Dear Stephen Baldwin

Response to a little blurb over on the Huffington Post

Dear Stephen Baldwin,

Shut the Fuck up! Move to Canada already. I'm sure they'll send your fat ass to any other country once they realize how much you detract from society.!

It's a shame, really. Out of all the Baldwin brothers, you used to be the most handsome, next to Billy. Now you gained thrice as much weight as Alec or Daniel combined, and resemble just another ignorant ass, has-been actor, at the end of his career, claimed to have found Jesus, cleaned up his life, and now is the utmost authority on what America needs. Yeah, right! Uh-huh. Did you forget about any of your outstanding Oscar award winning roles? Oh waitaminute, you don't have any!

Why the tirade? Hmm. Maybe you need to check your racist attitudes at the door and have an open mind for a minute...How the hell is Barack Obama a cultural terrorist?!?! This coming from the same man who starred in the trashy "Threesome" flick and a ton of forgettable movies. How is Barack winning the White House going to personally hurt you? Please tell me. Oh wait. I guess because McCain is another good ole boy white man makes him more qualified? I dunno what frightens you about Barack Obama, but you frighten me. They should sell your face as a mask for trick o' treat in two weeks! But no, I'll be good.

Instead of violence by offering to box with Obama, why not sit down and have a genuine conversation with him, eh? (Better get used to that!) Have you personally sat down with the man to discuss anything about the economy, health care, energy crisis, or even unemployment?!?! You should know a thing or two about unemployment, dude!

And seriously. I'm sure Barack's health care plan could benefit you too. Looks like you need to call Dr. Ian Smith's 50 Million Pound Weight Challenge, bruh? See, you need to take some advice from Daniel. At least he had the courage to go on "Celebrity Fit Club." Don't get me wrong. I love your brothers. Billy (always easy on the eyes), Alec (a force to be reckoned with back in the day and funny as hell in "30 Rock" and "Will & Grace"), and Daniel (most notably Dr. Drew's "Celebrity Rehab". I respect Daniel's courage in facing his addiction)... But you? What efforts have you personally taken to solve the American crisis?

When was the last time you gave one iota to the plight of most Americans? How much money came out your pocket for the Gulf Coast victims from Hurricanes Katrina, Rita, Gustav, or Ike? How many times were you in Iraq and Afghanistan, entertaining the the troops; raising their spirits so they can serve another day? When was the last time you put down your fork, and volunteered at a food pantry or soup kitchen to feed the hungry? When was the last time you served your country in some capacity other than living off your "celebrity" status and taking up space? When Stephen, when?

Oh. I didn't think so. It's not your job, huh? Hmm. OK, I understand you now. Just another consumer without giving back to the cause. Let me then say this as plesant as I can....There's no reason why you're still here. Leave already. We don't want you anymore. If you can't give back, at least keep your mouth shut! Barack Obama, who has shown time and time again to be a moral, upstanding, contributing American citizen, is trying to bring necessary change and hope for the average citizen. So, if Barack being elected President of the United States gives you the impetus to move to Canada, by all means, leave!

I'm holding you to your promise, Stephen Baldwin. Leave. If Barack wins the presidency, you have until January 19th to emigrate to Canada. So show me what you really stand for buddy. If you feel this strongly about it, I expect you to live by your words. I want you to hold a huge press conference 'n all too. Make a graaaaaaand display. But you won't, cause everybody knows you're just shootin' your mouth off, talkin' shit, selling wolf tickets (as they used to say). We all know if McCain wins or loses, your fat, lazy, privileged ass will be right on your studio couch, here in these United States of America, come Election and Inauguration day. OK?

Now do us all this one courtesy you can do, Stephen...Shut up! Thank you.

Sincerely,
Ian