Titanic and Some Life Updates

I don't think I did a post last year on the 100th year anniversary of the sinking of the RMS Titanic, but I will mark the 101st. It's funny, I was watching the classic Titanic movie with Barbara Stanwick the other on TCM and had forgotten the disastrous anniversary date was approaching.

Now, let me say that I've been fascinated by the tragedy since I was a small child. The many mysteries...how did the ship really sink, why weren't more passengers saved, pondering why Classism existed in the early 20th Century...on and on.

There's a Titanic exhibit making its rounds across the States right now. Last I heard it was at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Perhaps I'll take a visit.

Anyhoo, I know posts have been light lately. There's drama going on in my life lately. Too many slappy London days going on. Posts will continue to be sporadic until life calms down a bit. Work has been busy. Several of my friends are in a state of flux. Ugh! Have I mentioned taces?!?!?! You know I waited until the last minute to file, right?

As far as dating, Big D and I had been hot and heavy, but now that we decided to go exclusive, well, it's sorta gone from sugar to shit. I;ve been grumpy that we haven't been spending as much time as I'd prefer. Darryl constantly works! If you knew what he did for a living, well it's a commendable profession, so I'm proud he's helping others, but damn. Papa Red Bear needs some lovin TLC. I ended up venting on the phone for four hours with Pharaoh Friday night. I hadn't intended to do so, but Pharaoh has that talent for drawing out things.

In his analysis, my beloved li'l brother swears because nobody has "broken the cookie jar" there's maybe some awkwardness and undue tension. LOL. Well that might just be a little more details than care to know, but no, we haven't gone there yet. There are reasons and perhaps I'll expound upon them in another post.

That's it for now.

-Ian

Wander Fever

 Y'know, it's been a minute since I've been to either Disney World or Land. I think cause World was my first Disney Amusement Park, I prefer it over Land. Well what ya know? Something I don't like about Southern California. Hmph. Go fig.

Anyway, I'm hoping to take my nephew and godson next year, Summer 2014. By then I think they should be enough enough to appreciate it. Children (and sometimes adults) need a little wonderment to keep the spirit fresh. Does Disney still do Gay Days? If so, Darryl and I might take that adventure to the Magic Kingdom on our own.

Work It, Work It, WERQ IT!

Oh my, my, my. the animated gif to left gave me a good pause. Now, I don't watch any of the fake WWE wrestling anymore, but isn't that Brock Leshnerr? Um, yeah. Work it girl. I have no idea what the context this, but he seems a little comfortable in that sashay.

Anyway, just a few notes. Things are going well this week. The grumpy doldrums have give me a much needed break. Tomorrow I plan on resting a bit before a busy weekend. Saturday, Big D and I are helping his brother move into a new apartment and then Saturday night I'm gathering with my bestie for drinks at a local watering hole. Time to play! LOL

Sunday, well hopefully if Darryl has off, we'll lay up in the bed (cuddlin', no naughty stuff), then possibly do brunch or early supper. I'm so ready for a nice weekend. Maybe Mr. Sun and Brother Warmth will drop by for a visit. Lord knows I'm quite sick of Old Man Winter lingering around.

The Bite Comes Back

You know, sometimes so frikkin' frustrating when folks who irritate you, never leave. I'm dealing with a nuisance who like the plague, is hard to rid.

Typically, I try keep the negative on a leash. No time for bullshissz rising from the depths. Yet when I'm alone, I lose personal perspective, give in, and surrender to doubt. Some people plain where me out that I can no longer maintain the  smiles, being my usual friendly loveable self. Some folks are just evil. Vampires waiting to drain you anything good and positive.

Sookie!!!!!!

So, blah blah blah, is back in town. I've known it. I've been doing my best to avoid them in anyway possible, but because we have the same circle of friends, our meeting up was unavoidable. So we did run into each other a few weeks ago and I've been a sour puss ever since. Just down right moody.
Not everything is perfect in Ianland. The damn Incubus is back. Well, not the Incubus, but one of my many Incubi. Jeez. Just when you thought it was safe to live and let live, asshole keep coming back.

I'm holding steady. Forgiveness is a process. Just saying the words is only the beginning. The process is on-going. I don't forgive easily and I don't forget easily. Malign my name, or my person, and I'll hold on to that like luggage at the airport. 

Why do mean people exist? Go shit in your own cornflakes, OK?

The person creating that dark place is a pest who darts in and out of my life, Where I go, coincidentally, they're there! Why is it the people you want nothing to do with, associate in any form, tend to always, ALWAYS, eek their way into your space? Get the hell away from me! Please. You said what you had to say, wanted things to take it's own resolution, yet you're still pestering me. Oh, I'm trying so hard not to be too derogatory or be low rent by swearin' all up in this post, but damn.

The best part of tonight though, is Big D...Darryl is coming over after he gets off work. I plan on burying my face in his chest, let the lug hold me and pretend he'll make everything safe and cozy. LOL. It's funny. A friend asked me the other day if I was falling for D and I admitted I'm fighting it. Dude makes me feel good. I know when he comes home tonight, he'll mos def make the world brighter. My world. So, ....shhhhh. Don't tell him, but yeah I like my homme.  I mean like, like let's be boyfriends already. Boyfriend? Yes, boyfriend.

As for the arschloch, well... I need to be SO patient with myself first and foremost, and continue to practice that forgiveness. In time, their hurt can't and WON'T bother me anymore. I needed to get this off my chest. Sorry if I let the whiny sad sack Jinn out of the bottle. We all can't be an emotionless Slappy London, can we?

One of Those Days

Today was a particularly frustrating one. I won't go into detail, just one of those days I got swept up in the minutia. Every day can't be paradise in Paris, now can it? Tempted as I might, I perserved and trucked through the day with a better attitude. I'll I did go home take a tremendous nap after work.

Y'know, Daylight Savings Time is a b---- adjusting those first few days after the change. Tomorrow the weather is breaking above 65, yet it'll be rainy. Hm. Well, if it weren't for the rain, the flowers don't grow, right? LOL.

I'm keeping focused. My heart is a bit weary on several topics at the moment. Trynna find my proper place. Yes, I want to wallow in big ole bowl of miserable, woe-is-me, but I can't. I just can't. I'm not going let circumstance defeat me! 

Mm Hm. That's my mantra and I'm stickin' to it.

Posting Frustration.

Shit tends to piss me off when I cvan't figure it out, especially when I know the answer is rather simple. It's my own fault, I'm trying to do this layout for a post in the wee hours when I should just take my ass to bed, but noooooo.

For awhile now, I've noticed bloggers are able to get pictures centered in a group in a nice block grid. You know, like the Brady Bunch intro? In the past I tried tinkering with it with no success. I let it go. So tonight I discovered another blogger has been doing it on the regular, so I say to self, "this can't be that hard. Lemme give another go."

Merde. A nightmare. I got so frustrated I deleted the entire post save one same picture that I'll use later. If anyone is reading, and is an expert at configure layouts like this, please drop me a note. I'd appreciate it. I come up with good ideas or see things from Tumblr that I don't know how to incorporate on Blogspot.

Upon A Star...

 

Out of curiosity, what thing/things do you wish for at night? Do you still even believe in wishing on stars? I don't necessarily, but there is a wonderful naive sense of innocence attached to the concept. I'm not a country person, but I do enjoy gazing up at the nighttime sky and seeing the billions of shining sparkles. It's even better when I'm with someone. I get all caught up, start waxing philosophic, and.....yeah. It's relaxing.

 

Is it Love?

So, Self finds himself kinda, sorta falling for my dude.  I dunno if I should be elated or scared shitless, I don't have the best track record when it comes to relationships. And so far, neither of us have used the "L" word, which is a good thing I s'pose. Hell, we haven't even declared ourselves as a couple yet. We're casually seeing one another. I'm also seeing someone else too... So really, am I in love with Big D?  Possibly. I'm having a good time when we're together and it does feel oh so right....

Hmm. That's the question of the hour. I like him, fo' sure, but I'm sure I'm ready to trust myself to a commitment yet. Jaded? No, just mindful.

Developments as they happen....

Survival

I took comfort in this little blurb I found on Tumblr. I was feelin' some kinda way earlier but lo and behold the Universe sends me a message of inspiration. My only quip is the "motherfucker" part. Really??? Almost ruins the point for me, but I'm gonna look past it, take intended TRUTH, and continue my day happily onward!

Polar Plunge

Every New Year's there's a local Polar Bear Group that takes the plunge into the cold Susquehanna River. I've never done it myself, but I've witnessed it. I always say to myself, "insane people." A friend chastised and admonished, "don't knock it until you try it brosef." Hmph. Don't you know there's hypothermia?!?!? Eeek!

Well, maybe I shouldn't dismiss the activity too soon. I don't get the excitement to being freezing cold, but there's gonna be Polar Plunge for charity I've been asked to donate or participate...Um. Dear me. I'm broke as a joke, so I'm thinking I might do it. It can be tan item off my bucket list! Not that jumping in cold ass water ever was, but you only live once...

Am I insane?!??! LOL

Daddy Man

Not bad. Not bad at all. I like a beefy guy who makes his draws look so appealing. Wouldn't say no to him. LOL.

Tom & the Tumblr Migration

Oh Tom. I don't care what people have said (seen some nasty comments about the young Olympian. Fuck that shit!) you do your thang and enjoy life to the fullest! Do the Mobot. Ha!

Saw this a while back floating across the Blogs/Tumblr. It's cute. I'm recycling some unpublished posts I had save in draft mode. Trying to make up for lost blogging time. Yeah, 2012 wasn't a great year for me writing-wise. I lost my voice and desire for a minute, but got it back last month. I've been quite eager to post for some reason. Maybe because I have more free time on my hands.

 I'll probably make the migration over to a Tumblr blog at some point in 2013. As evident with December, I've done more posting of gifs, clips, and pix than actual thought. I'm still not on track with my thoughts, still not secure in my writing.... So we'll see. I didn't start this blog to be famous (contrary to some people's opinion).

My original intent was only to use it as an outlet, to vent the things that I don't often share with my peers and fam. Has this been a successful venture? Well I laid out my burdens and was able to move on with many issues, yes. Have a encountered a few miscreants along the way? Oh hell yes! But fuck the naysayers. To hell with the haterz! As I'm fond of telling everyone else, "Be YOU, Do YOU! "

Time to take my own advice for 2013.

Caveat Emptor!
 -Ian

Matchbox Twenty - Push (Video)

Yeah, it's been a minute, but more on that later. I heard this on Sirius today and wanted to share. I love this song!

Solitude

It's the last day of February, an extra day in February. I guess I should say something for the month huh?

I've been in a strange place and just haven't feel much like blogging. I have no opinions. No witty remarks. Nothing of deep personal interest going on. So rather that bore, I decided to take a hiatus. I still need time to collect myself, but I suppose when the spirit hits, I'll be back on the keyboard again. Until then...


-Ian

He's in the Details....And Facebook!

A friend of mine claims that "Facebook is the Devil." I often tease and disagree with him, but last night I came into situation that gave me pause to reconsider....

Now I won't say exactly what happened, but it was a sitch said friend's his boyfriend pointed out to me. It kinda left me scratching my temple doing a double take...One of those moments where you really understand your true place in the Universe, when she comes on by, knocks on the door, and says "Hello." Ouch! It wasn't a cute moment. I truly realized how sometimes social networking can be cruel and isolating at times.

I must confess, however, before the Universe's social slam I was beginning to tire Facebook. The damn thing become MySpace. When I joined, I only accept friend requests from people I knew, and so I thought, what most people did. Now, like MySpace, Facebook is becoming the competition of how many friends one can accumulate. Oh look I have 8 billion friends to your 300. Uh huh. I'm really considering deleting the damn thing.

So what's stopping me? Hm. Well, I suppose the thought of not being in the mix of things, being in the know. With some of my friends the only way I do keep in contact is with their post on Facebook since they never take the time pick up the phone to call or email. Of course, going back to the friend that initiated this post, he would say the phone works both ways. And he would be correct in that assertion. But everyone wants to feel important and often enough I feel like I'm the one always making the effort to stay in touch. If you miss me enough, you can contact me! Your fingers ain't broke! I can call three, four, five times....LOL. Yeah I know. Issues and drama. Social networking is not all that it's cracked up to be.

I think I'm starting not to like the information-technology age. Phooey!

Grumpy Puss

I'm having an Alexander day, as in Alexander had a very terrible, miserable, rotten day. I woke up late and with some heavy issues on my heart. Then I had to fight with my cellphone company over some bullshizz. Why do these companies change the rules, then expect you to just blindly go along with them??? Bank Of America anyone? Well, after careful consideration, BOA reversed its debit card fees. T-mobile you need to listen!

Um, anyway... I'll try not to let my grumpiness set in all day, but I'm not guaranteeing a pleasant morning. My only consolation is going to work to drone through the day. Who'd ever thought work would be the welcomed solace? Go Fig!

Maybe I just need caffeine???

Love Thoughts

Yesterday a friend asked me, innocently enough, if I was still single. Hmph. Still. I had to laugh because I understood what they were getting at. It's been a minute since I've stepped foot into the dating pool. Answering my friend, I told them simply I'm not ready. Their response? Of course, what am I awaiting for?

Hm. Interesting. What exactly am I waiting for? I'm getting older and life waits for no man. But I know the deficits I have and the things I need to work on before I enter a relationship with another person. I know I can be selfish. I'm set in my own ways. Plus I still carry too much baggage from the past that I'm constantly working on... So, no. I'm not ready. And yet....I have to admit fall makes me a bit nostalgic for love. Coming home to somebody. Spending time with that special someone, cuddlin' up, boo'd up in love.

Over the weekend I did the family thing with a friend and their son. We went out on a hay ride, picked pumpkins, went shopping for a Halloween costume for the boy, and finally out to dinner. It was nice. Very endearing. Looking back on that experience, yeah it warms my heart to what I could have if I get my act together. Maybe someday.... I just know that time isn't today.

For now, I'm just going to trust in the old phrase "All in good time."

Meaningless Posts

Yes, I've been posting a few picture posts through out the week. Hold on tight, they're scheduled through out the remainder of the week. A friend last night left a comment that I wasn't sure if he was implying about the individual post or for the theme over all this week. Hm? In any case, I needed a reprieve from posting serious stuff because I'm going through deep changes and if I really posted the darker thoughts in my head, well, it just would be pretty. I'm not in a good place but I really understand the old saying of fake it till you make it...

Any way the wind blows

Last week wasn't a good week. I'd almost say it was one of the worst for me. Things lately have been cropping up that I don't understand or am at a loss for explanation. I find myself confused and demystified by life and wondering where my place is in the grand cosmic scheme of things. Perhaps its a moment of mid-life crisis, but it feels isolating. Very lonely.I'm trying to focus on the positive aspects I have going on, but which each positive a thousand negatives rise from the depths of my memory and past and all I feel is a profound sense of shame. What's going on?

I'm not sure what triggered it, but I have some clue as to the solution. The solutions cuts to the core of who I am, or at least think I am, and I realize I need to do some soul searching. Then again, I also believe I know where the restlessness started...an innocence delving into fortune telling. A simple question returned by a very complex answer. I didn't like the answer. Perhaps that's why folks should stay away from the Tarot. Sometimes the answers you seek aren't meant to be revealed all at once. I know I'm rambling, but too is on my mind...

Seasons Of A Man's Life.

I'm tired of the rain... I'm tired of fall already. In a lonely space, in a lonely time. Hopin' times passes quickly.