OMG! Dear Santa...

Note my grammar here is written poorly here intentionally.

Dear Saint Nick!

"Oh my God! Kris Kringle!?!?! You a total perv! Where your hand at? Should've always known you really were a "bear," livin with those horny little elves and all...

Now, according to David Sedaris, you're supposed to have 6-8 black men wit' you er'ry Chri'tmas. Uh-huh, You done caught the fevah! Don't surprise me none you like your meat dark. What the old saying? "Once you go black...." Course the boy in the picture is white, but you allowed to go back and forth er'ry now and again. Betcha you always make your way back though. Like I said, Uh-huh."

"Ahem. So Santa...Gettin' back to those travelin' companions o' yours. Where they at?" I write, eyes innocently blinking, best smile plastered on my face.

"Can you leave five or so 'round my tree Christmas morn? I'll even tell you their names. Sunjata, Kodjoe, Simmons, jai White. And Santa, I had a lousy year... so I'll also take TJ. Which one you ask? Hm. Can't decide. Why don't you leave Holmes and Houshmandzadeh both here awhile. I'll see how nicely they fit....umm, I mean, get along wit' the ot'er boys. I have the one I don't want back soon as I get tired of him...."

And if you can only leave one (shoot!), then I suppose I'll settle for Danny-Boy. We could celebrate his birthday next week rather creatively....

With love and devotion,
-Ian E.

P.S. You know I always believed in you, right? Yo man, you my dawg! I gots yo' back!