Letting Go Of The Old Year

2011 hasn't been a bad year. It's been overall a learning year and I'm proud to say I'm coming away from the last 3-6-5 with more insight and knowledge. There were times I felt like giving up, but perhaps my greatest testimony will be the resiliency gained. Sure I'm closing the old, starting the new, single, but it could be worse. LOL.

I'm looking forward to the challenges 2012 will bring and I hope to tackle many of my so-called failures from this year... lack of trust, vocational aspirations, weight loss, etc... and make those successes! Yep. 2012 is the year I take back.

Moving Onwards

The Christmas Holiday is done and the count down to 2012 is on. I still don't have concrete plans for Saturday. Hm. Been given a few invitations to gatherings, but I haven't decided what to do. I'd like to be out and about. My celebration, however, will be pretty low key. That's typically how it is. I am looking forward to the fresh start 2012 is bringing.

2011 was a learning year. It was neither good nor bad, just an experience overall. I learned more about my strengths and my station in life. I feel fortified that the next stage is secure and that some of my foals will be reached in the coming 365.

I'm ready. Let's get this party started!

Goodbye November! We Hardly Knew Ye!

Can you believe we're into December tomorrow? Where did the month go??? Seems like yesterday was just Halloween. But the Holidays are in full swing and soon we'll be saying Happy New Year. Wow. I think I'm just not ready...

So far for this month I did make some progress with my weight loss goals. It's tough and even more during the Holiday season. Thankfully I didn't go hog wild at the dinner table last week. The real challenge will start from here on out because December tends to be the free for all with snacks, treats, and goodies galore all month long. UGH! Help a fat man thru it Lawd!

I'm certain a l'il determination, denial, deep faith---the Triple D Approach, will help me come through unscathed. I hate trying to lose weight during this toughest season, but shoot! I need to get right with my body and stop treating it like a garbage dump and more like the TEMPLE it should be.

Nuff said.

-Ian

On A New Path

This year has had it's challenges with my weight goals. I was doing well before summer came, and I fell hard. Since then I've been on a roller coaster, up down up down up down. I'm actually sick of it. Time to set things to right for once and for all.

Today started my quest to permanent weight loss and so far it's been OK? Drinking lots of water and watching my in-take. Yes I have a number goal. Not sharing yet. Not sharing all my intentions at the moment either. My only hope is that once all is said and done I can live with my decisions and feel happy. Only time will tell, I suppose...

Get It Together!

Whew! It's been a busy pass few days. I'm swamped with work and trying to get organized with my second job, but I'm here. Simply put, I'm here.

The feeling is kinda liberating because for a change I feel I'm doing something instead just hoping for something. When I do put my mind toward goals, yes dreams can be had. Slowly, life is moving in a positive direction. Ian is getting it together, albeit with a little help from friends and family.

Have a prosperous day no matter what the circumstances.

In love 'n hope,
-Ian

Yaaaaas!

"Hustle, hustle, hustle. Keep it pushin', keep it moving. Ain't gonna stop til I reach the top!"

That's today's mantra. No time to worry about past mistakes or worry about the future. All I really have is this moment... Yup.

-In love & faith,
Ian

A Follow Up

Because life happens at a moment's notice, I had planned a further explanation to my post this morning, however...

Tomorrow, Ian will break his silence on a few things and share the insanity. Coming clean, coming clean, coming clean. It's not easy admitting your fears, but silence only begats shame and I am so OVER it.

More to come.

Work Ethics

I haven't sat down and written a long post in a while. Really haven't had much to discuss. Personally I'm blaming on this extended "I don't wanna go away" Winter. Even though its officially Spring, the season has been chilly, damp, and downright dreary. There have been a couple days in the 70s...encouraging enough to lift and motivate the spirit, but over all I am so ready for Spring so I can get crackin' on my goals.

Work has been frustrating me. I also have my side business project which is challenging me to step outside of my normal comfort zone, step outside of my normal timid self, and man up with life ways I never anticipated. Its kinda funny how the picture is starting to be revealed with the players in my life now, but that's a story for another post. The main thing is no matter how tired I am, how over worked I feel, I'm not giving up. I have a long, long, loooooooong journey ahead of me, but in the end, it'll pay off. The reward will be not the destination, but the adventure in-between.

I'm learning more about myself in the first few months of 2011 then I have in the past umpteen years of therapy. Ha! Who says work ain't good for the soul every now and then?

Mardi Gras

I've never been to Mardi Gras or Southern Decadence so the picture would be indeed be a site to see. Both events are something to add on to my bucket list.

Fat Tuesday! The last big hurrah before Lent. Tomorrow, I suppose the Faithful will be giving up one thing or another for the 40 days until Easter. Each year I try, but I struggle with it. Self-discipline is not one of my strongest features. Then again, it depends on what I give up. The goal this year? Cigarettes and continue on my weight loss path.

Spring Challenges...Almost

It's Monday morning and I sooooo don't want to get up and ready for work, but do what I must. Still, it's raining here, foggy, and in the distance.... hark? Do I hear rumbles of thunder, eh? Transitioning into Spring. Well I can handle that. I'm grateful that Winter is almost over. The weekend was a chilly, but at least my friend Mister Sun was around. Praise Jeezus!

The last few weeks have been amusing to say the least. Learning some well deserved lessons. Some tough, others I'm gracing with ease. There's a long path ahead, but the path is never easy is it? Somehow, I managed to still lose a little bit of weight during the season, but I hope to amp it up now that the weather is gon' break. Plus seeing also pix of Cam Newton on everybody n' theri grammama's blogs and tumblr this weekend was encouragement enough for this chubby brutha to get slim once and for all. LOL. OK. I can do this!

The sky's the limit.

Fly Above Negativity

So what's crackin'? Praise the Heavens! I'm back on my laptop. For the past few days I've been using my Blackberry to write blog posts because I was too cheap to pay for wireless in my hotel room. For the remainder of my trip I'll be visiting with locals here in Vegas/LA so I can use their wi-fi service.

I really don't feel like leaving Tuesday, dammit. Why is it once I get to Pacific time its always time to return home???

So ole Ian been going through it the last few days. Feelin' a bit inadequate not only in the circle of his peers, but in the glory (or the lack their of) life. Something is missing, again. For awhile I thought I'd found it. I was riding momentum but now that's gone the empty space leaves me wanting. Sometimes it's hard when your less than stellar in a crowd of folk who fly. I haven't felt loved, which is strange here cause you're constantly surrounded by people. There's been several faux paxs, humiliation to the Nth degree. A friend, (actually, the gentleman in the picture to the left. Mama always said give credit where credit is due. Buy Jamal's book while you're at it! ) recommended owning the situation, then moving on. Old habits die hard. But I'm making the effort...

I could use a good shoulder to cry on, but I refuse. For once, maybe not once OK, I'm going to pull it together and try. Use all the tools and resources I know are at my disposal, attempt to make the best of what I have. Hey, for what he's worth, Pharaoh is across the room. He's jammin' out to some music, but he's always willin' to listen when I need his ear. His brotherly love is enough to tell my crazy ass the truth, unlike other people I often surround myself, so best align myself with the truth, the fabulous, and the Divine. Yes, I'm leaving, but I'll be back. This is my resolve. And when I'll be back, I'll be a stronger brutha...

Dice Roll/Crap Shoot

Been gone for a bit, sorry. I had to step away to take care of personal matters. Now, at the behest of our good brother Wonder Man, I'm just throwing a word or two on the spot. Its snowing, or so I'm told. I've been able to escape the cold of Old Man Winter for a few days and am relaxing in the delusion of a desert oasis... Yep, I'm in Vegas! It's OK so far, chillin, ready to commit fratricide at some moments (LOL) but you know it be when you're cooped too long. Stooopid shizz gets said. People work your nerves. You work their damn nerves. Yet time its all said and done you wouldn't change a thing.

Anyhoo nobody told me Vegas encourage escapism. Not in the wanna move here way, but in I need to take chance on Life. Hm. The soup is being stirred. Wonder what happens next?

Why Resolve? Just Procrastinate!

So I'm sitting here, indecisive as ever, wrestling with which ticket to purchase for my trip. I think by now I'd be used to the whole flying process. I've already decide to go through the scanners, I mean really if they that desperate to see my fatness, go on. When did flying because such an ordeal though? I wish my next trip was more pleasure, less business, but in the end if it brings me money...a little inconvenience will be worth it.

Sitting at my desk this afternoon, I stared at the window, internal strife raging. One situation, I was grateful that at the eleventh hour last month we got the reprieve from lay-offs in my department. The other hemisphere was cursing the day I set foot in that office and wishing I could make a break for it and run from the Plantation, head north to freedom, like other before... ::sigh:: Yeah I know I need to be grateful I have a job. Midlife crisis wander lust is setting in again. Maybe it's the January Blues taking root, but everywhere I look, I see room for improvement. Just bored with situations as normal, you know?

The other tasks at hand is attempting get back on the wagon with losing weight and quitting smoking. I quit cold turkey New Year's Day with the cigs. Don't know how much longer my will power is gonna last with that. My natural inclination is to turn to food, but then I keeping about flying and Lord know I don't wanna be like Kevin Smith and his sitch with Southwest Air. LOL. I laugh, but dude, seriously. Ian has packed on some pounds over the holidays. It ain't cute. I might resort to some drastic measures here in minute. Anybody remember Tammy, circa The Real World: Los Angeles 1992? When when she wired her mouth shut just to lose weight? Hm, that's an option, heh.

All kidding a side. I'm tempting to start a health journal, but the humiliation of it all... would that work? Shame can be a powerful motivator. Who knows? But I'll be 41 in less than two months, so I need to take my life seriously. Stop procrastinating and act like life is the real deal. After all, I only got one chance....

Monday Promises

Can't believe the weekend is over?!?! And er ah, where did you go? What did I do? No really, I had a pretty productive weekend and my Monday is actually shaping up to be pretty productive as well. I hope all your adventures this week are promising.

Hopefully this evening I will have time to sit down and list out the goals I've written out for myself. Time seems to be the one thing I seem to be losing lately rather than gaining. Hmph. Alright peeps. Gotta go to work. I might try to sneak a post in during the day. Until then.

-Ian.