Disconnect-Reconnect

So yours truly is on the lam again. If only it were true. Hmph. But no, I'm here in Sunny California trying not to get used to West Coast time since I'm only here for a short visit. Noted as my final trip to the City of Angels, I had some business matters to attend to while I was out here. Plus I needed to discover an opportunity, which presented itself in the way I expected. Noted. So now, I prepare to transition myself back to real life and stay there for a few years...

So the big question everyone wants to know is what the hell is up with me, the blogs, and life in general? Simple answer: chaos. But organized chaos. As try as he might, Wonder Man put me in the hot seat last night, but sometimes I know when to be coy. LOL. Tonight might be different because there's the threat of adult beverage. Oh shit. No, this 40 year is gonna be a good boy. I will say this though, I made a few decisions and now it's time to make due on them....

For now, that's all I want to say.

The Sleeping Dragon.

This morning I find myself struggling. I'm not even sure what to key here, just know that my mind is outta sorts and I'm feeling rather disappointed and not so much down, but unfulfilled. There's the big question that I presented to a friend last night which was "What more is there to life?" Isn't there more than what I have and what I am? Therapy has stirred the pot, and I'm grateful, but today will be the penultimate challenge to practice all the little mantras to defeat the negative messages I send to myself on daily basis. I know where the dragon sleeps, I just don't feel like being the brave knight to slay the beast just yet....

Freedoms

It's been a while since I've done any posting to the blogs. I'm taking care of that this morning. Why at the wee hours of the morning I dunno. It's sticky and humid. The rain is falling and I have to be up for work in about two hours. Plan on going back to bed soon enough, but wanted to pen a few thoughts first.

So, if there's anyone who still reads this personal blog journey, thanks. You don't know how many times I've wrestled in the last two months with just deleting the whole thing. My heart really isn't into blogging anymore. I've been going to therapy on a regular basis and truth be told, this go round has been the worst. Oh I'm learning, but this time I got an excellent therapist who isn't pulling any punches and allowing me to duck and dodge my issues. I'm gettign to the nitty gritty with what's broken with me. Unfortunately too much esteem and confidence issues are coming to the surface. I've acting a bit reckless and fool-hearty, but managing to stay on track. I even dealt with some much need unresolved issues with my deceased father. That's a work in progress. Hell, my life feels like an episode of Ruby! (Weight issues and all!)

So, in a few weeks I'm headed back to the West Coast, twice. Once more back to the City of Angels, and a second time to Seattle. Wow. Lord. If anyone told me last year I'd be flying this much in 2010, I'd told them they was lyin'. The LA trip is quasi-business related (no drunken stupors this time) and the Seattle trip is for a work conference. Ugh. To be honest, I'm not looking forward to either trip. Well, kinda LA. I get to see some of my friends out there, but as I said, it's business not a recreational. I'm not complaining though. I escape the confines of my humdrum world if only for six days.

Overall, I'm feeling better than I've had for some time. Therapy has helped, it's just rough. The impossible task is letting go of the things I don't have, and holding on to the things I do. Or should I say as well, letting go of the things I don't need and picking up the things I do. Let's say this again, shall we? Letting go of the things I don't need and pick up the things that I do. So true.

OK, That's enough for now and I'm sleepy. Time for a quick nap before I have to get back up in an hour and a half.