It's A Big World Out There, Baby Boy!

Things have been uphill lately. Haven't had much post-worthy words. Sure, there's been plenty on my mind, but it's all dark stuff. I'm trying to keep optimistic in the brunt of the storm, but dammit, things are rrrrrough. One bad thing after 'nother keeps occurring. The only thing to do is to fortify with faith and keep trusting in God.

Man there've been days lately. Some had me in tears, near my breaking point, but I'ma still here! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tired though. Tired of healing. Tired of being broke. Tired of my current living circumstances. I was telling Corey how I often feel the blog goes negative, like I'm perpetually whining. Thanks to him, Corey quickly shut that noise down. Essentially, he told me to post whatevah I feel. Corey reassured me The Axe has balance, that it's not always about me, not always about doom and gloom, not so self-absorbed. Hm. Really? Only through the eyes of others, I s'ppose.

For me though, I've been delighting myself with other blogs. Toddy's post on the Holidays that resonnated with me. (Hey Toddy I tried to leave a comment, but my 18th Century style computer wasn't having none of it!). And Darius T's words... It's funny how you'll be thinking of something, then you surf some one's blog and they'll have posted your exact thoughts! Just goes to show great minds do think alike.

Darius wrote a commentary on folks who leave comments and send personal emails responding to your words. Got me questioning how we all interact with one another. Now in his situation, Darius probably has somebody hot for his bod, least that's my take. But what's the true motive really? Was it flirtation? Was it communal friendship? Is there anything to be suspicious about? Dunno.

I'll admit, I'm the King of Naivety, so I'm never sure if someone I conversate (that's for you Darius, HA!) with has ulterior motives. Some folks are shady, but most people come across being genuine. "Irregardless" (again, for you Darius!), my correspondence has been quite pleasant, if not informative. See, I live here in Nowhere-ville. Don't travel as much as I'd like and have few chances of getting out anytime soon. Keeping in contact with others, keeps my world that much larger.

This convalescing time has got me down and out, broke, and despondent. Grass usually doesn't grow under my feet. If I got three quarters, you better believe two of 'em are going in my gas tank to get outta Dodge! Before I got sick, it wasn't uncommon to road trip it to see my friends in Virginia, or head up to Toronto to see Rex, or head to Atlantic City for the weekend. Now? The Internet is my only resource to see how the other half is livin' baby boy. Sucks!

What I wouldn't give to be in Atlanta, visiting the Underground, or stopping at the King Memorial, or hell, eating a Varsity hot dog! Yeah, I miss my beloved Richmond. Williamsburg. Lightfoot. Hampton. Newport News. I need to tread the paths of my forefathers. I wanna be in DC, riding the Metro, standing in awe at the commuters at Metro Center, riding the Red Line to Adams Morgan. Tenleytown. Dupont Circle. Or how about at the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum, watching the "To Fly" on the big panaromic screen? Yeah.

So, thanks folks! Thanks for keeping me abreast with life outside Central Pennsylvania! Anywhere but here is my wish. Travel, travel, travel, I wanna travel. I've done the East Coast. Been to the Islands in the Caribbean. Been to the British Isles, set foot in France long enough to say I was there. There's so many other places I need to see, like Italy. The streets of Florence, the beauty of Venice, the antiquity of Rome, il bel mondo... This boy has to go there. No doubt! And let's not forget the Motherland.

Unfortunately, this month I was supposed to be in Ghana. My friend Kwame takes periodic trips back to his homeland and invited me to tag along. Ecstatic didn't begin to describe my anticipation. Everything would've been paid for, I only needed to pay for my airfare. Everything else, boarding, food, whatnot, would've been taken care of. But life had different plans. I got sick, went out on disability, and now, here I am sitting online, at 5 in the morning, blogging about what coulda been.

Sigh. Someday, baby boy, someday. Until everything there is a reason, there is a season. Now was not meant to be, but never give up. It's a big world out there. You'll get you're chance to see it soon enough.