It's an "Alexander" day y'all so I'm not feelin' in the best of moods this afternoon. I'm rather pissed off and grumpy. Tryna hold it together for this blog post, but it's difficult. If you forget the reference, Alexander refers to the book, Alexander And the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. And, again, Alexander is one of my middle names, which I don't particularly care for... so when I'm being Mr. Pissy, I'll refer to myself as Alexander.
Simple shit pisses me off and in my current state of being I really to read the riot act to anyone who have a thing or two to try and school me. I'm just not in the mood to be happy and am disappointed. Period. What started of the morning? Well, as you know I went to Philly last night and took loads of pictures. I was gonna up load these this morning to Facebook, but my cheap ass camera wouldn't recognize the photos on the card for some reason. So I attempted to transfer the photos from the memory card and in the process managed to delete them all. I was heartbroken. I mean I actually broke down and cried in a hissy fit. Stupid I know, but I haven't been blogging about what's been going on internally lately (and I'm not gonna).
As much as Ian has attempted to put on the good face and keep a positive attitude, Lord knows I try not to be jealous or envious of others and try my hardest to be appreciative of what I have. Mostly lately though I feel if things are constantly being taken from me (I have the long laundry list going...no need for telling here). I'm beyond frustration and just plain fucking ass tired. TIRED. Tired in the sense that if you know the reference, like how old folks say it and mean it before they go home to glory. Hmph. As if glory is waiting for me on the other side, but that's another post.
So to continue with my rotten attitude today, I had to unfollow one or two people on twitter (for various reasons) and I'm about to unfriend one or two on Facebook. Actually, I wanna in a fit, just delete all my social networking (Didn't I just go through this earlier this year?!?!) and go live in some place without people or the fucking Internet. People are cruel, mean, abusive, and users. Unfortunately, I deluded myself into thinking one of my so-called close associates was a friend, but to the contrary, that person's true nature is just another in the roster of people taking advantage of my kindness and naivety. Ian is sick of it.
So, if you've read this far, you're probably thinking I didn't take my meds today, right? Well I did, but i'm just frustrated with my station in life and all the goddamn challenges I've tried to overcome and has blow up backin my face. I'm disgusted and a hair short of throwing in the towel. I'm only blogging about it because possibly by venting it'll make me feel better, but I doubt. I think my circumstances in life are too far gone really for Ian here to ever feel a permanent sense of security or comfort. I didn't get schooled enough in the virtues and ideal of true manhood so perhaps my childlike behavior is my penance to bear. Who knows? I'm just friggin caught and i fear those changes I try to project are all lies and don't exist after all.
3 comments:
Sometimes we just need to vent. Glad you got it out.
If it makes you feel better the beginning of this week was SHIT ON A STICK for me...
1.) Monday, I had to go to work...got in the car and the battery was completely DEAD. Tell me why I don't know.
Had to spend 80 dollahs on a new one.
2.) Tuesday - My cat got sick and the damn air condition blew out...
Had to take Sir churchill to the vet because he was throwing up so much I thought he was gonna bite it. Everyone knows I adore my little boy...So that cost me 150 dollahs...
I can't survive, in this heat, with no air conditioning...So that was TWO HUNDRED dollars.
Yes, it was an expensive and shitty week and I just cursed a lot.
I feel you.
me too
Baby please don't despair - look I'm old enough to understand that no matter how bad my day might be, the alternative is nothing. Is less than nothing. Lift yourself above the daily slings and arrows and always remember that what you do is more than just you. All of us are tired - I'm tired as hell of having to always apologize for who I am. For believing that as a society we are so much better than the right wing crazies think we are. For believing that Barack Obama is our best hope for the future. That we, as a culture, can indeed change, can indeed capture the spirit of equality and humanity that we set ourselves out to be. Every single one of us - straight, gay, liberal, conservative -- we really are all of us in this together and for those who do not believe that this is who we are, fuck em. I don't care about them. And neither should you. You are worth it. They are not. Take care my friend and look always to tomorrow. Love to you.
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