Spilled Milked, Cracked Eggs

I ponder...

Life seems to be doling out some interesting, yet poignant, lessons these last few days. I'm not sure what some of the meanings are, but I know in my spirit none of these events going on are meant to bring me down, only raise me up to my higher self.

Last week I had to deal with a sudden illness of a family member that threw me for an unexpected loop. Don't wanna go into too many details, but it made me aware of how fragile and precious life is... that in any given moment, someone can be taken from you without warning. Scary.

I've also been dealing with some other losses that I'm diligently putting my best smile on my face; staying resoundingly positive. Yet inside, the evil monster wants to act a fool. Certainly not cute. I don't let the undignified me out too often. He's much more difficult to handle than my everyday happy-go-lucky self. Mmm. Naw. I'm just gonna keep a low profile until the tide pulls away and I can be the Ian folks need me to be. Isn't that what I always do? LOL.

So I'm wondering now what are my next steps in life. I've been examining what I've done so far, looking analytically at the mistakes made, and attempting to not make the same ones twice (thrice or so-forth). At least I finally learned life is not the end destination, but the journey in-between, so I feel good about some of the lessons. My inner child though wants to embrace and hold on to the positive and eschew all things negative, keeping safe from harm. Adult me realizes you have to take the bad with all its negative and nastiness, shape it in an example of growth, and move on. Yeah, so I keep trying to tell myself.

There are times when my insecurities take over and I forget my own strength. Or I allow someone else to dictate who I should be. At 41 this is more than cumbersome, it's quite juvenile and tiiiiiired. I'm waiting for the days when things flow easily like the wind and change is just as commonplace as the sun rising and setting...

Rise To The Brand New Day

Many thanks to the original photographer. I love this picture!

Mother to Son

Mother to Son by Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair

Are You Sirius?!?!?!

Hmm. My Satellite radio service has left me feeling a bit perturbed, dammit. Why the Hell do they censor songs? I was listenin' the other day and all the songs edited all the "foul language" out. Really?!??!

This is PAY radio! Why is it the news talk stations on Sirius can say fuck, shit, bitch, ass, etc, etc, etc... but my favorite hip hop song comes on and sounds like grade school nursery rhyme?

Now that's some bullshizzz.

Cinco de Mayo

Have a good day!

Self Censorship

Going through the the archives of the Axe, over the months there've been a few posts I removed, put in draft mode, because they were in my opinion too revealing. I suppose I'm having some second thoughts about deleting these thoughts? I mean they are significant in my development, but I've never been one for embarrassment.

Republishing these will put them back in Blog feed circulation. I'd much rather they stay buried, not live up to humiliation and the possible negative feedback. Then again... Sometimes a man has to stand up his fears in order to achieve his truest desires.

So what do I do?

Once In A Lifetime...

Treasure the real moments in life, draw close the people you hold dear. Forget those who would mean you harm. Dance once inna while and always keep your head up. Do u, be u....Tough times don't last for long, but always seem to.

"This too shall pass... "

Footprints

Footprints
Also Known As "I Had a Dream"

One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

The Good Morning Man

I haven't done a Monday Morning Man inna while. Since, I'm long overdue....

And....What?!?!

Been a few thoughts ratting around in the grey matter that I haven't commented upon. Here's a rewind of some moments catching my attention this past week.

RuPaul's Drag Race Season Three Finale: First off, congrats to Raja...don't want it to seem like I'm sore loser cause I was a supporter of Team Alexis and Team Manila. That said, why the FRAK did I waste my time this season???? I knew from the FIRST episode Raja was probably going to win! Even though she worked my nerves at times, I grew to love Manila. By the Final three, I knew poor Alexis would be first to go, so I threw hope behind Manila. Alas...

The Weather/Tornadoes: OK? What in Samhain is going on? I'm not one to hit the panic button, but the last few weeks of Tornado activity has been just down right scary. Tornadoes hitting St. Louis' Airport, Tornadoes flattening entire towns in Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia... What the Hell?!?! Even PA wanted to horn in on the horrible weather. Two confirmed twisted rolled through my area on Thursday. Trees were down, flooding galore from the torrential rain, the Susquehanna way past looking menacing....Ugh! Getting to work, which normally is a 20 minute commute, took over an hour. Suffice to say our area wasn't as bad as the South, my point is why is Mother Nature tearing like a woman scorned? She's pissed!

Obama and his birth certificate: You know? Really? Why was this necessary? Honestly, Trump and the rest of the Birthers needed to go over this issue long ago. How commendable that on 44's part to put up with it this long. Mind you, I was one of those who really felt our president showing his birth certificate was so unnecessary. Officials and Reps from Hawaii time and time again gave the proof required to show his birth as US citizen. Yet, Trump and cronies just weren't satisfied. Lord! Donald just go get a haircut and leave us alone already!!! Why hasn't anyone mentioned HIPPA in all this? But I guess the highest citizen in the land isn't entitled to privacy. In any case, 44 showed 'em the long form.

The Royal Wedding: Is it done yet? I know I was one of the ones way back when to watch Charles and Diana, but I have no, none what-so-ever, interest in William and Kate. That's saying something cause usually anything British, and I'm so there. Dunno. Maybe cause Wills and Harry did a flip flop in the cuteness factor? Harry has gotten more over the years....Yeah he looked good standing next to his brother in West Minster. OK, I peeked at the highlights! I didn't watch it Friday morning though.

Superman's Citizenship: Are people really reacting over a comic book character renouncing U.S. citizenship? Really? C'mon people, it's a work of fiction! Get with the program. Let's worry about the frakkin' economy instead a make believe character written for children.

Doctor Who Series 6: After seeing part two of the season opener, I'm completely disillusioned with Who. What complete garbage! Both episodes seemed rushed and loosely tied. I do realize the point to Who has never to wrap things up in a tidy package, but these episode had too many plot whole. And can anyone explain the Silence to me? Um, the Doctor's been visiting Earth for hundreds of years and this is his first encounter? Oh yeah, you forget them when they're outta sight. I get it, outta sight, outta mind. Uh no...

This was perhaps one of the worst Doctor Who episodes to date. I don't know if I was more frustrated with BBC America's commercial interruptions or trying to understand a hastily written story. I've been watching the show since the 70s. I've long said the problem with the new incarnation of Who is it needs to go back to its root. Go back the Tom Baker era telling of story arc. Any one Remember the Invasion of Time? Now that was a story arc for the ages.... Ugh! Moffett, please turn this show around. It needs H-E-L-P. If need be, bring back some the older characters, while keeping the zest and underlying promise. Matt Smith are times shows incredible spark.

Despite my critiques, I'm still intrigued by the Doctor and River's relationship. The show is giving us the truth piece meal, but I think I've worked through the red herrings and alleged theorist on who exact River is. I might be important to not the child from the Season opener. Who was she? Why did Amy react they ways she did in child's room at the Ophanage? What was the real reason Amy told the Doctor she was pregnant and not Rory? Might point out the plot gap...HOW THE HELL DID SHE DISCOVER SHE WAS PREGNANT???

Skipping my rant, I do have speculations who the child trapped in the Apollo 11 suit was. Deconstruct the episode, piece all you know so far about River, and it all makes sense. Had to go back and re-watch River's introduction to the Doctor while he was in his David Tenant incarnation.... Oh I won't spoil it, but I would be très surprised if my theory was wrong...

The Pen Is Mighty Indeed.

A good friend pointed out to me the other day I still had comment moderation on the Axe. "Really?" I mean it's one of those things I just do automatically, approve most comments. My main reason for putting it on was to block all the Spam and the negative remarks I was getting from a few folk over a former piece of Scripture I had as the header....Whew. That's a story and ordeal I much rather forget. Suffice to say, I'm taking comments off. I'm made a personal commitment for the month of May to do at least one post everyday, some I'll want feedback. Don't wanna deter good people from leaving a remark or two because I'm too lazy do my own editing.

As LBB put it, "One of the main reasons I text my comments directly to you is cause of the Comment Approval. Why? Because it tends to turn me off...seems like censorship." Far be it from me to be afarid of a l'il criticism, constructive or otherwise, so from here on no mo' comment moderation.

Alright - Ledisi

Not So Lovin' It!

Did I deserve a break today? Yeah, but not this kind...

Ugh! I'm feeling miserable this morning. Oh why don't I learn the good lesson of healthy eating?!?! So for Lent I gave up eating at most fast food establishments, with the exception of Subway (most of their stuff is pretty decent)...

Since Easter was yesterday, Lent ended. I did good. Didn't cheat once though I was tempted many times. This morning I knew I'd be pressed for time so I chose to stop @ Mickey D's for breakfast. Big mistake! My stomach is growling and bloated now. I feel like walking death and the sad part is I'm @ work. Lordhavmercy!!!!

I think another 40 day fast is in order.... *burp*
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Unexpected visitor....

Sun shines so bright I need to wear shades!

Blessed be. It actually was sunny today. Huh? Go figure. Of course they're calling for more rain in the forecast for the Easter weekend. *groan* Until then, I'm basking in this welcomed reprieve from the wetness...

Washed Away

It's been raining on and off here in PA for days now. Kinda sick of it. I had a house guest visiting over the weekend who is very unaccustomed to that amount of rain, felt bad, but that's April in Pennsylvania. As the old saying goes, "April showers, brings May flowers." Still, at one point I thought I was needing an ark to get him to the airport yesterday....

The one good thing about the rain though is it's good for cleansing the spirit. I haven't been sleeping too well lately. At night I can drift off easily with the rain beating down. There are moments when I feel the inner child wants just run out and dance it. Not too mature, but hey sometimes life takes you there.

I don't what else to do about what's going on. Just weather the storms of life and try to be as positive and optimistic as I can....

Uh-oh.

Sometimes, even with the right attitude, things still go askew... Ask me tomorrow whether this is good or bad. I dunno. Today didn't hit it off quite as expected.

Huh?

So what's this I heard Wolverine is a vampire now???? I feel like Scott, sucker punched!

Work Ethics

I haven't sat down and written a long post in a while. Really haven't had much to discuss. Personally I'm blaming on this extended "I don't wanna go away" Winter. Even though its officially Spring, the season has been chilly, damp, and downright dreary. There have been a couple days in the 70s...encouraging enough to lift and motivate the spirit, but over all I am so ready for Spring so I can get crackin' on my goals.

Work has been frustrating me. I also have my side business project which is challenging me to step outside of my normal comfort zone, step outside of my normal timid self, and man up with life ways I never anticipated. Its kinda funny how the picture is starting to be revealed with the players in my life now, but that's a story for another post. The main thing is no matter how tired I am, how over worked I feel, I'm not giving up. I have a long, long, loooooooong journey ahead of me, but in the end, it'll pay off. The reward will be not the destination, but the adventure in-between.

I'm learning more about myself in the first few months of 2011 then I have in the past umpteen years of therapy. Ha! Who says work ain't good for the soul every now and then?

Post Jack: Mom Spanked the Gay Out of Me! (longer version)

First, I have to thank Raw Leather Daddy Blog for this! I hate post jacking, but this was the most hysterical thing I've ever laid eyes on to not post here. I was feeling crappy all day yesterday and each time I thought about this vignette, an instantaneous smile broke.

If you're wondering, supposedly this isn't real, but a parody of a Christian parenting show? Don't know where from, but the woman deserves an Emmy for staying in character!

Whodini - Friends