Crabby Apple

I'm feeling a bit melancholy tonight. Perhaps it's because I'm still battling this cold. Perhaps it's from not having a cigarette in the last 40 hours?!? Not sure, in either case, my mood is a bit darker than I care to have.

I'm annoyed at the current status quo. I thought life was supposed to be more manageable as we got older. Phhht! The lack of nicotine has made me irritable. The stitch in my side from cough has made me grumpy. The holes in my heart and my soul are making me less optimistic. I promised Greg I'd blog about the man I met at Red Lobster, Freddie, but I'm in a sour place. Too foul to be all cheery and yippy-skippy!

Mind if I wait until tomorrow? It is an interesting folly of events and once you read about it, chalk it up to another dunderhead moment for yours truly. Sometimes, even with gaydar, I refuse to see what's blatantly before me.

But, also from a place inside, comes a sense of shame. I'm not sure why, it just is here. Suddenly all my issues jump started today, possibly due to drop of nicotine in my system. Most of that is psychosomatic though, I simply don't know what to do with myself and time.

All the little triggers and reminders are there. Like sitting on my back porch, smoking, staring at the Police Station. Or having one with the other "no-no" du Jour, {any caffeinated beverage}. Siiiiighh. This is my own fault. I wish I could go back in time, smack that cigarette outta Steve Dembrowski's hand as he offered it to me 22 summers ago! I've been an addict I tell you, an addict!

In the long run, these next few days will be a challenge, but better health-wise. Please though, don't lecture. Everyone from Miss T to E.J to Hester to Leoban to Napoleon (even he recently quit!!!!) has lectured me within the last 48 hours about time to quit. I love ya guys, thanks, now SHUT UP Please! (Oh Dear! It seems King Bitch has made her appearance for this stage of the withdrawal game).

You know I love ya, but using one of the best quotes I know..."Hang on Folks! It's gonna be a bumpy ride tonight!"