Hampton. Newport News. I need to tread the paths of my forefathers. I wanna be in DC, riding the Metro, standing in awe at the commuters at Metro Center, riding the Red Line to Adams Morgan. Tenleytown. Dupont Circle. Or how about at the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum, watching the "To Fly" on the big panaromic screen? Yeah.

So, thanks folks! Thanks for keeping me abreast with life outside Central Pennsylvania! Anywhere but here is my wish. Travel, travel, travel, I wanna travel. I've done the East Coast. Been to the Islands in the Caribbean. Been to the British Isles, set foot in France long enough to say I was there. There's so many other places I need to see, like Italy. The streets of Florence, the beauty of Venice, the antiquity of Rome, il bel mondo... This boy has to go there. No doubt! And let's not forget the Motherland.

Unfortunately, this month I was supposed to be in Ghana. My friend Kwame takes periodic trips back to his homeland and invited me to tag along. Ecstatic didn't begin to describe my anticipation. Everything would've been paid for, I only needed to pay for my airfare. Everything else, boarding, food, whatnot, would've been taken care of. But life had different plans. I got sick, went out on disability, and now, here I am sitting online, at 5 in the morning, blogging about what coulda been.

Sigh. Someday, baby boy, someday. Until everything there is a reason, there is a season. Now was not meant to be, but never give up. It's a big world out there. You'll get you're chance to see it soon enough.