Saturday Amongst Das Nosferatu

This afternoon Hester and I are indulging ourselves in one our favorite hobbies, Vampire lure.

Now after reading the oodles of folklore, one knows never to speak ill of the Vampyrii, or even call attention to them. They simply don't like it. Oh sure, they'll deal with an occasional moment or two in the spotlight, so long as their cover isn't blown, and the great masses still think their myth....LOL.

Seriously, Hester and I are going to at last catch Twilight since we both read the books. Then, later this evening, after the kiddies are nestled snugly in bed, were turning on HBO and catching up with my latest addiction, True Blood! I was skeptical watching the program, but Hester implored, begged me to. "You're gonna love it, just die over it." I knew the moment I saw Anna Paquin doing her thing or alarmingly sassy, but kinda cute, Nelsan Ellis as Lafayette Reynolds, she was right. I was hooked. This show is addicting.

So, I'm off to Washington State to visit the Cullens, then Bon Temp, LA for my pint o' True Blood at Merlotte's. Hopefully, I'll be back tomorrow to post, hahahahaHA!

Some Thanksgiving

A late post, I know, but the day has been full. I wanted to take a moment to post a Thankful moment to my friends, family, associates, and blogging family out there. I am thankful for the many deeds, words, kind sentiments given. Without one another, we would fail to thrive. Without God, we are nothing...

I'll have more to say before the evening is over. Hope you're having a great holiday.

"...And Finding A Christmas Tree"

I'll admit the truth, I've been humming the 12 Pains Of Christmas. Oh you remember the song. "The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is finding a Christmas Tree. The Second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Rigging up the lights, and finding a Christmas Tree...." On and on it goes. A wonderful parody of the 12 Days of Christmas. I forget what year the song came out, I know I was in college, so it's been about 20 years or so.

Anyway, since I'm off the hook for cooking tomorrow, I'm still procrastinating cleaning the house! Never a dull moment, there's plenty little things I need to get accomplished before Friday. Throwing all the gayness I can into the season, I decided to do an old fashion tree trimming party on Friday. Yes, I went there. I'm not going overboard on spending this year, but I wanted to make the Holidays enjoyable enough, so a Wassail I'll throw together, a fatted goose in the oven, and a'caroling we'll do.

What the eff is this boy talking about?!?! I'm kidding about that corny shit. I couldn't begin to tell you a recipe for Wassail, though I've had it...quite tasty actually, couldn't afford a goose if I wanted one, and I don't sing Christmas Carols outside of Church! Nope. We're having ham and all the delicious side dishes-as yet-to-be determined, but we will be decorating my tree.

Three reasons why: 1) Money is tight, tight, tight. There won't be much gift giving this year, but wanted the season to seem festive. 2) I'm being a lazy ass. One of the biggest trials and tribulations every year is digging out of the basement all the cotton pickin' decorations and the artificial tree, then having to hang it all up! Figured this year, I'll get good friends to help out. 3) Last reason, well... it's kinda tradition to put the tree on Thanksgiving Friday.

Yes, I called it Thanksgiving Friday. Better than "Black Friday". Je déteste the moniker, seems so negative. S'ppose in this instance, however,it's not. If my grey matter recollects properly, in the financial world, isn't when something is in the black, that means it's good? It's being the red ya gotta worry about, right? I think so. Call me paranoid, used to everything "black" having a negative associations, I tend to rile against using the word except only in positive, affirming terms.

Getting to my point, Friday after Thanksgiving is traditionally when Christmas decor makes its season debut in the Darktomahawk Familia households. Yes, it's awfully early, but it's an old, old tradition going back to my father's people. What little remembrances I have of my great grandparents, I do remember the house done up at Holiday time. On the other hand, my mum and her family tradition, don't put a blessed card, ornament, or decoration up until Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve!?! What's the friggin' point by then? But that's how they do it.

As children, after my parents divorced, my sisters and I were always able to finagle our mum to get the tree up at least the second week of December, not on Christmas Eve. She'd give in, and compromise, but definitely no sooner than December 10th. Funny how my father's habits rubbed off on us, the things like that leave a lasting impression on you. You go to either of my sisters' houses...we all do the same thing. Tree, Navity Scene, blah, blah, blah...it's up. "Sissy,"my older sister, participates in some newer traditions since she got married to E. Apparrently there's a Puerto Ricon tradition celebrated, something to do with hay and shoe boxes under the bed? I'm not familiar with it.

So tell me, what are you're traditions? When, if you celebrate Christmas, do you put your tree?

Black Man In An Elevator

Just a little humor to get you through until Ihave time to sit down and time out some real thoughts. How many times has this happened to you? Have you ever felt like doing what this brother did? I laughed hysterically when I first saw this clip.

Keep the faith my brothers. Stay steadfast!
-Ian

Love Won't Be Stopped!

My Brothers! My Sisters!

Over the weekend, Judge Judy appeared on Larry King Live. I'm not sure if last Saturday's broadcast was a repeat or not, but all issues she discussed were relevant to current events. Now I've never been a proponent of Judge Judy. I think the woman is harsh, sadistic, and over the top. However, Judge Judy earned my respect, if not some admiration on the support of Barack Obama's election as President and her criticism of Prop 8. Simply put, she blew in outta the water. See, Judge Judy, whom I've always viewed as ultra-conservative, actually voted for Barack Obama. The lady firmly disagreed with the stance same sex couples should not be allowed to marry or adopt children. Judge Judy disappointment in one state's vote to deny same sex couple to adopt or foster children was endearing. Wow. Yes, this woman has earned valuable favor with me.

While, I'm neither for nor against gay marriage, given the failure of my own marriage, I believe anyone who wants to be joined in union, should be allowed to do so. What I find most amusing about this how Defense on Marriage Act, is the whole issue crosses the line on the division of Church and State. Marriage, after all, is a holy religious partaking. It's a matter for clergy to decide who they will and won't marry.

The Federal Government should not step in on a subject that clearly violates one our country's founding tenets, the division of church and state. Now if the government wants to argue the point, let the matter be taken up on Civil Unions. I don't claim to understand the whole ordeal, but love is love, in all forms. The problem rests in individuals who take up issue what people do in their bedrooms. I mean, really? Are we all so different? Just because what I do is with a person of my own gender makes immoral? Hell, I know some pretty depraved straight people, folks who do things I would never consider. Quiet as it's kept, you do too! The freaky freaks all all around us and they ain't necessarily gay or lesbian!

Sex, in and of itself, is a private matter; between two consenting adults. Be honest with yourself. Have you really ever remotely thought what Portia does with Ellen and a vibrator at night? Or Jensen topping Darryl? TR blowin' his load on Luke? Do you really wanna know about Jada? Dana? Or care about Wilson's nocturnal proclivities, Tyler's hard-on for Shemar??? Thought about who Lamann, Chico, or Blair are taking swipes at? Fuck {pun intended} no!!! Oh sure, I've had my healthy, occasional orgiastic fantasy involving three certain CNN News anchors, Boris, and Daniel, hot butterscotch and cafe au lait attractiveness all, but in reality??? I don't care about anybody else's sexual activities except my own. I don't wanna picture anyone breakin' off a piece unless I'm involved. Love making, sex, is between the partners involved. It's that simple!

If people learned to stop being so nosy, so morally superior to everyone else, perhaps we could grow as a society. I find it humorous many Southern States still have anti-sodomy laws on the books. Don't these folks stop a moment and ponder what sodomy means? Technically speaking, sodomy is anything that's non-missionary position. That means laws also would apply to heterosexual couples who participate in anything but your boring, run-o-the-mill, vanilla sex. Oh Goodness, no! So beware straight folk! Every time you commit oral sex, hit it from the backdoor, participate in Karma Sutra techniques, you too, are breakin' the law!

Oh, but we didn't mean against straight men and women! No, their sexual behavior is normal. We won't enforce the anti-sodomy laws upon God fearing heterosexuals. But you heathen queers and dykes? Oh you're gonna burn in Hell, both on Earth and in the Inferno. Really now? Hmph! So essentially you just don't like that what I do is not with a woman? OK, I got you.

Isn't there something more important to legislate? Unemployment? Health Care? The Mortgage Crisis? Homeless? The Hungry? Please, get your nose outta my bedrooms. Ain't nobody's business who's parking their shoes under my bed at night except me and him (or her). Government, take care of the most important business at hand; making sure folks have the basic necessities!

Now I know I haven't addressed adoption and foster parenting, but that's a whole 'nother blog topic. That too, gays deserve to have families like any other American citizen. With so many children who just want a home, just wanna be loved, shouldn't they have loving parents who care about them? Give them the same needs straight couples do? Please! God forbid we have equality in the world....

-Ian

Happy 45th Anniversary

Lending a moment to let my inner nerd side have air time, I send out a proper Happy 45th Anniversary to BBC television series Doctor Who! The show has been a part of my life ever since I can remember. My stepfather introduced me to the show back in the 70s and I've been hooked ever since.

Oh sure, Doctor Who was always ultra cheesy and campy, but it's been so much fun along the way! Generally, I love the old version that aired on PBS stations more than the current re-imagined vision on BBC America and Sci Fi Channel. My complaint with the newer program ("programme" for my British readers) is stories seem to wrap up too quickly. Back it the day, it wasn't unusual for Tom Baker's Doctor or even Colin Baker's Doctor to have a 12-arc episode storyline. Now? Eccleston's and Tennant's Doctors are lucky to have a two episode arcs. Rush, rush, rush. Plots are on a mad dash to the finish line and resolve themselves lickety split, oh so sloppily, leaving room for continuity errors!

An additional gripe, the newer incarnation has so much death! Before Colin Baker's Doctor, the Davidson, Tom Baker, Pertwee, Troughton, and Hartnell Doctors were able to minimalize casualties, or least leave it implied, never directly shown. With the 2000s' series, never get too attached to any character long, they just might be dead 10 seconds later! The Doctor's companions are no except to the rule either.

Suffering from, "Oh God, while I love traveling in time and space, I really have to get home to pick the lint out of my laundry" syndrome, no current Doctor's companion seems to last longer than half a season or so. What happened to the old days when companions stayed through several incarnations of the Doctor? I miss my Jo Grants, my Sarah Janes, my Leelas, my Tegans...hell, I'd settle for an Adric, a Romana (albeit regenerated) or even an annoying Perpigilliam Brown! Companions always brought a bridge through the series; in-between transitions, when an "old" Doc became "new." And while I'm ever so thankful Sarah Jane has come back to the fold, what about long lost characters I've always wondered about? Like Susan, the Doctor's granddaughter, Tegan the feisty ex-airline flight attendant (back in the day they called her a stewardess, but that would be a trifle sexiest today!), or Ace, the crazy wild girl from Perivale? What became of thee????

Yeah, see I told you I was a geek!

My praise for the newer Doctor Who, though, is episodes have finally inserted characters, regular, reoccurring ones, who are People of Color. With the introduction of Mickey Smith (Noel Clarke) and Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman), Doctor Who finally stepped out of the shadows of de facto segregation, and into the 21st century' idea of equality. Hell, there's even a rumor on the Internet the next Doctor may be Black British actor Pateron Joseph. Hmm. I don't recall any Black Timelords on Gallifrey? Maybe he's from the Southside Branch, LOL.

For you fellow Whovians wondering, "A Black Doctor? Really?!?!" Yep. If the rumors are to be believed, this would be a first! What a daring move on the part of the producers. It'll spice up the show, ruffle some feathers if a Joseph Doctor does comes to pass. There may be backlash, but you know what? Get over it! Black folk are coming to the forefront. We exist. We're not invisible. Get used to us. We don't bite.

Slowly, the outdated concepts of the old Who are leaving and the show is coming into the modern. Equally exciting as the introduction of prominent Black characters, was the debut of character Captain Jack Harkness. The good Captain, a sometimes gay, sometimes bisexual, Lothario is played by pseudo-American actor John Barrowman. John, who actually hails from Scotland, but spent significant time here in the States, truly defines the role. He's a dashing actor! His greatest appeal, for me, is Barrowman happens to be gay in real life!

I'm glad producers got a gay man to play a gay character. In my own personal viewpoint, it's disrespectful to have a non-gay actor play a gay character. I dunno, perhaps I just equate it up there with a non Person of Color playing a Black role? It's just my opinion, you don't have to agree with me.

Captain Jack added such dimension to the Doctor Who Universe. The first man-on-man kiss in DoctorWho? Whoo-hoo! Musta riled up some folks' nerves/ My response? In similar fashion to the thought of prominent Black characters on Who, "We're Queer, Get Used to Us!"!

All in all, good or bad, Doctor Who has endured through trial and tribulation. With the exception of a few breaks in programming over the years, it's the longest running television program in history. So Happy Anniversary to one of my favorite television programs. Here's hoping the Doctor outlives his prescribed 13 regenerations and the show lasts another 45 years or more!

OK, I'm putting the geek back in the bottle again!

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!
-Darktomahawk

O'Shea

Oh sure, I could post more pictures of Cube, but I think one say is sufficient. These one speaks volumes. Ice Cube is an amazing talented brother. From Boyz n the Hood to the Friday series to Anaconda to the Barbershop series to First Sunday...definitely love his work. With all his acting work, I often forget he used to be a musician. Almost. Not sure if brother would raise a crowbar to my head as to look at me, but I ain't never meetin' him anyway, so nothing to worry about, LOL.

Oh that was bad! It was a joke. Take it as such.

"I Love Men!"

For those of you old enough to remember Friday Night Videos on NBC back in the early 80s, you might remember Eartha Kitt crooning in this bawdy clip how much she loves men. Hmph! Anybody recall seeing this? FNV broadcast late night on Fridays and for those of us unfortunate enough not to have MTV, back when MTV had music videos, was our solution to staying in touch with pop videos of the day. Watching was a Friday night ritual for many peeps in my circle. We were too young to go out to on a Friday night.

Yeah, Eartha, you said it. I love men! From my brown bothers to my light skinned brothers to my dark skinned and red brothers, you're loved! And let's not forget my Asian, Latinos, and white brothers... I love ya too! Keep on do you're thing! Must admit though, I don't understand a word Eartha utters except for "I love men." Do you? Is there any wonder why she wasn't a hit sensation here in the States.

But the video is a classic. Pretty cheesy? Yes. Homoerotic? Most definitely! Catch the last scene. Straight men don't act like that, LOL. At least the ones I know, don't!

Solve Your Procrastination:. Think Men!

OK, procrastination is the word! I don't feel like cleaning off my car, running over to Physical Therapy today. I don't. Don't wanna. I'm being a big baby 'bout it too. Several reasons.

First, I just got warm. Got the space heater going and my office is warm as toast, the rest of the house is ice cold. I can't imagine how frigid my bathroom is gonna be when shower time comes. Brrrrrrrrr!

Second, I don't wanna deal with Gemini. Lately, Brother and his female cohorts, have been gettin' on my last good nerve. They're playing the guessing game as to which side I butter my toast. I won't give 'em the satisfaction of an answer until they come out and ask the question. Maxwell (my other physical therapist, gay and from the Caribbean) and I laugh over it most of the time, but I have to admit, I'm in no mood to be trifled with this afternoon. If you wanna know who I'm shagging with, ask. I ain't a thing to hide. But don't disrespect me by acting like junior high school kids. My name's not Justin and this sure ain't Ugly Betty!

Third, when I don't feel like something, I P-R-O-C-R-A-S-T-I-N-A-T-E!

So here I am, on the blog again. How boring my life must be, huh? You don't know the half of it. Just read Darius' review seeing John Legend in concert and I'm too jealous! Love me some John Legend! Quiet as I've kept this, my hormones have been in overdrive this week, and John is one of my favorite men. Him and a few other fine ass men like Boris Kodjoe, Henry Simmons, Daniel Sunjata, Idris Elba, turn really can turn my key. Mmm. Hot men! Ugh! Don't get me started. Was watching The Gospel yesterday (again!) and almost fell out. Not because of the divinely inspired music, but because of Boris! Talk about sweatin it out. Love his scene at the basketball court with them damn shorts. Whew! While his acting is a little suspect, but Boris is certianly easy on my eyes! Ha!

Boy you need to take your butt to church Sunday and get you som' sanctification! Ya heathen ass!

No, seriously, being on my celibacy wagon has been cleansing. I'm on the mission to find my real deal. Reconnect with my spirit. Sure, it's been a challenge, but don't worry. I'm good. No real temptation has befallen my way.

My point to all this? A few months ago I'd posted a blurb on someone's idea of the Top 100 Men. Complained because it seemed so disproportionate. Well after months, I finally compiled my own list, borrowing from all media...sports, acting, singing, news...and put together my Top 100 Men. Not sure if anyone is interested, but if you are, send me a comment. I'll post it, but I'm not sure if folks will agree with me or not. I think I came up with a good list that at least reflects my personality. Any guesses to who's my number one pick? Heh heh.

Enjoy your day folks, I'm out.

First Snow

"Well the weather outside is frightful, but inside the fire's delightful."

Maybe not so delightful inside either. Still haven't turned on the heat and I'm cold as Nanook of the North! I'm running around the house wearing extra sweaters, blankets, and putting on the space heaters. Whatever it takes. Gotta save cash!

The heat in the house ain't going on until absolutely necessary. At 53 degrees in the house, it's bitter. Desperate times call for desperate measures. What doesn't help is the white stuff came fallin' over night. The first snow for 2008. I knew it was coming. Was standing outside the other day, and as the old folks used to say, I could smell it in the air. Days later, here it is. Gonna be a bitter Winter this year.

Snow, when you're a child, is fun and exciting. When you're an adult? It's a major pain in the ass, and not the good kind either! All snow does is complicate driving conditions. Folks are damn careless. They drive like it ain't nothing but a thing, like it's normal weather conditions. Is y'all crazy! They'll drive your ass off the road too for going too slow or being cautious. Yes, these country bamas will speed, cut you off, run traffic lights, and still be on their cell phones! Hell, folk don't even bother to put their headlights on! Just accidents waiting to happen.

Fortunately, I don't have to leave out here until late morning. Most commuters should be at work, so I'll avoid the mornin' madness. Thank God when return to the homestead tonight there'll be a hot meal waiting. Last night I quickly prepped a crock of chilli and put it in the crock pot. I'm mixed up a batch of cornbread, so that only need go in the oven for 20 minutes or so, and it's on.

For now though? Time to clean off the car. Sheesh! I'm soooooo not ready for this season.

It's A Big World Out There, Baby Boy!

Things have been uphill lately. Haven't had much post-worthy words. Sure, there's been plenty on my mind, but it's all dark stuff. I'm trying to keep optimistic in the brunt of the storm, but dammit, things are rrrrrough. One bad thing after 'nother keeps occurring. The only thing to do is to fortify with faith and keep trusting in God.

Man there've been days lately. Some had me in tears, near my breaking point, but I'ma still here! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tired though. Tired of healing. Tired of being broke. Tired of my current living circumstances. I was telling Corey how I often feel the blog goes negative, like I'm perpetually whining. Thanks to him, Corey quickly shut that noise down. Essentially, he told me to post whatevah I feel. Corey reassured me The Axe has balance, that it's not always about me, not always about doom and gloom, not so self-absorbed. Hm. Really? Only through the eyes of others, I s'ppose.

For me though, I've been delighting myself with other blogs. Toddy's post on the Holidays that resonnated with me. (Hey Toddy I tried to leave a comment, but my 18th Century style computer wasn't having none of it!). And Darius T's words... It's funny how you'll be thinking of something, then you surf some one's blog and they'll have posted your exact thoughts! Just goes to show great minds do think alike.

Darius wrote a commentary on folks who leave comments and send personal emails responding to your words. Got me questioning how we all interact with one another. Now in his situation, Darius probably has somebody hot for his bod, least that's my take. But what's the true motive really? Was it flirtation? Was it communal friendship? Is there anything to be suspicious about? Dunno.

I'll admit, I'm the King of Naivety, so I'm never sure if someone I conversate (that's for you Darius, HA!) with has ulterior motives. Some folks are shady, but most people come across being genuine. "Irregardless" (again, for you Darius!), my correspondence has been quite pleasant, if not informative. See, I live here in Nowhere-ville. Don't travel as much as I'd like and have few chances of getting out anytime soon. Keeping in contact with others, keeps my world that much larger.

This convalescing time has got me down and out, broke, and despondent. Grass usually doesn't grow under my feet. If I got three quarters, you better believe two of 'em are going in my gas tank to get outta Dodge! Before I got sick, it wasn't uncommon to road trip it to see my friends in Virginia, or head up to Toronto to see Rex, or head to Atlantic City for the weekend. Now? The Internet is my only resource to see how the other half is livin' baby boy. Sucks!

What I wouldn't give to be in Atlanta, visiting the Underground, or stopping at the King Memorial, or hell, eating a Varsity hot dog! Yeah, I miss my beloved Richmond. Williamsburg. Lightfoot. Hampton. Newport News. I need to tread the paths of my forefathers. I wanna be in DC, riding the Metro, standing in awe at the commuters at Metro Center, riding the Red Line to Adams Morgan. Tenleytown. Dupont Circle. Or how about at the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum, watching the "To Fly" on the big panaromic screen? Yeah.

So, thanks folks! Thanks for keeping me abreast with life outside Central Pennsylvania! Anywhere but here is my wish. Travel, travel, travel, I wanna travel. I've done the East Coast. Been to the Islands in the Caribbean. Been to the British Isles, set foot in France long enough to say I was there. There's so many other places I need to see, like Italy. The streets of Florence, the beauty of Venice, the antiquity of Rome, il bel mondo... This boy has to go there. No doubt! And let's not forget the Motherland.

Unfortunately, this month I was supposed to be in Ghana. My friend Kwame takes periodic trips back to his homeland and invited me to tag along. Ecstatic didn't begin to describe my anticipation. Everything would've been paid for, I only needed to pay for my airfare. Everything else, boarding, food, whatnot, would've been taken care of. But life had different plans. I got sick, went out on disability, and now, here I am sitting online, at 5 in the morning, blogging about what coulda been.

Sigh. Someday, baby boy, someday. Until everything there is a reason, there is a season. Now was not meant to be, but never give up. It's a big world out there. You'll get you're chance to see it soon enough.

Everyone Can't Be In Your Front Row

Words I wish I wrote. Received this in an email from one of my Yahoo Groups. Thoughtful, insightful, and poignant testimony, I came away blessed from this message. Read it and tell me what you think:

EVERYONE CAN'T BE IN YOUR FRONT ROW

Life is a theater, so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a FRONT ROW seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships and family!

Everyone can't be in your front row!

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are just going uphill? When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

Everyone can't be in your front row!

The more you seek God and the things of God, the more you seek quality, the more you seek not just the hand of GOD but the face of GOD, the more you seek things honorable, the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Everyone can't be in your front row!

You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Ask GOD for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the FRONT ROW of your life. Remember that FRONT ROW seats are for special and deserving people and those who sit in the FRONT ROW should be chosen carefully.

"Don't let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs... Relationships work best when they are balanced." A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.

Deep. I know that's right. I have a few folks in my life who need to be relegated to back row. Some of them have voluntarily moved themselves there. Life is too short to be playing games and living the unexamined life. Through this sojourn, I wanna experience as much as I can while I'm able. Though I may have doubts, I'm always in touch with myself, always ready to learn more about myself. It's all about improvement.

Some folks just don't get me. That's a'ight, cause I don't necessarily get them either. When some thing's not right, try and fix and mend it. Don't sit in the dark, blaming er'rybody but yourself, and then wonder why you keep having the same old failures. See your own culpability in your situation. If the tools you have aren't working for you, baby it's time to replace the tools, learn a new trade.

And for my relationships that are working, I blessed them with God's love. Thank you, as always, for your love, friendship, and support.

Ian's Love Wish

"In And Out Of Time"
- Maya Angelou

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares into dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

The cusp of greatness is at hand. There's a feeling of joy in my being, a sense of anticipation. Something is a'brewin in the wind. Call me silly, but my soul has taken flight! While there's no one person on the radar, I have a stirring. I've been alone for a long time. Jaded. Sour. Bitter. Disappointed. So many past relationships weren't worth a grain of salt. Yet, I have to have faith. Believe the possibility genuine love exists.

Love may not last a lifetime. It maybe days, weeks, only a few months, but the real deal is out there. Waiting. I just need to claim it. Ask Him to send it my way.

At this point in the my life, I want and need to let go of all the prerequisites. The foolish criteria. The "have-to be's". I open my heart to what God has in store for me. Whoever He has set aside, that was His choice. No one can take it away. And sure I question as to the gender, the race, of the individual, but love is love. I only ask that I be prepared for what I receive. I'll accept it.

Whether he turns out to be she, is white rather than black, I ask it be real. So real. Let the longing be a fire that runs deep. That s/he compliments me; is an extension of myself. And while I attempt to set aside the physical appearence, let their spirit shine through. Please send someone educated. Don't have to be fulla book smarts, but at least common sense. No more selfish materialistic know-it alls. Please let them be wise. Strong. Empowering, loving, genuine, spiritual, and giving... glowing with the light and radiance of God's Goodness. Let it be from the heart, not just from the loins.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want passion, fires burning deep, taking us to new levels, but I also want a bond between our two souls. I'm tired of meaningless casual sexual encounters. Please let if be free from malicious intent. Abuse Deceit. Over materialistic desires. Selfishness. One and all maladies that kill the spirit. Let love blossom with fruit, though there may be rough days. Let the sun set with peace, never bitterness.

ThoughI despise weddings, I've always loved hearing this passage of Scripture read at them:

“Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offense. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit
to its faith, its hope, and endurance. In a word, there are three things that last forever: faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of them all is love.”
-1 Corinthians 13:4

Indeed. And still, I deserve so much better than what I've settled for before. My days on this earth are numbered with each passing day; too short to be lonely, sad, or afraid. There is Joy in the morning. Let it be...

Yesterday

"See I decided that I cried my last tears yesterday,
Yesterday, (yesterday) oh Yesterday (yesterday)
I decided to put my trust in you.
Yesterday, (yesterday) Yesterday (yesterday)
I realized that you will bring me through,
There ain't nothing too hard for my God, no
Any problems that I have
He's greater, greater than them all,
so I decided that I cried my last tears yesterday"
- Mary, Mary

My thoughts are a bit dark this afternoon. What started out to be a promising day, turned around into something else. Watching the leaves falling while sitting on the back deck a little while ago I realized this, "Winter is coming." Well of course it is dummy. Seasons come, seasons go. Isn't that the natural progression of things? The natural progression, eh? Mm. What is natural progression? Further said,what is the unnatural progression of things?

Experienced the cold back hand of homophobia this afternoon, setting me back from my stride. After years of therapy, personal work to bolster esteem, taking pride in myself, thought I'd developed a thicker skin by now.Yet, the damn words got under my skin.

Nigger, faggot, queer-bitch, black fag, sissy, punk... all irreverent and superfluous words used to demoralize character. I've heard 'em enough; every gay man of color has heard 'em at time or 'nother. For me, coming from a stranger, they're easily dismissed. From a friend, an associate, a supposed ally, the words burn like acid.

What's the point of humiliating someone? Shaming them? Does it really make an individual feel so superior, to impugn another's self-worth? Masculinity? Racial heritage? Now, I readily admit I'm more sensitive than most folk, yes I've been known to wear my heart on my sleeve, but when you place your trust in someone, tell me is wrong to expect fair and equal treatment? Respect?

I feel a part of my spirit has died. I'm not sad though. Angry, yes. Disappointed, oh yes. But sad? God, no! Coming home this afternoon my only thought was I wanted to lash out, hit something, someone. Instead, the wind called to me. Told me to sit in the crisp autumn air; collect my thoughts. My feelings are hurt, but I'm not defeated.

See, what I know is this, just because you don't like me, there is Someone who loves me. Loves me for all my faults, all my insecurities, all my inadequacies. To Him, none of my "weaknesses" matter. With His love, I can never fail. With His Grace, I can never be disgraced. I put my faith in Him many yesterdays ago. You've known me for two minutes compared to His eternity knowing me. So I can hold my head a little higher, even though, I wanna sink my head into the pillow. God accepts me. Why can't you?

From Here

OK, folks. We had our day to celebrate. Did a flimsy post to comemorate the milestone because I was tired from staying up until 3 AM Tuesday Night. I'm still tired, but it time to resume our regular programming. Party's on hold until MLK Weekend '09. Then we can celebrate all over again. For now, life ain't gonna stop just cause history was made. There's still bills to get paid, appointments to keep, debts to be paid, commitments to hold.

But boo-yeah, baby! We got our first Black President, America!

So where do we go from here? Not Barack, but us, the addicted News Media junkies?!?! I mean, I tried watching MSNBC and CNN yesterday. Just didn't have the same feel. Nope. Not at all. Seeking a consolation prize, I even tuned into The View, hoping Elizabeth be smarting her ass off, instead all I got was a Sherry Shepard break down. Damn! Sherry didn't you get the November 5th etiquette memo??? You not supposed to breakdown in public. Only in private. Yeah, I know you was overcome, but like Whoopi tried to tell you "Don't go, don't go!"

So how many times did you cry? I'll admit it, had my moment several times. Tom Joyner did a montage on Tuesday morning starting with MLK and ending with Barack's DNC Convention speech. Tuesday night, lost it when I talked to my family, then again driving home from an Election Watch party. Whew! Too much of that, LOL.

Time to put away the handkerchiefs now. (Do people even use those anymore?) Suck it up soldier. Life keeps on going. But please, please, somebody tell me what am I gonna do now that I can't get up in wee hours to watch the campaign speeches? The asinine Fox Noise folks claiming their McCain victory? Where is my meaning to the Rachel Maddow Show, now? Do I continue to tune in for Keith Olbermann's "Worse Person Of The World?"

Oh, Anderson Cooper! Am I really gonna tune into AC 360? Larry King Live? Do I watch CNN & MSNBC at all now? Sure there's uber-sexy-as-silk CNN reporters TJ Holmes & Don Lemmon, and the pontificating Harold Ford Jr on MSNBC, but one can only stare at these brothers for so long dammit without getting that vapid feeling! Is the News still newsworthy? Tell me!

So where do I go from here? Do I migrate over to E!? HGTV? ESPN? Spike? Univision? Cartoon Network? God forbid, CMT???? Nope. The best thing from here is click the remote off, pick up a book, and immerse myself in the world of my own mind.

But the political commentary wiithdraaaaaaaawl! He'p me Lawd!

"And My Living Shall Not Be In Vain..."

In remembrance of those who went before, so that President-Elect Obama victory was possible.....

Election Day 2008

"Rosa sat so Martin could walk. Martin walked, so Obama could run. Obama is running so our children can fly.”

I've seen this quote on a few blogs. Remember to get out and vote.

Love Lifted Him

"All my heart to Him I'll give, ever to Him I'll cling,
In His blessed presence live, ever His praises sing.
Love so mighty and so true merits my soul's best songs;
Faithful, loving service, too, to Him belongs.

Love lifted me! (even me)
Love lifted me! (even me)
When nothing else could help,
Love lifted me!"

I'm not sure why this particular hymn came to mind, but I thought it poignant in many ways. My deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers goes out to Senator Obama and his family tonight.

My heart aches for the pain he must be going through. Foolishly, I must admit I shed a tear or two for a woman I'll never knew. But in the spirit of kinship, my spirit grieves with the Senator tonight. I know how close I was with my own Grandmama and her passing left a huge void in my life. For a man who cannot outwardly show his pain, t I admire Barack's strength and endurance to continue on. Whatever happens tomorrow, I'm sure Barack grandmother would be (and was proud) of his accomplishment. Barack, win or lose tomorrow, has made history. The first African American nominated by either Democrat or Republican party for Presidential Candidacy is a huge accomplishment. And no other American (in lifetime) has drawn the masses, like Obama has, to support his candidacy.

CNN aired a campaign rally from Charlotte, NC where Barack gave a brief tribute he gave to his gram. Short and sweet, I noticed his speech was a little more subdued, less passionate, less of the man we've seen over these last 18 months. That's not a criticism. It's takes a strong man to run for President of the United States. It takes a greater man to stand up in the moment of personal crisis and put his country first.

I'm an easily moved person, so it doesn't take much for me to empathize with someone grieving. Barack Obama's loss stirred a feelings within my own soul. Like his father, mother, and grandparents, my father and grandparents did not live to see history in the making. We're on the eve of another glass ceiling being shattered. It reminds me every now and again, to take a moment, and pay homage to those who tread the path before.

To Mrs. Madelyn Payne Dunham, Thank you for raising your grandson who has become a personal role model for my own life. Godspeed...

The Real Blessing

If you're hankerin' for some good ass photos of soul food, wander over to Darius' blog! Damn! I caught up with his most recent post and my jaw dropped with salivating anticipation. Pictured to the right is a photo of the fried chicken Darius prepared. Ohmigod! Looks so heavenly! Now I know how Corey felt a few months back when I posted photos of my fried catfish dinner. It's been more 'an a l'il bit since I've taken time to cook like that. Probably won't happen any time soon either.

Since I live by myself, am on Disability income, and still mending my health, cooking has become an extravagance I can't afford. I make do with the bare necessities to survive and that's it. Not even the Holidays (this year) will be filled with my spectacular fare. Money is too tight. Family and friends agreed Thanksgiving and Christmas need not be punctuated with over indulgence. This includes dinner. Damn. Shame really. I love to cook around the Holidays. I love to eat it too, LOL.

But it's all good. As Darius indicated, it's just wonderful enough being surrounded by folk you genuinely care and love you. So even if I have to split a loaf of Wonder Bread and crack open a tube of Cheeze Whiz, I'll still be blessed with the people who care by my side...

So, congrats to Darius on his successful Sunday event. I'm too jealous of you right now (LOL), but happy for your Blessing. Being able to come together, bread bread with one another, and have special times, is the most important thing in this trying and challenging days! Carry on, my brother.

Oh, and next time, send me a plate!!!! Hahaha.

-Ian

What Baby Wants...

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about. Can we get him out tomorrow??? LOL.

Taye Diggs

Taye, whose real name is Scott, is damn hot. He's one phine brotha, for real, for real...

Monday Man

Well he's supposed to be an inspiration to get outta bed, but....

On The Eve Of Hope

One more day. Just one more day until history will be made. Whether we have our first African American President or first female Vice President, history will be made. The feeling reminds me of how I felt as a child waiting for Christmas Day. Are you ready? Never did I think twenty years ago when I voted for the first time did I think in my lifetime there'd be a possible candidate for President.

Now, y'all know I'm voting for Barack. There's no question about that. And while I don't think tomorrow is gonna be an Obama landslide victory, I do believe he'll win. At this point, my biggest concern my home state, Pennsylvania, will be listed in "red" column this election. Typically, PA is a "blue" state, thanks to Philadelphia and Pittsburgh who usually carry the state Democratic, but there are too many communities in-between strongly Republican. Pennsylvania has large pockets of conservative that would never vote for a black man for any elected office. PA has just as much racial tension as any place in the South. Hmm.

Pennsylvania didn't have early voting, so I'm not sure what voting lines will look like at the Polling stations. I hope people will be patient and not give up. Cast your vote! Make your impact on history. What else have ya got to do?!? My personal plan is be there at 6:00 AM. Even though I live down the street from where I vote, how many other people are thinking to be there just as early? How many folks are gonna try to be there before work? With the exception of physical therapy, I have all day to vote. Still, I'm not taking any chances.