I wanted to post to the blog since I hadn't for a few days. Really haven't been into blogging lately, not that I don't want to, but there are some inter personal issues going on at the moment. Life is changing yet again. Just when I thought I was used to where I was, it's time to make yet another transition. Today proved in many aspects how I have to go it alone, journeying to the next destination on sheer determination, by myself. Family will let you down. Friends will fail you. Life will kick you in the crotch when you least expect it. Ouch.
No, this post isn't an aggressive one, but cryptically reflective, I suppose. I'm tired in body and mind. Really, really tired. I'm not ready for the Holidays. Not ready for next year. Not ready for the next upheaval and disappointment headed my way again. I wish life were like a DVD, hitting rewind and starting over whenever possible. There isn't much I'd keep. I'd jettison most of what I have and start anew. Hmmm. Wonder where life has taken me that I got misdirected? Too many detours at DuPont Circle, perhaps? There's more than one thing going down at Häagen-Daaz. Yeah, that long ago. Were you walking to Kramer's back then too?
Life on the rewind. How many times did it take an ego trip? Was it high school days on hot summer nights, drinking 40s of Old E with Skeet, Wells, Devan, J-man, and JJJ? Or rather the desperate drive from 202 to the Schuylkill at three in morning college summer nights? Passing a joint in the back seat hopin' the moment would never end? Watchin' Devan attempt to act straight in front of this guy he was so desperately in love with. Yeah I knew about Spense, Devan! Captain Camelot. You'd wrestle his ass down to the ground so quick, I watched many a day at practice. Too bad I didn't last long on the team. Ah, Devan. 20 years later, you still don't know. JJJ does, but you don't. What's it gonna take my brother??????
Moreover, when did I make the left turn, when I was supposed to turn right? Query? Were you there at Tyson's Corner? Did I meet you there at Russell's joint in McLean? You guys were there that weekend at my Pops', right? JJJ, Devan, J-man, and of course, Captain Camelot himself, Spense. We hung with my junior high buddy Mike M, talkin' shit. Remember? You do! Issy (pronounced Eye-see) had that shit fit when you spilled beer on that $3000 Oriental carpet, 'member!?! Ol' Isaac's gone now. Ten years passed.
C'mon now, think!. Where did me and Devan go? Was it on Massachusetts Ave? Dangerous things there. Ideals. Homes. Embarrassing situations. Embassy Row. Politicians. Strange old queers. Oh, dear! Now I find myself rummaging through the streets of Georgetown, wondering how in the Hell I ended up here, with you guys, instead of home safe. Yeah, I got off the Metro stop on Wisconsin. I was supposed to be going to see J-man. Gonna go swimming at Wilson High. Cute guys at that pool. Michael always admonished me for going there. Yeah, but Mike is dead now too. I miss him. I don't know if I miss you. D'ya think?
Remember cruising the streets, looking for home, wonder where exactly I'd put my keys? Um, I'm think I left 'em in the trunk. Really? Sure did. I wonder if that guy really realized how much I hated him. How much he annoyed me to no avail? As the contempt I hold for you for abandoning me to his arms and dispassion, I loathed him. He wasn't that bright, just a painful bore. Yeah, un-huh. I'm talking about you Joystick, Jerkoff!!! After, I watched you "phuck" over JJJ, you latched on to me. Sadly, I allowed it. Just because you shagged my best friend, then me, doesn't make you a superstar, only a royal pain. Take heed, Oh Camelot, your rampaging will end. You bastard! I'll see you in Hell before I'll call you again.
No, I'm not angry. Really, I'm not. I just miss JJJ and Devan. I'll see you soon guys. And remember J, if you'e going to F'risco, don't forget the flowers for your hair.
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