Hey, Stupid Cupid! Is He The One?

Tonight I'm feeling a little lonely and inquisitive about mt love life. Dunno why. Guess I've too much empty time on my hand this Thursday evening. Health-wise, things have been improving and I know soon life will return to normal. Oh you can rest assured I'll be wanting to have this extended time off once I return to work, which is slated possibly by August or September

Call it boredom, but I'm not motivated to do anything at the moment...read, watch television, even blogging. I'm sitting here starting, erasing and restarting, erasing again and restarting this paragraph. I'm so unsettled. Plus remember the old saying, "An idle mind is the Devil's workshop." Sitting here, on my laptop, Ian is pondering what kinda grubbily plank relationship I've managed, yet again, to work myself into.

Suppose I should have discussed Arturo long before now. The reason I haven't is because he reads the blog. I've nothing to hide, but he does, and I don't want to embarrass my Papi anymore that is necessary. Still, those nagging little gremlins in my mind....

Since we hooked up around my birthday, we rekindled the spark that was there last summer No you know, if you've been reading the blog for a while, that A disappeared without a trace. No call, no email, no nothing. He was just gone. It wasn't until I ran into him at his job around the Holidays I got the full scoop on what happened. It was a simple explanation. It's nothing major, and time has allow forgiveness in my heart.

This time apart has solidified doubts. These concerns were nagging me prior to my surgery and has been thrust further since coming home to Philadelphia. It's been over a month since 'Turo and I spent significant quality time together. We've stolen a few moments here an there. A phone call or two, three, four or more. We've been emailing back and forth. Heck I even got my folks to have lunch while we were up for my weekly post-op check up with the surgeon the other week. I have no clues as to whether or not my parents are clued into to us or not. They're not stupid. Arturo visited me while I in the hospital with Junior...

So what's my beef? Isn't this normal for all relationships to have a period of trial and tribulation? Some angst? Curious though. I mean, is Arturo the one? A's a great guy. he treats me nice, now that we worked out why he upped and disappeared last summer, and I love his son to pieces. We're like instant family, ya know? But therein, there is a nine year age difference. Arturo just turns 30 this year. Neither one of us are "Out" to our folks, Artie's not "Out" to most people, which at least I am in my social and working community. If I had to play hide and seek with my sexuality longer than this period I'm at my folks, I'm gonna go stir crazy.

Me? Well you guys all know I'm too chicken-shit to discuss my sexuality with my family, not that it's any of their business. And for A? Well, he's part Dominican, part Puerto Rican, 100% Catholic. In my experience, and remember I have Catholic and Cuban roots from my daddy, some Latin cultures have never been all that favorable on homosexuality. So I understand Arturo's hesitation coming out. Playing Devil's Advocate further, the boy just came to terms with himself in recent years. I so know that's right! I'm almost 40, knowing my needs for at least 20-some years now, and I'm still coming to terms with myself. Sheesh.

Regarding another concern, is he the one? Or am I settling? Considering how much I miss him, I think I "like" the Arturo, but is it love? Come on, I'm so confused and this sucks at age 39 not knowing your heart. Starting relationships has never been my forte. Never been good at picking the right man either.

Too, I keep thinking about other men who stir things inside me, make me feel things on a spiritual level, that doesn't make sense. I attribute those emotions to lust. At least I hope it's lust. Maybe I just need to get laid again??? Being gay ain't easy...

Dude, I'm such a bad homo, LOL!

Good Lawd, They're USDA Certified!!!

Adina

She said it right " I wanna freak in the morning, I wanna freak in the evening...I need a roughneck nigga that can satisfy me!" Damn right. Who don't? LOL. Enjoy.

One Hundred

Today, we cheerfully, can celebrate this!

but for those of you who still think "44" was a mistake, remember this:

Yeah, George. Barrack's got your back. But not in the way you thought....

A Confession

OK, I'll jus' go on and admit it, right here, right now. For all my posture and pandering, all of my criticisms, I secretly have the hots for Marcus Patrick. Yeah, I realized only just this morning.

Oh come on Ian. Not another one of your hormonal posts over some celebrity you'll never have a chance in HELL meeting?!?!?!

Cut a brother some slack now men. You never know. Maybe I bump into MP in a club, he'll see the error of his ways in doing all that nasty rump shakin' in public (it's only nasty cause he's not doing it for me in private, LOL) and settle his ass down. Thanks to Darian's post yesterday, I'm soooo reminded how beautiful this guy is. And truth be told, since I'm into confessions today, Marcus is not only my MySpace buddy, but on Facebook, and Twitter as well. How pathetic is that? LOL.

Don't ask me why I waffle on Brother Osbourne (Patrick's real surname) so much. Hmph. Call it jealousy as a recent commenter did, I suppose. Maybe I'm jus' a big ole prude when it comes down to it. I mean every time you turn around, Marcus is brick, waving his thang in somebody's face. (Oh Lawd, jus' lemme touch it one time. One time Lawd!!!) In truth, Marcus is a handsome guy. Very handsome indeed. Personally, I'd like to think he's more than his dick, but it's such a wonderful phallus indeed, isn't it?!?!

Darian used "sexually ambiguous" to describe Marcus. So what (no "s") that mean? Is that a kinder way of saying "gay-for-pay?" Or perhaps, the new respect afforded to bisexual men? After reviewing, yet again for the millionth time, the B. Scott video with Brother Osbourne and his obvious erection, I'll dare go out on the limb and say he's gotta be bisexual, dontcha think? Now the true question is...Is Marcus a top, bottom, or versatile?!?!

Ian's Inquiry: In the end, does it really matter whether our heroes and role models are gay/bisexual or "gay-for-pay?"

How Can I Ease The Pain

Dear Ms. Fischer,

Girl, you have no idea!

Love,

Ian

Another throwback video, but something for the soul...my soul at least.

Seeing My Valley As A Peak

So what's been on my reading syllabus since coming home? Well, I'm struggling through E. Lynn Harris' Basketball Jones, half ass reading Iyanla Vanzant's Up From Here, and rereading Diana Gabaldon's Outlander. Oh yeah, and less I forget, also Brother Hill Harper's Letter to a Young Brother, which some could argue, I'm neither young nor a "brutha," since I'm almost 40 and peeps here in the old neighborhood think I long ago crossed the color line, never to return. My Blackness, or lack thereof, is a matter of interpretation depending on my associates at the time...Why black people gotta be so judgmental?!?!

I digress. Back to my literary adventures. Now, I wonder? Am I an oddball or what, but I have an uncanny tendency to read books backwards. I"ll truck along for so long, reading from the beginning, then I'll skip to the last chapter and find out the ending. After doing so, Ian reads the middle parts. I've never been one for suspense. Boy's gotta know the details NOW! Am I the only one that does this??? Perhaps that's why I'm having trouble reading Basketball Jones, I already now the ending (I won't spoil it if you haven't read it). Suffice to say, Jones is my least favorite of E. Lynn's books.

For a l'il bit of inspiration and motivation, I picked up Hill and Iyanla's jawns because I knew returning to the homestead would be an emotional challenge. The physical part, while taxing, has been the easy part. Dealing with my folks and the peeps from the old 'hood, has been the hardest part...Last Saturday night, the next door neighbors were smoking herb in their backyard, (you could smell the shit all around the block) That, and smoking cigarettes, and drinking alcohol. Umm, OK, I was unprepared for my own cravings for weed, nicotine, and alcohol would kick in with a vengeance. Old habits die hard. I haven't lit up a joint since I was, well...a considerable time ago... Not within the last five years! I don' judge people on smokin' weed. Too many do; that ain't my thang. Now, for your highly more destructive and addictive drugs, I do have a problem and will lecture you.

The agony! Last night I commented to Brother New York (Cocoa Rican) I've been sorely tempted for a cigarette since Saturday. Of course, I'm forbidden to leave the house under the "household convalescence rules," but you know I could charm my dear sweet younger sister to go grab me a pack. Wouldn't be nothing for me to sneak out in the back and light up in the dead of night. My folks, the warden and security guards, sleep like rocks. B.ut I'm hanging on in there. It's been a little over a month, whic is to be commended, and I will have my temptation. Boy will I! The power of suggestion is a cruel seductress... I have to remember to take it one moment at a time.

Hill and Iyanla were supposed to carry me through this tumultuous time. Unfortunately, neither author's works are holding my interest. Maybe I'm not just in the right frame of mind to handle Iyanla? And Hill is a good brother, but once I start reading him, inevitably, the comparison comes along as to why my life sucks so bad and his has reached stellar heights. Brother Harper seems to have obtained it all...sexy, talented, good writer, lawyer, friend of Barrack Obama (FOBO) . What I got? Two cats and a pocket full of lint!!! LOL.

Aw, don't listen to my negativity. Troubling me most is remaining here in my parents' home and being confronted with the demons from the past, living up to parental scrutiny, and attempting to be my own man, while relying on them for assistance. Issues. The first thing I'm doing once I get back up on my feet, literally, is going back to therapy. Happiness and I have had a strange relationship ever since I was knee high to the grapevine. I'm not sure why maintaining happiness has been a challenge, but I'm hoping to change my attitude, thereby, changing how I view happiness.

A relative purchased a copy of Peaks and Valleys by Spencer Johnson, the same author who wrote Who Moved My Cheese?. So far the book has been an easy read and actually inspiring. It's all a matter of changing one's outlook to change perspective, seeing your valleys as peaks, and vice versa. It's helping to an extent, and I'm grateful the seed is being planted. With perseverance, hopeful by summertime, I'll be in a much better place.

Ian's Inquiry: What book or books has/have inspired you to challenge yourself?

"All We Need Is The Two Of Us"

"You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on..."
-Shania Twain

This video almost made me straight again.
Almost, but not quite. LOL.
Of course this song does holds special meaning in my heart for a certain someone. Always.

James Thrash

Thirty-fourth birthday wishes go out today to Washington Redskins' Wide Receiver James Thrash.

Let The Music Play

I was cleaning out my hard drive when I came across a stash of music videos I'd saved during my travels on the 'Net. SOme wre moving, some downright awful. Tee hee, never let it be said I have the greatest taste in music...I like what I like and that's all to it.

So, I decided to share with you a few of my favorite videos and songs. Some artist you be feelin' and others you might raise an eyebrow and go "What the F---?" Keep in mind, I''m stuck musically in the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s. I don''t much care for today's music (music porn for the ears) but you never know who'll you'll spot on my iPod.

To start off, I'm taking it back to one my favorite songs, favorite videos, favorite artists EVAH...Beyonce who?!?! Let's hear it for Ms. Toni Braxton!

¡Ay Caramba!

What the hell is going on" with Mexico?!?! I checked out CNN real quick cause I remembered T.J. Holmes was covering for Kyra Phillips today after his weekend off (T.J.! You're not allowed to do that no mo!) Saw there was press coverage on the Swine Flu epidemic. OK, heard that this weekend...

Flipped over to see what Design To Sell episode HGTV was gonna show at 1:00 PM, then went back to CNN and saw Mexico City has been rocked with an earthquake.

¡Ay Caramba!" indeed. First Mexico's problem drug trafficking, violence and murder, then this Swine epidemic, and now an Earthquake? Damn. Mexico and her people are getting the short end of the stick. Let's pray Mexico's trials and tribulations pass soon. What happens there could happen here....

The Best Part Of Waking Up...

Is a hot man in your cup...or rather, by your side.

Gonna Make You Sweat

God, I was like what? Twenty, twenty-one, when C+C Music Factory was playing tunes on the airwaves? Damn,t seems like it was yesterday. Wonder whatever happened to Freedom Williams? Is he still phine like wine? Probably not. We're talking 20-some years...probably hard living has caught up wit' him. Any you guys know for sure???

A Lil Comment In-Between

I'm working on the second and final installment to my "Tidbits" posts. They should be up on the blog tomorrow late afternoon or so. But I just got off Facebook (I'm so addicted because I'm catching up wit' er'rybody I lost contact with in the last 20 years. Facebook rawks!!!) and an not quite ready to go back to bed, so I checked my e-mail.

Now I'm a lil bit frustrated and perplexed. Here's why. About a week ago I wrote a well thought out email to a brother blogger, no names please, asking him if he owuldn't mind joining the collective effort to my other blog MALE. I respect this brother for his work is TALENTED. He writes from the hand of God and I am too jealous of his gift. Not really, just in admiration is all.

N-t-way, I said in said letter I would understand if he declined or felt our cause was not inline with his purpose. Cool. No problem. I've had several guys I've asked turn me down. I'm cool wid'it. At least they all had the courtesy to respectfully decline. This brother? Not a word!

We are a bit confused cause I know he's post once, twice, thrice, and more to his blog since I wrote him. I thought maybe he'd take the time to just say no or sumthin, sumthin...but I got bupkis! And people wonder why I have inferiority complexes?????

Brother X, you know who you are. If you read this, can you just take a moment to email me to let me know the deal? My feelinz ain't hurt, but yeah, Ian want's to know why I ain't had a holla back. I know my writing is not as superb, but dang bro! Ian thought you'd at least praise a brother for trying to reach new heights, LOL. Just kidding.

Ah, life. Ain't it grand as roses at the city dump?!?!

Jason Momoa

As our good blogging friend DJ pointed out over on MALE blog the other week, Jason Momoa is hot. HAWT! And he's wit my favorite Earth goddess, Lisa Bonet too? Shoot. You know they gonna (and do) have some pretty babies now, right? LOL. Jason was totally fuck-able in The Johnson's Family Vacation. Damn.....

Not sure if Jason qualifies as a "White Boy Thursday" post or not. I'm almost certain he has Polynesian heritage, so technically, he's a homeboy of color like the rest of us. Oh let's not start that debate again, shall we. I got into a huge discussion over on Chocolate Salsa because somebody got offended cause I caused Dr. Sanjay Gupta a "brotha." Oh lawd. My people, my people. We's all human, no? That's why I really got away from "White Boy Thursday" post cause it seemed quasi-racist...

What-EV-ERR! Just enjoy Mr. Momoa and those 'locks. Y'all know my hair fetish is raised up here, dontcha naw? LOL.

Chad

So I haven't posted a "White Boy Thursday" in a while, so I figure now is as good of a time as any. Now I'm so proud of Chad. Damn proud of Chad. I remember bro when he was on that show back in the day with Shannon Doherty and Wilfred Brimley, I forget what it was called, but boy resurfaced as a teen not long after on Star Trek The Next Generation and whew...I was hooked.

Now for anybody who was a fan of Next Generation, you know how unforgiving or revealing some of those spandex costumes were. The episode Chad was in, my man was large and in charge, and showing all his God-given assets. Of course he then graduated to the older son on Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman. Loved that show.
But Chad is someone I respect, like Brother Wilson Cruz, he's come out of the closet and become an upstanding figure in LGBT community. Chad fights with a purpose for the cause. Now if we can only get Wilson and Chad in a serious romantic gay "dramedy" together, we're in business...

Twitter, Tweeting,...What?!?

Admittedly, I am hopelessly ignorant when it comes to this whole Twitter thing. I recently decided to sign up for an account, although I've yet to post anything. Couple of my buddies Tweet, but as I said, I'm hopeless. I just don't get it. But then again, I didn't get Facebook right away, now I'm on there several times a day. MySpace pales in comparison.

So do you tweet? For now, I'm not gonna reveal my Twitter name since its under my full, proper name. But I'm following several of the popular bloggers, so you might find me out there eventually, just like on Facebook. Oh wow! I think I'm reliving my childhood as it shoulda been. This time it's much more fun!

Ian's Inquisition: Are you a tweeter? How often are you posting the miscellaneous and macabre for all to know???

Ro, Ro, Ro 360

Last night I didn't watch much television. Just a little bit of Jeopardy, then I went to finish reading "Basketball Jones" (E! I'm not feeling this book this go 'round. Maybe cause I'm in a funk.)

N-t-way, I just finished reading Rod's post on Roland Martin's appearance last night on Anderson Cooper 360, and his defending that silly woman (Miss California) for expressing her opinion that marriage is between a man and a woman. Don't feel like rehashing it, read it here if you haven't already heard.

Roland, Roland, Roland...Brother. Is it true that you now on "their" side creating a divide in the us against them mentality? Another black man who doesn't the gay rights issue as being a civil rights issue? How dare gays compare the struggle to the Civil Rights Movement! Oh my, makes me so tired. Like so many, I've come to the table after gaining a one up from second class social status, only to be told once more to go eat in the kitchen, outta sight. When will we equal rights? Or because its not a violation in color, it doesn't matter? What about men and women of color who happen to be gay? What about then?

I've much respect for Roland, believe he's an intelligent brother, but I wish he'd extend the same courtesy to his gay brethren and sisters as well. Pity I'm reading about this now. My started on the good foot when I heard Roland give a stirring and convincing commentary on the Tom Joyner Morning Show today on why Jesse Jackson Sr. should be allowed to go to Iran and attempt to negotiate the release of Roxana Saberi.

I'm usually impressed by his sagely words and wisdom, but in this instance, I'm severely disappointed in Roland. Rod said it far more eloquently, so I don't wanna parrot him. I only know this instance further broadens the hole I've been feeling in my heart regarding recent negative situations with gays in the US. While this makes me angry, a great part of me feels sad, defeated. Nevertheless, we can't give up on the good fight. Our foreparents didn't and neither should we. I need to remind myself of this more often...

Tidbits, Part Two:

Depressed over what? Mainly for not being the son they wanted, which reinforces all the insecurities I still have from childhood. Mainly for not being the person i wanted, or rather can't be. It's all so damn sophomoric and childish. Childhood issues rearing up from the past, like goddamn ghosts in the hall haunting me, chiding me for being how I turned out.

There are moments when my ire gets irked enough, but for the most part, I've been a fucking coward and just sat back and not expressed my feeling. Respect for my parents I suppose. The whole "honor thy mother and father crap." This is their home after all, and I am a guest, so...
But I'm ready to break outta this here prison! I wanna go back home, not necessarily to the life I had, but to my own independence.

Now speaking on a few issues, criticize if you must, but be fair. I grew up in difficult circumstances. Yes, we all have, but being back in the neighbor where so many painful events occurred is difficult to reconcile. You can't get to my parents' home without passing the alley way where I was sodomized by a group neighborhood boys, including one who'd become my future brother-in-law, can't drive down the block without seeing old youthful bullies, hanging on the corner, lives going nowhere, and wondering how I escaped, and they didn't. (Guilt complex) Can't remove myself from under the household where my own parent's accuse me of being too this or too that, like my life has no merit to them what so ever.

Yeah, I know that last part ain't true, but goddamn...I have my own adult demons enough! I really don't need the childhood ones raising up at this critical juncture in my life. Shit. I thought I had put things to rest when I left up outta here in my 20s. I lived with my folks for exactly six months after my disastrous first year of graduate school. Six months. After that, I vowed never, EVAH, would I live under the same roof again. I can't live up to their expectations. And please, for all you who think its soooo easy to confess my sexuality to them, live here for one day, and you'll see what I mean.

Oh sure they know. There's no question about that. My cousin Jaheem was over and the difference between how he acts and how I act are night and day. Boy acts like a "man," while my behavior is suspect and questionable to my folks. I dunno any other to explain the bullshit. It's not pretty.

Too, being here is playing upon the insecurities I have in myself. The self doubt I never really seems to make amends with. Those nagging thoughts and feeling that come in the darkest hours, in the middle of the night, when all I can do is feel miserable in the dark, and pray God either takes me home that minute, or I can fall asleep and awake with amnesia....

I'm not done. More after while.

Tidbits, Part One: Smokeless & Eating

Note: I started this post eaaaaaaaaarly this morning when I wasn't in a very good mood. Be forewarned, I'm a bit bitchy, but purging some inner daemons!!! Just wait. I split this into two parts....

So, it's after three in the morning, and here I sit on the laptop, worried, tired, confused, stressed, and bereft. Why not go back to bed? Because I can't sleep. Or rather, because sleep is done with me. I sleep in weird intervals, usually its about three hours at a time, so your truly is up for the duration.

Following up with my earlier post from yesterday afternoon, 'tis true, I've been sad. However, not just, I've also been extremely irritated. Rotating between emotions for the last several weeks. frustration is boiling over. Things came to a climax Sunday after a discussion with Brother Jarrell on how hectic things at home have been. In addition, I have a tendency to heap the worlds problems on my own shoulders. The recent deaths of the young men who committed suicide, the young man found disposed in a garbage dumpster, and all the unfairness mainstream society is attempting to thrust upon the LGBT community, well my heart is just in a bad place.

To his credit, our blogging brother Corey is a saint. Or at least God sent, honest and trule. I had a meltdown on brother, enough so to scare even the most patient of Saints. Surprised dude didn't go running for the hills, but Mr. Jarrell has proven himself to be a reliable and trustworthy friend. Kudos for him.

Since coming home from hospital, my parents have cared for me so might heal better this go round. We wanna nip all this in the bud and be done with it. Btu things never seem to go according to plan, at least not in my life. My family has been supportive, but they don't understand the mess I'm experiencing. It's difficult being here, back in Philly, back home, relying on others again. I'm used to my independence, but that doesn't mean I can't ask for help, but rather I want the help that doesn't come with restriction, or price tags.

All the rules! I have to laugh here because it seems like I'm 15 all over again. Can't do this after certain hour, must do this before this particular hour, lights out at this hour... Are you serious?!?! I'm almost 40. If I want to read or talk on my cell, that's my business. If I surf the 'Net for more than an hour, which I tend to do because mobility is an issue, well that's fine. I'm not hurtin' you am I? Sheesh! Let's call a spade a spade, being here sucks. The old saying "You can't go home again" rings sooooooo true.

Not to sound ungrateful, I'm happy someone took compassion to help me, believe me. My folks are extending a generosity and compassion not many people would extend to their children who're almost 40. And believe me, I've read in-between the lines with some comments. I am a grown ass man, why the help can't I can't take care of myself, right? That subtle unstated sentiment looms heavy in the air, I know. It's not just my parent though, so let's give them a little slack. But my parents are well known for their criticism and constant remarks on other people's lives and what folk should and shouldn't be doing. Christ. Living here, life is constant examination under the microscope.

An example. Shortly before going in hospital, I decided now was as good of time as ever to quit smoking once and for all. It's a nasty habit and in the long run I'll be thankful. But the road hasn't been easy and I'm having cravings still after several weeks. Well, like most folks who quit, I've developed a lil bit of an appetite. Dear sweet "mumsy" has decided to lay into about my eating habits, questioning where do I put it all, blah blah blah blah.

Now, I should mention that I am a thicker brother. It's in my genes. Unfortunately, I didn't inherit the "tall" traits from my mama's people and got stuck with the heavier, big boned genes from my daddy's Southern peeps! Frag! Hard to believe this child here started out life at less than 6 pounds when I was born.

Life has been a struggle to maintain an appropriate weight. It's oh-so-damn-easy to fall off the wagon, but I don't wanna be grossly obese or not cute anymore, so I do my best to work on things. Besides, you know gay men are more shallow than a little bit, so I'm not trying gain anymore girth than necessary. To that end though, I will ashamedly admit, I do have poor self-image, reinforced by the voices over 39 years how I was too this or too that. Tends to work on a guy af'er while. dealing with the residual negative self-esteem issues from childhood hasn't been fun in life. I don't enjoy discussing it. That's part of the reason why you probably won't see too many pictures of me on this blog. I simply hate how I look...but that's an even longer story.

To be completely forthcoming, weight issues are a hot mess with me. It's a colossal pain in the ass. I manage to go workout or exercise, but the shit has never been anything but a burden, never fun. And to that end, I recognize I will never look like a model, never have washboard abs, or be the one turnin' head. Such is life. Like the best of us, I take it in stride until somebody gets up in my grill about things, then, "Houston we have a problem."

Whenever anyone questions or challenges my behavior involving weight, foot, or eating, I get defensive or withdrawn, depending on where my head is at. And yeah, I've been known to stop eating too. Don't mess with the bulimic behavior too much though. (That scares the crap outta me, but shallow, sick part of me thinks I'd rather be a thin and sexy than some vile vilified hog.)

Dealing with post operation stress, the craving for nicotine has increased tenfold. All I wanna do is escape into the backyard and toke on some toxic chemicals. Yeah, I know smoking is probably the worst of habits, but it was my thang. I do and don't miss it at the same time. I don't miss running to the convenience store in the wee hours for a pack nor the price of a pack, but I do miss the tranquil comfort it gave, even if I did smell like an ashtray. At least I never smoked in the house! That was my rule. If I wanted a damn thing bad enough, then come snow, sleet, cold, dark of night, warmth and heat of summer, outside on the deck I was...

L'il Boy Blue

Good morning brothers and sisters. As a man of his word, I promised to share with you the current saga going on in my neck o' the woods. I started blogging this morning but then I got distracted by Facebook, so I'm not finished yet. It's a work in progress.

So...I would finish writing it now, but I'm sucked into Charmed (it's the last episode, which I never saw) therefore it's gonna have to wait. But I'm workin' on it.

Stayed tuned...

Ghosts

I'm sad folks. Been really down for the last few weeks, just been doing the fake it till I make it routine, trying to fill the void with inconsequential things, but to be honest, everything makes me feel that much more depressed. Part of it is post-op depression, I'm sure. But a large portion probably has to do with being back in the home I grew up in with so many ghosts from the past haunting me at every turn of the corner...

I'll blog more this afternoon. I feel I need to immerse myself in Gayte-Keeper and Corey's blogs to cheer me. The Creator bless the both of them...Gayte-Keeper always speaks with the wisdom of a sage and Corey is just a good soul, like the brother I never had who has taken the time to listen when I'm going through muh changes. And chile, there's plenty these days.

*Sigh* Lord willing I'll have the mnotivation to pen thoughts later, right now, I'm crawling under the covers and playing hiding and seek with life.

-Ian

He-Man And The Masters of The Universe

So what was it about a massive blond man in a fur bikini riding around on a green tiger that was so appealing? And what was it about the blue bodied, skull faced, "fagelah" nemesis that intrigued this homo-in-waiting? Thus was He-man.

Oh I rush home from school to catch it on Channel 29 every afternoon. It was so fascinating to me...Some strange woman who wielded magic and could transform herself into a bird, the amazing otherworldly technology, the crazy inane foolishness that folks couldn't derive all the hidden messages in the program. {Certainly if you haven't figured out those messages by now, I won't tell you}.

He-Man And The Masters of The Universe was intriguing television for this child with an imagination as big as the universe and I'm grateful for it.

She-Ra

I must admit, this is only in response to Toddy posting all those cartoon clips from he 80s over on his blog. Never a huge fan, I did watch He-Man instead of She-Ra. Seriously, the show came off just plain stoooopid.

I'm not sure if it was popular or not, but for those of you might have forgotten about the Eternian Princess of Power, here's a trip down Memory Lane for your.

And Still, I Rise...

So, Anwar...

So I forget, is Anwar Robinson gay or not? You remember Anwar Robinson dontcha? You know, Anwar from Season Four of American Idol? Well I haven't.

Always thought Anwar was a handsome guy, probably due to the hair. I remember there was the brouhaha over a profile he had on Black Planet or some other social connection website. I really don't care if he's gay or not. When it's his time to deal with himself, he will. Not beforehand.

Anwar done a few things to crave his niche, done Rent, appeared in the stage version of E. Lynn Harris' Invisible Life, played Jesus in Godspell, and worked with Maurice Jamal in the follow up to Ski Trip. Not bad. Some might say great!

Happy Big 3-0 Anwar, Hope your day is a fab-u-lous one fer sure.

Brian J's. Day

Now where did Brian fit into the 2008 Top 100 Men? I couldn't tell you a the moment and I'm too lazy to research my own blog. How pathetic is that? LOL.

No matter where he landed, I'm sure I didn't rank him high enough. Even before I saw Brother White in a film, I thought he had devilishly handsome good looks. Guess all that modeling work paid off for him.

So, I've been accused by some for not doing my research when I post....so Google and Wikipedia have become my best friends. Gotta be careful with Wiki though. Sometimes folks make shit up there. But my point, dug up this interesting bit o' trivia about Brian J.
Did you know he once was a football player in the NFL for the New England Patriots? No! Really. I guess I'm not a big enough fan because I didn't know this.

Brian blows me away. He's just so sexy. Either au natural or dressed to the 9s, he got it goin' on. Think he'll end up in Top 10 for 2009? Too soon to tell, but maybe...

So Happy 34th Birthday Brian J. White. When we gonna see you in your next project, huh?