Monday Promises

Can't believe the weekend is over?!?! And er ah, where did you go? What did I do? No really, I had a pretty productive weekend and my Monday is actually shaping up to be pretty productive as well. I hope all your adventures this week are promising.

Hopefully this evening I will have time to sit down and list out the goals I've written out for myself. Time seems to be the one thing I seem to be losing lately rather than gaining. Hmph. Alright peeps. Gotta go to work. I might try to sneak a post in during the day. Until then.

-Ian.

A Process Deserved

In a better effort to get things where I want them, I decided to go back to basics with both the blog and with myself. Over the next few weeks, six to be exact, I'm going to indulge in a little experiment. Lucky you, the readers, get to join in our my adventure as I promise to faithfully blog, the good, the bad, and the not so pretty of what's going.

Hopefully, at the end of these six weeks, I'll see some positive progress and will have a firm foothold on long desired goals. If I had more time this morning I'd list a few, but it's Monday morning and God forbid if I''m late for the Plantation...er, work today. I promise to share more details sometime before the days ends Eastern Standard Time today. Promise bubbes.

Now, go get yourselves back to what you were doing!!!
-Ian

Misaligned

I'm not feeling well this morning and my spirit is out of alignment.

The Analysis Junction

This morning I'm waking up with heavy thought and the day might prove to have some challenges. Oh boy. I'm fighting this shit, but I did go to bed with issues on my mind so I can't say this is totally unexpected. Doesn't help that it's supposed to rain most of the day. Oh, and you do realize Daylight Savings Time is this weekend? We push the clocks ahead. Frak! Hate DST in the Spring.

Coming together, I'm analyzing all the mistakes I've made recently and how I mishandled situations. There's nothing I can do about them now, the past is the past, but how they'll impact my future is what concerns me. Today will be one of those quiet introspective days I suppose. To be honest I'm feeling a tad humiliated and ashamed. Stupid really, but angry at the same time. I'm glad I have the weekend off to decompress. Plan on doing some early spring cleaning and gutting my house of shit I don't need.

So what does the future hold? Coming back from the West Coast gave me a few answers about myself I wasn't expecting. Go read in between the lines on Pharaoh's post on his blog. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park for the boys. I never said I was an easy-going person. Far from it. As confusing and fucked as my blog is, so too am I. Indecisive, lax, crazy, dramatic, and all those other unflattering adjectives are who I am. Hm. Don't think my dear friend was anticipating the reality of it all. Poor man. LOL.

For me to have gotten on an airplane, travel across country by myself, and met a complete stranger took courage I didn't think I had. So I commend myself. No matter how good, or bad the trip turned out to be, that in and of itself what the greatest accomplishment. I'm not going to speak negative on the trip because it wasn't that bad. Was it perfect? No. Put four guys in close proximity for several days your bound to get on each other's nerves. Plus, for as much as Pharaoh blogs about everything in his life and world, as much as he and I have talked on the phone, I never realized how private and territorial he is. That's not a slam. Just a statement of fact. Me? I am what you read here. A loose connection of this and that.... a bundle of unresolved issues. Take it or leave it. I make no apologies. At least not for now. LOL.

Home!

Boys and girls, I am tired. Jet-lagged and trynna drag myself in for a half day of work. Didn't get in until 3 AM this morning and am just now getting outta bed. My body clock is so off. Not sure if I'm on Pacific time, Central (due to my layover in Chicago), or Eastern Standard. Oh yeah, and Day Light Savings Time is this weekend! Rah!

Vegas was interesting. LA was all it promised to be and more. The West Coast was a trip and a half. Made some decent memories.Put into motion new plans, working on new goals, and learned a lil something in the process.

I'll have to give a synopsis later in the week, but all in all, time was well spent...mostly intoxicated, but oh well. That's what celebrations are for, right?

To My Two LA Brothers

Despite having misplaced my glasses, last night the gang and I saw Fantasia is the Color Purple. Kt was a truly awesome performance and I was thoroughly entertained. I must thank Pharaoh for his efforts for making my birthday a memorable occasion and he has gone above and beyond his way to do so. Sure there's been a few rough spots here and there (Tazzt and I tend to bicker A LOT) but overall I'm enjoying myself and opening myself up to wonderful new experiences.

I suppose what's the biggest and most difficult situatioin is coming out oif my shell and relaxing; letting my guard down enough so thay I don't feel intimidated. What inspires me the most witnesses Pharaoh, TazzN and the children at play is the great comfort the take witheach other. The love, openness, and depth in their dealings with one another. The one thing Ui will take awayfrom my visit is I still have much learning to do before I settle down into the kife that Iwant for myself. Hopefully. Someday, it'll just be. But on the eve of my 40th I would like give a heartfelt and loving thanks to two brothers for putting up with me so far. I know I'm not the easiest person to understand or deal with. How I operate often defies explanation eveb to me. As it stands, God didn't see fit to bless me with biological brothers, but He did give me Pharaoh and Tazzy later in life who took up the mantle and have earned that special place in my heart. Like Corey, my BBC, I appreciate those two for the laughs, discussionsn debatesn disagreesn and the love we've shared. To you both, I say thanks for making me for blessed for my birthday vacation.

Love ya guysb
Ian