It's humid as fuck and of course I can't sleep. Actually I was dead ass asleep, but one of my friends called and woke me up and now the problem is trying to fall back asleep. Now ain't that a bitch? I won't call out the friend, but when I return the favor, I might have to beat his fine lookin' "booted" ass this weekend! LOL.
It's probably a good thing I'm awake, been meaning to sit down and do a blog post anyway. Too much is rattle around in my head again and I'm suffering from either another midlife crisis or just anxieties over foolishness. I'd made up my mind about an important life decision and just that quick I talked myself out of it. I'm feeling way fucked up again. WAAAAAY fucked up. It's too late at night to go into exorbitant details, but I'm feeling so underwhelmed with myself and with life in general. Actually, Cocoa Rican penned a beautiful blog post yesterday that typified everything I'm experiencing....to the "T." I so wanna step out of life. Mine and never look back. Many personal issues are going on. Too, I feel like ripping certain body parts off my body, namely my heart...the evil and lusty thang that it is! So sick of it and it's wants an needs. There are days I just want to function without feeling, ya know? I'm too grown to be going through any kinda "Jones." Period.
Sigh. When did the clock turn? I mean seriously? I thought for sure I really would have my shit somewhat together by now or starting to. Seems like I keep falling back at square one again and again and again. And if I hear more person criticize me about my recent sojourns to anywhere, I'ma bout to box. I mean really get up in some business. Yes I ran out the door and did some suspect shit lately, did it for reason according my own need, but doesn't everybody? Shit. I think people expect certain things from me and when I go against the grain, it's this horror of horrors that I actually have needs, wants, and desires like everybody else. Um does that make me unscrupulous? No. I'm just a man. I might be a bad homo at times, but fuck...anyway, going down a thought path I rather keep to myself. Ask Wonder Man if you're curious. His hot seat questions was going for all things on my mind at this point and time. Hmph.
N. T. Way.... This feels good. Releasing this shiz. Of course if you knew the whole story, then we really would have something to talk about. Hahahaha. I'm just being silly. My life is as dull as it comes and I'm just an overgrown kid in a rather large adult body, trynna make it through in a world I really, really don't comprehend on most days. Really. There's a favorite quote that a good friend uses that I chuckle at from time to time that is soooooo applicable now, but...best left unsaid.
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