The Door Has Always Been...Well, Open.

I suppose I shouldn't let National Coming Out Day go by with out addressing a lil something on the topic. Really, for yours truly, I don't suppose there has been any special day I officially came out, I just have been.

Coming into acceptance has been the most interesting journey. I have my good days; I have my bad. I guess everything got especially interesting after I got divorced and declared myself free from the monotony of the life I had been living. My ex-wife knew. I was doing the bi thang at the time, but I guess for me, it was inevitable I would end up where I am now.

My divorce was almost ten years ago now. Since then, well life has been interesting. It has been easy because oft I feel like the proverbial fish out of water, but I also realize I make my own life so complicated. Huh. Silly middle-aged man that I am. LOL. But I'm glad for what has come and experiences. The heartache, the joy, and friends made... yes. I will say it is worth it.

I think if memory does serve me right, the first time I acknowledged my sexuality to someone was in seventh grade to this geeky little white dude. To say it was a mistake would be wrong, it just put me on a path that looking back, I find amusing. A few years went by before opened myself up again and started telling friends in college. I've always been a lil "off," so I would expect most folk figured out the real deal. Mind you, I was sexually abused, so life was filled with complexities and stupid delusions. I realize too I had some resources at my disposal I chose not to use that COULD have made life so much simpler, but because I was too ignorant, too caught up with what someone would think, I never utilized the gifts in front of me to their full potential.

Twenty years later, I do give blessing and praises to friends, family, and "family" that were so patience with this crazy man until I got my act together. My ex-wife is my best friend and is my strongest ally. To say that I wouldn't have made it this far without her is a huge understatement. So something productive did come out our marriage...I'm still on the road to discovery. I often chide myself that I make a horrible gay man, but at least I'm trying to live my truth. It's definitely better than living a lie. Amen.

In Love & Hope,
-Ian