Planting A New Seed

Thus far, I'm not sure what purpose my blog has served. I can't tell how many people have browsed the pages, nor do I want to know. Sometimes, however, I wonder if its to dull and boring for anyone to take any real interest in my blog.Does anyone really give two shits about my mundane trivial pondering? Most people I know don't spend as much time on the 'Net as I, so if they check it out at all, probably its sparingly. In any event, I plan to continue blogging as long as time and patience permits.

Recognizing my blog has become my father-confessor, here's what I have to say this morning. I know my life may not be a constant stream of exciting events and activity. Others probably view my existence as fodder, worthless, and boring. A friend once told me I was "square as hell." Yet I am who I am. I struggle not two worry what other's think of me, but everyone at some point wants to feel importance. Perhaps I am "square." SFW? I don't have to live to any one's standards except my own. My life is comfortable and I know what to expect. The unexpected aggravates me. As boring as it seems, routine and familiarity are good for me. Knowing my life story, yes, I need consistency and regularity.

While I don't have drama du jour, I have a life that is significant. I've a hand full of friends closer than family, who love me, respect me, and are concerned about my well being. I too, have a career, while does not provide financial independence, gives me fulfillment and satisfaction at times. My cats, when there's no one else to call out, remind me of the comfort has given me in their companionship. I am blessed, I just have appreciate have has been given to me. I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "Wishing for a thing doesn't make it so." No truer words have been spoken.





This post was ignited as I was checking my MySpace profile and received a mass email from a friend. I used the term "friend" loosely. He was more like my nemesis. Avoiding the story, I decided to cut the final ties that bind, and delete this person from my group of friends. It was tough, but necessary for my own well being. Reading his email opened flood gates of agony I suffered. I rarely hear from him and truly felt I was only a source of ridicule, someone to be pitied. Fuck you!

Unfortunately I cared deeply for him, more than he ever gave me regard. Letting go is the completion in a cycle I was to end. I am moving beyond the pain I've experienced at this person's hands. Hopefully in the coming days, when weakness set in, I won't regret this action. Freedom and growth has merit. I will survive. I've made this far, the sky is the limit now that I've truly said goodbye...