OK, I've recovered from my rant from earlier. Some. But in my tirade I also discovered a little something about myself, truthfully so... I am so not prepared for life. Sure I fumble around, do my best, but I've been fucking up too much lately for my own self-satisfaction.
I'm not happy about it. Been trying to put the good face on, tell myself it's all gonna be alright, listen to the reasonable voices in my life say the same, but really? Really? Ugh.
No, I'm not depressed or feeling sorry for myself. Just admitting facts. In an interpretive moment. Reflective....Dudes, I got skewed somewhere in life and been playing catch up ever since. Been disappointed by a few souls I thought were kind individuals; some who show their true colors when called upon. I feel you. Know your number now. No hate. Just don't look for me to worship at your feet again anytime soon. The truth hurts. You, nor I, are Superman. Take off your "S" brother, and come join the rest of humanity.
Men disappoint me so. Perhaps I just disappoint myself. And before I have a Halle Berry moment, say something I might regret later on the status of my black gay brothers, I will shut up. Just know I feel confused and disillusioned in so many ways by you. Especially those of you who think because you're beautiful and perfect, that er'rybody needs to be humbled in your presence. Do you really have that much disdain for me? Really? SMH. Regardless what you think, I am no less of a man than you because how I look or think or emote. No less. But you keep telling yourself that I am. Just do that. If it truly makes you happy...
{Ian slowly fades out into the distance...}
7 comments:
I hope you are okay, hit me up if you want to chat
A CHANGE OF ENERGY WOULD DO YOU GOOD IAN...DAMN SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE BLOGGER'S UNION TODAY!!!
Wow pa...I'm still on vacation, but when I saw this I had to say fuck the bullshit...you're a strong beautiful man. Don't give away your power.
Call me, sounds like things are rough right now.
Hey, dude, after our conversation Sunday, I have to agree with Cocoa. I think in your search for what you are looking for you do give away a lot of your power. You have GREAT energy, how are you using it and to what end? One of the harshest realities we have to face is that sometimes the problems we have are not always of someone else's making.
You are approaching 40. That hallmark is very important. It is when your life REALLY begins because you should have acquired, collated and processed all the information and experiences from the previous two decades of the riotous 20s and the wandering 30s.
It's okay to be pissy sometimes but don't let it be because of reverberations or consequences of the energy you send out. I know about this all too well. Stop giving your power away unless it's purposeful, meaningful and has intent behind it. I know you have things to do and things you want to accomplish. The beauty of life is that by the time you reach 40 life has given you the equipment and experience you need to achieve them. Go get 'em, tiger.
::Hugs::
Sometimes we just need them.
=0)
Oh my goodness Thomas I loved your post!
You essentially said everything I wanted to. (lol)
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