It Has Been 10 Years

Thinking of 1997, 10 years ago, one can't help but remember it as a year of great transitions. I personally remember it as a year of death, both in my own personal life, and in the celebrity circles. My father had died in April of cancer, a friend died in an auto accident in June, and my grandfather died from diabetes complications, also in June. Screwball Andrew Cunanan was going around murdering other gay men, most notably Gianni Versace at his home in Miami. It seems the spring and summer of 1997 were filled with death.

Mother Theresa died. And then of course there was Princess Diana...

It's hard to believe ten years can go by so fast. It seems like yesterday. I remember all the details that Labor Day Weekend when she died. I was online and a friend had instant messaged me to turn on the TV because Diana had been in an accident in Paris. It was surreal watching as history unfolded and the days to follow afterwards with the Monarchy and their response to her death.



Ironically, probably more on a subconscious level, my friend Heedra and I were watching "The Queen" on On-Demand this past Wednesday. Helen Mirren did an excellent portrayal of Queen Elizabeth II. She actually breathed some life into Elizabeth Regina and gave her depth and complexity instead the usual perceived stodginess. If you're into good movies, I'd recommend seeing the Queen. As a common, American citizen, I often forget all the pomp and circumstance and protocol given to some Royal Heads of State. It makes me glad we Americans don't have a Royal Government, although, with "W" in office, one has to wonder...more like King of the morons.



The Queen gives a glimpse into the British Monarchy and gives their perspective of how events unfolded after Diana's death. A scene in particular with Elizabeth in the wilds of her Balmoral Estate in Scotland, stuck in a river, gives more depth and humanity to the British Monarch than any other movie I've witnessed. The movie is not fast moving and if your not an Anglophile, I'd advise skipping it.

I wonder what would have happened to Diana if she had lived? She definitely was a trailblazer, escaping the Establishment, and created a better life for herself. The impact Diana left on the world, though, was significant. She was a defender of so many causes and passions. Yeah, I respected her, but I don't worship her like some of my other gay brethren. LOL.



I remember the impassioned plea from Earl Spencer during Diana's funeral to allow the young Princes to grow up normally, away from the glittering cameras of the paparazzi. He suggested this would have been Diana's final wish. The press respected this and left her children alone until the became adults. Her sons grew up relatively normal, well, as normal for anyone born into Royalty, with Harry having a moment or two lapses of stupidity. Anyone remember him dressing as a Nazi for Halloween party? Definitely a lapse in judgment. Overall, both William and Harry have lived normal and fulfilled their rolls as Royals. Hell, Prince Harry was evening willing to serve in Iraq will his Army Unit. I respect him for that.



Diana is missed though, probably most by her two sons. We'll never know the extent of impact Diana's death left on Princes William and Harry. Like any young person who looses a parent early in life, it's takes years to make peace with the untimely event. Harry and William showed strength and courage at a recent tribute to their mother. It must have been difficult having to share their personal pain with the world. Yet, the two have matured into great young men.



If (because I think the Monarchy is on its last legs as an institution) William ever becomes King, he will do the good for the British Monarchy.

I miss my own family that died in '97. Loss is hard to deal with, especially when its tragic. Whether cancer, diabetes, a car accident, fatal shooting, what have you, life lost is always a loss. Take a moment this weekend and remember someone you've lost over the years. It doesn't have to be a sad moment, could be peaceful, joyous, or jubilant, but honor their memory and existence and the impact their life had on yours. Your day will be all the richer....

The So-Called "Obligatory" Boob Post

J'adore l'Internet! I love the Internet. Given any amount of searching time, you'll definitely find anything and everything you're looking for. Recently I stumbled onto another blog with all these amazing pictures of accidental nudity. Oh I'm sure to get a lecture or two for this post, but I couldn't resist!

By now everyone has seen every imaginable nude post of male celebrity nudity, whether it be Shemar Moore to Pete Wentz to Jude Law to Brad Pitt to Antonio Banderas to whoever. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. I get it by now. Some of those guys needed to air themselves out a bit. Believe I really thought about posting the Shemar Moore pictures long and hard before deciding against it. There were posted everywhere. What's funny is Shemar denying he might be gay. Oh sure he has man written all over him, but I can't help but remember back in his modeling days for International Male catalogs the suggestive, homoerotic poses. I've been able to know the length and width to Shemar even before I saw his papi chulo on Perez Hilton's blog. Anyone who's ever perused the pages of an IM catalog knows it leaves little to the imagination, although they're not as bad as 2xist, N2W, and other male underwear catalogs catered to bi/gay men and straight women.



OK, so we all know about Brittany and Paris flashing their beavers all over the place, but on this blog I was able to find some other famous women caught exposed. Lest anyone call into question my attraction to women still, here is some proof I still have male hormones coursing through my body (someone recently made a rude remark gay-bisexual men are not real men at all. What an asshole)! Of course its been said all men, gay, straight, or otherwise, have a fascination with women's breasts. Tru dat. Tru dat....

Sienna Miller, most known for her ex-beau Jude Law and currently starring in the movie Stardust, is shown here topless at a beach. Claire Danes, also currently in Stardust and the late great television show, "My So-Called Life," is seen at showing some skin at the MTV Canada Awards awhile back. Claire Danes and Sienna Miller are OK, just are a little too plain Jane for my tastes, but Hell, you can be amused.



I'm not a big fan of Lindsay Lohan (is low-en or low-HAWN?). I mean, WTF, what is wrong with the girl these days. I think she has become the modern day Robert Downey, Jr. She's been in and out of rehab, arrested, still continues to party like there's no tomorrow. I'm not casting judgment,m if anything I truly feel sorry for the girl. She had a promising career. She is on her way to nowhere-ville on the fast track. Poor thing.



Jessica Simpson is another woman I'm not fairly fond of. The best part of Jessica Simpson was her marriage to Nick Lachey. I've always hated her singing and her acting is even worse. I think her fifteen minutes are a little overdue, but she seems to sneak in under the wire every so often, like the flu, to remind us she's still around. Ugh! Retch! Vomit! Spew! Hurl! Still though....



So this post is not all that about hormones after all, huh? Hmmm. OK. Lets throw in New York. New York from I Love New York and Flava Of Love, obviously got a boob job recently. While she isn't drop dead gorgeous either, I think she's prettier than any of the women I've posted so far.

I tried in vain to find some good Halle Berry pictures to no avail. I could dig up some Lynn Whitfield pictures from when she portrayed Josephine Baker in the topless banana skirt, but I wanted some women with contemporary appeal to post. Lynn Whitfield is beautiful, there's no doubt about it, but what has she starred in lately?

This unknown vision of ebony beauty is by far the most attractive of the lot. She isn't famous, just adorable. (I can hear Lady Miss T now, "Oh My God! What A Bimbo!) Heh, heh, heh. Well this post is something for my straight male friends and lesbian friends who read the blog regularly. My female friends have all enjoyed my posts of men, even if they've disagreed with my tastes. Just the same, the Axe is going to undergo a change in direction and I'll probably stop posting any frontal nudity, male or female, soon. Right now my blog is NSFW (not safe for work) and I know a few of my friends sneak glimpses while at work. I wouldn't want to get anybody in trouble would I???

Don't worry ladies and SGL guys. The homo in me can only do without looking at the male form for so long. I'll back with the fellas soon enough.

Randy Wolf Day...

Happy 31st Birthday to former Philadelphia Phillies, current LA Dodgers pitcher, Randy Wolf.

Unfortunately I won't get a chance to see him during the Phillies' homestand against the Dodgers.





It's a shame Wolfy is currently on the DL. No, not that DL! The Disabled List DL, LOL.

Randy always seems to do spectacular incidents on or around his birthday when he played. A few years ago he had not one, but two homeruns during a game on his birthday. He usually gets the win or at least a no-decision from his teammates.




I'll always be a loyal "WolfPack" member. I've met the man several times, he's a decent fellow. You'll have to get Miss T to tell the story how I almost injured the man's pitching arm. UghI Funny now, embarrassing then...


Godspeed for a healthy recovery Wolfie!

Living In A Material World...

Happy 49th Birthday to the Material Girl, Madonna!

Exposed By The Light: Penises

Over the years I've done much surfing across the World Wide Web. IF you look hard enough, you'll be rewarded for your search and find just about anything to satisfy your curiosity. Gay men, perhaps, have profited more from the Internet because it opened doors often close in normal time. My "research" has brought connections to people all cross the US and around the globe. While I tend to be focused on blogs and comics, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit to viewing my fair share of nudity, be it art or pornography. The web is full of licentious material to "satiate" more than enough erotic longings and hunger.

Men with less than perfect bodies live on the Internet. It's almost as if the the 'Net has become a sanctuary for the bastion of everyday Joe's willing to show off their wares. Exhibitionism can be cute. It can be vulgar. It can be mundane. Yet, it brings to the table the truth not everyone is built like Adonis. Not everyone is packing "heat" below the waistline. Not everyone feels beautiful. What can cause this all to be reinforced is viewing pictures of people you know in the "real world," who for whatever the reason, you know absolutely you never were meant to see naked. Yes, I've caught quite a few male friends and acquaintances, and an enemy or two, wearing nothing but the skin on their bodies, on full frontal display on the Internet. Amusing doesn't seem to explain my feelings. Sometimes, disturbing might fit, but at least always, entertaining.



A number of years ago I discovered an old acquaintance from college who posted nude pictures of himself on a popular gay dating website. I wasn't surprised, but intrigued because his body wasn't quite up to anticipation. He wasn't ugly, just not the buff body I supposed he had. His body seemed almost awkward and misshapen. No, I don't mean his "personal attributes below," but his legs seemed gangly and his chest almost concave and hair spread in odd places. Yet, looking that way, he had the bollocks (balls), to pose naked before the camera, and post for the world to find. I would commend him for his courage if we were still in communication with one another.


Male nudity sometimes is still secretive. Many gay men and straight women have haggard and bemoaned over the issue of the size of a man's genitalia, which many women I know say doesn't matter, but that would not be entirely correct. From what I've gleaned from my female friends, a man does require a minimum length and girth to his package. I suspect women really are disappointed dealing with "pencil dicks" or short and stubby penises. I'm reminded of a song from the 80s, "Short Dick Man" By 20 Stories. The lyrics seem to indicate women do care about the package. Gay men, unfortunately, even I can't defend here. Gay men are just so obsessed with size!


Don't want no short dick man

Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man

Don't want,Don't want,Don't want,
Don't want no short dick man

What in the world is that thing?
Do you need some tweezers to put that thing away

That has got to be the smallest dick
I've ever seen in my whole life
I have ever seen in my whole life

Get the fuck outta here
Iny weeny teeny weeny
Shriveled little short dick man

Isn't that cute an extra belly button
You need to put your pants back on honey

Don't want no short dick man
Don't want no short dick man

Pobre, pobrecito
Que diablo eso

Pobre, pobreci, pobre procito

Que, que, que, que, que diablo eso




Any guy who says they've never worried about being inadequate at some point in their lives is a liar. As men, we need to feel virile. As men, we need to feel like we are the best. At least some where in our youth, perhaps even into our adulthood, men worry "am I enough?" Men of both sexual proclivities worry about it. Partially, men are responsible for our own demons we struggle with with anatomical differences. Our language is littered with references to one's masculinity or worth through his cock size or "manhood."


"Yeah he's got balls and a dick for days!"

"Oh his cock is sooooo small."

"I had to let him go. Boyfriend only had a 2 inch dick...micro penis!"

"If it ain't hittin' the flo, he gotta hit the do'!" (thanks E. Lynn for that one.)



On and on. I know the negativity. Unfortunately I've spoken negatively about my brothers in my day. It can be a challenges to have positive self image when your brothers judge you by what nature gave you.

Mind you, I won't go into details about my own anatomical parts. Accept they're there, they function, and are doing just fine. LOL. I have too many folks who read this blog who probably would be red faced as the day is long if I went into personal details. Don't worry, if you need to know, come to the source. You might be surprised. This post is in no reflection of any insecurities I personally have, just an observation I've been thinking about lately.



As far as my own person tastes? As a bisexual/gay man, I enjoy men and love their bodies. I'm not a "size queen" at all. I've never been disappointed by any of the men I've slept with. I've even been surprised once or twice. My opinion is as long as it functions and isn't too big, I'm OK. I'm no Carrie Bradshaw. I don't want a Mister Big. Give me Mister Average, hahaha.

I don't quite understand the drive over being bedded by a man with a large penis. They tend to hurt. Really, really hurt. I've heard both gay men and straight women countless of times mention this. Large ones tend to cause trepidation on my part. Sure they look good, but my God, Some penises I've seen both personally and on the 'Net defy explanation. Then again, to be cliche, "it's not the length of the tool, but the knowledge of it's use."

Overall though, most guys, at least the ones I've been with, are average. Hey I've no complaints! As long as the guys penis fits well with the rest of his body, no problems, no worries. I can't say I've ever been with a man who was too small, but yes I have seen men with "micro penises."

I wonder how these men handle their self-worth? Does it trouble them? Given our societal obsession with penis size, one probably would assume they might have problems with esteem. I must admit I knew someone with an incredibly small penis, I wouldn't call it micro, but I was visibly shocked. I had to regroup. The man in question however, had Mental Health/Mental Retardation disabilities, so I would assume it didn't overall matter to him. This, again, is an assumption.


Ultimately, I want to tell my brothers to stop worrying. Once you find the person who truly loves you, it won't matter. Sure if you're bedding every man and woman out there on the scene, sure you're bound to find someone who'll be disappointed in what ya have. Penises are a wonderful thing and serve their purpose. We, as men,just need to relax, use the larger head on our shoulders and think. Debunk the myths that all Asian men are small, all African American men are huge, all Latino men are large and uncut....all this, all that...whatevah! ALL is almost NEVER a statement of fact. The stereotype to find fault with the most is that size equals power.

Do all men think with their penises? Yes, at times we do. It's just biological. Not all the time, more times, we can think with our hearts and our minds. Men need to forget about the crap about our junk, and just be decent fellows. Anybody who finds fault with your anatomy isn't worth your time anyway...

Fear Is The Only Thing To Fear

Doubts and fear have a way with impeding growth and thus limiting strength. I'm ashamed to admit I've allowed myself to become complacent in life and not move forward. It's all because of fear. Why am I afraid? That's the question of the hour. Life cannot harm me if I don't allow the fears to overwhelm me. Roosevelt's infamous quote about fearing fear rings evident. Fear is the only thing to be mindful. One cannot allow it to place limitation and hinder true desire. Fear will deny the self. Fear is often less than when issues are confronted dead on, and we've created a whole lot of something, from needless worry.



This summer, perhaps even this entire year, has taught me more than a few lessons. The reason for my being is here. Finding my sense of purpose, a drive to move beyond is here. Without motivation, life because pedestrian and mundane. Earlier in the week, Napoleon and his mom stopped by to check on me. Naps is in a situation himself and is attempting to advance to the next level. I was telling Naps he needs to find his passion. He's struggling within to become a happier individual and feels lost. I imparted wisdom that once he understands himself, understands his true yearning, then he will be able to improve his condition.


Yet, when I observe others in my world, witness their own apparent happiness, I find myself left wanting and envious. It's time to be whole emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I guess I should follow my own advice? The question needs no response, I know the answer. Simply reviewing my own emotions on my current state of being is proof enough it's time to "grow up." Life has something wonderful out there waiting for me. My own existence has meaning, has value. Letting go of fear is required to improve my satisfaction.

Self Motivational Pep Talk

I'm not having a wonderful day. Since I've been off sick for the past few days and cooped up in the house most of time, feelings are starting to creep up along the edges and old insecurities are breaking though the surface like sharks and the hunt for seals. Often when I'm sick, instead of resting, I spend time on the Internet or preoccupied with other things. I can only sleep for so long before I get rambunctious.



Back when I was younger, in my early 20s, with all the future ahead of me and the world at my finger tips, I always thought there'd be enough time to accomplish all of my dreams. Years have uncomfortably flown by and the inappropriate choices have been made, opportunities missed. What happened? I wonder what I was thinking? Perhaps fear instilled limitations and my growth was maligned. Whatever the circumstance, I'd like to move forward. I'm tired of standing on the sidelines, tired of simply being a spectator.



My preconceived notions about the stages of life and accomplishments that needed to be reached by such and such date need to be disregard. No longer do I have to wait to achieve a goal by a certain status or by any particular age.

People more than any other time in American history are redefining their lives and setting accomplishments for later in life.

I should be no different. Why place restriction upon myself when the rest of society isn't. Just because I'm older doesn't mean the journey has reached it's final destination....

A Moment Of Wentworth

OK, by now I guess I'm sucked in deep over Wentworth Miller. I admit it. Plus there are rumors abound on the 'Net about his alleged homosexuality. Now wouldn't that be something? Supposedly, he's dating the guy from Brothers and Sisters T.R. Knight was dating awhile back.



Now, a friend recently chastised me about my little obsession. "Why him? Isn't there some black MAN you can be infatuated with?" My response was to let her know my wonderful track record with black men and the black community as a whole, how it wasn't always kind or welcoming, and secondly to remind her that Wentworth is multiracial, he just doesn't obsess on it. Does Race still matter??? OK, it does. I think I would lose my license as a card carrying black man if I said it didn't.



Anyway here's a snippet I was able snatch off the web. Enjoy the pictures. No matter what Wentworth's sexual orientation, he is still fine as hell!

According to TMZ.com, reliable sources have confirmed the 35-year-old actor is dating "Brothers & Sisters" star Luke McFarlane, who briefly dated "Grey¡¯s Anatomy" star T.R. Knight last year.

"Wentworth and Luke have been secretly dating for almost six months now," a source told the gossip site. "They've been very quiet about their relationship, obviously, as Wentworth is not out of the closet."



According to the source, things are moving so quickly for the pair, there's even talk of their moving in together.

"They spend a lot of time at each other's houses," says the source. "Wentworth has been pretty reclusive since he's become famous and he¡¯s been even more of a shut-in since he started dating Luke."



Miller is currently in production on the third season of "Prison Break," but sources tell PerezHilton.com that Fox is having a difficult time of it because Miller has become so press shy.

"Wentworth's become very difficult to work with," a Fox insider told the site. "He¡¯s been cutting back immensely on the amount of press he's doing for 'Prison Break.' He's very nervous about reporters asking him if he's gay."

Been Down And Out

Sorry for lax moments in posting lately. I've been recovering from a serious illness and have been on the mend for the last couple of weeks. Life has been interesting to say the least. I was in the hospital for a few days and am just no starting to get out and about these last few days. I'll get to posting more frequently as time permits.