West Coas Perspective: (Prelude) Fear

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

Let's Kill Hitler Prequel...

West Coast Perspective

Tomorrow will mark a week that I've been home from my trip to the West Coast. After taking some time to digest what happened, I'm ready to write up my review.

So much occurred, some good, some not-so good, but all a learning experience. I've decided to divide the post into several parts and write up an analysis of what I gained. Below are the main topics I wish to highlight:

• Fly The Friendly Skies!
• Friendship & Brotherhood
• Fathers & Sons
• The Cards Speak
• You're Opinion Of Me Is Not My Business
• Going & Coming Home

Knowing it takes me forever to get to point, I figured it'll be easier slicing up my thoughts into multiple posts. Overall, the trip was a success and I came home with a new attitude...

In Joy and Hope,
-Ian

Hmm. Say What?

I woke this morning with this sick feeling in my stomach. I'm not sure what it is but I couldn't fall back to sleep and now that I'm up and about, I don't much better either. It's a few hours before I have to be to work so I'm just trying to find something to occupy my time... I don't know what to do.

Roll'em High.

Tensions are still a bit rough between my friend and I, but I'm trying to be decent and suck things up. It amazes me how a tiff can be a distraction when you're trying to learn.

Anyway, I'm going to wait to talk El Paso until after we leave Sin City. I hate Vegas. Seems like every time I come here some kind of discord follows. Maybe because this is such an extrovert type city, which contrary to my introvert personality???? Maybe.

I have a personal to make changes and get my life better organised. Invest in me before I can invest in anyone else....
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Low Man On the Totem Pole

So the other day I asked my friend some questions about his time share, curious because it was something I wanted to aspire for myself. When asked, he was tight-lipped and hesitant to answer anything just responding "it's expensive." OK. Feel you. You're private about your finances. Gotchu.

Today, sitting the hot tub our co-workers are asking relatively the same questions and ol' boy is just wealth of information. Hm? So what's the 411? I'm a l'il hurt because this isn't the first instance during the trip I've felt pn the bottom with my friend. I haven't said anything till this point because I don't want no drama starting....
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Check In

So far I'm enjoying vacation. The weather has been exceptional and I've relaxed, related, and released. Drinks have flowed. Delicious food has been eaten. Laughs shared. Now that said, why does drama (my own) have to creep into the equation? Lawdhavmercy! It's aalllll good. I said no damn drama this trip and I meant it.

I'll weigh in on some of discussion afterwards. It's interesting catching other folks' POV on Black folk, The Black Gay Community and other relevant social issues. Good discussions indeed. Always good to tap into others' perspectives, right?
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Words

Welcome. Hello. Greetings. Love. Goodbye!
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Sunrise

You stand before the day and watch the water crest upon the sand. Moments gone by on strange Avenues and Boulevards, there is hope.

Dance before the moon until he wanes. Watch the darkness ebb away and all that was past become distant. Transition sometimes can be gracewful and easy. As we walked together, I have learned. As we joked together, I have learnedm as I cried I have learned. As you have shared, I have listened.

Dawn has come. A new day. Like Shirley sang," time to go our separate ways." There's work to be done. Now the road is just that much clearer. That much more a possibility. Onwards dare they go....
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Midnight

You could walk in fancy footsteps and I don't follow. You might dance to primrose at midnight and you can welcome me. There are too many decisions between now and then that makes this the final time. You fly above with wind while walk withe cattle. There is a pride in a moment that can't be duplicated. The day is done.
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Clot In The Plot

So how did you feel about last night's ep of True Blood? Don't be shy, be honest. Please tell me I'm not the only Negro out there who walked away irritated? Maybe I'm just in a mood lately, but last night the show just worked my damn nerves! Just wasn't feelin' it.


Lord, where to start?

• Lafayette and Jesus. OK these two lately, IMHO, have become really boring. I could watch reruns of Will & Grace and feel more sexual chemistry than I have from Laff and Jeez. I'm sooooooo not believing their relationship this season, AT ALL!!!! Um, have a sex scene or two or three or four or more! Everyone else in Bon Temps makes time for sex dammit. OK? Real gay couples at least touch in a damn while, but never seems to happen in Bon Temps Louisiana. Aw, hell no it don't!
• Jesus' Grandfather. Why the implication his grandfather knocked up some seemingly underage woman? Really???
• I see Tara's on the verge of returning to the whiny, sniveling, "I-can't-handle-life" character again. Oh DEAR JESUS (and not Lafayette's man neither)!!!! OK Tara. Bitch, you a Black woman living in the South. Louisiana. Um, I have it on good authority Southern women are strong and resilient. Shut the fuck up with your complaining, go back to New Orleans and be happy with the life you made with your woman. [Highlight: I am glad you came over to our team this season!]
• Arlene Bellefleur's "You people" comment. I know the shit was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but it wasn't funny! I thought Lettie Mae Thorton-Daniels was about to whup her ass.
• Now, speaking of Lettie Mae. I was glad to see you back shug, but seriously? Did you and your new husband, Rev. Daniels, really need to coon it up as bad as you did? That whole scene was just mess.
• The Black Vampire Sheriff. Rounding out my diatribe I was happy to see that HANDSOME brutha who was one of King Bill's sheriffs, but then horribly disappointed when True Blood practically castrated the character. None only did he get debased in front of his peers for his lack of knowledge of vampires being Priests in the Middle Ages but Good King Bill grabs him by the throat, like he was his " whippin' boy." Seriously not cute!!! Why did the black vampire have to look like the idiot and be the example? Whyyyyyyy? I know Bill is the Vampire King, but he didn't get physical with any of the other white and Latino vamps in the room, nor we're any of them portrayed "uneducated" or "naive." This undertone hit hardest with me and if you weren't careful, I'm sure folks missed it. Maybe not. I haven't seen any of my fellow blogger's reactions to last night yet.....
  

So there you have it. I was none too happy with TB in the least. It was tired. The annoying stereotypes and bullshit put in a funk with my crew of Vamps, Wolves and Shifters...My least favorite episode thus far. Of course, I'll keep watching though.

On a side note, I will confess I did enjoy seeing Eric Northman shirtless here and there. Didn't realize how hot he was until this season!

Be Grateful For Something...

Greetings and Bienvenue! It's Hump day. This week has been amazingly busy at work and the heat has been more than uncomfortable, but I'm still making it. Life has been a bit quirky, but this morning I recounted my blessings and gave thanks where I could. I today I'll try not to let those nasty parts (anger, jealousy, envy, and fear) keep me from doing what needs to be done.

I keep reminding myself I only have two more weeks until vacation. Plus babes, I recently got a promotion at work, so I shouldn't complain. Especially when there are so many yet unemployed in this economy.

Mmm. Vacation. Well, sorta. It'll be a working vacation for the most part. Spending the majority of it at a conference for my part-time job with the financial firm. Again, I'm diving out of my element to better myself. There are days I ask myself What the hell did I get myself into!?!?! Me? I'm usually broke as a joke and I'm trying to teach someone about finances? Oh that's rich indeed! But then I realize most of us have to start from somewhere and event though I live pay check to pay check some months, I'm keeping myself on good ground.

I'm looking forward to time off. I'm staying absolutely focused on my goals. I feel good, encouraged, and well dammit... happy life is finally fallin' into the groove. I have to laugh at what's coming up. I never know what to expect when I head out West, but overall I think spending a few days at the beach will be just what the doctor ordered. Plus I'm hoping to catch up with friends I hadn't seen in a while...always good for fun or at least a lil brotherhood drama. Ha!

So my inspiration for today is to continue to believe in myself, even though there are moments I don't think I'll make it through.

"Oh yes you CAN!"
-Late

Shoot First, Ask Later, eh?

The Doctor: "Fellas...the guns, really? I just walked into highest security office in the United States, parked a big blue box on the rug, you think you can just shoot me?"

River Song: "They're Americans!"

The Doctor: "Don't shoot.Definitely no shooting!!!"

Bored out of my mind, decided to re-watch all the River Song episodes of Doctor Who. This particular scene cracked me up. Must be the heat. Americans...indeed.

Bang!

Fly Eagle, Fly

It's the Weekend at last and I'm looking forward a few days of rest and relaxation. A friend invited me to the beach so my schedule will be pretty full. I hope to leave behind some of the foolish worries that have been pestering me lately...money, friendships, weight issues...allllllll behind, and just give into the moment. Yes, just me. As I say, "Do u, be u!" I plan on just that.

Over the past few weeks I've trying to fix things out of my control. This morning I realize there's a point you have to let go and let the Universe unfold as it intends to do so. My life isn't as bad as I might think. I have pretty good health. God always takes care of my needs. I just get on myself because not all of my wants are satisfied. Well, no where does it say God will give us all our wants. If we truly want something, then its up to us to get it. Yeah, I've been afraid to achieve some of my wants. Some I did go for and was rebuked for, but I shouldn't let that stop me. Life is a constantly changing situation and one never knows what opportunities can develop if one practices enough patience...

It's a brand new month. Time for a better attitude. One filled with plenty of smiles and encouragement. I'm forgetting the woes and clinging to the good I have. Nothing better than that.

Thunderstorms of Life

All this week I've been thinking about what I wanted to post for my final post for the blog...this ain't it..but life has just been kicking my ass again. Not in that I'm down and out way, but definitely in the Universe really trying to get my attention way. Seems like every choice or decision I make lately or within in 2011 has come into question. I'm not sure wassup, but I'm at the point I'm feeling annoyed. Annoyed because its a path I have to walk alone. I've attempted to reach to friends and family, but when I sit back think, there's not a damn thing they really can do.

So... we'll see.

Trials & Triviality

The last few weeks have been hectic as I've been knee deep in with work challenges with my jobs and trying keep just a lil ahead of the game. A challenge, but I'm managing.

There hasn't been to write about and my voice for blogging seems to get smaller by the day. I don't seem gather my thoughts right anymore. I'm not keeping up with issues to put my $.25 worth in, and dare I dicuss one more rebuke from family, friend, or foe? LOL. Ah. I think it's time give up the ghost...

It was a good run. Least I think it was, but nothing lasts forever.
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Quickie Update

I'm sorry for the silence in recent day, but work has been a bitch lately. By the time I get home, I'm ready to fall out. No time to write when you're asleep, right? Anyway, I hope to text a post from work this afternoon if I have the time...

Doctor Who Mid-Season Finale

No spoilers, but yes I've already seen it. I know the answers. I liked it, didn't love it, but most definitely enjoyed it. And if you deconstruct the episode, this season makes sense. That's all I'm saying for now....

A Follow Up

Because life happens at a moment's notice, I had planned a further explanation to my post this morning, however...

Tomorrow, Ian will break his silence on a few things and share the insanity. Coming clean, coming clean, coming clean. It's not easy admitting your fears, but silence only begats shame and I am so OVER it.

More to come.

No More Axe To Grind?

There comes a time for endings and also for new beginnings, time where letting go of the old, and embracing the new adventures leads to bigger and better things. I'm at that threshold now. The next few days should be very interesting...