Monday, March 31, 2008

Dancin' With Jason & Hangin' With Friends

For a while now, I've noticed there have been many hits on a post i did a while back on Jason Taylor from the Miami Dolphins. I didn't pay much attention until it seemed there were consistent hits and searches for him. "Hmm." I wondered to myself. "Why the sudden interest in JT?"

Of course then it hit me! Jason is a contestant this season on Dancin' With The Stars. Of course! Mind you, DWTS is not one of my regular reality TV shows I watch, so I was a bit oblivious why everyone was coming from Google. Now that I understand, I'm a firm believer in supply and demand. Give people what they want when you can.

So after digging through my photos floatin' on my hard drive, here are some more pictures of this masculine stud.

, this will suffice for a Famous Men Monday blog post, plenty to wet your whistle, and satisfy all the Google searchers wantin' more, more, more of Über-sexy Jason Taylor!

As far as my attempt to see Barack Obama yesterday, all my endeavors failed and I didn't get to see him. Nonetheless, my weekend was enjoyable. Hester and I trek to Lancaster to meet up with our pal, henceforth dubbed with the moniker "Dragon Lady" (we mean that in the sincerest way, because she is strong, yet fierce, like a dragon). We went to dinner at TGI Friday' s, shopped at Border's, Gertrude Hawk, William Sonoma, and a few other joints. We sat down eventually, gabbed about old times, and caught up on current events.

Course Hester, DL, and I also did some serious man-watchin' while at the mall! We're all in our late 302, but we ain't dead! Heh hef! There was this phiiiine (I mean like fine like men I post on the Axe) lookin' cocoa brown complexion bruh who had all three our jowls droppin' to da floor and droolin'...

And let me ask this now, is there some prerequisite all young gay men under 30 must wear their pants spray-painted on? One Puerto Rican stud I caught myself geekin' at had my own crotch in discomfort from watching him attempt to walk in ultra tight jeans. Damn! Talk about displayin' da goods. He certainly left nothing to the imagination. Gotta admit though, his shit must have been really cramped. LOL

After our goodbyes, I headed back to Hester's to watch movies from Comcast On Demand. Both of us enjoy watching terrible 80s movies deconstructing and ripping them apart for bad acting, plot, dialog, and synthesizer music. Film so convoluted, you can't classify them as B-movies, they're more like K-movies! Cinematic efforts like RoboCop, He-Man & The Masters of the Universe (starring Dolph Lundgren), and Mad Max come to mind.

Speaking of bad 80s movies, check out the new blog Hester and I share, The Bitches Council. Hester did a post on Solarbabies, the movie we watched last night. I daresay it isn't a cinematic masterpiece, but is worth the laugh. To put it like a review we read on Amazon, "It's the funniest movie you'll ever see. Not funny as in 'ha ha,' but funny as in retarded!" We pissed ourselves from laughing, point out the awful stereotypes, and attempting to piece together the most disconnected plot ever written.

The Bitches Council is mostly going to be Hester's blog, but I'll make an appearance here and there to throw in my two cents. More like $0.50 rather, with the current undeclared Recession, but I digress.

Anyway, that's all I have to report for now. Check below for your Jason Taylor fix. Hope all is well wherever you all are. Be Blessed.

"That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!"

Sunday, March 30, 2008


by Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share

Share the rest of my life

Share my innermost thoughts

Know my intimate details

Someone who'll stand by my side

And give me support
And in return

He'll get my support

He will listen to me

When I want to speak

About the world we live in
And life in general

Though my views may be wrong

They may even be perverted

He'll hear me out

And wont easily be converted
To my way of thinking

In fact he'll often disagree

But at the end of it all

He will understand me


I want somebody who cares
For me passionately

With every thought and

With every breath

Someone who'll help me see things

In a different light

All the things I detest I will almost like

I don't want to be tied

To anyones strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things

But when I'm asleep

I want somebody

Who will put their arms around me

And kiss me tenderly

Though things like this

Make me sick

In a case like this

I'll get away with it



Comin' To Visit: Barack Obama

There are three possible chances for me to see Democratic Presidential Nominee hopeful, Senator Barack Obama, within the next 24 hours and I'm workin' like mad to ensure it happens. How often does one possibly say they've met a future president? I might be able to say that twice over if I can score tickets (I met Senator Clinton many years ago when she was still First Lady. I'll blog about it someday).

Barack is going to be at Penn State this morning speaking in front of Old Main. Remember my friend Zende is a student there? I might be able to get him to get the necessary tickets, hop in my car and make the trek to State College. It'll only takes two hours from here. Would I really drive? No, Lady Miss T is comin' with me. If we need go that far.

This evening, Barack is speaking at the Commonwealth Forum downtown. Fortunately I have an "in" there because I have a good friend who works at the Forum who might be able score tickets. For some reason they're being very sketchy with details on Obama's visit to Harrisburg. Local media has not really released too much information. I wonder why? But me? I'm know how to navigate the Internet, dammit. I found out my information. The only problem now is attempting to get tickets. Every thing requires a ticket!

Finally, Obama will be speaking at Thaddeus Stevens Technological School (Stevens Tech) tomorrow in Lancaster. Again, Leoben lives in Lancaster, so I made a call to him this morning to find out details!

Yeah, I know the odds meeting Barack are slim to none, but you never know. I have a knack for meeting folks when I want to. I won't brag about anyone I've met because it's just pompous to do so, but if I meet Senator Obama, yeah, you won't get me to stop talking about it. Especially if he would win the Oval Office in November!

I'll keep y'all posted.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

The Day I Stopped Being Pretty

Every once and a while I'll select a book without knowing much about it and find a true treasure. Such is the case with "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty" by Rodney Lofton. My words cannot give the author enough praise on the courage he summoned to pen his life journey! The book blew me away and is perhaps the most inspirational and moving life telling piece I've read.

When I finished "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty," I felt I had gained a new friend, someone I deeply cared for. Sometimes it takes a stranger to put your own life into clearer perspective, and Mr. Lofton's story did that for me. Even straight readers will be able to relate to his life unfolding because Rodney's life-situations transcend sexual orientation and speaks to acceptance we all seek, gay, straight, or otherwise.

I know with my own life, there have been harrowing events of abuse, neglect, and my own self-depreciation. I can be my own worst enemy. However, I need to remember for every misstep, every mishap, there is a reason and a purpose behind it. Then there is the old saying "Your blues ain't like my blues," meaning someone else's situation is far worse than your own and you need to give thanks. Remember "Therefore but the Grace of God..." It's so true. Yes.

Now you see why I had to wait a few days to post this blog. My foul mood the other day would've negated this shout out. So....

Mr. Lofton has had hardships, adversity, I couldn't begin to understand. I can relate on some levels, but I have not walked in his footsteps, no matter how similar our life experiences may be. I have not felt his pain, had his suffering, or experienced his hurt... Sorry, I'm struggling with words. Mr. Lofton's life adventure moved me so much, when I finished the book, I literally cried for what he had endured. So much of his life paralleled my own struggles, but his went beyond mine, to place where if it were me, I might have succumbed.

Mr. Lofton draws you quickly into his life, telling his childhood growing up in Richmond, VA and in Baltimore, MD with his single mother, eventually leading him to live with his emotionally disconnected father again in Virginia. I don't wanna to give too much away about the book, some parts you'll need to read for yourself. The overall message I came away with, something I really needed to "hear" when I read "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty," is love is a matter of self-discovery and that until we find peace with ourselves, love might be out of our grasp. Learning to love ourselves and forgive others is the key to finding love and happiness.

Out of respect, I address him here as "Mister" Lofton, but really I wanna just call him "Rodney" because after I finished reading his book, I truly felt like we were old friends. Old friends like someone you haven't seen in years, but when you meet up again, you pick up your friendship right where you left off. That's how candid and open he is about his life.

The book made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me angry at times. I hurt when he retells the death and funeral of his father. I fumed when he speaks of his stepmother's malice toward him. I was nervous when he pens going to his first gay all draws you so close to him. For anyone gay who grew up in the 80s, "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty" will resonate old memories. Rodney will open doors you probably forgot about, if you were a teen in the Generation X decade. I say this because Mr. Lofton and I are relatively the same age, him being a year older than me.

Oh yes, he took me back to those wonderful days as he narrates being in high school in Baltimore and slowly comes to terms with being gay. That first awareness of being different... That first guy you noticed... The first guy you kissed... Your first love... Your first "time." Rodney shares it all.

For me, Rodney's connection to his father, impacted me most. Rodney, like me, had an emotionally distant father, who withheld love and affection, often showing criticism, instead of tenderness. Rodney demonstrates through a series of emotional distant and occasionally physical abusive relationships, that love ultimately needs to begin at home, meaning with the "self."

I admire Rodney greatly for writing "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty." I got the book from the local library, but I purchased the book, to remind myself, on those difficult days, never give up. I've been in contact with the author through My Space and Rodney is indeed the genuine article. The pictures I've provided are from his My Space page (I hope he doesn't mind I put them on the blog). I can't give him enough praise!

Run, don't walk, to your local library and checkout "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty." If they don't have it, request that they supply it. I've done this several times with my library. For the longest time the only gay black author my library had was E. Lynn Harris. No disrespect to E. Lynn, for I love his books, but there are so many other gay black authors out there, like Rodney Lofton! There's room for er'rybody. (I'm proud they had this wonderful read for me to discover.)

For now though, this is about Rodney. If you can afford to, buy "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty" and help this brother out. You'll be glad you did.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Both Sides Now

Both Sides Now
by Joni Mitchell

Rows and floes of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere

Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way

Ive looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

Its cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels

The dizzy dancing way you feel

As every fairy tale comes real

Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show

You leave em laughing when you go

And if you care, don't let them know

Don't give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall

I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say I love you right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well somethings lost, but somethings gained

In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

Its life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

Ive looked at life from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

Its life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

My neighbors must know I'm in a mood tonight because I turned on the music. Y'know what music I'm talking about, the music you play when you're depressed as hell, sad, mad, and just need to work shit out. Now my musical taste vary and this song by Joni Mitchell happens to be one of my favorite songs.

Don't worry black people, I also broke out Patti, Jill Scott, Anita Baker, Jennifer Holiday, et al the other divas too. You should have heard me screaming "Help Me Make It Through The Night" by Gladys Knight...I was in a foul place earlier this evening. Of course then I broke out the Gospel...Kirk Franklin, Shirley Caesar, The Winans, etc etc, then I snapped out of it.

Since Spring is here, I'm cooped up in the house with a bad case of cabin fever and boredom. I'm missing He Who Must Not Be Named something fierce, but I refuse to backpedal, and am sticking to my ground. Loneliness can be a bitch. With my healing, I'm not supposed to be out much, besides who wants to chat up a guy gimping around in crutches? Crutches ain't sexy unless you're a football player, LOL! Naw, I guess I'm just feeling down on myself because I've been doing a lot of contemplation about my future. I feel the crunch coming on and not having someone around to share my latter days.

My past relationships have been "experiences." Some have been downright scandalous disasters! Yet, I bless them all, even the ones that ended badly. However, my life path doesn't seem headed to any one direction at this moment. I'm pondering where are my next steps, who will hold my hand, how do I overcome fear, doubt and shame. How will life respond to me if I have to stand alone? No one wants to be alone. Even psychopaths direct their behavior to draw attention to themselves. Humans are social creatures.

Mostly troubling me is I've been wondering how I'm ever going to manage summon the courage to inform my family about my sexuality (there's a blog post coming, that Greg and I have been discussing. When I do blog it, I would like a lot of feedback. I find it interesting and wonder how commonplace the situation is... Save that for future topics. Soon!). I'm usually not one to cower or be fearful with regard to my family, but my family is extremely religious, and since I have difficulty reconciling my faith and my sexuality, I can't imagine what that will be like for them. I don't want to find myself ostracized.

There are some days when it seems a necessary step to my further growth. On other occasions, I have the "Devil may care" attitude and refuse to let it trouble me. In truth, I know in my heart its a discussion coming within the next year, especially if I settle down with a guy. I'm not playing "oh that's my roommate" games at age 40! Please, as if that evah fools anyone either!

Moreover with my morose thinking today, I just feel the residual of missed opportunity. Going home last weekend, seeing friends I went to high school with, some who are now happened so fast. I still feel 18! Why has 20 years passed me by? What do I have to show for my life? What challenges have I really conquered? I know, I know, I know. Everyone goes through this. I only hope and pray this is not beginning to cycle into my next mid life crisis (Eek! I can honestly admit I'm at mid-life now! FUUUUUUUCK! LOL!)

Moving on, moving on, moving on...

Tomorrow I would like to dedicate an important post for a new found friend from My Space, author Rodney Lofton. I've been in communication with him, and he really is a decent fellow (and handsome as hell too)! He's published his life journey, to date, last year in the book "The Day I Stopped Being Pretty." I'd work on the post tonight, but being in the wrong frame of mind, tired, and self-absorbed, I should rest. Sleeping rejuvenates my spirit (more than my mood music). Sleeping and food!

Oy! Such a "fagaleh" you are Ian!
See, I'm coming round slowly...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Separated At Birth?

Jason Castro and Jar Jar Binks!

OK, I'll probably get a little flack from folks on this one. I just thought this was humorous. Jason seems like a nice young man. I didn't comment on American Idol because I missed some of the performances, including Jason's.

At this point there are only four contestants who really bug me, Romiele, Brook, Kristy Lee, & Carly. Doing a little forecasting, I think final four might get down to Michael Johns, David Cook, David Archuleta, and maybe Syesha.

I wonder who'll be voted off tonight? I hate to speculate, but the person I want to go won't because of song choice, so at this time, I'm (unfortunately) predicting Chikezie will be voted off. My bottom three prediction are Chikizie, Carly, and Romiele.

Stay tuned tonight for the results! Eek!

WTF (9): Erotic eggplant

Erotic eggplant
Originally uploaded by mercal1310

Hmmmm. Now don't get any strange ideas. LOL

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Obama '08

my new poster
Originally uploaded by sciondriver
Thanks to a good friend over at Flickr who posted this. I caught a couple campaign ads for Obama while watching American Idol tonight. He's been heavily advertising on most a few of the radio stations here in Central PA, particularly the three Cumulus Media owned stations. I haven't seen or heard anything from Senator Clinton's camp yet.

Oh yes, Pennsylvania. This election year we get to make a difference. Get the vote out! No matter who you vote for, just do it!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Coming To A Stadium Near You

Not much to post tonight. I'm kinda tired and going to hit the hay soon.

Can't think of anything too pertinent to post that wouldn't be drawn out or require a lengthy discussion. I publish something worthy tomorrow hopefully.

Until then, I'll display some male beauty to tide you over. Since baseball season is just right around the corner, how about a handful of handsome Boys of Summer???

Here ya go and enjoy.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Ask And You Shall Receive

My Easter gift to my friend who asked...yes, I'll take two servings....

Happy Easter!

Austria calling. Courtesy of Heinz, these pictures were of lovely Vienna and Saltzburg, Austria, were emailed to me. They seem to speak Easter and the loveliness of Springtime. Ah...the Spring. Too bad its frigid as hell outside here in Pennsylvania. It snowed yesterday morning, with about an inch accumulation, in my area. However it quickly melted, once the temperature rose a few degrees, but its still chilly outside today.

I've never been to Austria, but I hope someday to travel across the pond again and visit Europe. The UK was wonderful and unfortunately I was only in France long enough to say I was there. Alas, that's the trouble with traveling as a high school exchange student, you never have enough time to do proper sightseeing.

Traveling is one of my favorite passions. I love visiting different places and experiencing life through the culture of someone else. I have to, like I admitted to Heinz, I'm a bit ignorant when it comes to detailed knowledge about some European countries. My awareness regarding Austria is limited to Mozart, the Von Trappe Family, that it was a part of the Holy Roman Empire, and the crucial role the assassination of the Archduke jump-started World War I. Actually, that's plenty information for the average American. We tend to be a be self-absorbed. That's not a put down, be who doesn't have cultural pride. it's just a statement of fact, right? Most people I know personally, hate studying American history, let alone any other country's history. Me? I adore studying history, so much so, I had higher marks in college in those courses than my major.

When Heinz sent me these photos as a cheer-me-up while I was sick, it brought warm memories of Spring. Yes, I love the springtime. Warmth returning to Earth, days getting longer, the promise that Summer soon will be here...the Spring holidays like Easter open doors to life's past. Things, when remembered, that put a broad smile across my face.

Each Spring, I used to go with Miss T to get flowers, herbs, and vegetables to plant in a garden. It was tradition. I maintained the veggies and herbs, while she did most of the flowering plants. Each year I would search out a different type mint tea or some creative vegetable I hadn't planted the previous Spring. I'd grow squash, pumpkins, zucchini, patio tomatoes, acid-free tomatoes, antique tomatoes, string beans, cabbage... you name it. It was exhilarating! My favorite thing to do in Spring and Summer is to have my hands elbow deep in dirt!

So, what does planting and dirt have to do with Easter? The promise of life reborn, renewal of the spirit...gee, doesn't it sound just like Easter? Let's not forget Easter is built upon the renewal of life and the sacrifices Jesus made for mankind. I won't mention the pagan holiday of Ishtar, but keep in mind people have been celebrating hope and rebirth for thousands of years. Still, there are certain Christian traditions that never go away.

Last night I watched the 10 Commandments with mi familia, an annual tradition I gladly participated in. It's been a few years since I actually came home to share Easter festivities with my family instead of friends.

What surprised me was how a movie that I enamoured as a child, bored me to tears as an adult. The 10 Commandments was and is a cinematic masterpiece, yet I never realized exactly how terrible the acting was until my niece pointed it out, then my eyes were opened. I started dissecting each actor's performance. Even the great Yul Brenner seemed over the top. (Mind you, I won't say anything about Mister "Not From My Dead Cold Hand." His cheesy acting goes without saying. Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!)

My nominee for Hammiest 10 Commandments Actor Award, though, goes to the actress who played the Israelite woman who screamed "Ah! The Chariots! Run, run." when the Israelites were feeling the Pharaoh's army crossing the Red Sea. Oy! Such acting talent. ¡Ay Dios Mio! LOL.

OK, I promise to behave myself now.

Today I plan to sit around the table with my folks, sister, niece & nephew and graze...ahem, eat well. No one in my family is big on eating the traditional Easter ham dinner, so we'll be dining on seafood, namely lobster tails, fish, and scallops. Mmmm. I forget when my family started this tradition, but it's one variation to Easter traditions I can live with! Of course there are some traditions I won't allow to die. We'll be having that old African American dinner staple of macaroni and cheese (served at every holiday) too. And just to be clear, not that crap out of the box, the kind somebody's mama slaved over the stove and baked for an hour or more. Y'all know what I'm talkin' about!

Easter will be about the joy in my heart at being home with family who love and care about me. It'll be spiritual too, but on a personal level I find difficult to describe. In any case, I hope however you celebrate today, I hope Renewal of Spirit, in however you wish to interpret that meaning, is within.

I bid you peace. Happy Holiday.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Good Friday

So it's almost Easter, huh? I really do hate when Easter is in March. My whole schedule gets thrown off. It doesn't feel like spring either, with the wind and the hawk blowin' outside, even if it is sunny outside.

Wow. Is it really Good Friday? I was pondering posting something significant for the Christian holiday weekend, but to be hones,t I feel a tad bit dirty and sinful lately, too self-absorbed, so it didn't seem appropriate. Hmph! So what to post?

I've been catching up with my e-mails finally, but still haven't managed to get to my blog reading. Most of my favorites are listed in the blogroll to the right. I wonder what's up with Aaron and Greg? Heinz keeps me well informed and a couple of the other guys checked in on me, but I never realized how attached I am to this damn computer. I think its time to buy a laptop, heh heh! I enjoy reading my fellow bloggers' thoughts and I really am out of the loop. Yeah, I do think its about time I purchase a laptop...

Ah, such selfish indulgences, huh? God forbid I leave cyberspace more than a few days. How ever did I manage in the 80s and 90s without the WWW? LOL. Silly me.

I find there is nothing really pertinent to blog about. Sorry this is a boring post, but I wanted to write something since I might not get the chance again until Monday. I'm headed back home to visit the family for the weekend and won't be back until Monday afternoon. Don't worry, I'm not driving. My mom or sister is coming to fetch yours truly. No driving for three months (that's torture in itself. I don't like not having my independence)!

The night is still young yet. I might throw some man candy on to satisfy the visually hungry.

I hope you all are well.


While this blog is not really intended to show adult content, I can't guarantee that an occasional image of male nudity won't appear. Be advised that this blog is intended to be read by people with an open mind. I don't claim any rights to the images nor do I have any knowledge of the sexuality of persons featured (unless they are openly gay...duh). Enjoy yourself and take a small step in my every day life and pondering... Feel free to email any comments or opinions.

President Barack Obama!