Have Care

Of Course It Does....

 

Whoever said otherwise, just don't know what the eff they're talking about, LOL. I found this photo during one of my Tumblr sojourns over the weekend. Noire does excellent work. Its sexy without being suggestive. The positive message is subtle, or blatant, depending on your perspective, but I truly am in love with this image.

Love, Beautiful Love

You can catch more of these young bruthas at their Tumblr. It warms my heart that folks are doing the damn thing oh, so right! Check out the Guys With Pride Campaign while you're at it and sign the petition.

Keep Calm

Well said, indeed. You know, the old saying goes "Nothing worth having comes easy." So true. Life can be a (taylor) swift kick in crotch some days. Lord have mercy, He knows it can. But as I'm continuing to learn, the more the adversity, sometimes the better the person you become...the stronger and more wiser you become.

It may take time. I'm in my 40s and still coming into my own. And you know what? That's all right, I'm a long way from where I was, where I've been, and can honestly without hesitation say I love myself. PERIOD. I'm proud of the man I am. Ian has no problem telling haterz where to go if they get in my way. For every ig'nant person, there are two (or three, four, or MORE) angels, ready to rally for my cause!! I know who's got my back!

As I told friends at a recent gathering, I cherish each hardship, struggle, tear, what-have-you, because I'm better today. Yeah, I have my self-doubt moments, but that's OK. Ain't nobody perfect, right? So I love myself absolutely. I'm so worth it!

As for you? Do you, be you! Love yourself too.
-Ian

Two Bodies, One Soul

I found this via Tumblr surfing. It's one of the best visual stories I've seen. Dunno who created this, but it was beautifully done. As they used to say, I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. Seriously, this moved me. Enjoy.

Is it Love?

So, Self finds himself kinda, sorta falling for my dude.  I dunno if I should be elated or scared shitless, I don't have the best track record when it comes to relationships. And so far, neither of us have used the "L" word, which is a good thing I s'pose. Hell, we haven't even declared ourselves as a couple yet. We're casually seeing one another. I'm also seeing someone else too... So really, am I in love with Big D?  Possibly. I'm having a good time when we're together and it does feel oh so right....

Hmm. That's the question of the hour. I like him, fo' sure, but I'm sure I'm ready to trust myself to a commitment yet. Jaded? No, just mindful.

Developments as they happen....

Love & Kisses

Happy Valentine's Day!

Blessid Union O' Souls

I Believe.

This song takes me back. I might it might be kinda cheesy but today's Millennial standards, but as I've often said I really have no use for the 21st century. We've become too depersonalized. No. This song evokes something to the core of humanity. Yes, it's a simple. "Love is the answer. Love will find a way." Don't they say love conquers all? Love is difficult to find, hard to often to keep, but so worth the venture.

Yes. Love is the answer. Just keep trying....

Come what may finale

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return..."

The Healing

Those Moments That Make U Smile

Every now and again, someone in my life will do something that catches me completely off-guard and just makes me smile. Makes you feel appreciated and loved. Such a thing happened today with a close associate, who shall remain anonymous, and I have to break out just wonderful, sincere, smile. I am blessed. Thank you...

In Love & Hope,
-Ian

G'Morning

I might not be gettin' the g'mornin' kiss, but by golly! I'm gettin' pancakes at Sunday Brunch with some my crew today, dammit! Hahaha. Can't wait. Been a minute since I've seen a few of my friends and I've missed their company. Additionally, last night I was playin' Stupid Cupid, trynna convince a cohort to take his boo-boo out for brunch today since they're reaching a milestone in their relationship. He laughed, but confessed he's broke as a joke...

Hm. Have some pancakes boys, then mate like rabbits!!! I'm dedicating this comic to them this morning. Bon Champs Mes Amis!

In Love & Faith,
-Ian

Love Thoughts

Yesterday a friend asked me, innocently enough, if I was still single. Hmph. Still. I had to laugh because I understood what they were getting at. It's been a minute since I've stepped foot into the dating pool. Answering my friend, I told them simply I'm not ready. Their response? Of course, what am I awaiting for?

Hm. Interesting. What exactly am I waiting for? I'm getting older and life waits for no man. But I know the deficits I have and the things I need to work on before I enter a relationship with another person. I know I can be selfish. I'm set in my own ways. Plus I still carry too much baggage from the past that I'm constantly working on... So, no. I'm not ready. And yet....I have to admit fall makes me a bit nostalgic for love. Coming home to somebody. Spending time with that special someone, cuddlin' up, boo'd up in love.

Over the weekend I did the family thing with a friend and their son. We went out on a hay ride, picked pumpkins, went shopping for a Halloween costume for the boy, and finally out to dinner. It was nice. Very endearing. Looking back on that experience, yeah it warms my heart to what I could have if I get my act together. Maybe someday.... I just know that time isn't today.

For now, I'm just going to trust in the old phrase "All in good time."

Donny Hathaway - A Song For You

Mother to Son

Mother to Son by Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair

the fat lady (man really) is about to sing...

no pretty pictures tonight. no capitalization. hell maybe even no proofreading. today has sucked, pure and simple. i'm still reeling from my embarrassing moment from earlier and not happy with myself. i'm perfectly mortified and really wanna crawl in a hole and the earth plowed over me. one thing is clear, i'm soooo done with any attempting to get the things i want. so if they're meant to be, somebody else will have to hand them to me on a silver platter, and we all know the chances of that happening. i really do grow weary of struggling and failing.

grumpy? yes i am. disappointed? you know it! ashamed? to the core. i don't know how i can bring myself to speak to the guy again because i feel like such an asshole. and i was thinking we were on the same wavelength...shah. fucking idiot i am. i told ya, bad homo. bad homo am i.

i officially resign and am giving up. well maybe not, but its what i'm feeling currently. tired. tired. and more fucking tired of jumping through hoops looking for what everyone else has, stupid companionship. finding a mate sucks!

Seduction, Relations, & The Magnificent Dream

Good googly moogly!?!?! When the Hell did Pennsylvania become Seattle? The entire month thus far has been rain, rain, and more rain. I'm grateful for it, but dang... Can get a couple days of God's light from above? LOL.

Fortunately, I've been attempting to create my own sunshine. Been hollarin' at a guy for a lil bit now. Each time we talk, I become more interested. Unfortunately, I'm not reading him well just yet. He might be interested??? Not entirely sure; never been one to pick on subtle cues and gestures. The whole mating dance ritual makes me stumble and fumble. If you think my gay Spidey sense is bad, my pickin' up on peeps feelin' on me is worse. Sometimes you gotta hit me over the head and say, "Ian, I like you. Do you like me?" I'm so naive. So juvenile! Like I say constantly folks, I really do make a bad homo! LOL. When y'all gonna hand me the pink slip?

Never fear though. After a while, I do buy a clue. Hehehe. And to be sure (my catch phrase) this guy has me thinking about possibilities. Mr. X is cute, honestly sexy, closer to my age then my previous fella, he makes me think, and laugh. Not to put the apple cart before the horse, but I'm reminded of my Someone To Do You Right post over on MALE. While I don't know him all like that yet, what I do know is he intrigues me. He gives me pause. Mr. X is funny, has a delicious inviting smile, intelligent, and upwardly mobile. He can be a lil quiet and reserved, but he has a head on his shoulders. Did I mention he's cute?

Chile, I ain't got no damn time to "catch the vapors," as Toddy would say, but huh! I'm really feelin' this brother somethin' good. And I really need someone stable who gets me. Somebody who edifies and accentuates, not detracts. Somebody who can challenge me when I get in my snits. Encourage me when I am doubtful. Celebrate when I am triumphant. Isn't that we all want? Please Lord, I'm searching. Don' need no more drama! I'm not asking for forever (although that would be nice) yet I don't need anymore half-assed, trifflin, half hour workers on my 9-5 clock.

N-t-way....since I got in trouble for my morning message yesterday, decided not to use my words for the morning inspiration. Here's a reposted email I received from Jared (with his incredibly phine self! Now talk about cute, hmph!) today entitled Magnificent Dreams:

"What a shame it would be for your best dreams to go to waste. Do the work to make them real and you'll find great fulfillment along the way. Those things you love with all your heart are the most valuable things you have to offer. Truly make the world a more beautiful place by bringing your innermost desires to life. Even the smallest acts have great power when they are sincere. When your efforts come directly from who you truly are, they always make a difference. The world is filled with noise and confusion. But it does not ever have to distract you from what means the most to you. Again and again, connect with those real and lasting values. When times are good, and when times are tough, they will always serve you well. Your life is a beautiful and precious thing. Live the beauty, live the value, and live the substance of your most magnificent dreams."

-- Ralph Marston

Conversations Wit' Myse'f

Neither this evening, nor today, ended up being what I anticipated. Apathy chile, simply apathy. Shoot, so what' it gonna take to get my mojo back?

"Back? Nigga, your nevah got started!"

"Hold up! Who da fuck?!?!"Excuse me a minute fellas while I give the Anti Ian a beat down.

{ Cue noises of strangulation in the background!}

Look away brothers, this here ain't pretty!

O-Tabey. Now where was I? Anti-Ian has been following me around all day and I'm tired of his ass. A man can only take so much negativity in one life time, ya know? I'm not listening to ignorant side of my persona today. He's just wanna wallow in defeat and I really don't have time for that. Today I accomplished what I accomplished and I need to pat myself on the back for it. No matter how big or small the achievement, it's one less thing I need to do tomorrow.

"Yeah, well if you hadn't been online all day, flirting with them guys, maybe you woulda got more shit done." {Anti-Ian still gasping for air, evokes....}

{Blogging Ian rolls his eyes.} Okay, Anti-Ian's got a point. I did hit the blogs and social connection sites a little hard today, but I'm expanding my network. Did I exercise like I wanted to? Well, no. Did I clean up the bedroom closet like I started Saturday? No, those clothes ares still neatly piled in the corner...

"See!"

BUT! {Blogging Ian gives Anti-Ian the "you-bettah-quit-it-I-ain't-playin-wit-you" look} I did finish the laundry, cleaned both bathrooms, cooked dinner for the week, and called my job about returning to work... so score some points for a brother. And while I don't necessarily think I'm gonna find the love of my life online over at Facebook or anywhere else, hey... a little flattery to the ego, doesn't hurt none.

Got a major compliment with a guy I've been IMing and doing the "mating dance" with from a Facebook compadre, that injected tons of moxy to my self-esteem today, even got some real flirtatious offers (hence my Temptation post earlier this afternoon).

The most important thing for me is to relax, take my time in all things, be patient with myself, and allow the Creator to do HIS thang with me. As my body aligns with spirit, everything will fall into place. Love will come, if ever, when it comes. Not a second beforehand. Besides, if I cannot love myself, including Anti-Ian, then how can I love someone else?!?!

{Anti-Ian and Blogger Ian both nod in agreement.}

I Bit Into The Apple...

Earlier I spoke of the serpent in the garden.

Well temptation offered me a bite of his apple and I admit, I took a nibble. No comments on what I'd like to do with Mr. Serpent....he has piqued my interest... but gonna save that story for a more appropriate (translation: lusty) time. Probably by tonight when I'm sitting here in the dark, alone, and horny as hell...hehehe.

But I got an email asking we what went down with A since I hadn't discussed it on the blog. Simple, our time apart provided more than just physical space. Returning home, I realized there was too much indecision in my own heart to invest in anything, so we split up. Still friends, and I mean just that, friends. No friends with benefits, just friends.

In A's defense, he's got bridges to cross. I made the venture over some of my own when I was home, now it's his turn. He'll need a good friend to turn to for support when all the drama hits the fan, and I wanna be that person. That pretty much sums up the story. Nothing dramatic. Lord know my name isn't Kendall, although I wish I had some of his problems, but what's a fat bitch like me gonna do?!?! LOL.

wrap up

Greetings my cohorts in blogging. I certainly hope your weekend was a pleasant one. Finally, God sent some sunshine down our way, and I know I tried to, bask in every inch of sunbeams sent to Mother Earth. Course, now you know the weather forecast is predicting rain again for the work week. Ugh!

I'm attempting to fend off the Sunday Night Blues, but not fairing too well. I think it's cause I'm lonely tonight. Uh-huh. Maybe I should have rethought my position last week before I said goodbye to home slice. No, I did the right thing because I'm really no good in any type of long term commitment until I get my own house in order. My head is not where I want it to be, body is not where it needs to be. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. My life's story.

But true love will come around. This weekend I had the opportunity to see the Creator's hand at work and that's always a blessing. I know He's got something good up my way, just need to keep on being patient. But throw a brother a soda cracker in the interim. I'm lonely. I mean LONELY! The kind of lonely that gets folks into to trouble.

Ladwhavmercy! I'm going to bed with a good book, G'night peeps...